Is Therapy Worth It For Being Ugly?

[TheRealCallie]

From what I'm ascertaining it's definitely somewhere in the face that's the problem, I'm in good shape and don't get negative comments about my body.

So no one has ever given you specifics? I would start there. See if you can't find someone to give you something specific. I don't know, maybe you have too much hair coming out of your nose or your ears or something simple that would be easy to change.

As far as dating sites, it could be as simple as the wrong angle. We all have our "good" side. lol

 

[user 191131]

Actually, he didn't. He said WOMEN say he's ugly.

"I can admit that I am ugly".

 

[TheRealCallie]

"I can admit that I am ugly".

A different person said that......

 

[user 191131]

There you go.

 

[Abstamyous]

I believe therapy can be useful, and it doesn't have to be permanent. Just don't forget your purpose for being there, and give the tools an honest try.

 

[user 191138]

So no one has ever given you specifics? I would start there. See if you can't find someone to give you something specific. I don't know, maybe you have too much hair coming out of your nose or your ears or something simple that would be easy to change.

As far as dating sites, it could be as simple as the wrong angle. We all have our "good" side. lol

Therapy doesn’t fix the problem, it provides you with an idea of why it’s there and then gives you some tools to help manage those feelings and thoughts. Being ugly isn’t a bad thing and it’s not something that can’t be overlooked by someone who will love you forever.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

So no one has ever given you specifics? I would start there. See if you can't find someone to give you something specific. I don't know, maybe you have too much hair coming out of your nose or your ears or something simple that would be easy to change.

As far as dating sites, it could be as simple as the wrong angle. We all have our "good" side. lol

Not as far as I'm aware, no obscene nose or ear hair, no spots or blemishes, nose isn't weird, teeth are all there etc.

Ehh, so 12 years with varying photos over the years, I can't really blame "angles" any more

Therapy doesn’t fix the problem, it provides you with an idea of why it’s there and then gives you some tools to help manage those feelings and thoughts. Being ugly isn’t a bad thing and it’s not something that can’t be overlooked by someone who will love you forever.

Right, but I know why it's there, I just don't know what I can do about it. I'm just of the thinking that the best case scenario is a world where I'm still ugly & unwanted but I'm feeling better about it?

For the record, I'm not looking for someone who will love me forever.

 

[user 191138]

Not as far as I'm aware, no obscene nose or ear hair, no spots or blemishes, nose isn't weird, teeth are all there etc.

Ehh, so 12 years with varying photos over the years, I can't really blame "angles" any more


Right, but I know why it's there, I just don't know what I can do about it. I'm just of the thinking that the best case scenario is a world where I'm still ugly & unwanted but I'm feeling better about it?

For the record, I'm not looking for someone who will love me forever.

So then what is your sense of being ugly stopping you from doing ?

 

[user 191088]

Maybe try growing a beard, OP. Even ugly men - not saying you are - can look fabulous with a nice, well trimmed beard.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

So then what is your sense of being ugly stopping you from doing ?

Finding anyone who finds me attractive, which is the only thing I want.

Maybe try growing a beard, OP. Even ugly men - not saying you are - can look fabulous with a nice, well trimmed beard.

Ah, sadly I’m not blessed with good beard genes. Facial hair only seems to grow around the mouth and under the chin, nothing on the cheeks. I’d make a great Amish person.

 

[Unsigned]

I’d make a great Amish person.

And if you were, you would have a SO.
Arranged.
And after your weeding, the whole community would come build you a barn.

But no TV, so...I dunno...

 

[TheRealCallie]

And if you were, you would have a SO.
Arranged.
And after your weeding, the whole community would come build you a barn.

But no TV, so...I dunno...

**** the TV....no AC.

 

[Unsigned]

fresia the TV....no AC.

It's funny because I am watching "Die Hard With a Vengeance" on cable right now, with the windows open and the fan on.

But yeah, I cam drinking an ice cold martini, and I think our friends the Amish are not much for freezers...

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

And if you were, you would have a SO.
Arranged.
And after your weeding, the whole community would come build you a barn.

But no TV, so...I dunno...

The barn and the community sounds pretty good.

The arranged marriage and lack of refrigerated beverages.... less so.

 

[ardour]

It's an expensive gaslight. There's no advice a therapist could give you in your situation you couldn't work out for yourself or get from strangers online.

Sure, maybe they'll help you cope with the situation better, put the rejections into perspective, not be in such a depressive state, but if this is a long-term pattern then I'd question their ability to help even with this.

One thing else: "The next 40 years" implies you might be around 40. I'm the last person to judge on this, but if these are single women still in their 20s, the chances of reciprocation are low.

 

[TheRealCallie]

It's an expensive gaslight. There's no advice a therapist could tell you in your situation you couldn't work out for yourself or get from strangers online.

Um, hate to break it to you, but that could be said of anything. Literally anyone with any problem can go online and find the same information they could from a therapist. Yet, millions of people are in therapy. Why do you think that is?
Could it be because some people just don't want to take the advice of people online? Could it be because some people when they post online for years, about the same thing over and over again and never change (Not talking about anyone in particular, I'm not attacking here), don't really want to fix themselves? Could it be because the person just isn't ready to change?

I am so damn sick of the word gaslight. It's the new "cool" thing to do whenever someone wants to pout and throw a fit. It's crap. Very little is actually gaslighting, but hey, we can't admit that the sky isn't actually falling, can we?

Sure, maybe they'll help you cope with the situation better, put the rejections into perspective, not be in such a depressive state, but if this is a long-term pattern then I'd question their ability to help even with this.

Seriously? This is EXACTLY what therapists do, that's the reason for them. You can't just walk in and have them waive a magic wand and make you all better. It takes work, which YOU have to do. This is exactly the stigma that needs to go the **** away, so people aren't afraid to go to therapy. It's okay to ask to for help, it's okay to admit that you don't know what you're doing wrong and seek help. There is nothing wrong with that.

 

[user 191138]

Finding anyone who finds me attractive, which is the only thing I want.

Ah, sadly I’m not blessed with good beard genes. Facial hair only seems to grow around the mouth and under the chin, nothing on the cheeks. I’d make a great Amish person.

If you feel unattractive then the only possible route is to build rapport with someone, and then with time that person may grow an attraction to you based on your interactions but you must be able to exert confidence and not any just friend vibes….

Finding anyone who finds me attractive, which is the only thing I want.

Ah, sadly I’m not blessed with good beard genes. Facial hair only seems to grow around the mouth and under the chin, nothing on the cheeks. I’d make a great Amish person.

 

[Unsigned]

Pffft, I don’t buy this for a second. I know for a fact you’ve mentioned that you’ve had women approach you - not the young, attractive women you want, but women HAVE approached you. Therefore, you have some level of attractiveness.

If I'm not a ten I'm a zero.
That's just the world in which I live.
I wish I didn't think like that, but I do.

 

[ringwood]

If I'm not a ten I'm a zero.
That's just the world in which I live.
I wish I didn't think like that, but I do.

Huh. . . I wish you didn’t think like that too - that makes me sad. Have you ever tried to change that mindset about yourself or just accepted it as who you are?

 

[user 191138]

If I'm not a ten I'm a zero.
That's just the world in which I live.
I wish I didn't think like that, but I do.

Gotta get used to the fact the most people are not a 10… but you can build yourself up with confidence and personality/charisma…….