Is Therapy Worth It For Being Ugly?

[Unsigned]

Huh. . . I wish you didn’t think like that too - that makes me sad. Have you ever tried to change that mindset about yourself or just accepted it as who you are?

At my age, almost elderly...I just accept...

 

[ardour]

Pffft, I don’t buy this for a second. I know for a fact you’ve mentioned that you’ve had women approach you - not the young, attractive women you want, but women HAVE approached you. Therefore, you have some level of attractiveness.

It's worth mentioning the same women probably wouldn't even have spoken to him 30 years ago when he/they were in their 20s.

 

[ringwood]

It's worth mentioning the same women probably wouldn't even have spoken to him 30 years ago when he/they were in their 20s.

That’s purely conjecture. Maybe, maybe not. . . always the negative slant with you. I get why you tend to be that way, but a more positive spin on things might get you farther in life.

 

[Unsigned]

It's worth mentioning the same women probably wouldn't even have spoken to him 30 years ago when he/they were in their 20s.

1) There's only 1 of me. I wouldn't mind having a few clones, and then we would be a collective "they", but unfortunately I was never cloned and there's only one of me. (pretty sure you did that to joke around with an old goat like me)

2) Correct. The hot ones I like were not interested in me in my teens/20s. The guys in my "social strata" that had girlfriends had average to below average looking ones, and that was the fate I was trying to avoid when I started with P4P.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

If you feel unattractive then the only possible route is to build rapport with someone, and then with time that person may grow an attraction to you based on your interactions but you must be able to exert confidence and not any just friend vibes….

A little louder for the people in the back: I don't "feel" unattractive, I genuinely check the mirror before I leave the house and think it's somewhere in the ballpark of 'ok'.

Again, building rapport is not difficult, it's very easy for me to get people to like me, they just don't want to sleep with me.

 

[user 191138]

A little louder for the people in the back: I don't "feel" unattractive, I genuinely check the mirror before I leave the house and think it's somewhere in the ballpark of 'ok'.

Again, building rapport is not difficult, it's very easy for me to get people to like me, they just don't want to sleep with me.

So you don’t feel unattractive? Women can sniff out any man who’s not confident and that’s an automatic deterrent regardless of looks. Are you looking for sympathy or a solution on this thread?

 

[Unsigned]

So you don’t feel unattractive? Women can sniff out any man who’s not confident and that’s an automatic deterrent regardless of looks. Are you looking for sympathy or a solution on this thread?

Confidence only comes with victories.
For a guy in his early 30s who had not experienced those victories, confidence is not something that can just be turned on like a switch.
That's called "fake it till you make it" and that only leads to monumental disasters.

Example. A guy that was on the football team in HS, maybe played some sport in college, always had girlfriends since he was 13 or 14.
Always had a good group of guy friends that looked out for each other (good meaning a loyal friends to him, not necessarily good/decent people). THAT guy is going to have a great deal of social confidence in life.

Now imagine the opposite of that guy. Telling him to "just be more confident" is like telling someone with 20-200 vision to "just see better".
Confidence CAN be built for guys like this, but it takes a long time and very good mentors (preferably an involved father, but not all of us are fortunate enough to have that). Can an individual do this on his own? Yes I suppose so. But I would also guess that is quite rare. The unlucky guys who were in this situation (myself included) usually just focus on what they CAN do, and become relatively confident in that. I did that with my work. But like people here have noted on other threads, being a confident programmer/accountant/engineer/whatever isn't really a big turn on in this modern world. Social confidence is not linked to just having a good job anymore, unfortunately.

 

[ardour]

So you don’t feel unattractive? Women can sniff out any man who’s not confident and that’s an automatic deterrent regardless of looks. Are you looking for sympathy or a solution on this thread?

Lack confidence? Oh no, can't have that.

So you get to be a shy, avoidant, neurotic mess, with partners still showing up, but men should be a wellspring of 24/7 masculine energy.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

So you don’t feel unattractive? Women can sniff out any man who’s not confident and that’s an automatic deterrent regardless of looks. Are you looking for sympathy or a solution on this thread?

Nope, I genuinely think I'm somewhat in the margin of 'alright', I don't feel I'm unattractive or lack confidence.

As to your question, I guess I'm looking for more of a solution, or something pro-active to fix this, I'm just not convinced therapy is it. Like, for someone who's actually normal looking but convinced they're ugly, therapy sounds like the ideal thing that they need. But what do you do for the reverse? Someone who thinks he's ok looking but is constantly rejected for being ugly? I'm not sure how therapy is going to affect that.

Confidence only comes with victories.
For a guy in his early 30s who had not experienced those victories, confidence is not something that can just be turned on like a switch.
That's called "fake it till you make it" and that only leads to monumental disasters.

Example. A guy that was on the football team in HS, maybe played some sport in college, always had girlfriends since he was 13 or 14.
Always had a good group of guy friends that looked out for each other (good meaning a loyal friends to him, not necessarily good/decent people). THAT guy is going to have a great deal of social confidence in life.

Now imagine the opposite of that guy. Telling him to "just be more confident" is like telling someone with 20-200 vision to "just see better".
Confidence CAN be built for guys like this, but it takes a long time and very good mentors (preferably an involved father, but not all of us are fortunate enough to have that). Can an individual do this on his own? Yes I suppose so. But I would also guess that is quite rare. The unlucky guys who were in this situation (myself included) usually just focus on what they CAN do, and become relatively confident in that. I did that with my work. But like people here have noted on other threads, being a confident programmer/accountant/engineer/whatever isn't really a big turn on in this modern world. Social confidence is not linked to just having a good job anymore, unfortunately.

Hey bud, just putting it out there that I'm a confident person, so that's not an issue at hand. I appreciate the thought you've put into it thought.

 

[Unsigned]

Nope, I genuinely think I'm somewhat in the margin of 'alright', I don't feel I'm unattractive or lack confidence.

As to your question, I guess I'm looking for more of a solution, or something pro-active to fix this, I'm just not convinced therapy is it. Like, for someone who's actually normal looking but convinced they're ugly, therapy sounds like the ideal thing that they need. But what do you do for the reverse? Someone who thinks he's ok looking but is constantly rejected for being ugly? I'm not sure how therapy is going to affect that.


Hey bud, just putting it out there that I'm a confident person, so that's not an issue at hand. I appreciate the thought you've put into it thought.

Yeah I can tell that you you are.
And I commend you for it.
That post was more about me than you.

 

[user 191138]

Lack confidence? Oh no, can't have that.

So you get to be a shy, avoidant, neurotic mess, with partners still showing up, but men should be a wellspring of 24/7 masculine energy.

Yes, that’s the deal with being a man — otherwise enjoy ***** hood

 

[Unsigned]

Yes, that’s the deal with being a man — otherwise enjoy ***** hood

Erm...are you flashing the "b" word???
If so, not a good look, missy...

 

[user 191138]

Erm...are you flashing the "b" word???
If so, not a good look, missy...

What’s not a good look is a man acting like a *****

 

[Unsigned]

What’s not a good look is a man acting like a *****

A female acting like a w****...

 

[user 191138]

A female acting like a w****...

Only with her husband.

 

[Unsigned]

Only with her husband.

Ok listen...here's an olive branch. Can we be nice here?
Yeah, some guys treat women horribly.
But...those are not nice guys!!!

And some women treat nice guys horrifically!
I can attest this seems (to me anyway) much more common than the above.

But I can admit that both sexes have had bad experiences.
Can you?

 

[user 191138]

Ok listen...here's an olive branch. Can we be nice here?
Yeah, some guys treat women horribly.
But...those are not nice guys!!!

And some women treat nice guys horrifically!
I can attest this seems (to me anyway) much more common than the above.

But I can admit that both sexes have had bad experiences.
Can you?

I wasn’t trying to be rude first. I was being realistic about what women find attractive in men and it’s for the same reason why both sexes are different, whether we want to admit it or not.

 

[TheRealCallie]

What’s not a good look is a man acting like a *****

All men act like that sometimes.

A female acting like a w****...

If that's the word I'm guessing (okay, someone else guessed it for me), but it's okay for men to act that way? Not complaining, just asking. Never understood that double standard....

 

[user 191138]

All men act like that sometimes.



If that's the word I'm guessing (okay, someone else guessed it for me), but it's okay for men to act that way? Not complaining, just asking. Never understood that double standard....

Never should they act that way with their wife tho. Double standard? We must have different ideas of family then.

 

[Unsigned]

All men act like that sometimes.



If that's the word I'm guessing (okay, someone else guessed it for me), but it's okay for men to act that way? Not complaining, just asking. Never understood that double standard....

It's really not OK.
But it's not very nice to call people the B word OR the W word.
That was really my only point.

But sometimes, I have to say, men get called the B word for lodging legitimate complaints.
There are such things as legitimate complaints.
Not everything is "whining".