letters never mean to be read

[shells]

Dear Mom,

It's no mistake everyone called you Sunshine... That's what you were in my life; the sunshine. My world transformed into a frozen wasteland without your warm spirit in it. I've spent these past four years trying to avoid comprehending this cold reality around me.

You overestimated my strength by ever thinking I would get along fine without you here. You never were a burden to me. You were always more than good enough... Too good. I don't know how I got so lucky to have been blessed with such an incredible protector, guardian, and mother like you. Sometimes I think you passed on Thanksgiving, as some kind of message to me... A message telling me that I wasn't thankful enough to have you while you were here, so losing you on that day was my punishment.

My heart feels laden down with regret... I hate myself for being so serious and sometimes cruel. The frustrations I had spawned from not knowing how to help you. I thought that if I was stern, that maybe you'd stop to see where you were headed. I am so sorry for treating you the way I did, especially towards the end. I didn't know how to get through to you. Failure is branded across my forehead for not being able to save you. When I couldn't get you to see past the demons in your head, I became cold. That bitterness and anger was only a mask for the hurt. The pain of knowing you didn't want to be here anymore... Feeling like I was too insignificant for you to want to stay and fight. It felt like I was already cheated out of having a father, why was I getting cheated out of having a mom, too. At that age, I couldn't comprehend why you wouldn't want to see me grow up, to get married, or start a family. Part of me feels incredibly selfish for wanting to keep you here, even though were in so much mental and physical agony...

Mom, I understand what that feels like now, being blinded by your own pain. To be fighting a battle that seems futile. Convincing yourself that you aren't even worth the dirt you stand on. Wishing for the abyss to swallow you whole, just so you can be free from it all... I understand, now. I tried to choke and numb away the pain inside by shoveling down poison. Each handful of pills, I thought, was a way to be a few steps closer to you. From the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry. Please forgive me for treating you the way I did. Forgive me for the things I couldn't do. I never meant to hurt you... If there was ever a way that I could have given my own life, just so that you could live a care-free, happy, and healthy life-- I would in a heartbeat.

Deep down, I still need you. I feel so unprepared for this life... Sometimes it's like I am trying to feel my way through the darkness, instead of you being here to help light the way for me. I wish you were here, even for the simplest of things. I wish you could have seen me graduate high school, go to state, go to college... There's this ache I get in my chest when I see the parents of my peers rally behind them, cheer for them, support them, and love them... While I have to beg for my own grandmother just to come out to my high school graduation. I miss having you in my corner, cheering me on. God, the things I'd do just to see that smile light up across your face one more time.

If there is one thing that eases my mind, is knowing that you are no longer suffering or in pain. I am thankful that you went soundly, almost like you fell asleep and just never woke up... I am also thankful for the time I got to spend with you. I can't help but feel like it was cut too short. I miss you more than words can ever describe...

Love always,
Me

 

[Arcane]

To the owner of this name,
I miss you more than you will ever know. Sometimes this is a serenity to me..because sometimes I fear the you I knew wasn't the real you. Despite any truth in that or lack there of..I still will continue to miss you. I loved spending time at your clean house with your friendly seemingly perfect family......I miss you playing the piano..I miss laughing and talking for hours......I miss making plans for adventure. I miss not knowing the only person who made me not feel alone. I am so sorry for what I have done..

 

[opshon]

Dear Mani,

I wish you didn't ruin what could have been a relationship,
when i touched on you and kiss on you, I actually let down my barrier, but
when you started to mock me on facebook and do stupid childish ****, you ruined it,
and know that im not a ******* thirsty dude, I linger on what could have been because
I cared for a second, but I don't care that much anymore. I don't get attached like that.

Goodbye ****.

 

[annik]

J,

I'd rather be honest and come across like a crazy person than be a two faced lying fake. I'm not pathetic YOU ARE. Like it even matters like you even cared or gave me a second thought. I'm ashamed utterly ashamed of ever knowing you or letting you touch me. I finally only hate you, indifference will come and then my friend you will be gone.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Sometimes it's like I am trying to feel my way through the darkness, instead of you being here to help light the way for me.

You're never alone shells, ever.

Just remember that. *hug*

P.S. I cried reading your letter ;_;

 

[Weakness-]

Dear Billy,

I wish you could just open your eyes for once. It's obvious that she doesn't love you, so please stop torturing yourself with the memories. You're starting to worry me and piss me off at the same time. I'm trying to help you get passed this but at the same time, you're pushing me away. You said it yourself, I'm the only one who actually talks to you and listens to your issues. But please understand that I don't want to continue this friendship if I can't even mention Barb's name in front of you without feeling like complete **** when you get depressed. I want to take your mind off of everything by treating you like I do with my other friends; hanging out, talking about nonsense, you know, do something somewhat normal. But if you want to brush me off like I'm not good enough to hang out with you because I'm not Barbara, then you're going to **** yourself over if and when I decided to stop being your friend. If you want to get better, then you have to act like it, not be this lost little child. I know it's harsh but it's true.

- Your friend.

 

[Serge]

Dear person who's name I will not mention:

I traveled across the ocean for you, and we spent our days together in pure bliss...but for you to abandon me later for your art career and friends, and leave me with nothing but painful lingering memories, and depression, is unforgivable.. There will be another whom will be the one for me, and who will stay with me for as long as our love stays true.. Yours wasn't true..it was all a fantasy..

 

[Chasm]

my dearest n sweetest P,
thank u 4 giving me the streams 2 my survival
"chaka mad" LoLoLoL
ur a trip
n i wish u the best
i hope u find ur path
i know that 4 sum1 like u its close 2 impossible
wut a hard life u chose
i bet u thought it was going 2b ez huh?
u have 1 of the hardest paths a soul could choose
i commend u 4 choosing it
@ the same time tho?
i hope u find ur way out of it
ur the only person ive evr really loved
u n ur stupid camel LoL
stay in good health
give ur life if u have 2
2 find ur way
peace my good friend

 

[Chasm]

Dear Guardian
ty 4 being a good cop
nvr met 1 b4
ul nvr know how much i appreci8 how u were 2 me
evn tho ill nvr know who u r
best wishes,
PunkyDunk

 

[Ox Blood]

I still care about you, more than you know. And I miss talking to you... Knowing your raw thoughts, laughing with you, and having that feeling of comfort between us.

But I can see that me being around that place is a strain. Even for me, I feel incredibly guilty -- just as I should. Cowards usually have trouble facing themselves or those they have hurt.

I'll make my visits as rare as possible, if at all, to keep my distance. And only when you aren't around and when I am genuinely feeling pathetic and hopeless.

I'd ask to be forgiven, but... I know I don't deserve it.
And I hate myself that much more for knowing I hurt you.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Dear lost love,

There have been so many times I've thought of you over the years. Even to this day, I find myself thinking of you and what we once had. Things out of our control tore us apart and that is something we can never get back.
I think over the years, we tried to come back to each other. I still remember that day you finally got my parents to give you my phone number and you called me. I was such a ***** to you that day and I'm sorry for that.
A few years later, I went looking for you, because I needed....something, but I think I was too scared to actually find you, because of what might happen if I did. Then after everything was said and done, I did find you, but I think it was too late.
I can never tell you how much it meant to me to talk to you and know that you honestly did love me and will never forget me. No one would remember the things you did and not genuinely have loved me. I think I will wonder until the day I die if we supposed to be together.

 

[Rainbows]

xo

 

[5pt7art]

letter to myself


why wont you just snap out of it?....why wont you just let the past go?....why cant you just stay sober and have normal thoughts.

 

[diane85]

Dear Relatives,

I wish that all of you would give me a chance at being your friend. I admit that I don't like that none of you ever invite me to events. I just want to be friends and get to know all of you. I don't want to hate any of you.

 

[user 139760]

Dear G,
You better pray there's no afterlife. If there is, I'm ending you and taking over. I'll make sure no children get harmed in their entire lives, ever again. It's the least I can do, for all the kindness you've shown me and mine. Meantime, get off my boat.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Dear S,

I still don't understand what happened and will probably always wonder, but I hope you are happy and I wish you nothing but the best in life. I miss you.

 

[kev35]

Dear M,

You have too much control over me and force me into saying things through constant questions and accusations. I end up saying things just to make you shut up, words that you then analyze to death. You twist my words to suit your narrative. You guilt trip me constantly. You change the way I think now, I never used to think this way, now I think the way you do about things. Why did you do that to me? You couldn't just accept me as I am. Why??

 

[4No1]

It's not so easy to write even though you'll never read it.
And it's weird to talk to you in English by the way.
You know I still like when you are near me. I think I've always have. Years pass by and it doesn't change. I hoped, it would stop but
you're still a kind of an obsession. A strange thing: I can't remember what I thought of your before that day, but I do remember
that day - it was just an ordinary day when I looked into your eyes and there was my obscuration. If you have ever cared about it, you should know,
you were the reason not a consequence. And when I asked you for some help it was just because I wanted to feel you near, not because I wanted to use your kindness. Hope you didn't take it in such a way.
Maybe you're just a shelter where I hide from relatioship and I have to forget it and moove forward. So unreachable and so safe.
I've never been sure about your feelings, when I was a kid we were told by our literature teacher that if a man likes a woman, she always know for sure.
I suppose they mixed up my starting kit and didn't include a 'liking radar'. What a pity! I know, it's such a nonsense, but everytime it goes about you, my crtitical thinking turns off. On the one hand it looked as you liked me, on the other like almost hated.
I didn't know neither for sure nor at all. I thought you should noticed my feelings and tried to hide them a little bit so that we had an escape route. Maybe I tried to hard and succeded to well. Maybe you used an escape route.
There were so many option: maybe you had somewhere a gf(I would be glad to see her than I'd be healed), maybe you were in love with someone and didn't want to hear all I wanted to tell. Maybe you know, you were not straight. I was afraid to offend you and to loose you as a friend though I think I lost a friend after all. Or maybe I was afraid of responsibility. I've never told you anything and never will, how would dare I? You're a great guy and deserve a better option. But you know maybe it's just what is called 'love', and all I want to say is: "i'm still loving you"(c)

 

[FremieHere]

Dear K & K,

You two were the best and probably the only 2 true friends I had. It's been ages since we parted ways in middle school. I hope you guys are enjoying life and chasing your dreams and goals. I hope you- actually I know you two have made new friends that you can have fun with and trust. You two are great and people would love to be friends with you.
I'm so happy to have meet you guys even if it didn't last long. You guys made everyday bearable and never failed to make me laugh and smile and just be my true self. I still have the notebooks we would draw in and the secret code we made to talk about your crush. I smile just remembering it. I hope you guys will never become like me. I hope you guys never lose focus or your passion. Even if I will probably live a lonely life, I can at least be a bit happier knowing that my 2 greatest friends are able to enjoy life and achieve their goals with friends and loved ones there beside them.