letters never mean to be read

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My dear,

Soon, very soon we will part our ways. You will go to one place, I will go to another. It's just that you look forward to this, while I...

We've known each other only as classmates. We never hung out or did anything together. For the last 5 years we sat in the same room from 8 in the morning until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. And yet we know almost nothing about each other. Well, that's not quite true. I know quite a lot about you, as I have been observing you for the last two years. That's all I allowed myself... Sit back and watch.

You are carefree, spontaneous, courageous, sociable, lovable... A complete opposite of me. Sometimes I wonder... We are all made of same things - our bones, our flesh, our brain cells. They are all the same. And yet we are completely different.

Opposites attract - it's a fact. Although people tend to think that only one's *** is the part that should be opposite. Female, male... It's the only difference that matters. Everyone overlooks that two people of the same *** could be so different...

I hate my country. Homophobia is the norm here. People live chained by the traditions, they are afraid open their mind to anything that threatens their world view. They only complain, mock, belittle others in order to feel better. Despite all the facts, they think that homosexuals are perverted, child molesting criminals who should be punished and kept isolated from the society.

Ain't that just the most ridiculous thing? And there's nothing I can do... But I know that they are wrong.

Knowing that does not allow me to express my feeling towards you. I don't know whether or not you agree with the public. I can just enjoy the last month of being in your presence, sometimes chatting with you about nothing, or lending you my glasses in class when you forget yours.

And so, we will part. Without being more than acquaintances. It's sad, when I think about it... But there's nothing I can do. I hope that you will find happiness in your life, I hope that you will succeed.

Also, I want to thank you. Without even doing anything you taught me how to deal with accepting things that are not in my power. You let me embrace solitude. I never longed for lots of friends. All I wanted was one friend, one close friend with whom I could freely share my experiences. But thanks to you I understood that I can be on my own and also live decently.

In those long hours of introspecting I decided not to give myself false hope; I decided to focus on choosing a life that fits me. That is why I will try to pursue a career in medicine. It requires lots of work, time, dedication. I will give myself to my work rather than pathetically dwell on the fact that I am alone. I am content with who I am - a solitary person.

If I ever sit somewhere with a warm cup of tea in my hands, blissfully watching the rain that I adore pour from the heavy, beautiful dark gray clouds... And a thought will come to my mind - a thought about you. I will not be saddened. I will fondly remember you, your delicate features, your charming laugh, your soothing voice... And I will once again thank you for teaching me so much... Even if you don't ever remember me, even if you completely forget about me. I will thank you.

And even if I will be telling myself that I am fine without you... I will know that you were the one.

Farewell, my dear, and be happy.

x
 
I respected your wishes and didnt read your posted letters. :)

Im just replying with lyrics to a song this reminded me of.


even in blackouts - in a letter.

In a letter never sent i said i love you
and it told that i was always thinking of you
i couldnt help but ask
could i have a second chance
and do you remember that i really liked your....

In a letter never sent i said i miss you
and it told that i was dieing just to kiss you
i couldnt help but think
i was only wasting ink
and i probably needed to freshen up my drink

now along with missed chances and fading romances where happiness sleeps and lonlieness dances
i sit all night long, waiting for you
here i am king, maybe a fool

in a letter never sent i said i need you
and it told that i would always be true to you
but the letter's still here and your
nowhere near and i doubt that you
even care
 
Mother,
As much as I like to say that I hate you, I don't really do but I do not like you and I do not want you around me.
You constantly say that you gave me the best, when was the best being bringing me to this world with no father, how do you think I felt being alone in a house with no siblings and nothing growing up.
How can you call yourself a mother when you don't provide for your child, why does your child have to steal money from you to eat and pay school fees? Why do you constantly like to prove to everyone that you are the best person in the world but your life in in tatters? You are the most vile person in the world, a wolf in sheep's clothing. A woman who shouldn't have had the blessing of bringing a child to this world.
From the time I was a child, you have been nothing but a careless mother. You always had nothing good to say about me, you're constantly comparing me to your friend's child who by the way are not better than me academically or otherwise. You open your stupid mouth and say that they are better, they have every reason to be because they had emotional support and a great family unit. You don't have any family because no one wants to be around your negativity, and as a result of that no one liked to visit you. I got married to sweetheart after 13 years of bliss dating and moved across the atlantic so you won't be in my business but the minute you came into our married home, we got divorced. I have decided I don't want to ever associate myself with you anymore. I am sick of the stupid culture that says I have to talk to a mother who wasn't motherly to me. I am no longer going to commit suicide, I won't. I have decided to keep away from you and your antics and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.....a callous, shallow empty woman.
 
Dear A,
Leave me alone. When I met you a decade ago, you were kind to me and I appreciated your help. In my heart you were a friend, in your heart, I was someone who you wanted to conquer.
We have been friends on and off for the last decade, when I seperated from my husband, I fell in love with you but I didn''t let it show. You always said you wanted to marry me but I loved my ex-husband like a brother and couldn't imagine leaving him and shattering his world. So, I went back to my ex-husband after our seperation, I went back to him when my heart belonged to you.
My ex and I divorce and i still didn't want you, I didn't want you because as much as you loved me, you were the kind of guy who could never be faithful to one. I don't know how to be in a relationship without trust. I loved you but I didn't trust you.
While you were begging me to marry you, I got engaged to someone else who I thought was the love of my life because he was my boyfriend in grade school (isn't it ironic you both have the same name?) and I thought my fairy tale was coming to life. Two years later, I break up the engagement because he is a pathological liar - he lies about his income, his family, he wants everyone to think he is better financially than he really is - I couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to give me world but he wasn't able to, he didn't know that I didn't need anything but honesty.
Back to you, you would call me blocking your number but you don't know that blocking your number (i know it's you because no one else calls me blocking their number). You send me little notes saying you loved me and can't do without me, this week you call me to say that you are sorry about all the fights we've ever had and that you were just sorry for everything. You said you knew I had moved on and you asked how your namesake was doing but I didn't say a thing.
I wanted to tell you that I broke the engagment months ago and that I'm now single but I didn't say that because as much as I know you really love me, I also know you can't be faithful to me so I didn't want to start on another roller coaster.
I love you, I always will, you are the only man that I have ever felt a complete attraction to and the only one who I couldn't trust my heart with. So leave me in my misery, I was doing fine before your calls and emails. I had even stopped thinking about you but now you're back again and i'm back to square now but I really don't want to marry you. I would marry you in another life when you can be faithful but not in this one, so leave me alone and let me move on with my life so that you can move on with yours.
 
Dear Dad
Things are not good. They never have been. I guess it all started when you left me at the age of 7 and never ever returned. Something I have never got over. I was your little girl, you meant the world to me.
I love you Dad. Always will. I know things would have been different if you were here. I know you would have made everything right.
I was sometimes angry that you left, even though it was never your fault. Painfully struck by the illness that took you away forever.

RIP Dad...love you always XXXXXXXXXXXX
 
Dear M,
You get too drunk. I can't handle it anymore!!! You tell me he treats me bad and i deserve the world, but you don't want me, nor could you ever give me the world. I think you only want me so you are able to say that I'm yours!!! Why are you doing this to me? I don't understand what you want from me? I have nothing to give you but what I've offered you, an endearing friendship!!! I'm sick of you telling me to leave him. I'm sick of you talking to me about other girls. I'm sick of you calling me & telling me to come over when your too drunk to function. It's pathetic!!! Get a grip on what matters to you!!!! Stop being so worthless. If you continue to act this way, I will unfortunately have to discontinue our friendship. I believe you are seeking something in your life that I will never be able to provide you. For the most part, it seems you are trying to destroy my relationship, & use me to obtain my friends. Wow!!! Thats a real classy thing to do to someone!!! Thanks for showing me what type of "friend you are". - me
 
Dear you,

Please leave me alone. You were reckless with my heart, my body, and my soul. I want nothing more to do with you.

It's been three years since I've stepped into a church. But, I pray that you will respect me enough to let me go. I pray for you, your family, and ultimately, myself.

I pray for selfishness. I need to protect myself. I need to protect my family. I will do what it takes to do so.

-Me

 
Dear P.U.S.

Your constant worrying is driving me up the wall. It is palpable in everything you do with me, for me and about me. I do not want that kind of help, I do not need that kind of help. I want to move forward on my own two feet. I want to keep moving forward with MY own power - not yours. Cutting the ties that bind may seem like the best solution, but in this current world, I will tell you I may never speak to you again if you do. I simply refuse to be treated this way. I pray To God everyday that one day you willcome to understand me because in reality you don't really know me. You know the me that you have come to expect, the me that I give you everyday , simply for the sake of tenuous strained peace. I am tired, emotional and physically of trying to meet the expectations of people that I cannot or will not meet. I will find my way myself. If I need help, I'll ask. Don't get me wrong. I am THANKFUL, GRATEFUL, and HUMBLED at everything you hae done for me. And one day I hope, no I will, return the favor. But for now, you are suffocating me. And I feel like I am about to go into my last throes of death before the bitter bitter end. But the only thing that's dying - is our relationship. And S...please, your selfish selfish selfish curuelty and ways will come back to haunt you. I promise. Please discontinue treating me that way. I do not treat you that way. Thank you.
 
Dear *****,

Thanks for nothing. You've ruined my life. I gave you everything and then some. You in turn chewed up my soul and spit it back in my face and then delighted in the mess. You've cost me friends, family, money, years off my life and done damage my relationship with my child that can never be undone. Yet you are somehow unfazed by the impact you leave in the wake of your destruction.

I want you to know that I will hold onto this hurt and betrayal and keep it neatly tucked away in a safe place until the day comes that you get a karmic correction. Then I will leap into action to revel in your hardships because we know you don't suffer pain or loss but you do suffer hardships.

Also if I ever see you stranded on the side of the road I will not stop to help, but I will hit a mud puddle to splash you or come really close and knock your driver's side mirror off with my bumper. (I drive a big truck)

Burn in hell
 
Dear D,
I am so sorry for what I did. I regret it everyday. I feel sick just thinking about it. Its been so long and yet it still haunts me. I wish I could apologize to you in person but I have no idea where you are. I hope you are happy away from me. Goodbye.
 
Letter to myself one year from today

Your hard work and effort
Have paid off in spades
Your new life's a dream
Let the past hurt just fade

You've never looked better
You're 40 and fit
**** all the naysayers
Cause they're full of ****

You've created new bonds
With new friends who are true
You're achieving your goals
Who knows what you'll do

I'm proud of you *****
Of how far you have come
Don't rest on your laurels
There's still work to be done
 
Dear (name removed),

I still love you, and I don't think I'll ever stop loving you, even if I want to. And I don't. Come back. Save me.
 
Dear You,

You were a nice friend sometimes then, we had a closer relationship than it is now. I know don't know what went wrong. You were important to me. I was able to laugh at everything with you and cry everything with you. Every day was wonderful. When I got sick badly, I thought that you had been to support you as a few other friends. But you didn't ether. Why? Why you turned your back on me? Just like everyone else. I thought that we were good friends, we were known for many years. I thought that you cared about me. I was wrong, again. Badly wrong. You made me cry. You left a large deep wound in my heart that will never heal. I'm not mad at you, I just don't understand. I realized again wrong, I was too blind. Now you are the only air to me, you have nothing more to me. You left a big blank, my heart, forever.

- J
 
Dear T,

You were a lousy friend. Now I realize you were too miserable to consider someone important enough to be your friend, not just me. You'll always remind me of people who are pissed off and mock everything better than what they have because they are insecure. You always thought the world owed you everything, for the sole purpose of your existence. You deserve everything that happened in your life and I don't feel any pity for you.
 
As I write this, I don't know if I will ever send this, or if we will ever see each other again. I do know you were the best friend I ever had and I so enjoyed talking with you and spending time with you. You made me feel so alive; you brought hope and joy back into my life and you made me feel like anything was possible. You are the most incredible person I have ever met and I loved you so much and still do. You will always be my PITA and no matter where I go, I will always be there for you, if you just call. I love you and always will.
 
Dear Schat,

I'm sooooooooooo sleepy and you're still not here (D) (hehe)

I miss you

^^
 
To... people:

I wish it were easier to let go of all of you. To forget and move on. It's like I have a piece of all of you that I can't give back and I can't throw away. It weighs heavily on me and it's my own fault... most of you probably don't stop to think of me for even a second per week. But I can't help remembering all of you almost every day.

What makes it worse is that no one wants to be with someone with that kind of history; that kind of baggage.

I wonder if you remember me.
 
I have been reading some of the letters in this post and they are some of the most heart wrenching and thoughtful things I have read in a long time. It is amazing the depth of emotion that some of these letters convey. It is obvious that some people are truly missed. I hope all of us find what we are looking for in this world of 7 billion people.
 

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