Male Virginity=Homosexuality?

[blackdot]

This thread is old but I've never seen it until now.

Until my mid 30's I had never dated. When I told someone I had never dated, 100% of the people would immediately ask me if I'm gay. It was like some scientific fact that people who don't date are gay.

The conversation would go like this:
<at some point a something about dating would come up>
Me: I have never dated anyone.
Them: (they would pause for a minute as you could see their brain locking up and smoking to a halt) Are you gay?
Me: Gay people date.
Them: (their brain now crashes and you can see gears and bolts flying out of their head) huh?

The best part was that since their brain would crash, they would forget the conversation so this would be repeated multiple times over time. The exact same result would always occur.

 

[theglasscell]

That makes no sense at all. I have several gay friends and they date and have sex way more than straight guys do.

To find a gay male virgin seems impossible. It's just way easier to get sex when you are gay. I get hit on constantly by gay men but pretty much never get hit on by women. When I was on OkCupid I would have gay guys write me all the time, one guy even wrote me just to tell me he masturbated using my profile pictures.

I wish it was that easy to attract women

 

[blackdot]

This gets frustrating for those who don't want to discuss these things, guys OR girls, and they quickly don't want anything to do with me. I suppose this is why I have such a hard time socializing.

That's always a nightmare for me. When that topic comes up in a group of people I automatically can feel myself getting depressed and have excuse myself quietly. The last time was at someone's birthday party. They started talking about sex education (which I never had) so I snuck out onto the deck and got the dog to follow me and I played fetch with the dog until the conversation inside died back down.

 

[WishingWell]

Well, speaking as an almost 31 year old, I am hardly young anymore. But that's beside the point.

When I got to the age of, say, 25, people started scratching their heads in confusion. I wasn't seen with a girlfriend, but I wasn't seen with a boyfriend, either. I could be asexual, but since very few people actually are of that persuasion, they assumed that I am in the closet and ashamed of my sexuality.

The only reason I would say I am ugly is because I don't conform to beauty standards for a male. I don't lift weights, I wear glasses, and I'm an intellectual who is into computers, technology, music, and the arts. I'm also not into sports, since I have poor coordination (funny, because I don't when I'm playing musical instruments), and I get teased.

This is hard for guys like me, because when everyone goes off and talks about sports and cars, I want to steer the conversation around to books, music, and entertainment. This gets frustrating for those who don't want to discuss these things, guys OR girls, and they quickly don't want anything to do with me. I suppose this is why I have such a hard time socializing.

You say you are 31, LeaningintotheMuse, and it may feel old to you, but it really isn't.

About 1 1/2 ago, my Brother-in-Law's Sister, who was 53 at the time, and not to make fun of woman that are heavy, but stating a fact, 320 lbs. and not very attractive, met a man who she liked. He is an extremely nice person and perfect for her (I have since spent a bit of time with them). They ended up getting married, and they are such a happy couple--always laughing and telling the family about what fun they have together.

What I am getting to is that you never know when you are going to meet a woman that you will just "click" with.

The physical traits you described doesn't, by far, make you ugly. No one is perfect, and "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." I have been attracted to guys during my life that my Girlfriends said things like: "He looks scrufty," He is gross looking, and "You've got to be kidding!" I've thought some negative things about the guys they were attracted to also.

My Brother never lifted weights, never played or watched sports and didn't even play an instrument. (I envy you for that. I always wanted to learn an instrument, but I was very uncoordinated and now I don't feel too old at 56, but due to a disability I can't do it now. He also has a learning disability, and never thought he would meet anyone. As of this October, he will be married 21 years!

As far as your interests go, I am sure there are people of both sexes that are interested in the same things. I would see if there is a Forum by Google Searching your favorites, and chatting on-line about them...not looking for a serious relationship, but Friends.

I am not up on current events, Politics, or much of anything. The only topic I like to discuss is New York Yankees baseball. So around other people, I just listen and if I hear something they say that I can comment on, I put my two cents in.

Please don't be so discouraged. You can't predict the future.

If you'd like to PM me, I will tell you my situation and you will be glad you are you! Also, the invitation to PM me is open if you just want to chat about anything. I accept people for who they are, what they enjoy, and I don't judge anyone.

Sorry this was so long. I guess I should have PM'd you, but I really wanted others to maybe get something out of these real life experiences I've described.

Try being POSITIVE--NEGATIVITY shows in one's face!

 

[theglasscell]

Well, speaking as an almost 31 year old, I am hardly young anymore. But that's beside the point.

When I got to the age of, say, 25, people started scratching their heads in confusion. I wasn't seen with a girlfriend, but I wasn't seen with a boyfriend, either. I could be asexual, but since very few people actually are of that persuasion, they assumed that I am in the closet and ashamed of my sexuality.

The only reason I would say I am ugly is because I don't conform to beauty standards for a male. I don't lift weights, I wear glasses, and I'm an intellectual who is into computers, technology, music, and the arts. I'm also not into sports, since I have poor coordination (funny, because I don't when I'm playing musical instruments), and I get teased.

This is hard for guys like me, because when everyone goes off and talks about sports and cars, I want to steer the conversation around to books, music, and entertainment. This gets frustrating for those who don't want to discuss these things, guys OR girls, and they quickly don't want anything to do with me. I suppose this is why I have such a hard time socializing.

It can't have much to do with your interests or looks. Where I live playing an instrument will get you girls much easier than lifting weights ever will.

Your interests, looks, and personality seem very similar to mine and I've gotten girls, I'm too shy to have gotten many but the one I was married to was amazing and I enjoyed the time I had with her.

I know nothing about sports and cars and I can't play sports well. I am more into arts and entertainment, especially music.

31 is not old at all.

I don't know what the trick is to meeting people for romantic relationships, whenever it has happened to me it has seemed like a complete fluke.

I think the best option from my experience is to increase your chance at random encounters or at having friendships with girls that lead to relationships.

When I was going to the boxing gym I got two girls numbers and it was totally random. One of them just happened to be standing next to me when I was having trouble with my combination lock and offered to help me with it and then we got to talking. It didn't lead to anything in the end but it was at least an opportunity that I wouldn't have had if I hadn't of been there in the first place.

I know most of my dating failure in the last few years has been due to the fact that I have been very isolated, just working and coming home, always keeping to myself.

 

[blackdot]

31 is not old at all.

You turn old at 25. After that, it's all downhill.

 

[WishingWell]

31 is not old at all.

You turn old at 25. After that, it's all downhill.

I've heard it said that you have to be thirty to have brains enough to be able to get a headache. 25 and after that it's all downhill! That's a funny one!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

30 is when your brain stops maturing. It's when you officially become an adult.

WishingWell, I am 30 and will be turning 31 in two months. So, not there yet, and not looking forward to it.

I generally am positive about everything else. But I do have some self esteem issues, and I have trouble getting over past hurt. It's not a measure of being positive, but a measure of when I have been positive before, and it has backfired on me.

31 is pretty old to have your first kiss. You're almost middle age. How can you experience something that 13 year olds are doing? I remember trying to flirt with girls at 13, and being treated miserably by the opposite sex. Maybe if I had had positive experiences, I would have ended up in a better place.

At the same time, the albums I've created, and the music I've written, is nothing to sneeze at. And I think a lot of that came out of depression and my own issues. I've actually had other people who have social anxiety tell me that my music speaks to them.

 

[Solivagant]

30 is when your brain stops maturing. It's when you officially become an adult.

I've actually heard that it's more around 25, but in truth it's probably different for each person. Some mature sooner than others.

 

[WishingWell]

30 is when your brain stops maturing. It's when you officially become an adult.

WishingWell, I am 30 and will be turning 31 in two months. So, not there yet, and not looking forward to it.

I generally am positive about everything else. But I do have some self esteem issues, and I have trouble getting over past hurt. It's not a measure of being positive, but a measure of when I have been positive before, and it has backfired on me.

31 is pretty old to have your first kiss. You're almost middle age. How can you experience something that 13 year olds are doing? I remember trying to flirt with girls at 13, and being treated miserably by the opposite sex. Maybe if I had had positive experiences, I would have ended up in a better place.

At the same time, the albums I've created, and the music I've written, is nothing to sneeze at. And I think a lot of that came out of depression and my own issues. I've actually had other people who have social anxiety tell me that my music speaks to them.

Please PM me if you'd like a response, I can't write anything else here.

 

[blackdot]

31 is pretty old to have your first kiss. You're almost middle age. How can you experience something that 13 year olds are doing? I remember trying to flirt with girls at 13, and being treated miserably by the opposite sex. Maybe if I had had positive experiences, I would have ended up in a better place.

I was in my mid 30's when I had my first "romantic" kiss. Now granted that was just a peck on the lips because neither of us knew how to kiss. After 2 years of dating, neither of us ever figured out how to kiss other than a quick peck.

I have no idea how that whole kissing thing works. Really seems complicated and I never had a class on it in school.

 

[WishingWell]

31 is pretty old to have your first kiss. You're almost middle age. How can you experience something that 13 year olds are doing? I remember trying to flirt with girls at 13, and being treated miserably by the opposite sex. Maybe if I had had positive experiences, I would have ended up in a better place.

I was in my mid 30's when I had my first "romantic" kiss. Now granted that was just a peck on the lips because neither of us knew how to kiss. After 2 years of dating, neither of us ever figured out how to kiss other than a quick peck.

I have no idea how that whole kissing thing works. Really seems complicated and I never had a class on it in school.

As far as LeaningIntotheMuse saying that 31 is almost middle aged, what does he consider me to be at 56? Almost dead?

The first boy I kissed was older than me, and he was a Friend, and just casually asked me (I was 12), if I ever kissed a boy before. I said no, and he asked if I wanted him to teach me. I said yes, and I just followed his lead. He didn't say anything. I liked it. I will never forget it.

I did a Google search on How to Kiss and a lot of YouTube videos came up. Some were a bit vulgar and on the other hand silly too. Now just remember my age though! There are many others--so you don't have to worry about them not having a class in school for it. What I don't agree with is just kissing anyone and getting it over with, which actually is what I did, but I secretly liked the boy, but knew he didn't like me as far as being his "Girlfriend" went. What I do believe is that kissing should be enjoyable, and if you are with someone you really care about, you will be able to relax and it will be great!

Here's the Video I chose for you:

 

[blackdot]

no video is going to be able to teach me how to "romantically" kiss.

kissing is very strange and awkward, being able to just do it casually and "correctly" ain't something natural.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I've watched videos on that before, but no amount of watching videos will compare to the real thing, or make up for practice.

I think, when you're 12, you have a lot less responsibility riding you, than when you're in your early 30's. But that's just my opinion.

 

[WishingWell]

Well, I'm done posting on this Thread. I was only trying to help. Good luck, Guys!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I wasn't trying to offend you, Wishing. Now I feel terrible.

 

[richo89]

I lost my virginity at 17. Im 24 now and wish I had of waited for the right girl.

 

[Cavey]

most people perceive male virgins as homosexuals

No

Hey, it's been 3 years since Minty posted this, but it needs repeating...

NO!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Homosexuals have sex.

 

[Superfly47]

I've watched videos on that before, but no amount of watching videos will compare to the real thing, or make up for practice.

I think, when you're 12, you have a lot less responsibility riding you, than when you're in your early 30's. But that's just my opinion.

I think its about expectations. Most early teens are bad kissers with little or no experience at it. So if you stink at it, its normal.

At 30 its expected that you have some experience. So for people who haven't kissed anyone, they get fear that they'll do such an awful job the other will look down on them.