My Cookie!

[Jilted John]

John gets to where the hitch hiker wanted to go, he stops the cookie van,and opens up the back doors to find the hitch hiker,who he now recognises as Courtney,because she's eaten all the cookies,and returned to her normal weight!
Fuming,John struggles to pull her from the back of the van,but it's no good,she's wedged tighter than a ducks ass! He finds the jack,and manages some how to jack her up a couple of inches to drag her out.Just then he spots a cookie where she'd been sitting!After grabbing the cookie,John knocks off the hand break on the van,and watches as it picks up speed rolling back down the steep hill he'd just driven up to the sound of Courtney screaming "Get this f**king jack from up my asssssssss!!!!



My cookie!

 

[Dessa]

You stepped on poop. MY COOKIE MINE.

 

[Jilted John]

Awe,we haven't gone back to one liners have we? I was just getting into the role!

 

[Dessa]

I"M NOT SURE WHAT"S HAPPENING OH GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE (MY COOKIE MINE)

 

[Jilted John]

John looked in the mirror,and shrugged,"It always looks like this" he said,as he turned to see Odess legging it with his cookie! John quickly pulled out the boomerang he always kept in his back pocket,and hurled it at the fleeing Odess.The boomerang arced around and caught her nicely on the back of her noggin.At that precise moment,the little arm in Johns custom made boomerang,sprang out and grabbed the cookie in it's metallic fingers,and returned it to Johns waiting hand.


My cookie!

 

[Dessa]

Psyduck I choose you. Psyduck uses confusion. On himself. Sigh. ******* pokemon. John bursts into laughter. I grab that cookie. My cookie mine.

 

[ThatOneGirl]

Courtney takes Odessa's useless pokeball and throws it at her head, causing her to drop the cookie!

My cookie!

 

[Sci-Fi]

Look a pink cement truck, I'm not kidding it's across the street right now.

MY COOKIE!

Not kidding either, a pink cement truck is actually across the street right now.

 

[Jilted John]

The pink cement truck began to roll across the road towards Sci Fi. "Look Out!" cried John,but Sci Fi just smirked at John and replied "I'm not stupid enough to fall for that one again."
The pink cement truck flattened Sci Fi where he stood.John prized the cookie from his still warm,crushed fingers,and walked down the road shaking his head.


My cookie!

 

[Sci-Fi]

Sticks finger in mouth to re-inflate self. Scares John, didn't you know I was a toon? Takes cookie and runs away laughing.

MY COOKIE!

 

[Jilted John]

Damn toons! thought John,drawing his air pistol from his pocket. John aims carefully at Sci Fi toon's butt,and gently squeezes the trigger.
There was a popping noise as the slug penetrated the toon's butt,and then he lifted into the air,and began to fly around like an inflated balloon when let go!
As the rapidly deflating toon wheezed over John's head,the cookie fell straight into John's outstretched hand,and the toon hit the gutter with a splattering sort of fart like sound.

My cookie!

 

[Sci-Fi]

ROFL! I guess I'm done for, no more cookie for me. Unless someone wants to repair my butt hole. LOL

 

[Jilted John]

I got a plaster?

 

[ThatOneGirl]

Unless someone wants to repair my butt hole. LOL

LMFAO!!!!!!

 

[Jilted John]

So the guy's butt hole is impaired,he can still fight for a cookie.What this thread needs is Arnie, when he gets back from Vegas with his alien pals.Please come back Arnie,the cookie game needs you (and your little turd I suppose)

 

[Sci-Fi]

Pulls out laser rifle. Places dot on John for air strike. Sends in small team to retrieve cookie while getting hole in butt repaired.

MY COOKIE!

 

[applepear]

Look! A barely legal schoolgirl porn site!

MY COOKIE!

 

[Jilted John]

"Hey guys! This applepear chick's got barely legal porn over here!" John barely escapes the stampede,and while everybody is busy slavering over barley legal schoolgirl porn,John gets busy stealing all their cookies.Now all he needs is the applepear chick's cookie,and as he strokes his three day old chin stubble,a blisteringly fiendish plan slowly unfolds in his brain.
applerear's phone rings,"Hello"she says nervously.John puts on his best barely legal policeman's voice,"I understand you are showing barely legal schoolgirl porn,the barely legal police will be with you shortly." applepear screams as she closes her phone "The barely legal fuzz are on their way!" After the dust had settled,John sauntered over and picked up the final cookie,"Ha,ha,suckers" he thought as he ambled on back down the road thoughtfully munching cookies.

My cookies!!!

 

[Reggie Jected]

"Hey John, they reinstituted the draft and your number's up"

My cookie

 

[Jilted John]

That's strange,thought John as he picked up the draft letter from the door mat.He tore it open to discover,that his services were required
in Arizona,as the number of cookie thefts there had reached epidemic proportions,and the government needed every man they could get."****,things must be bad,I'm 61 this year!" he cried out loud.
Never flustered,John climbed the stairs to the attic,wiped the dust from an old chest in the corner,and slowly opened it. There in all it's splendour was his old uniform from the last cookie wars.He pulled it out,and changed into it.As he looked at his reflection in the dusty old mirror,he saw the insignia on the right arm.It was an eagle in flight with a cookie in it's beak,yes for John was a retired special forces cookie retrieval officer!

The Hercules transport droned over the arid Arizona desert,as the first wave of of cookie retrieval forces skimmed to earth with their "Snickers" sponsored parachutes.About fifty feet up,they spotted a bunch of people on the ground wearing blue tee shirts with A.L.L printed on the back."That's them" John heard through his earpiece "Surround them quick", and the team landed in a tight formation around the cookie looters. John walked around the sorry looking bunch,and stopped in front of one individual who was still munching cookies. "Name?" snarled John, "Er,erm,Reggie Jected",spluttered the guy through crumbs of cookie."I'll take those" said John through gritted teeth,and Reggie handed them over with a trembling hand,as did all the other cookie looters.

So once again the world owed a great debt to the 1st Battalion Cookie Parachute Regiment,and as the boys marched their prisoners down the dusty desert road,they burst into the regimental battle song"It's my cookie,oh yes it's my cookie"......