Jilted John said:Now we've got flying applepears? Come on people,keep it real!
Jilted John said:That's strange,thought John as he picked up the draft letter from the door mat.He tore it open to discover,that his services were required
in Arizona,as the number of cookie thefts there had reached epidemic proportions,and the government needed every man they could get."****,things must be bad,I'm 61 this year!" he cried out loud.
Never flustered,John climbed the stairs to the attic,wiped the dust from an old chest in the corner,and slowly opened it. There in all it's splendour was his old uniform from the last cookie wars.He pulled it out,and changed into it.As he looked at his reflection in the dusty old mirror,he saw the insignia on the right arm.It was an eagle in flight with a cookie in it's beak,yes for John was a retired special forces cookie retrieval officer!
The Hercules transport droned over the arid Arizona desert,as the first wave of of cookie retrieval forces skimmed to earth with their "Snickers" sponsored parachutes.About fifty feet up,they spotted a bunch of people on the ground wearing blue tee shirts with A.L.L printed on the back."That's them" John heard through his earpiece "Surround them quick", and the team landed in a tight formation around the cookie looters. John walked around the sorry looking bunch,and stopped in front of one individual who was still munching cookies. "Name?" snarled John, "Er,erm,Reggie Jected",spluttered the guy through crumbs of cookie."I'll take those" said John through gritted teeth,and Reggie handed them over with a trembling hand,as did all the other cookie looters.
So once again the world owed a great debt to the 1st Battalion Cookie Parachute Regiment,and as the boys marched their prisoners down the dusty desert road,they burst into the regimental battle song"It's my cookie,oh yes it's my cookie"......
Jilted John said:John shields his eyes from the unyielding Arizona sun,and sees the devious applepear hybrid trying desperately to gain height,flapping her puny arms to no avail.He drew his 12 gauge from it's back holster,and aimed at the now flailing hybrid fruit bird.The gun made the noise of a cannon going off, as the sound echoed off the Arizona canyon walls.The fruit bat as John now sees, is what this flying abomination really was all the time! As the applepear bat hit the canyon wall with a sickening splat,John walked over to where it would slither down to.As the creature finally reached the desert floor,John saw it was still clutching the stolen cookie in it's right claw.As John turned to walk off into the now dying Arizona sunset, he wiped the pieces of apple and pear from otherwise undamaged cookie.And as he started to munch the cookie,he couldn't help but think of the time he'd had with another girl, in another State, who also had bat problems
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