My theory on why smart guys struggle with women

[perfanoff]

If it is to be judged on this forum, and especially in geeky and nerdy circles, the smart intellectuals tend to struggle with women. I think I've come to a conclusion on why this is (and I'm discovering this in myself, so it's an eye opener.)

There are many reasons why smart guys struggle with women. Here are a few of them.

1. Smart guys tend to be socially awkward. This is a biggie. Social awkwardness tends to lead to poor jobs, poor conversations, and women in general like to have good conversations. If you struggle making conversation and holding down a job, how could you possibly care for her and provide financial stability?

2. Smart guys tend to aim for the top attractive women, instead of looking at the nice girls around them. This is another biggie. It's great to have standards, but when you aim for the women who are incredibly attractive, here's a hint: they are also looking at members of the opposite sex who are also incredibly attractive. Aim lower.

3. Smart guys tend to have shallow interests. This is falling into number 1 as well. If all you can talk about is Star Wars and coding, you're going to struggle making friends, and you're going to struggle showing a girl that you're worth chasing.

4. Smart guys complain about how smart they are, and how nobody else likes them. It doesn't matter if you're Einstein, nobody likes someone who whines all the time. You could be a genius, and have everything else going for you, but if you don't believe in yourself, how will anybody else believe in you?

There, those are 4 good reasons why someone who is male would struggle with the opposite sex.

.......................................................................................................
Men struggle with women because they have been controlled by their mothers and don't trust women because of it. THese are smart guys, believe it or not.

Oh wow, somebody read a Freud book. Or a book that quotes a Freud book. How original.

 

[ghbarnaby2]

that was very snide and hateful of you perfanoff. If that is this person's take on the situation so be it but you should not tear them down like that - it is cruel.

 

[EveWasFramed]

2. Smart guys tend to aim for the top attractive women, instead of looking at the nice girls around them. This is another biggie. It's great to have standards, but when you aim for the women who are incredibly attractive, here's a hint: they are also looking at members of the opposite sex who are also incredibly attractive. Aim lower.

Didn't that read "average girls" before you edited it? (hmm)

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

This thread was a mistake.

And no, Eve, I edited and added in "attractive" to "top attractive women." Which is what I meant all the time. I was tired, and writing this at 2 am in the morning. I wrote "nice girls" from the very beginning, because I didn't want to write average (and what IS average, anyways?)

It's clear that people have trouble accepting the truth. For some, dating doesn't come easy, and people get angry about it. The dateless get angry about being dateless, and the ones who have dated get angry at the dateless for expressing their frustration.

 

[duff]

i think people look at me and think 'sad loser' - not a geek or smart. I am way more clever than most people I know. Or rather I know more things. Most people, if they can't drink it, they have no knowledge at all !

 

[ardour]

I'm convinced that LeaningIntoTheMuse is Karl Pilkington.

 

[Poguesy]

Can't we all just shag along?

 

[annik]

//

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

In my experience, having *tried* to date SOME academics/intellectuals (and it's not limited to those types of guys!) I was turned off by their inability to have empathy for me. There was something very hollow and shallow about their understanding of people. They were removed from their own emotions and so could not recognize them in others. I felt lonely with those types of guys, and I missed people who could laugh at themselves, who had "soul", who were grounded and "real".

Mind you, there's plenty of academics and intellectuals who I've met and who are fabulous, well-rounded, compassionate and down-to-earth. I found that this was because they had worked through difficult feelings arising from challenges like war, discrimination and grief... or else had good parents or some other parental type figure who validated their feelings and self-worth (not dependent on their achievements) as a child.

 

[VanillaCreme]

In other words, I stopped being a snob.

Bing!

Although, I agree with the other four points too.

 

[EveWasFramed]

In my experience, having *tried* to date SOME academics/intellectuals (and it's not limited to those types of guys!) I was turned off by their inability to have empathy for me. There was something very hollow and shallow about their understanding of people. They were removed from their own emotions and so could not recognize them in others. I felt lonely with those types of guys, and I missed people who could laugh at themselves, who had "soul", who were grounded and "real".

I've also experienced this. Not everyone is this way of course, but a couple of the guys I dated fit what you're saying perfectly. They couldn't see the forest for the trees, so to speak. Again, Im talking about two individual people from my past - not intelligent men in general.
Im thinking those two were exceptions, not the rule.

 

[Dissident]

I used to be told that I acted like that. For me, though, it's because in the past when I attempted to show empathy I was often shamed for it. Perhaps they received the same shaming. Then again I've also had the thought that maybe the only reason I have empathy in spite of how rational I attempt to be is because I also have depression and can form strong emotions.

 

[perfanoff]

You need to understand that for INTs (I presume we are talking about THOSE personalities) expressing empathy is *draining*. We can be sympathetic, but actually expressing it is something we have to exert a lot of effort.

Anyway, I'm off to paint my hair red now.

 

[Dissident]

^This is also true. My "factory setting" is INTJ so I'm not really the very touchy-feely type. Even if I do feel empathy, expressing it can be cumbersome at best.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'm just trying to understand why some guys struggle.

It's easy to get upset at them for being angry about it, but it is harder to be empathetic and try to understand how to help them.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm just trying to understand why some guys struggle.

Because they're human? Rich, poor, black, white, polka dot, striped... What difference does it make? They're human either which way, any which way you put it. It's not even just some guys... Some females struggle all the same. Look outside of the labels you stick on yourself for answers.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

How exactly is this my fault?

 

[VanillaCreme]

How exactly is this my fault?

If you're just going to ask that, then what's the whole point of even bringing on a topic like this? Arguing? Wanting to tell people they're wrong about how they think or feel about something? I'm not understanding.

 

[Mike413]

Intelligent men struggle with women because they over think things. They are coming from a logical, analytical nature and expect things to make perfect sense and be logical. With seduction it doesn't work that way. With women you have to hit them in their gut. You have to be goofy, silly, aim at their emotions and just let loose. Having a boring conversation about science, politics or computers is not going to get much of an emotional response from a woman and it's not going to flip her attraction switch. She'll just think you are boring and have no clue how to attract women(and she would be right). I suggest reading stuff by David Deangelo or David Wygant or someone else who is a dating coach or someone who is good at attracting women.

I can give some pretty solid advice also although it is admittedly from an arm chair perspective(I need to start practicing what I preach and get out there. ). I will say this though. If you are talking to a woman and she is looking away from you, looking bored, sighing or just plain not interested then that's not a good sign and you need to either *** her a bit(not physically but just say something like "wow, you are kind of mean aren't you?" "Or maybe your just having a really bad day." Once she starts explaining herself to you then she is on the way to going over to the plus side instead of the negative side. However, if she really is a bitch then you don't want her anyway. She will just waste your time. Try to get an emotional reaction but try to get a positive emotional response if possible rather than a negative one.

 

[reloadlife23]

If it is to be judged on this forum, and especially in geeky and nerdy circles, the smart intellectuals tend to struggle with women. I think I've come to a conclusion on why this is (and I'm discovering this in myself, so it's an eye opener.)

There are many reasons why smart guys struggle with women. Here are a few of them.

1. Smart guys tend to be socially awkward. This is a biggie. Social awkwardness tends to lead to poor jobs, poor conversations, and women in general like to have good conversations. If you struggle making conversation and holding down a job, how could you possibly care for her and provide financial stability?

2. Smart guys tend to aim for the top attractive women, instead of looking at the nice girls around them. This is another biggie. It's great to have standards, but when you aim for the women who are incredibly attractive, here's a hint: they are also looking at members of the opposite sex who are also incredibly attractive. Aim lower.

3. Smart guys tend to have shallow interests. This is falling into number 1 as well. If all you can talk about is Star Wars and coding, you're going to struggle making friends, and you're going to struggle showing a girl that you're worth chasing.

4. Smart guys complain about how smart they are, and how nobody else likes them. It doesn't matter if you're Einstein, nobody likes someone who whines all the time. You could be a genius, and have everything else going for you, but if you don't believe in yourself, how will anybody else believe in you?

There, those are 4 good reasons why someone who is male would struggle with the opposite sex.

................................................................................................
I'll give you the reason why men struggle with women!
They have had mothers who struggled with them and the child
hated their mothers sometimes for good reason.
They have never forgiven their mothers and will never stop struggling
with women until they do.
Good advice plain and simple.