Nightclubs

[criminalhaysoos]

I'm a college junior and I go to school in Albany, NY. I occasionally get so lonely that I go out to clubs to go dancing and hopefully meet other people. I came to realize that I enjoyed this activity as the music and the dancing was like a drug to me. I would forget about assignments due or any other problems. I would feel attractive and sexy and guys would actually talk to me (mind you I do not dress provocatively if you are thinking this). I met this one guy who seemed really nice and from the impression he left on me, he wanted to take me out on a date. Long story short, it didn't work out, so I went out another weekend searching, hoping that I would meet someone. If not, I would just enjoy the music and dance solo. Does anyone else do this? It's starting to seem like a dead end. These probably aren't the best places to meet people in general. But it's the atmosphere that gets me. Any suggestions on other places to enjoy myself other than a club or the confines of my dorm room? The clubs on my campus are not that great. Much appreciated.

 

[route95]

Yay glad you find something you like! I know for me clubbing has the opposite effect (I hate the feeling of men praying on me and trying to touch me inappropriately), but it works really well for you. I think that continuing to go every so often would be good. Would you be willing to go to a bar? I've had friends go to places alone (bars, lounges) and make some really good friends.

Also for something outside of that scene...how is the Meetup.com scene in Albany? Since the clubs at your school suck maybe you could turn to off campus organizations.

Good luck!

 

[Naleena]

Dancing is a great way to work off stress. Have fun! I wouldn't suggest you skip your school work though and yes, I used to go dancing twice or three times a week. I loved it and still do.

 

[ForwardMarch]

I used to do what you are doing. Quite a bit. I had drinking buddies at first, then I moved to another city and didn't know anyone. I continued to go out, except alone. I did meet some new people, but it was extremely rare. Then again, I'm not outgoing at all, and I do not dance. I just drink, chain-smoke, and look unapproachable. I suppose I was hoping someone was going to be dumb enough not to notice. The point is that when I went out at night alone, I usually wished that I hadn't.
If you are going alone, it really is best to have at least one person to go with. It doesn't even have to be a friend. Just a person that you know that also likes to go out.

I wish I knew something better to do. In my new town there is very little to do, and even less for me because I don't know anyone. I have just taken to driving aimlessly up and down the street, stopping at the bookstore, thinking of going in, not doing so, and then leaving. With music. That's the best I can come up with. Really.

If you do know people, why don't you just hang out with them in general? If you are lonely, having a job (if you do not already and your schedule allows for it) would at least alleviate that.

 

[criminalhaysoos]

Yay glad you find something you like! I know for me clubbing has the opposite effect (I hate the feeling of men praying on me and trying to touch me inappropriately), but it works really well for you. I think that continuing to go every so often would be good. Would you be willing to go to a bar? I've had friends go to places alone (bars, lounges) and make some really good friends.

Also for something outside of that scene...how is the Meetup.com scene in Albany? Since the clubs at your school suck maybe you could turn to off campus organizations.

Good luck!

I would go to a bar. I've never been because I'm not of age. I don't really know anyone who could chalk my ID, which is big here in NY. You can alter your ID to make it look like you're over 21, despite the big UNDER 21 on the side of your picture. I don't know anyone who would by alcohol for me either and I don't drink like that. I would love to try different drinks but if I have no one to watch after me, that's a big no no. As for meetup.com...I never tried that. Thanks for the link.

---

I used to do what you are doing. Quite a bit. I had drinking buddies at first, then I moved to another city and didn't know anyone. I continued to go out, except alone. I did meet some new people, but it was extremely rare. Then again, I'm not outgoing at all, and I do not dance. I just drink, chain-smoke, and look unapproachable. I suppose I was hoping someone was going to be dumb enough not to notice. The point is that when I went out at night alone, I usually wished that I hadn't.
If you are going alone, it really is best to have at least one person to go with. It doesn't even have to be a friend. Just a person that you know that also likes to go out.

I wish I knew something better to do. In my new town there is very little to do, and even less for me because I don't know anyone. I have just taken to driving aimlessly up and down the street, stopping at the bookstore, thinking of going in, not doing so, and then leaving. With music. That's the best I can come up with. Really.

If you do know people, why don't you just hang out with them in general? If you are lonely, having a job (if you do not already and your schedule allows for it) would at least alleviate that.

The problem with getting people to go with me is that they all conveniently forget. I make plans with them. I give out my number and they never call. And this is with people that I've known for quite some time, too. So I'm like f*** it. I'll go by myself. Half the time, these girls are scared to go out by themselves. I realize the safety issue, but I don't mind it. I like the thrill. This is the reason why I don't reach out to people. They tend to let me down and feign interest in doing stuff together. It ALWAYS happens. It happened yesterday. I was supposed to go out with a "friend" and I called. Nothing. I wish I had a job, but I'm taking a lot of credits this semester. I'm too lazy to work on the weekends. lol. But I volunteer during the week. I would love to go driving. If I had a car, I would do that all the time, provided I could provide funds for gas.

 

[ForwardMarch]

I guess you are just getting tired of the same old thing. I'm a guy, so I don't not go out alone because I'm scared. I'm just uncomfortable to be by myself in a place where everyone seems to be in pairs or groups, because I know that it can look creepy. I guess if you are alone in a place like that, people ask themselves why it is you are alone, and generally decide that there must be something seriously wrong with you, or you are up to no good.

If you don't get that feeling, though, then I'd say just do what you are doing. Maybe try some different clubs. Try to get acquainted with the people there, and maybe in the future they will meet you there again or even somewhere else.
Maybe the people that you are asking to go with you are not the type that would normally want to go out anyway.

Volunteering is a fine and noble endeavor. I would do that, myself, if there were any local causes that I could get behind. But there are not.

 

[criminalhaysoos]

I guess you are just getting tired of the same old thing. I'm a guy, so I don't not go out alone because I'm scared. I'm just uncomfortable to be by myself in a place where everyone seems to be in pairs or groups, because I know that it can look creepy. I guess if you are alone in a place like that, people ask themselves why it is you are alone, and generally decide that there must be something seriously wrong with you, or you are up to no good.

If you don't get that feeling, though, then I'd say just do what you are doing. Maybe try some different clubs. Try to get acquainted with the people there, and maybe in the future they will meet you there again or even somewhere else.
Maybe the people that you are asking to go with you are not the type that would normally want to go out anyway.

Volunteering is a fine and noble endeavor. I would do that, myself, if there were any local causes that I could get behind. But there are not.

You are correct about the feeling of being in a place where there are mostly groups of people and you're by yourself. I try not to mind it. The people who I ask to go out with go out all the time. They put their pictures on facebook. I guess they'd rather not go out with me. That's fine. Where are you located if you don't mind my asking?

 

[ForwardMarch]

I don't mind. I usually don't stay in one place very long. Right now I am just outside of Memphis.

That's just crummy of them. It happens to me, too. Once or twice is possibly normal, but if it's more than that I just feel like I'm not wanted around. If it wasn't for things like Facebook it would be easier to ignore that little bit of salt in the wound that is other people having such a damned good time. And they continue to do so after college. Every weekend.
So I just stopped looking.

 

[DayvanCowboy]

I like nightclubs a little more than pubs/bars since the quality of music tends to be better and there are not too many loud *********s. Don't get me wrong, nightclubs do have their fair share of guys with faux hawks wearing popped collars and their favorite beer is Corona (pukes), but that gets easily ignored by dancing, talking, and watching the nice looking ladies.

For myself it was a dead end though. Well, more like a phase.

Then for the past 5-6 months I assembled a group and met some people who didn't really care much for the club life. Sure, going to pubs after work or for 'pre-gaming' is fine, but the best thing for myself was going to a live show. You get to meet others who have a lot more in common and you really get to network and find some people that will be absolutely worth your time to know. Go see live music and concerts. Support the arts and meet open minded and free spirited people. There are lots of them out there.

 

[criminalhaysoos]

I like nightclubs a little more than pubs/bars since the quality of music tends to be better and there are not too many loud *********s. Don't get me wrong, nightclubs do have their fair share of guys with faux hawks wearing popped collars and their favorite beer is Corona (pukes), but that gets easily ignored by dancing, talking, and watching the nice looking ladies.

For myself it was a dead end though. Well, more like a phase.

Then for the past 5-6 months I assembled a group and met some people who didn't really care much for the club life. Sure, going to pubs after work or for 'pre-gaming' is fine, but the best thing for myself was going to a live show. You get to meet others who have a lot more in common and you really get to network and find some people that will be absolutely worth your time to know. Go see live music and concerts. Support the arts and meet open minded and free spirited people. There are lots of them out there.

I am grateful for all suggestions :0)