Regrets.
I didn't live the life I wanted to, but I wasn't sure if it was even possible for me to get good enough to be able to.
Nothing ever seemed to come to me naturally, so I had no idea what kind of person I was supposed to be.
I had OCD, catastrophizing/obsessing, low self-image, and pessimism/negativity.
I just didn't understand how things worked in real time, like most other people seemed to, instinctively.
Other people just seemed to "get" what to think, say, and do, without being told.
They didn't have to think about "why". They just did it.
Or, maybe they instinctively knew why.
I never did the "right" things because I thought I didn't have strong enough traits, and strong enough instincts/the right kind of mind and personality, to do it.
It was like I managed to both overthink, and underthink, at the same time.