Questions for the Men

[eris]

Thanks everyone I can always come to ALL for good advice


Vanilla-

It kind of sounds like he likes you. With the mood swings, IDK, maybe he is moody- OR maybe he LIKES you, and it is something that ping-pongs in his brain, and he doesnt know how to react, because he doesnt know what he wants.

Or, maybe he sees you as a best friend and right now he just NEEDS to be a little flaky and he thinks that you are the one person that can take it.

Either way, he obviously cares about you. I think you should tell him he is being annoying, but continue with the support.


Oh, wait, nevermind. Im not a guy

 

[VanillaCreme]

I wouldn't say counseling is needed, but talking about it with him, maybe one cool night over dinner, might help him calm down.

 

[eris]

these converstations we have about these things... they go in circles.

Possessive ? Maybe. He really doesnt like the fact that I am Bi. He thinks he isnt "enough"

I wish I could tell him how wrong he is, and he would BELIEVE it.

It is not "too bad" I can take it. I just hope HE feels secure in our relationship

 

[VanillaCreme]

Do you think he supposes you have a female? If it bothers him you're bi, maybe he thinks there's a girl somewhere.

And I don't think he likes me. He's going through this whole thing with his ex, who left him to have a girlfriend. Apparently she lied to him about wanting to be with him, but then she had a girlfriend two days later. And he claimed he didn't want to deal with her anymore, but they talked the other day, and blah blah blah. Yet, he had something negative to say about me talking to my ex.

 

[eris]

everything kind of bothers him. I think he thinks of all kinds of horrible things that he thinks could happen. I kind of have to be carefull of what I saw about other people being attractive or he gets kind of pouty. I want to make it clear that he would NEVER hit me or stalk me or anything like that... I think he just loves me too much...

Vanilla - Yeah, this thing with his ex has got him all screwy. He will probably say some annoying things. I think he cares about you as a friend, and he is just going though something. I wish you all the best

 

[VanillaCreme]

My ex use to get pissed off if I ever said someone else was attractive. To him, it was always me wanting to be with them. Which, I can understand being a bit jealous, but he said things about other females that I didn't like him saying, and he never cared. I was always the one overreacting. I hope your husband eventually understands and believes what you tell him, that you'd never leave him and that you do love him, because trust me, if he doesn't, it can drive a wedge between two people like nothing else in this world.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

I think he just loves me too much...

not a good sign. for multiple reasons. some people are ok with things like that, eris. but others are not.

i remember reading your post in the "five people thread" where you said "i like talking to you and would fresia you" over and over... i don't think i would be ok with my significant other typing, saying, thinking, implying, or joking like that. whether it's 'true' or not, or would 'happen' or not, wouldn't really be the issue for me. it would be more of a judgment thing about a person's 'need' to say and do things like that and how it showed her lack of consideration for me and for overall modesty or sanctity of our intimacy.

good luck to you both.

 

[eris]

I am an EXTREMELY sexual person. I think about it constantly, and I need an outlet. I am "hypersexual". I dont like it, but it is ALWAYS on my mind. ALWAYS. I just joke with people. It is just joking, and he probably does the same thing. I think about doing things all the time. I think about all sorts of crazy, weird, fetish, effed up, sexual stuff. It is actually a part of my personality disorder. I dont know how to turn it off. I talk about burning buildings down, too. Im not going to burn anything down.

We have been together almost 4 years. I cant just only think about him for the rest of my life. I dont know how to do that. I wish I could. I dont know how. I would never even talk to someone one-on-one on the internet about sex if it wasnt objective or a joke.

And what I actually said in the 5 PPL thread is, "Yes, I would have sex with you, and I like talking to you, but dont take anything I say too seriously. I kind of thought that it implied it was a joke.

I understand where you are coming from, though.

Its not a perfect relationship. But I would NEVER cheat on him. In fact, I have never cheated on anyone in my whole life.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

And what I actually said in the 5 PPL thread is, "Yes, I would have sex with you, and I like talking to you, but dont take anything I say too seriously. I kind of thought that it implied it was a joke.

there's an ounce of truth in every lie and an ounce of pain in every joke.

your husband may be like me. i read into things. at times, i overanalyze things. but it's just where i come from. where i grew up, a "look" wasn't just a "look", a "look" could get your ass kicked or shot. in my house, a "comment" wasn't just a "comment", a "comment" could get your ass beaten viciously. so i learned early on to closely monitor what i say and that when i say something it should be well thought out. unfortunately, one of the consequences of growing up in such a fashion is that i often think more about what others say and do, than they themselves do. and oftentimes thoughtlessness is perceived by me as cruelty or disrespect aimed at me. veiled. disguised. a message.

for the record, i don't want you to think i am coming after you this morning. it's just that i had a visceral, almost jealouslike, response to your comment in the five person thread, in which i could empathetically understand how reading something like that or hearing something like that from my significant other could set me off.

again, as with most things, it is rarely a question of intentions, it is usually a question of judgment and consideration.

you seem like a faithful person, and you genuinely crack me up. you seem like good people. but, again with my upbringing (which was brutal), i learned that what we say and do will be closely scrutanized by those around us, especially our significant others. so, like said above, it's about judgment and consideration. and i would think that my significant other was trying to make me jealous by constantly mentioning the fact that she was bi or the fact that she was attracted to other people or my joking in a sexual manner.

although this isn't to criticize you. i am likely the one who is damaged goods there. my first love was bi and destroyed my soul for five years...

you've got to nip this in the bud though. he needs to either trust you or not. this in between place is not healthy. i hope you two can get this solved.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I understand what JSD is saying. Because I joke about stuff like that too. However, I'm single, so it doesn't really have an impact on anyone. Your husband may think it's more serious than you just joking. Almost like a, "Why would she even say that?" kind of thing.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

Almost like a, "Why would she even say that?" kind of thing.

bingo

 

[eris]

you know, this place is my fantasy life

it is the EXTENT of my fantasy life.

I have NEVER even ATTEMPTED to ever TALK to someone seriously about sex

This IS TOTALLY OUT OF THE BLUE

I DID NOT ASK FOR ADVICE, OR COMMENTS ABOUT THIS


SO , until youve been married for almost four years and you know exactly what my intensions are, please, MYOB

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

you know, this place is my fantasy life

it is the EXTENT of my fantasy life.

I have NEVER even ATTEMPTED to ever TALK to someone seriously about sex

This IS TOTALLY OUT OF THE BLUE

I DID NOT ASK FOR ADVICE, OR COMMENTS ABOUT THIS


SO , until youve been married for almost four years and you know exactly what my intensions are, please, MYOB

it's not a fantasy life, eris

it's you on the internet with real pictures of yourself, real pictures of your husband, making comments about your hypersexuality, saying you want to have sex with people, calling people hot, offering to gage the size of stranger's penises, and so on...

it's real. it's really happening.

then you VERY REALLY posted saying your VERY REAL HUSBAND is clingy and seems to have issues with you and not trust you and thinks you might be unfaithful. i took the time to respond thoughtfully and without condeming you, and this is the response i get.

*mod edit* It's not necessary to say that.

 

[eris]

*mod edit* It's not necessary to say that.

word.


No, its NOT real. NONE OF THIS IS REALLY HAPPENEING

I am in Pennsylvania. I am in my bedroom, my husband is in the other room

Honestly, I think someone who is married to someone who only jokes with people about sex on the internet got a pretty good deal.


I would understand if I was posting provocative pics or initiating cybersex. but Im not, and that is what you are insinuating. In fact, I dont think I even posted a full body shot, and my husband ASKED for me to post all of his stuff, including his pic.

I dont know WHAT my husband thinks. That is why I posted the question. He is insecure because I am bisexual. These are OUR issues. not YOURS.

I know you dont know this, but he lurks here sometimes with my account.

I think if he had a problem he would say something.


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.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

*mod edit* It's not necessary to say that.

word.


No, its NOT real. NONE OF THIS IS REALLY HAPPENEING

I am in Pennsylvania. I am in my bedroom, my husband is in the other room

Honestly, I think someone who is married to someone who only jokes with people about sex on the internet got a pretty good deal.


I would understand if I was posting provocative pics or initiating cybersex. but Im not, and that is what you are insinuating. In fact, I dont think I even posted a full body shot, and my husband ASKED for me to post all of his stuff, including his pic.

I dont know WHAT my husband thinks. That is why I posted the question. He is insecure because I am bisexual. These are OUR issues. not YOURS.

I know you dont know this, but he lurks here sometimes with my account.

I think if he had a problem he would say something.


.




.

fair enough, eris.

sorry to have bothered you with my input. it won't happen again.

it's clear to see you've got things under control.

 

[Badjedidude]

Just for gits and shiggles and WHAT THE fresia value:

[img=330x300]http://img815.imageshack.us/img815/965/wtf5.jpg[/img]

 

[VanillaCreme]

Why are men so... so... eh.

I don't even know. I don't know what to think anymore. I think my friend likes me. He said to me today that he thinks someone has a crush. So I asked him who he thought had a crush. He said, "You." So, then I asked him who he thought I had a crush on. His reply...

"Me."

(no)

Really? I don't like anyone. And for good reasons. He's been acting like I'm his girlfriend for about a week or so now, and I just brushed the whole attitude off.

Why are guys like this... If he likes me, he can just tell me. It's not a big deal. (no)

 

[rothniel]

Ugh...well, Vanilla, I can tell you from personal experience that that's not just a male phenomenon, though many men do seem to be a lot bolder about it.
I suggest ripping the bandaid off quickly rather than slowly. A polite but direct refusal is gentler than a vague answer. The guy sounds pretty arrogant so maybe he needs to be taken down a peg or two.

 

[A Desolate Soul]

Why are men so... so... eh.

I don't even know. I don't know what to think anymore. I think my friend likes me. He said to me today that he thinks someone has a crush. So I asked him who he thought had a crush. He said, "You." So, then I asked him who he thought I had a crush on. His reply...

"Me."

(no)

Really? I don't like anyone. And for good reasons. He's been acting like I'm his girlfriend for about a week or so now, and I just brushed the whole attitude off.

Why are guys like this... If he likes me, he can just tell me. It's not a big deal. (no)

How close is this guy friend of yours to you? sometimes guys just get clingy especially if you two get along so well to the point you're inseparable. happened to me, and it sucked. i learned a lot from it though and now have strict rules about being friends with girls I'm attracted to. anyways, from my perspective it seems like his reasoning is "maybe if i act like her boyfriend, she'll start to like me" which is a big no-no because girls don't work like that. he probably doesn't want to tell you straight up he likes you because of the fear of rejection (which is very common in guys). as far as i'm concerned, as soon as one develops feelings for the other, the friendship is already over or will never be the same. it's unfortunate but true :/

 

[VanillaCreme]

I've only known him for a few months. So, I don't know how close you could get to someone to that extent in just a couple of months. We really started talking to each other in the past two weeks or so. We're actually on Skype right now, and he's asking who I'm typing to lol. I didn't know I type that loud. :s

For now, I suppose I should just ignore it. Or just look over whatever I think he's thinking. Because I don't really know.