Questions for the Men

[cheaptrickfan]

My strategy is to first become friends. If i know a person, than i know what to expect.

That's a good strategy, I think.

 

[Daan]

Yeah, but i am too slow. I am dancing at the moment, because i had to do something next to my unemployment. And i used to go out a lot with my friends to discos to dance. But, they only have house music in my city and my friends have become dull. So, now i am dancing at a dance school. Me with a bunch of women and sometimes another guy. I had no intention whatsoever to go there to score girls, just wanted to do something about my loneliness. But, it appeared that some of these girls where attracted to me. But, it is the dance teacher, she is a girl in her twenties and very 'outgoing' (don't know the english word). And she is beautiful. But, i didn't talk with her. I mostly talk with the others. But what happened is that she got jealous and showed in an aggressive way. I was suffering from a start of a depression, feeling very melancholic and sad, and so i didn't went to talk with her after the lessons. But, everybody there new what was going on. And now the situation is pretty awkward.

 

[carabelle]

Here's a question:

If a guy seems really interested in you when he's with you, and also when he does text you, BUT he always takes forever to reply to texts, what does that generally mean?

 

[ShybutHi]

Here's a question:

If a guy seems really interested in you when he's with you, and also when he does text you, BUT he always takes forever to reply to texts, what does that generally mean?

Either hes extremely lousy at texting, doesnt have credit most of the time or perhaps doesnt like texting when hes among friends. I dont really know but i doubt hes trying to avoid texting you if he enjoys your company.

 

[carabelle]

Here's a question:

If a guy seems really interested in you when he's with you, and also when he does text you, BUT he always takes forever to reply to texts, what does that generally mean?

Either hes extremely lousy at texting, doesnt have credit most of the time or perhaps doesnt like texting when hes among friends. I dont really know but i doubt hes trying to avoid texting you if he enjoys your company.

I hope that's the case. I know it's just a little thing but I always find it hard to believe that someone would like me in a more serious way, so...one little thing like that and BAM, I assume that he has no interest in me at all, contrary to any opposing evidence.

 

[ShybutHi]

Here's a question:

If a guy seems really interested in you when he's with you, and also when he does text you, BUT he always takes forever to reply to texts, what does that generally mean?

Either hes extremely lousy at texting, doesnt have credit most of the time or perhaps doesnt like texting when hes among friends. I dont really know but i doubt hes trying to avoid texting you if he enjoys your company.

I hope that's the case. I know it's just a little thing but I always find it hard to believe that someone would like me in a more serious way, so...one little thing like that and BAM, I assume that he has no interest in me at all, contrary to any opposing evidence.

I know its very hard but if you like him perhaps ask him if he wants to just hang out sometime? Ofcourse it really depends on the social situation but if hes actualy friendly with you when your around each other, if he smiles at you and you can laugh when in each others company, im sure he would probably take you up on the offer.

Is he a shy person? Perhaps he actually likes you but hes too shy to flirt or show any kind of affection or maybe because he likes you he may avoid a situation that would put him at unease.

Theres a girl i quite like she offered for me to go in to where she works and say hi when im near but i never have because im a shy guy and i would feel really uncomfortable.

 

[carabelle]

Here's a question:

If a guy seems really interested in you when he's with you, and also when he does text you, BUT he always takes forever to reply to texts, what does that generally mean?

Either hes extremely lousy at texting, doesnt have credit most of the time or perhaps doesnt like texting when hes among friends. I dont really know but i doubt hes trying to avoid texting you if he enjoys your company.

I hope that's the case. I know it's just a little thing but I always find it hard to believe that someone would like me in a more serious way, so...one little thing like that and BAM, I assume that he has no interest in me at all, contrary to any opposing evidence.

I know its very hard but if you like him perhaps ask him if he wants to just hang out sometime? Ofcourse it really depends on the social situation but if hes actualy friendly with you when your around each other, if he smiles at you and you can laugh when in each others company, im sure he would probably take you up on the offer.

That's exactly what I want to do. The deal is, we've known each other since November when we met at a party, we then became friends around Januaryish, took it to a much more flirty level in april/may, and then at the beginning of July established that we're not just friends. We've admitted we have romantic feelings for one another, but because we're not exactly part of the same friendship group, we only see each other at parties. At the last couple of these parties, we've ended up spending the night together (not going as far as sex) and we spent a lot of this time just talking and laughing too. I've been with players, and he doesn't seem like one at all, although my paranoia still makes me wonder.

The fact that we do not see each other on a regular basis because we don't live really close to each other or socialise in the same circles, means that to bring the relationship foward I'm going to have to outright ask if he wants to hang out. I'm really scared to do that because I don't want to drive him away, and I don't know how he'll respond. He has kind of hinted at it before, but it's hard to know whether this is in a serious way or not.

Because in between seeing each other on person, we're relying completely on texting really, that's why I'm worried that he takes ages to text back. It was like this at the beginning, but then it would get to the point where mostly we'd exchange a few texts in a day, but now he usually doesn't respond for two days. I sometimes don't either, but usually I do.

Sorry if I'm going on a lot. I just don't really know what to do next. I feel like I'm at a loss.

 

[ShybutHi]

Ah i see the predicament now. Well maybe he felt it was going nowhere so hes stopped texting so often. Is he shy type of person? If you really want to see this guy again i would just go for it, text or ring him and ask if he wants to hang out sometime and arrange a time and place. Its quite possible that he thinks nothing is going to come of it but if it was a relationship perhaps he would be willing to travel.

The situation may very well either be he will slowely lose interest because of the distance problem or you show that you really want to meet up with him. Hmmm its a hard one.

 

[epic fale boy]

Here's a question:

If a guy seems really interested in you when he's with you, and also when he does text you, BUT he always takes forever to reply to texts, what does that generally mean?

lmao it probably means he really likes you, but isn't the sort of person who treats texts like they're priorities... edited with apologies for the tone, but seriously.. just taking a while to reply is not so bad - They DO reply, that's the thing.

(there's really no offence intended, I think it's a guy/girl thing... although I've met a couple of guys who did the same thing.. but they weren't.. well... and the other thing is if the guy's on a Pay-as-you-text plan he might not have loads of credit, so he's having to manage how much texting he does).

 

[carabelle]

Ah i see the predicament now. Well maybe he felt it was going nowhere so hes stopped texting so often. Is he shy type of person? If you really want to see this guy again i would just go for it, text or ring him and ask if he wants to hang out sometime and arrange a time and place. Its quite possible that he thinks nothing is going to come of it but if it was a relationship perhaps he would be willing to travel.

The situation may very well either be he will slowely lose interest because of the distance problem or you show that you really want to meet up with him. Hmmm its a hard one.

I wouldn't say he's shy, but he does seem like he probably doesn't often open up to people (which is just like me) - I've drawn this conclusion from the way he acts and what he says, as well as the fact that he did tell me he doesn't like to open up too much about himself (but that he does to me). So that could have something to do. You wouldn't know it from what I've said, but I'm actually a complete commitment-phobe, and have many a time during the time I've known him felt like running away, and not contacted him for a while because of it. But I feel like there's something worthwhile here, and I do want to spend time with him, so I want to make a go of it, despite my fears.

We don't live that far apart - about 45 minutes drive, but I don't drive. I think he does but I'm not sure. The reason we know each other and get invited to the same parties in the first place is because we go to the same college, which is pretty much equal distance between us. And we're both going back in September.

Hmm it is tricky. I think I should just ask him, there's a party thing which a couple of guys I know want me to help plan with them, and I can invite him to that as a first step, maybe. I just don't really know when's the right time to ask to just hang out on our own - surely I should wait until (if) we're texting each other more frequently before asking, right? But then I worry that if I wait I'll lose my chance.

Oh and, I didn't see the part of your reply where you said you were too shy to go and say hi to a girl at work at first, sorry about that. But, I think if she's asked you to say hi, you should! Maybe think of other things to say before, so you don't have to worry too much?

 

[ShybutHi]

Hmm it is tricky. I think I should just ask him, there's a party thing which a couple of guys I know want me to help plan with them, and I can invite him to that as a first step, maybe. I just don't really know when's the right time to ask to just hang out on our own - surely I should wait until (if) we're texting each other more frequently before asking, right? But then I worry that if I wait I'll lose my chance.

Oh and, I didn't see the part of your reply where you said you were too shy to go and say hi to a girl at work at first, sorry about that. But, I think if she's asked you to say hi, you should! Maybe think of other things to say before, so you don't have to worry too much?

Go for it, ask him if he wants to go and talk to him, seem interested, seem like you enjoy his company and im guessing you genuinely do anyway so that shouldnt be a problem. Dont rely on texting to make a move, texting isnt a good way to judge if someone really likes you or not and to be honest its not really that good to use as a flirting service i also think most guys are really not that bothered with texting as much as girls (seems that way anyway) I think if you really like him you should just tell him that you would like to hang out more.


That thing to do with seeing that girl i like at work... i guess i really dont seem like it on here but i am actually a VERY shy guy, sometimes im almost mute, i have social anxiety and sometimes get very nervous so going to see a girl at work and trying to have a convo is VERY VERY hard for me. Partially because i dont know her that well at all really and there could very well be other people right there who i dont know because she works at a shop.

I thought about it alot, especially because its just in the town where i go to often and walk past the shop quite often, but im just too darn shy.

 

[Mr. Blue]

Take chances! Life is short...don't leave them on balconies overlooking an electric city, in an over priced restaurant where they serve pity as readily as 30 dollar glasses of vino. Ok...I need to let that one go.

 

[André]

i think he wants to go out with me (as friends), to hand out. But since I have no friends, I don't know what to say... But it'll be probally to hang out[/align]

 

[eris]

HERE IS A QUESTION FOR THE GUYS


My husband is really up my ass. no, really. up my ass. We spend almost every waking minute together that he is not at work. He often does not go out with friends because , he says, he would rather be with me. When he does go out with friends it is like to a restaraunt for 2 hours, or something similar.

I love him, I do. but it gets annoying sometimes.

he said something really REALLY wierd to me.

he said:

"I hope you know I wouldnt leave you if you cheated on me" and he had the most serious look on his face.

and lately he asks me what I am thinking about every 5 minutes or so.

I really dont think that he is acting guilty, or something. He waited until marriage to have sex, and he wouldnt have had time to cheat on me, anyway...

what I want to know is WHAT THE **** DOES THIS MEAN

really

Does he think Im going to cheat on him ?

Why is he so cling-ey ?

.

 

[Drcynic]

He could be terribly insecure. Or he just may not know how to express his affection for you in any other way. My guess is he's just insecure with himself. He would do anything to hold onto you and doesn't realize he's pushing you away. My advice is you must tell him to give you a bit more space and that it's not healthy to be so clingy.

 

[eris]

He could be terribly insecure. Or he just may not know how to express his affection for you in any other way. My guess is he's just insecure with himself. He would do anything to hold onto you and doesn't realize he's pushing you away. My advice is you must tell him to give you a bit more space and that it's not healthy to be so clingy.

I do think he is insecure. I dont know why he would be, but he is. I have told him this many, many times... I have told him he is clingy. I have told him I need more space.

When I tell him I need some space I can see the pain in his face. I try not to say that anymore.

We have been married 3 and a half years.

It seems to be getting worse, though

When he goes somewhere, he calls me every few hours.

He is CONSTANTLY asking me what I am thinking.

I think he thinks I am thinking of cheating on him, because he has said that a few times now. "I wouldnt leave you if you cheated on me"

I would never cheat on him.

but... he could NEVER push me away. Never.

I just wish he would....calm down.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Yea, Eris, I would suggest to tell him that it bothers you he's being so clingy. I mean, it's nice to spend time with someone you love. But you gotta breathe too. And I don't mean breathing in his skin flakes and hair follicles all the time. Of course, you know him better, and can word it in a way that won't hurt his feelings.

And while this thread is popped up... I had a question as well.

I know every guy is different, but guys confuse me as to what they want. He's not my boyfriend or a love interest or anything, but my friend sometimes acts like I don't give him enough attention. But then he spins around, and acts like I bother him.

And I'm kind of stuck as to how to... treat him? Should I back off or should I just keep doing what I do? It's almost 4 AM here, and he woke me up a few hours ago around midnight, with - no lie - about 20 text messages in a row. I HAD to wake up hearing "NEW MESSAGE" "NEW MESSAGE" "NEW MESSAGE" 20 times. :|

What's wrong with guys? :|

 

[Drcynic]

I dunno what's wrong with guys. I have no real time dating experience. Just my girl in Sydney. He might be just moody. Just keep your own course and let it be.

 

[VanillaCreme]

When I tell him I need some space I can see the pain in his face. I try not to say that anymore.

We have been married 3 and a half years.

It seems to be getting worse, though

When he goes somewhere, he calls me every few hours.

He is CONSTANTLY asking me what I am thinking.

Sounds like to me, he's becoming a bit possessive. And I don't know if it's out him simply loving a whopping lot... or if it's something more mentally of him trying to make sure you don't go anywhere. Not sure what to suggest on that one. My ex was possessive, but he was a butthole too. It doesn't sound like your husband is a butthole. Maybe he wants to tell you something, but doesn't know how.

 

[Drcynic]

He could be terribly insecure. Or he just may not know how to express his affection for you in any other way. My guess is he's just insecure with himself. He would do anything to hold onto you and doesn't realize he's pushing you away. My advice is you must tell him to give you a bit more space and that it's not healthy to be so clingy.

I do think he is insecure. I dont know why he would be, but he is. I have told him this many, many times... I have told him he is clingy. I have told him I need more space.

When I tell him I need some space I can see the pain in his face. I try not to say that anymore.

We have been married 3 and a half years.

It seems to be getting worse, though

When he goes somewhere, he calls me every few hours.

He is CONSTANTLY asking me what I am thinking.

I think he thinks I am thinking of cheating on him, because he has said that a few times now. "I wouldnt leave you if you cheated on me"

I would never cheat on him.

but... he could NEVER push me away. Never.

I just wish he would....calm down.

Have you asked him if that's what he thinks? If you haven't, I suggest you do so. If you have, then I suggest possibly looking into marraige counseling.