Questions for the Men

[Oldyoung]

Not sure if this question has been asked before, but I'll just go ahead and ask:

In the scenario that you have a woman in your life, you start planning for a family and start having kids. Do you guys prefer your woman to continue working after her maternity leave ends or do you prefer for her to stop working and take care of your child(ren)? This is not considering how she would feel about this. What would you prefer for yourself?

The best thing for me, was if she'd not have 9-5 job but still have something to preoccupy herself with other than just housework and childcare. That one parent has a flexible time-schedule would just make everything much easier. At least for as long as kids are fairly small. And for egoistic reasons, I'd feel like she was committed to me, and trusted me, if she chose to stay home.

At the same time though, if the support systems (kindergarten etc) are there, there's no reason she shouldn't work. No wonder people do not want kids if they have to turn their lives upside down to accommodate that change.

And I guess if I wanted to start a family, I'd rather do it together with someone who puts family first, career second.

 

[blackdot]

Since I mentioned it, how do you guys feel about kids or "ready made families"?

By "ready made families" do you mean women who already have kids?
I won't date someone that has been married before and especially someone that already has kids. I want a kid of my own, not 2 other people's kid.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Since I mentioned it, how do you guys feel about kids or "ready made families"?

By "ready made families" do you mean women who already have kids?
I won't date someone that has been married before and especially someone that already has kids. I want a kid of my own, not 2 other people's kid.

You are just narrowing down your options doing that but each to their own I guess.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Since I mentioned it, how do you guys feel about kids or "ready made families"?

By "ready made families" do you mean women who already have kids?
I won't date someone that has been married before and especially someone that already has kids. I want a kid of my own, not 2 other people's kid.

I can totally understand that. Don't know if it would be a deal breaker, but if a guy had kids, I'd be more cautious of stuff.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Since I mentioned it, how do you guys feel about kids or "ready made families"?

By "ready made families" do you mean women who already have kids?
I won't date someone that has been married before and especially someone that already has kids. I want a kid of my own, not 2 other people's kid.

I also wouldn't want to get involved with someone who has kids, but that's because I don't care to raise children. I can't say dating someone who's been married is a problem for me (if I become interested in dating anyone, that is). I'm curious as to why it's an issue for you.

 

[NightHawkJohn]

Since I mentioned it, how do you guys feel about kids or "ready made families"?

I don't have a problem with it, i could quite happily see myself caring just as much for her and her kids as well.

Obviously if that is what she wants also, but i would not let it stop me being with someone i cared for.

 

[Xpendable]

I don't feel I should be fixing things. So is a no.

 

[TheRealCallie]

To the guys saying they wouldn't because they don't want to raise someone else's kids. You wouldn't necessarily be raising them, you would just have to be a role model to them.

 

[Xpendable]

Not to mention the extra money you have to spend on them.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Not to mention the extra money you have to spend on them.

 

[Paraiyar]

To the guys saying they wouldn't because they don't want to raise someone else's kids. You wouldn't necessarily be raising them, you would just have to be a role model to them.

Still not interested.

 

[NightHawkJohn]

To me love is something that flows naturally all these rules and things you will and wont don't seem a little mad, if you love someone how could it be hard to care about their kids as well as callie said being a role model and helping with those things just seems natural to me.

Maybe i am just a romantic fool.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I am ok with guys choosing to reject me because of my kids. Helps me weed them out.

 

[TheRealCallie]

To the guys saying they wouldn't because they don't want to raise someone else's kids. You wouldn't necessarily be raising them, you would just have to be a role model to them.

Still not interested.

I wasn't trying to change your mind or anything, just clarifying things. It's fine if you don't want to, I can totally understand it. Just wanted to point out that single mothers aren't usually looking to replace the bio dad.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I am ok with guys choosing to reject me because of my kids. Helps me weed them out.

Mhm, I agree

 

[TheSkaFish]

Since I mentioned it, how do you guys feel about kids or "ready made families"?

To the guys saying they wouldn't because they don't want to raise someone else's kids. You wouldn't necessarily be raising them, you would just have to be a role model to them.

This is a question which I've been thinking about the older I get. More and more women left in the dating pool seem to have kids already. I have a soft spot for animals but kids, I don't know. They've never really appealed to me. I know it sounds bad but I've always NOT wanted kids so that I could have nice things, or that when things break I could get them fixed or replaced right away.

My answer is that a woman would really have to show me she could enhance my life for me to consider it. I wouldn't be overjoyed about it, but willing to consider it if I felt that this woman was special. This could sway my decision because it is very rare that I meet someone who really strikes me, and I would have to think twice before discarding someone like that for any reason because I'd never know if I'd meet someone like that again.

The role model thing, I don't know. I mean, I don't do anything that bad and never really have, so if that is what you mean then it isn't anything different than what I do anyway. I guess I'd have to know more about what that really means and what would be expected of me.

My big question though, is who is expected to pay the kid(s) expenses? This would probably be either the deal-maker or deal-breaker.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Well personally, for me. I have been supporting them myself for this long. Why would I stop? Also, given that most guys my age don't seem to work or depend on work (oilfield, etc) that is never guaranteed, I personally wouldn't rely on them to help with my living expenses, let alone with the kids'.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Also, is being a decent person around kids in general too much to ask? Lol

 

[TheSkaFish]

Well personally, for me. I have been supporting them myself for this long. Why would I stop? Also, given that most guys my age don't seem to work or depend on work (oilfield, etc) that is never guaranteed, I personally wouldn't rely on them to help with my living expenses, let alone with the kids'.

OK, that's cool. So there wouldn't be a problem with me putting a lot of my time and money into personal interests instead of like, saving for their tuition or something. That's what I was getting at.

Also, is being a decent person around kids in general too much to ask? Lol

No, not at all. I like to think I'm a decent person naturally anyway. I don't think I do anything that bad, so I think I'm alright there.

 

[TheRealCallie]

My big question though, is who is expected to pay the kid(s) expenses? This would probably be either the deal-maker or deal-breaker.

I pay for my own kids. Also, I get child support for a reason, so there's no reason why someone I date would have to pay for their expenses. If you want to buy them something..a birthday or Christmas present or just a little surprise for them, you're welcome to, but it's not expected.

But, on the side of like going out to dinner with the kids. If the guy INSISTS on paying, I would assume he'd be paying for the kids too. If he didn't say anything, I would pay for myself and my kids. It's more about give and take. I pay for some things, the guy pays for some things, but that doesn't mean he has to spend money on my kids. Does that make sense?