Questions for the Women

[TheRealCallie]

While we're on the subject, is that an important factor for women? A lot of hair, bald? What about other body parts, hairy or not hairy?

It's not really important to me.  However, I would prefer you to shave your back if you are hairier than a **** bear. 

 

[user 139760]

While we're on the subject, is that an important factor for women? A lot of hair, bald? What about other body parts, hairy or not hairy?

It's not really important to me.  However, I would prefer you to shave your back if you are hairier than a **** bear. 

LOL Well, I'm hairy but not that harry, but that begs another question while we're talking about it....
How in the BLUE HELL is one supposed to shave his own back? lol
I knew a friend who hit the jackpot though, his wafe is an esthetician; he used to tell me how she'd get to work while she was off and shave his ass hair (although, I imagine, SHE did not hit the jackpot lol)

 

[TheRealCallie]

No worries, I will wax it for you

 

[user 139760]

No worries, I will wax it for you

LOL You also an estethician? ;-)
I'm lucky I don't have a hairy back, but I'm just wondering at the technicals of shaving your own back. That must be a helluva sport lol

 

[DarkSelene]

I like bearded hairy bears.

 

[TheRealCallie]

No worries, I will wax it for you

LOL You also an estethician? ;-)

Or it's just an excellent method of torture. 

 

[user 139760]

....you're speaking as if you've tried it before.
*cowers*

 

[Xpendable]

Never been on the bus and a handsome man goes in and you hope he sits next to you?

 

[user 139760]

Never been on the bus and a handsome man goes in and you hope he sits next to you?

Maybe...What's it to you...you available? *wink wink*

 

[Xpendable]

Never been on the bus and a handsome man goes in and you hope he sits next to you?

Maybe...What's it to you...you available? *wink wink*

I challenge you to not make jokes about other people's posts.

 

[user 139760]

I challenge you to not make jokes about other people's posts.

Oh, I'm sorry, that was a question for the women. I thought it was one of those random, weird statements you make sometimes. Apologies. Must be the language barrier. I'll try to be a good guy

 

[Amelia]

While we're on the subject, is that an important factor for women? A lot of hair, bald? What about other body parts, hairy or not hairy?

Nope. Hair (or lack of) is not an issue for me

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

I have a question: is it annoying or tedious to be generally stalked (especially online) when it comes out "OMG, YOU'RE A GIRL" generally? Or have you learned how to adapt to it?

Some of my female friends have admitted to adopted male personas on things like playing games online just so they aren't bothered.

I can only imagine how tedious that must be.

 

[kaetic]

I have a question: is it annoying or tedious to be generally stalked (especially online) when it comes out "OMG, YOU'RE A GIRL" generally? Or have you learned how to adapt to it?

Some of my female friends have admitted to adopted male personas on things like playing games online just so they aren't bothered.

I can only imagine how tedious that must be.

IRL...
Generally stalked? It's a crime... and yeah I think it goes beyond annoying or tedious.

In a game...
Depends on who is 'stalking' you. I mean a rando in the game you can just tell them to f**k off and block them (most games have that function) but if it's someone you're in a guild with and have associated with for a while in groups... yeah it could be annoying. If you're not an idiot like me, worst case you switch servers. Although, the worst experience I've had so far is one where I started talking to this guy outside the game, and suddenly he views it as a dating relationship (even though I made it clear it wasn't) and his whole personality shifted. We chatted online for maybe six weeks and the whole time I was getting weird messages that seemed like he was trying to emotionally manipulate me. Then he started to act possessive, even though we'd never even met, weren't dating, and had chatted for a very short time. I told him I would rather not talk to him anymore and he suggested he was going to kill himself and it would be my fault. I thought it was best I didn't reply to that.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I started talking to this guy outside the game, and suddenly he views it as a dating relationship (even though I made it clear it wasn't) and his whole personality shifted. We chatted online for maybe six weeks and the whole time I was getting weird messages that seemed like he was trying to emotionally manipulate me. Then he started to act possessive, even though we'd never even met, weren't dating, and had chatted for a very short time.

I've read about this several times now. I keep wondering how this happens, why guys like this come off so badly, and why women sort guys into categories that seem hard to break out of. When I talk to someone, I may not talk to them with the intentions of dating them, but I don't really place hard limits on them either or sort them into near-inescapable categories. I don't have any plan and I don't know where it will go.

If I may, what made you sort him as having no potential as a dating partner? Did he make a bad impression or come off as lesser in some way? Not good-looking? Too "nerdy"? Not successful enough, incompetent? Boring? Timid? No flirting, no witty banter, things like that? Trying to jump straight to dating without doing whatever you need to do first to set the right mood? Something else?

Also what do you have to do to get sorted into the right category? What would someone have to do in order to make the right impression so they don't accidentally come across in a way they don't mean to?

 

[VanillaCreme]

I started talking to this guy outside the game, and suddenly he views it as a dating relationship (even though I made it clear it wasn't) and his whole personality shifted. We chatted online for maybe six weeks and the whole time I was getting weird messages that seemed like he was trying to emotionally manipulate me. Then he started to act possessive, even though we'd never even met, weren't dating, and had chatted for a very short time.

I've read about this several times now. I keep wondering how this happens, why guys like this come off so badly, and why women sort guys into categories that seem hard to break out of. When I talk to someone, I may not talk to them with the intentions of dating them, but I don't really place hard limits on them either or sort them into near-inescapable categories. I don't have any plan, but I don't know where it will go.

If I may, what made you sort him as having no potential as a dating partner? Did he make a bad impression or come off as lesser in some way? Not good-looking? Too "nerdy"? Not successful enough? Boring? Timid? No flirting, no witty banter, things like that? Trying to jump straight to dating without doing whatever you need to do first to set the right mood? Something else?

Also what do you have to do to get sorted into the right category? What would someone have to do in order to make the right impression so they don't accidentally come across in a way they don't mean to?

You don't think it's kind of bad that someone - guy or not - becomes attached to someone so quickly? Especially when the other person makes it clear that they aren't on that level?

 

[TheSkaFish]

You don't think it's kind of bad that someone - guy or not - becomes attached to someone so quickly? Especially when the other person makes it clear that they aren't on that level?

I don't know.  I think it wouldn't be as much of a problem if this guy was desirable.  If I got a bunch of messages from a girl that I thought was very attractive and interesting, I'd think that was awesome. I'd think I was finally getting the kind of dumb luck I've seen others get but never seemed to myself, where things just work for me for no reason.  But it always seems that the guys in the situation that kaetic described are undesirable, and I wonder exactly what is wrong with them that makes it so that the other person is almost always not on that level, what causes them to get sorted down into the "not dating material" category. Some way these guys are, seems to set off this sorting. Is it something they say, something they do, some way that they come off as too bland, lame, incompetent, or come up short? And what do you have to do to have things turn out differently, to get a different, better reaction?

It's like I keep thinking, there are rules and patterns. There is stuff that produces good and bad results, it's not random.  Highly accomplished guys and "cool" guys almost never seem to have this problem, while gamer/"nerdy" guys seem to always smack face-first into this wall.  It's almost always the same, every time. I feel like there's got to be a reason.

 

[TheRealCallie]

They met in a GAME, chances are pretty **** high that she knew she didn't want to date him before she ever even knew what he looked like....if she ever found out what he looked like.

 

[MisterLonely]

Ska,

Walk up to a girl you know, you have talked to before but never anything more than friendship, and then slap your arm around her and say "hey honey, where shall we go tonight, want to grab a movie, or should we go visit the parental unit before they whine about never seeing us"

That is basically a real world example of what kaetic experienced in that game, someone she knew and had good friendly relations with took that further without her knowing or wanting that, he decided they were now a thing... and that has nothing to do with him being a gamer/nerdy dude or anything about his physique or intellect or social status and wealth.

I can't say what will not get a guy "sorted" into a category he doesn't want to be in for every case, but in this case I can, if you don't want to sorted as a creep, don't act like one... because you got to admit this is not normal behavior, it's creepy af!

 

[TheSkaFish]

They met in a GAME, chances are pretty **** high that she knew she didn't want to date him before she ever even knew what he looked like....if she ever found out what he looked like.

I just don't see how you can know, before you even really know the person, that you already don't want to date them. I've heard of people getting into relationships who originally met in games, or on forums like this. In fact, I've seen a marriage happen that started off as two strangers that met on a forum from different continents.

It reminds me of something that happened to me once. I met a girl on another forum who liked a lot of the same things I did, and because of this, I assumed she was unattractive. I never saw a clear picture of her face on the forum, and I only found out what she really looked like when we became Facebook friends. I couldn't believe how wrong I was, because she was one of the most attractive women I'd ever seen in my life. And I already knew from the forum that we had common interests and that she was a pretty intriguing, unique person.

Also, if you've already made up your mind that the person you're talking to is only worth so much and no more, then why even bother talking to them. Just keep it short and businesslike.

Ska,

Walk up to a girl you know, you have talked to before but never anything more than friendship, and then slap your arm around her and say "hey honey, where shall we go tonight, want to grab a movie, or should we go visit the parental unit before they whine about never seeing us"

That is basically a real world example of what kaetic experienced in that game, someone she knew and had good friendly relations with took that further without her knowing or wanting that, he decided they were now a thing... and that has nothing to do with him being a gamer/nerdy dude or anything about his physique or intellect or social status and wealth.

I can't say what will not get a guy "sorted" into a category he doesn't want to be in for every case, but in this case I can, if you don't want to sorted as a creep, don't act like one... because you got to admit this is not normal behavior, it's creepy af!

OK, that's a little sudden. But I don't get why there have to be these rigid categories that once you're sorted into, that's it. For me, it always takes time for me to adjust to someone, to get a sense for what we have to talk about and how to talk to them, which is hard because there aren't a lot of women who like what I like, and if there are, it's usually that they like one or two things in common with me at the very most. I don't understand why there has to be no way to go from friends to more, if the person can build themselves up enough and come off like someone you could enjoy talking to, hanging out with, and building on previous interactions. If I met an attractive woman who was my friend first, I wouldn't care that I met them as a friend first, because that's probably what would happen. I've always thought things go from first being friends, where you learn how to talk to each other, build up some level of trust and familiarity, and then go to more when you see you have stuff to talk about and perhaps you start to like their looks. That's how I work with anyone, in fact, I was slow to get to know my male friends first too. I really can't do this mack stuff right off the bat, the suave, slick, greasy smooth-talker stuff. It's not me at all. I just feel like needing to do all that smooth-talk and banter and sexual innuendoes right off the bat would create an enormous amount of pressure, combined with the fact that the other person doesn't have any reason to trust you yet.