Questions for the Women

[kaetic]

I know some men that gossip like old women.
Do you feel better now Kamya?
Can you knock off the huge text?

 

[bleed_the_freak]

I like the huge text.

 

[kaetic]

I like the huge text.

Oddly, it looks normal sized on my phone. I figured I'd get like one word in a line and have to scroll.
But, nope. So, complaint withdrawn I'll just read on my phone.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Sometimes when you type on mobile, it comes out that way on computer. It's possible he did that on purpose, but it's also possible that he didn't.

 

[kamya]

I know some men that gossip like old women.
Do you feel better now Kamya?
Can you knock off the huge text?

I tried but couldn't fix it on my phone (

 

[user 139760]

Holy Hell Kamya, my eyes are bleeding ;-)

I'm kind of a white knight, defender of all womankind, paladin of femaledom, etc etc. But, you know, like anyone who gets behind any kind of idea, you should be the first one to not be afraid to tear it to shreds and criticize the hell out of it when it gets out of hand.
I think Feminism (or any isms for that matter) were really great concepts...when they were thought up. Fact of the matter is (and this might be sheer arrogance or egotism on my part) that most of these concepts, in light of the fact that we're in 2018 and we know much, much more about the human mind then we did even 10 short years ago, are completely archaic and outdated. I sincerely believe that while sexism and racism and all that still do exist, they do not exist but in a small (half-insane) minority and that the different movements or causes that have existed since the 60's or before are only exacerbating those stances instead of helping eliminating them. You can't start looking at people like groups, not anymore. You can't look or say "women" any more, or "men" or "chinese people" or "immigrants", it's just not accurate anymore, not when you consider that they have VASTLY different social origins, backgrounds, jobs and evolutions, compared to say the 50's, where the vast majority(just in the case of women) were mothers and housewives. You can't say "black people" anymore either, when you consider that yes, some do still live in crime and poverty like the stereotypes go, but most of them have nice families, nice jobs, business suits and all that and you know, Idris Elba played the Gunslinger (which by the by, the movies sucks donkey balls, but Idris is a great actor and he did good with the crap they gave him). Oh and Morgan Freeman IS God. PERIOD.

What I do find interesting in Wallflower's question however, and Selene's reply, is the trope that I've seen everywhere, including on this site, from several people; in both sexes, most feel in competition, or feel there's WAY too much competitveness, in members of their own sexes. I remember Loaded mentioning it more than once, which is why he gravitates more towards women friendships. I myself am along those lines, don't like guys much usually. I'm sure the same is true for many of you out there. When you would strike a friendshiip with a member of your own sex, you'd say to someone, or think to yourself "Oh, well he/she is not like other guys/girls"..

And you know, I can't help but wonder, is it truly the case? Or is only our perceptions askance in some way, shape or form? Are we doing it intentionally or is there really that unmentioned, subconscious level of competitiveness between our own sexes? Because I can't accurately say it's exclusive with women, I was always thought the oddball or the black sheep growing up by guys most of my youth, only when they started being intimidated by my physical presence when I started training was I suddenly taking "as a man" by other men. Yet I always gyrated more towards "the nerds" and "the freaks" and all that, people like myself. And of course towards women, I think they picked up on "Oh, this guy is sexy" a lot more than other guys (thought I was always real popular with the homosexual crowd lol. I'm flattered, but sadly it's not my bag).

All that to say that I find that question real interesting lol. Also, I'd like to reference a videogame series where a truth was uttered by, purportedly, an actual historical figure, that I think has been incredibly ignored in context of modern day sociology (I'm real serious here too) and that isn't stated enough.
"Nothing is true; everything is permitted"
It commands us to be wise in all things and always second guess what our own views and notions can be. I think only in that way can we achieve greatness.
But, you know...what do I know in my shinning armor ;-)

 

[DarkSelene]

Do you?

I've never felt ashamed of it unless someone was shaming me for it. I still don't know if there's a fault that I should've fixed or something but, I guess observing it in other people, especially when I see so many guys that don't have any close friendships with other guys, I don't see anything inherently wrong with it.

I do miss female friends.

I know some men that gossip like old women.

Yes. Gays.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I know some men that gossip like old women.

Yes. Gays.

I know straight men who gossip.

 

[kaetic]

I know some men that gossip like old women.

Yes. Gays.

Lol, sure but the men I was talking about are straight.

 

[user 139760]

I bought some great shoes the other day. Only 39.95 on special!
Much better than the ones Peter got. That man DOES NOT know how to dress. I mean, like, holy crap, dude.

I hear Nancy on the 5th floor had her husband propose to her. He didn't even buy her a REAL diamond ring. What a cheapskate...


... ;-)

 

[DarkSelene]

ew

 

[user 139760]

ew

LOL That's it?
I hear those everyday. Sometimes I feel like piercing my eardrums and pulling my eyesballs out. WITH A SPOON.

 

[DarkSelene]

I hate it

 

[user 115627]

I know some men that gossip like old women.

Yes. Gays.

I know straight men who gossip.

But not like old women!

Jokes aside, since men and women exist on overlapping spectrums there will be gossiping individuals in both groups with varying frequency, further divided by sexual orientation. I'm more curious about the personality traits that predict that behavior.

 

[wallflower79]

I'll hold the obsession with how others see you for when I have a bit more time, but I'm curious to know if you seek to change that or if it's fine by you even though it's not really a healthy behavior?

I think it's fine to be wary of anyone, especially if you have been through some bad experiences in the past!
Let me ask you something, have you ever felt ashamed about only being friends with guys? Do you miss female friends?

I am trying to change that. I do miss female friends sometimes, and I think that my not being able to trust other women is more of a reflection of me being broken than something wrong with them. It's just hard to get past bad experiences. My first semester living away from home the girls gossiped about me badly and so I attempted suicide but when I told one of them I cut myself, word got around and the girls' parents complained to the bishop so he asked me to leave my apartment that I paid for, in the middle of a semester, and I ended up living with my sister and her husband, which was not allowed because the in law relative I was living with was the opposite gender, and i got reported to the honor code office and nearly was expelled because of it. Sometimes I feel ashamed for preferring male friends; I just feel like I am being judged for it and that something may be wrong with me because of it.

 

[MisterLonely]

I'll hold the obsession with how others see you for when I have a bit more time, but I'm curious to know if you seek to change that or if it's fine by you even though it's not really a healthy behavior?

I think it's fine to be wary of anyone, especially if you have been through some bad experiences in the past!
Let me ask you something, have you ever felt ashamed about only being friends with guys? Do you miss female friends?

I am trying to change that. I do miss female friends sometimes, and I think that my not being able to trust other women is more of a reflection of me being broken than something wrong with them. It's just hard to get past bad experiences. My first semester living away from home the girls gossiped about me badly and so I attempted suicide but when I told one of them I cut myself, word got around and the girls' parents complained to the bishop so he asked me to leave my apartment that I paid for, in the middle of a semester, and I ended up living with my sister and her husband, which was not allowed because the in law relative I was living with was the opposite gender, and i got reported to the honor code office and nearly was expelled because of it. Sometimes I feel ashamed for preferring male friends; I just feel like I am being judged for it and that something may be wrong with me because of it.

From reading this it sounds like you are absolutely being judged... 

"so he asked me to leave my apartment that I paid for" ... you were going through some had times and their way of handeling it is to "ask" you to leave... I would have said "**** no".... what they should have done is offer you help, you weren't hurting anyone, in fact their malicious behavior was hurting you!

"I ended up living with my sister and her husband, which was not allowed because the in law relative I was living with was the opposite gender, and i got reported to the honor code office and nearly was expelled because of it".... what the ****, you were staying with family! they were helping you when you had no where to turn, what the actual ****!!!

You know I don't like religion, any religion, and I try to keep that opinion to myself as I do respect believes whatever they may be, but honestly that church is destroying you.

 

[user 139760]

my not being able to trust other women is more of a reflection of me being broken than something wrong with them.

Well...little addendum, I wouldn't go that far. It's not an alien sentiment to me, though not by far as complicated a situation as you just exposed (hehe, I doubt a bishop would have the balls to come tell me to do ANYTHING ;-) ) but it's been my experience in the past, and this relates to what Rodent wrote (as I've said many times, very wise man, that one) that the personality traits of people exhibiting said behaviors are more telling than wether or not they are male or females. While it's not good to take said gossiping too seriously (for obvious reasons to you), that doesn't mean those types of people are the ones you should gyrate towards. I mean, I don't know them or know specifically your situation, but...sounds like idle, unfounded gossip to me. I mean, I left for 3 months from work and when I got back I got word of mental breakdown, stress, even a suicide attempt on my part. Which you guys know from reading my story, is completely off base. So do I care about said people who started said rumors? Hell no. In fact, it's a clear message to me to avoid those people who enjoy living off in La-La-Land and judging half-assed a situation which doesn't concern them.

If in your immediate circle, those people happen to be female, well, I think it's luck of the draw. I mean, my recent work experience has to do with mostly female members this time and those rumors were started by women. Which I always had been more friends with. So I think, as Rodent eloquently put, has to do a lot more with individual behavior than actual bias towards one sex or the other.
As for a reflection of you, well, whatever the opinions of other people, only reflection of you someone should take seriously are your actions, or the words you speak yourself to them personally. THAT is a clear reflection of you if there ever was one. All the rest is other people's flights of fancy. In my case, they can go on thinking I'm a mass-murderer who dresses up in women's lingerie for all I care (who knows, I might like it ), the people that know me, the important ones, know the facts straight when I tell them and can easily see the reflection of myself from the way I handle myself in any given situation.
I mean, the need to integrate with a social situation should not be coming at personal cost. To me that's ridiculous and lowers the value and the unicity of any given individual. Even though in this modern age we're always encouraged to conform to the "group" (hehe, CONSUME, CONFORM, BUY, here's to you, Rowdy Roddy Piper lol), what's made the world go 'roud and advance in the last 3000+ years are people like Davinci, Einstein, Nielsen (yup, Leslie, what an actor lol), Nietsche, all the ones that spoke their minds and got called crazy.

Maybe a little bit of crazy is what's lacking so much in nowaday. Not the bad crazy mind you, but the "screw this ****, if you're not happy look over there, there's a LOLcat pic" kind of crazy.

 

[ardour]

Ignoring gossip and bitchiness, aren't you afraid a male friend might hit on you?

Seems to be the biggest barrier with male-female friendships.

 

[DarkSelene]

There's really no mystery there, ardour. Anyone who's scared or feel oppressed/offended by someone hitting on them is an idiot, you need the emotional development of a 10yo to deal with that situation.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Ignoring gossip and bitchiness, aren't you afraid a male friend might hit on you?

No.