Questions for the Women

[kamya]

I didn't realize telling someone a bit of truth was horrid behavior. I've definitely displayed horrid behavior a few times in my life but I'd say it's a bit of a stretch to say that here.

If anyone wants to pm me what they think, more nuanced angles (mine are usually more cut and dry in my posts), thoughts, rebuttals, etc., feel free since I guess I'm not allowed to discuss the topic here anymore.

 

[DarkSelene]

MisterLonely, I meant the type of guy that has a lot of chicks falling at their feet will take advantage of those opportunities if they can or deny unwanted attention -- females, for the most part, handle that differently. I. e. It's harder for females to get friendzoned.

The physical abuse comment was in regards to long lasting abusive relationships, and of course, didn't mention it as a rule.

 

[ardour]

Maybe these conversations would be better suited to a different thread.

 

[Azariah]

Should a guy apologize for saying things on the internet, things he said while suffering from a mental disorder?

 

[user 139760]

Should a guy apologize for saying things on the internet, things he said while suffering from a mental disorder?

Well...unrelated to mental disorder or not, whenever someone is disagreable without wanting to or meaning to, I think apologising is the least someone can do.
Though, on the case of the internet, maybe it just be better to delete said things. What happens online and off is often vastly different.

 

[zibafu]

Should a guy apologize for saying things on the internet, things he said while suffering from a mental disorder?

depends on the things, if you're going out your way to be rude to someone, and you realize you've done wrong, yeah apologize.  If you've simply told someone something that they dont like - like a harsh truth, then no you dont apologize, since you're trying to help.

mental illness or not, it depends on the context.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Should a guy apologize for saying things on the internet, things he said while suffering from a mental disorder?

So a mental disorder excuses anything you may have said?  I don't think so.  
Even if you couldn't "control" what came out of your mouth, if you know you said messed up honeysuckle, you should apologize for it.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Should a guy apologize for saying things on the internet, things he said while suffering from a mental disorder?

Not if they meant it.

 

[Azariah]

Most of the things I regret saying are things that make me look like a crazy loon. And it wasn’t directed to her rather it was on a public forum. I think what hurt her most was when I made her feel jealous. However, She made me feel jealous too way before that. So I guess we’re even.

This happened so long ago. She probably wants to move on.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Most of the things I regret saying are things that make me look like a crazy loon. And it wasn’t directed to her rather it was on a public forum. I think what hurt her most was when I made her feel jealous. However, She made me feel jealous too way before that. So I guess we’re even.

This happened so long ago. She probably wants to move on.

If you feel it's something you should apologize for, perhaps you should, but first think about WHY you want to apologize.  Perhaps explaining would be the better option if you didn't actually attack the other person verbally.  However, it sounds like you tried to hurt her on purpose because she hurt you.  Did she make you jealous accidentally or on purpose? 

All that said, two wrongs don't make a right and you shouldn't try to get revenge or get even.  It will only hurt you in the end.

 

[Azariah]

I can’t prove that it was on purpose, just a feeling. Regardless, it did make me feel jealous a little bit. I’m asking if I should apologize because it seems that she wants me to. But I’m reluctant to apologize because at this stage it seems pointless, as I said this happened a long time ago. And she never even replies to my messages. I think that’s a sign she’d rather move on. And we’ve never even been in a relationship anyways. I think it’s best to be buried by the sands of time. I’m okay with being friends but seems like she doesn’t even want that.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I can’t prove that it was on purpose, just a feeling. Regardless, it did make me feel jealous a little bit. I’m asking if I should apologize because it seems that she wants me to. But I’m reluctant to apologize because at this stage it seems pointless, as I said this happened a long time ago. And she never even replies to my messages. I think that’s a sign she’d rather move on. And we’ve never even been in a relationship anyways. I think it’s best to be buried by the sands of time. I’m okay with being friends but seems like she doesn’t even want that.

If you don't feel you need to apologize, then don't.  You didn't say why you would have to apologize, so I couldn't really say if you should or not.  If you want to cut ties with her, then don't bother.  BUT....if you want any hope of salvaging the relationship and you think you did/said something wrong, you definitely should. 
Do NOT apologize just because that's what she wants you to do.  Honestly, it sounds like you two just need to talk honeysuckle out.  No accusing, no blame, just talk about whatever it was that happened.

 

[user 139760]

One of my ex girlfriends is like that. She barely replies. I open overtures towards reconceliation and she never took it. I respect that. The situation I had with her will remain one of the greatest regrets of my life, but if it helps her find happiness and solace, so be it.
Sometimes there isn't anything to be done but that. If she doesn't want to hear your apology...well try to let it go and not let it burn you.

 

[Azariah]

Thanks guys! I do think I owe her more of an explanation than apology. Or maybe I should just brush it off like it never happened. All that online stuff. Maybe she doesn't want to remember any of it. And I kind of want to forget it too. Or maybe she just doesn't want to have anything to do with me. Well, whatever the case, I should learn to be happy without her.

 

[Joturbo]

I've got a question for the ladies .Hopefully its not been asked before.

If you have been in a relationship and in your mind it has started to get serious and your thinking this could or is the one I want to be with for the rest of my life , what were the main attributes/personality traits/positive and negative qualities/vulnerabilities of your partner that were underlining this and did they change at all during your relationship.Also if you fell in love with said partner the same question....



And any newbies feel free to join in please

 

[Amelia]

I felt something close to this only once with a guy, but we had only been going out for about 3 months, and he disappeared after this, so I was yet to discover his flaws at that point.

What I saw in him that made me feel like a long term relationship was possible were:

1. He was financially stable, not particularly rich, but he had a secure job, worked hard and was careful with his money. I work very hard for financial stability myself, because I'd like to have a family one day, so it was important that we matched on this level.

2. He was considerate and protective. If we stayed out late, he would walk me to my car. One time, I wanted to leave something in my car in the mall parking lot, and even though it was daytime, he followed me just to be sure I was okay. If I had to work the next day, he would make sure to end our calls and meet ups early. When we went out to eat, he would make sure it was vegan friendly for me.

3. He was the opposite of me and similar in ways that were important. Our personalities were different, but we wanted the same things in life. We had similar values aka wanting a family, responsibilities towards parents and siblings, spirituality, living humbly/saving money.

4. He was calm, peaceful and positive - I felt more zen around him

5. He treated me with respect. He sort of made it clear that he was attracted to me but he didn't try to push intimacy early on. 

Hope that answers the question

 

[bleed_the_freak]

I felt something close to this only once with a guy, but we had only been going out for about 3 months, and he disappeared after this, so I was yet to discover his flaws at that point.

What I saw in him that made me feel like a long term relationship was possible were:

1. He was financially stable, not particularly rich, but he had a secure job, worked hard and was careful with his money. I work very hard for financial stability myself, because I'd like to have a family one day, so it was important that we matched on this level.

2. He was considerate and protective. If we stayed out late, he would walk me to my car. One time, I wanted to leave something in my car in the mall parking lot, and even though it was daytime, he followed me just to be sure I was okay. If I had to work the next day, he would make sure to end our calls and meet ups early. When we went out to eat, he would make sure it was vegan friendly for me.

3. He was the opposite of me and similar in ways that were important. Our personalities were different, but we wanted the same things in life. We had similar values aka wanting a family, responsibilities towards parents and siblings, spirituality, living humbly/saving money.

4. He was calm, peaceful and positive - I felt more zen around him

5. He treated me with respect. He sort of made it clear that he was attracted to me but he didn't try to push intimacy early on. 

Hope that answers the question

****.

I was reading that and hoping it worked out for you.

Sorry.

Did you ever discover his "flaws" or other unknown parts of the story?

 

[Joturbo]

I felt something close to this only once with a guy, but we had only been going out for about 3 months, and he disappeared after this, so I was yet to discover his flaws at that point.

What I saw in him that made me feel like a long term relationship was possible were:

1. He was financially stable, not particularly rich, but he had a secure job, worked hard and was careful with his money. I work very hard for financial stability myself, because I'd like to have a family one day, so it was important that we matched on this level.

2. He was considerate and protective. If we stayed out late, he would walk me to my car. One time, I wanted to leave something in my car in the mall parking lot, and even though it was daytime, he followed me just to be sure I was okay. If I had to work the next day, he would make sure to end our calls and meet ups early. When we went out to eat, he would make sure it was vegan friendly for me.

3. He was the opposite of me and similar in ways that were important. Our personalities were different, but we wanted the same things in life. We had similar values aka wanting a family, responsibilities towards parents and siblings, spirituality, living humbly/saving money.

4. He was calm, peaceful and positive - I felt more zen around him

5. He treated me with respect. He sort of made it clear that he was attracted to me but he didn't try to push intimacy early on. 

Hope that answers the question

Wow....I don't know what to say...but thanks so much for relating that Amelia

 

[Amelia]

bleed_the_freak,

No, I didn't. but i looked him up on fb and found a pic of him with another girl. i guess i wasn't good enough :/

---

Joturbo, no worries.

 

[Xpendable]

Financialy stable is number 1. Interesting.