Questions for the Women

[Joturbo]

Do you prefer a masculine man or a feminine man?How would you differentiate between the two? Who have you dated more , who do you prefer. Is it about looks and build etc. Just asking this because I always thought I was the second because(be gentle please) I've always gone about 50/50 with the chores around the house. Apparently not it's more about being more in tune with women.When I spoke to a friend about this she said when a feminine man asks how you are you can tell he really means it as opposed to a masculine man that doesn't bother or just sounds fake.However she couldn't think of any other differences so it ended there.I'm not commenting cause I've only just heard this term so would like to hear more...if not it'll drop of the page and I'll stick to my opinion that I am the second and not the first like she said.

 

[Miriam1966]

Do you prefer a masculine man or a feminine man?How would you differentiate between the two? Who have you dated more , who do you prefer. Is it about looks and build etc. Just asking this because I always thought I was the second because(be gentle please) I've always gone about 50/50 with the chores around the house. Apparently not it's more about being more in tune with women.When I spoke to a friend about this she said when a feminine man asks how you are you can tell he really means it as opposed to a masculine man that doesn't bother or just sounds fake.However she couldn't think of any other differences so it ended there.I'm not commenting cause I've only just heard this term so would like to hear more...if not it'll drop of the page and I'll stick to my opinion that I am the second and not the first like she said.

Hi Joturbo, I've been doing a lot of reading about relationships and roles. Here is my opinion of what I've learned. The antiquated and traditional thinking is that the man needs to be the strong one, the one who "brings home the bacon" and the one who doesn't show emotion. He's the one who is in charge of the finances and he initiates sex. I guess this is what is referred to as the masculine man. 

The feminine man is the man who takes on more of the traditional aspects of a woman in a relationship - taking care of the home and kids, maybe not working while the woman does, is more emotional and in tune with his own emotions, is more empathetic. And being more in tune (emotionally mature) with his own emotions, he is genuinely in tune with his woman's emotions. I, for one, am very attracted to a man who is emotionally mature. The "strong and silent" type is such a turn off for me.

I think that a masculine-looking man can take on the feminine role so in my opinion, I don't think it has to do with looks or build at all. I like a man who takes care of his looks and grooms himself well. I knew a guy when I was in my teens who was really skinny, had long hair and wore makeup (it was the 80's!!)...and he was a very masculine type. Looks can be deceiving if we have pre-conceived notions about gender roles.

In an ideal situation, I would love to be with a more feminine man. I'm naturally a bit of a leader when it comes to finances and the household. But then I do have my feminine side as well. I love being a homemaker, taking care of the fur-kids and nurturing. I guess ideally we'd both have more feminine qualities.

What your friend said...there is nothing more hurtful knowing that your man is asking you how you're doing, and you knowing deep down he just doesn't care. I can see what she means about a masculine man not necessarily being genuine like that. I think a lot of masculine types don't realize how transparent they are to a lot of women.

When I think of a masculine man, I only think of an arrogant "player" type but I'm jaded because of my upbringing and my current relationship. I've dated mostly masculine types and it got tiring having to chase them, feel validated or having to play the hot and cold game. That's just my experience though.

Now I hope I don't get crucified for this...but I think a lot of this has to do with age and maturity. In my own experience, I see a lot of young girls going after these masculine types. I think as women age, we realize that a more empathetic and sensitive man who is very loving and caring, is much more of a catch than the masculine type.

I can't really use my current situation as an example because of the abuse, but right now I'd say my role in this relationship is both masculine and feminine because I do pretty much everything and I need to nurture myself.  If my boyfriend ever opens his eyes and deals with his anger and maturity issues (fat chance right?)...then he'd be a good match for me, because despite his anger and immaturity, he has a lot of feminine qualities about him and I do love that about him.

Edit: I just wanted to add, I've met some women who were very masculine and I have never been able to stay friends with them either because I find them cold and I can't relate to them.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I know many masculine men who are caring and when they ask you something, they genuinely want to know. 
 I have dated both maculine and feminine men and I don't prefer one over the other. It's not about that at all. It's about how they treat you and the people they care about, as well as random strangers. Those qualities (including chores) don't make you masculine or feminine, they just make you a decent human being. 
But I guess, to me, that's just another label and well...I really hate labels.

 

[Joturbo]

Do you prefer a masculine man or a feminine man?How would you differentiate between the two? Who have you dated more , who do you prefer. Is it about looks and build etc. Just asking this because I always thought I was the second because(be gentle please) I've always gone about 50/50 with the chores around the house. Apparently not it's more about being more in tune with women.When I spoke to a friend about this she said when a feminine man asks how you are you can tell he really means it as opposed to a masculine man that doesn't bother or just sounds fake.However she couldn't think of any other differences so it ended there.I'm not commenting cause I've only just heard this term so would like to hear more...if not it'll drop of the page and I'll stick to my opinion that I am the second and not the first like she said.

Hi Joturbo, I've been doing a lot of reading about relationships and roles. Here is my opinion of what I've learned. The antiquated and traditional thinking is that the man needs to be the strong one, the one who "brings home the bacon" and the one who doesn't show emotion. He's the one who is in charge of the finances and he initiates sex. I guess this is what is referred to as the masculine man. 

The feminine man is the man who takes on more of the traditional aspects of a woman in a relationship - taking care of the home and kids, maybe not working while the woman does, is more emotional and in tune with his own emotions, is more empathetic. And being more in tune (emotionally mature) with his own emotions, he is genuinely in tune with his woman's emotions. I, for one, am very attracted to a man who is emotionally mature. The "strong and silent" type is such a turn off for me.

I think that a masculine-looking man can take on the feminine role so in my opinion, I don't think it has to do with looks or build at all. I like a man who takes care of his looks and grooms himself well. I knew a guy when I was in my teens who was really skinny, had long hair and wore makeup (it was the 80's!!)...and he was a very masculine type. Looks can be deceiving if we have pre-conceived notions about gender roles.

In an ideal situation, I would love to be with a more feminine man. I'm naturally a bit of a leader when it comes to finances and the household. But then I do have my feminine side as well. I love being a homemaker, taking care of the fur-kids and nurturing. I guess ideally we'd both have more feminine qualities.

What your friend said...there is nothing more hurtful knowing that your man is asking you how you're doing, and you knowing deep down he just doesn't care. I can see what she means about a masculine man not necessarily being genuine like that. I think a lot of masculine types don't realize how transparent they are to a lot of women.

When I think of a masculine man, I only think of an arrogant "player" type but I'm jaded because of my upbringing and my current relationship. I've dated mostly masculine types and it got tiring having to chase them, feel validated or having to play the hot and cold game. That's just my experience though.

Now I hope I don't get crucified for this...but I think a lot of this has to do with age and maturity. In my own experience, I see a lot of young girls going after these masculine types. I think as women age, we realize that a more empathetic and sensitive man who is very loving and caring, is much more of a catch than the masculine type.

I can't really use my current situation as an example because of the abuse, but right now I'd say my role in this relationship is both masculine and feminine because I do pretty much everything and I need to nurture myself.  If my boyfriend ever opens his eyes and deals with his anger and maturity issues (fat chance right?)...then he'd be a good match for me, because despite his anger and immaturity, he has a lot of feminine qualities about him and I do love that about him.

Edit: I just wanted to add, I've met some women who were very masculine and I have never been able to stay friends with them either because I find them cold and I can't relate to them.

Thanks for that Miriam I'm definitely more clued up now ...I'm just off to process it while I do the washing up ..I will be gone a while cause then I'm going to hide in the garage to hide from the hoover lol.

 

[Joturbo]

Do you prefer a masculine man or a feminine man?How would you differentiate between the two? Who have you dated more , who do you prefer. Is it about looks and build etc. Just asking this because I always thought I was the second because(be gentle please) I've always gone about 50/50 with the chores around the house. Apparently not it's more about being more in tune with women.When I spoke to a friend about this she said when a feminine man asks how you are you can tell he really means it as opposed to a masculine man that doesn't bother or just sounds fake.However she couldn't think of any other differences so it ended there.I'm not commenting cause I've only just heard this term so would like to hear more...if not it'll drop of the page and I'll stick to my opinion that I am the second and not the first like she said.

Hi Joturbo, I've been doing a lot of reading about relationships and roles. Here is my opinion of what I've learned. The antiquated and traditional thinking is that the man needs to be the strong one, the one who "brings home the bacon" and the one who doesn't show emotion. He's the one who is in charge of the finances and he initiates sex. I guess this is what is referred to as the masculine man. 

The feminine man is the man who takes on more of the traditional aspects of a woman in a relationship - taking care of the home and kids, maybe not working while the woman does, is more emotional and in tune with his own emotions, is more empathetic. And being more in tune (emotionally mature) with his own emotions, he is genuinely in tune with his woman's emotions. I, for one, am very attracted to a man who is emotionally mature. The "strong and silent" type is such a turn off for me.

I think that a masculine-looking man can take on the feminine role so in my opinion, I don't think it has to do with looks or build at all. I like a man who takes care of his looks and grooms himself well. I knew a guy when I was in my teens who was really skinny, had long hair and wore makeup (it was the 80's!!)...and he was a very masculine type. Looks can be deceiving if we have pre-conceived notions about gender roles.

In an ideal situation, I would love to be with a more feminine man. I'm naturally a bit of a leader when it comes to finances and the household. But then I do have my feminine side as well. I love being a homemaker, taking care of the fur-kids and nurturing. I guess ideally we'd both have more feminine qualities.

What your friend said...there is nothing more hurtful knowing that your man is asking you how you're doing, and you knowing deep down he just doesn't care. I can see what she means about a masculine man not necessarily being genuine like that. I think a lot of masculine types don't realize how transparent they are to a lot of women.

When I think of a masculine man, I only think of an arrogant "player" type but I'm jaded because of my upbringing and my current relationship. I've dated mostly masculine types and it got tiring having to chase them, feel validated or having to play the hot and cold game. That's just my experience though.

Now I hope I don't get crucified for this...but I think a lot of this has to do with age and maturity. In my own experience, I see a lot of young girls going after these masculine types. I think as women age, we realize that a more empathetic and sensitive man who is very loving and caring, is much more of a catch than the masculine type.

I can't really use my current situation as an example because of the abuse, but right now I'd say my role in this relationship is both masculine and feminine because I do pretty much everything and I need to nurture myself.  If my boyfriend ever opens his eyes and deals with his anger and maturity issues (fat chance right?)...then he'd be a good match for me, because despite his anger and immaturity, he has a lot of feminine qualities about him and I do love that about him.

Edit: I just wanted to add, I've met some women who were very masculine and I have never been able to stay friends with them either because I find them cold and I can't relate to them.

Thanks for that Miriam I'm definitely more clued up now ...I'm just off to process it while I do the washing up ..I will be gone a while cause then I'm going to hide in the garage to hide from the hoover lol.

You know it's funny because I just asked my wife and oldest son whether they saw me as a masculine or a feminine man and their answers sort of bugged me alot. Don't shoot  me for this but it makes me think alot of women completely misunderstand men . My son laughed and said 'No dad your definitely a masculine man and my wife laughed and agreed because I think she only zones in when I'm being masculine not what I think the majority of times when I'm feminine if you understand. Apparently my son said masculine men live up in their heads and don't feel from their gut..their second brain as it were ,they don't feel their way through life.. Now I know when I ask how my wife is  if say she's in pain or ill  I know I'm concerned about her but she said the opposite.I know I'm emphatic and I always try to feel how people are and why they are.So my wife who I've known for a very long time just doesn't know me at all.Anyway I know I'm out of my depth here so I dunno Men are from mars........but I still think I'm a femine man sorry Callie labelling lol

Thanks Callie and Miriam hopefully we'll get some other opinions or maybe not....

I just wonder Miriam if you prefer feminine men why you've always gone for masculine men?

Any guys interested please any opinions greatly appreciated. ......

 

[Miriam1966]

Hi Joturbo,

Well, I did most of my dating in my early 20's. Then I got really caught up with my career and didn't date too much until my late 30's. So most of the guys I dated were in my age group of early 20's, which is why I mentioned that I think it has to do with age. In my own experience, younger guys, at least the ones I met were mostly masculine. And it never worked out for me. When I moved to a rural area, the dating pool kind of dried up. I would have liked to date more feminine type of men, I just never found any.

 

[user 115627]

Maybe it's just the current climate but in some circles there seems hardly any line drawn between masculine traits and pyschopathic traits. Or let's say, masculine and feminine is recklessly simplified to a bad/strong vs. good/weak paradigm, in that order. But on the topic of empathy and "really meaning it", I don't think it's typically masculine to not care about your partner. A man might conceptualize it too much as problem-solving (e.g. the partner is sad because of an argument they had with a friend, so you provide a diplomatic way) while the immediate solution is just listening and not doing anything really. Something I personally had and still have trouble with - and I don't see myself as empathetic, so I always thought "how could my presence possibly provide relief to this person". Yet I had quite a few people telling me I'm empathetic even though I'm also quite "cerebral" according to them.

Physically I am not particularly masculine, but I guess I would be mentally masculine. I'm quick to adapt a troubleshooting mindset, am seriously introverted, much more thing-oriented etc. yet I can also cook...d'oh.

 

[ardour]

Masculinity isn’t necessarily about aggression, sports, or who does the  housework. A Real Man takes care of things without complaining, doesn’t show vulnerability, compartmentalizes his emotions and never leans on his partner. A real man is ambitious and gives off the impression of acting primarily out of self-interest (or his family’s interests). Real Men will always be in high demand because there is, or was, a clear benefit to pairing up with those sort of men in our evolutionary or pre-enlightened past.

 

[Miriam1966]

I thought this was a question for women?

 

[TheRealCallie]

I thought this was a question for women?

"Real men" can't resist giving their input, even though they aren't women

Just kidding. lol  You'll find men are always going to give their opinion, whether it's in a thread for women to answer or others.  Sometimes, it seems they are more likely to give their opinion in here instead of giving their opinions to the questions being asked to the men.  But, keep in mind this is a public forum and people can post where they want, regardless of what's between their legs. 

 

[Xpendable]

One would think men know something about masculinity, just my input.

 

[ardour]

I thought this was a question for women?

"Real men" can't resist giving their input, even though they aren't women

I'd say it's fairly clear we're not "real men". Only 2 women have bothered answering the question so far anyway. There aren't actually that many people here...

 

[TheRealCallie]

I thought this was a question for women?

"Real men" can't resist giving their input, even though they aren't women

I'd say it's fairly clear we're not "real men". Only 2 women  have bothered answering  the question so far anyway. There aren't actually that many people here...

I really was just kidding...for the most part.  It does sometimes get argumentative sometimes with you guys "butting" in. 

But seriously, I don't believe what you said earlier.  REAL men take care of their own, REAL men are kind and giving.  REAL men don't need to put on a show.  I know you guys never believe me (or others) when I say to be yourself, but there's a reason for that.  If someone can't accept you for who you are, they don't deserve you.  How can you be a real anything if you are pretending to be something else?  Now, don't get me wrong, EVERYONE can improve themselves and they should because you can always be a better person, but if it doesn't bother you, don't try to change it.

 

[DarkSelene]

Masculinity is beautiful. I think it's hard to find a straight man (not trans either) that's just feminine. Biology won't allow it.

 

[Joturbo]

Another thing which really pu##ed me off once , and this maybe totally unrelated but some bloke at work who's always really grumpy and moans alot well I was saying like grumpy honeysuckle what's wrong with that geezer his face and attitude could sour milk etc..she sais well he's a man's man implying I'm not so thereby completely contradicting herself. I also think I'm more in tune with my kids and better at looking after them so thereby more a feminine man. I'm not bigging myself up but I think if I was born as a woman I'd do a much better job at bringing up the kids than alot of women. She actively said once she prefers to be at work than at home looking after the kids. Anyway sorry for butting in again  but being a feminine man I think I'm closer to the women anyway ...and there's no Questions for people that identify as plants...fluid etc so fairs fair .Sorry wrote this middle of night and felt a bit emotional....

 

[DarkSelene]

I don't agree that any of these are feminine traits.

 

[user 115627]

When Joturbo said "Any guys interested please any opinions greatly appreciated" I graciously included myself in guys which is a neutral term to me...but back on topic.

A grumpy bloke who moans a lot is...manly? I get it that interpretations of masculinity vary, but that sounds more like an elderly person trope than anything else. Like the seniors looking out their windows all day long, looking for people they can rat out. Furthermore, I don't think that being able to look after kids (let alone raising them) is a feminine trait unless we're talking about a certain age bracket. (0-3 years maybe). Kids don't just need nurture and caretaking, they also need room to explore, experiment and to go a little bit wild now and then - with proper boundaries.

 

[user 139760]

Lol "real men"....
If you write "M" as sex on your application forms, that qualufies you as a real man. The rest is entirely personality and choice related.
I've been thrown that term before as opposed and as an independantly tagged "real man", it alwars irked me, because the introverted, quiet, bookish non-athletic reserved dude that's my friend is as much a real man as I am. I guess we're still a lot more tribal in our thinking, despite our supposed advancement in culture.
I'm sure said girls wouldnt think that when they see me screwing around with the kids in high heels on weekends, or with my pink appron lol!

 

[Joturbo]

When Joturbo said "Any guys interested please any opinions greatly appreciated" I graciously included myself in guys which is a neutral term to me...but back on topic.

A grumpy bloke who moans a lot is...manly? I get it that interpretations of masculinity vary, but that sounds more like an elderly person trope than anything else. Like the seniors looking out their windows all day long, looking for people they can rat out. Furthermore, I don't think that being able to look after kids (let alone raising them) is a feminine trait unless we're talking about a certain age bracket. (0-3 years maybe). Kids don't just need nurture and caretaking, they also need room to explore, experiment and to go a little bit wild now and then - with proper boundaries.

Alright sorry I should have been a bit more descriptive...throw in Napolean complex ,think aggressive morph but I like him now so moving on.

On the kids issue it certainly felt feminine bringing up kids on my own five days a week( cue the violins ) nappies to teenagers school runs sleep overs mostly girls 12 to 16 god what a relief when that stopped but the house had to be paid for meaning she had to work all hours (better paid job than mine).I don't think many masculine men could do that and keep a business going. Anyway really wanted views on the question just thought it would be interesting not about my boring life thanks sorry for the overnight post was just feeling a bit mischievous tired and emotional.

 

[user 115627]

Alright sorry I should have been a bit more descriptive...throw in Napolean complex  ,think aggressive morph but I like him now so moving on.

On the kids issue it certainly felt feminine bringing up kids on my own five days a week( cue the violins ) nappies to teenagers school runs sleep overs mostly girls 12 to 16 god what a relief when that stopped but the house had to be paid for meaning she had to work all hours (better paid job than mine).I don't think many masculine men could do that and keep a business going. Anyway really wanted views on the question just thought it would be interesting not about my boring life thanks sorry for the overnight post was just feeling a bit mischievous tired and emotional.

No harm done...

Don't you think that the fact that you had to deal with mostly girls could be more relevant to feeling that way about bringing up kids than some inherent femininity in you? If anything, it shows you have...feminine potential but who's to say whether you wouldn't have done equally good or even better had it been mostly boys you had to deal with. And maybe it needs a masculine man (expanding the definition) to do all that kids stuff while keeping a business going. Just throwing that out there...