Regarding a second chat room thread!!

[worldofadreamer]

I haven't posted on this site in a while and those who remember me will also remember how much I use to love this site. But somethings changed and the thread "a second chatroom" full of people throwing insults at each other just goes to show it.

I think we need to remember that this site is about lonley people making friends and being able to talk. Its about helping people not insulting each other.

Too be honest I didn't have it in me to read 15 pages of insults but from what I read I'm really surprised and disspaointed. I use to love this site and the people here and the chat and it looks its falling apart.

I don't mean for this message to cause offence to anyone,just felt like I needed to say something.

 

[NeverMore]

Yea, your right, this site has changed.

When this site was smaller, when there were even fewer people here then there are now, a sort of cohesion formed like we were all in this crazy thing called life together. I'm not sure exactly why there was such a feeling of community back then and why there isn't now, I've thought about it a lot and can never put my finger on it, all I could figure out was that there were certain individuals (who I won't name) that really worked to strengthen the community feel in what they posted and the manner in which they did so. No one really left or disappeared, new members were made to feel comfortable right away and we grew because of it. If you fell down you would be helped up, and you helped other people when they fell down, it was a good system. I remember actually feeling excited to post, and check new posts every day because I knew it would make me feel good on the inside.

After we grew for a while, and more and more people came, people started asking for changes, things other sites have, like a chatroom. That was the first splinter I saw, the first time I could really tell that two definite factions were forming, those in favor of a chatroom and those against it. No one got angry or anything, we had sensible discussions about the pros and cons of a chatroom and decided to go for it eventually, even people who didn't like the idea weren't angry they just met it with a sort of pessimistic optimism: whats the worst that could happen? So time went on and at first no one used the chatroom it was empty all the time, the forum kept growing and growing, and the sense of community was still tangibly there. Eventually the chatroom got popular and ALL entered a sort of golden age where there was tons of posting and people always in chat having conversations.

But slowly as "events" happened and more and more decisions had to be made, whether to allow guest posting, etc., People had differing opinions of course and more and more factions started forming around their differing opinions. People started identifying people based on their factions, which became especially apparent when the factions got leaders in a sense, and by that point it wasn't about site issues anymore it was about the people themselves and the more it became about the people themselves the more splinters formed around the community. Till it wasn't a community anymore, but a war zone, and no one could feel safe posting what they felt with a war going on in the background.

It's that war that's torn apart this community and until personal relationships are healed and genuine apologies are made. In order for this site to grow into a place where the dejected can feel at home and at peace again, where the battered and the bruised and the lonely can come and know they aren't alone in this world, there are two options: Everyone leaves and new people can start this place over OR you can go to anyone you have a problem with and be the decent human beings I know you all are and apologize and remember that we are all human beings and we are all truly in this crazy thing called life together

 

[Skorian]

Hmmmm.

If there are things that seem to be missing. Then work towards getting those back up. Don’t expect others to do what you don’t do.

There will always be fights going on in the background everywhere in the world. Many times people won't even know they are going on. Just because you do know of them, doesn't mean anarchy is a step away. People agree, people disagree, life goes on regardless.

All it really means is certian people treat others like crap and got their due. Doesn't mean those who don't deserve it are going to be torn into.

 

[Rifle_Eyes]

Calm down, dude. It's just one thread. Why does everyone think that since this is a community for lonely people then we should all keep nice to each other with fake comments for encouragement 24/7. People will be people no matter if their loney, successful, unsuccessful, rich, poor, whatever. We will argue and we will not agree with one another. But, that's what makes it fun & interesting.

Frankly, I'd get bored of this site real fast if it was all candy and carebear. Being that it's not just reminds you that there are real people on here and not just programmed happy bots.


And it's not like you're really helping with anything bringing up the thread again.

 

[Rifle_Eyes]

Hmmmm.

If there are things that seem to be missing. Then work towards getting those back up. Don’t expect others to do what you don’t do.

There will always be fights going on in the background everywhere in the world. Many times people won't even know they are going on. Just because you do know of them, doesn't mean anarchy is a step away. People agree, people disagree, life goes on regardless.

All it really means is certian people treat others like crap and got their due. Doesn't mean those who don't deserve it are going to be torn into.

This ^

 

[Bluey]

Yea, your right, this site has changed.

When this site was smaller, when there were even fewer people here then there are now, a sort of cohesion formed like we were all in this crazy thing called life together. I'm not sure exactly why there was such a feeling of community back then and why there isn't now, I've thought about it a lot and can never put my finger on it, all I could figure out was that there were certain individuals (who I won't name) that really worked to strengthen the community feel in what they posted and the manner in which they did so. No one really left or disappeared, new members were made to feel comfortable right away and we grew because of it. If you fell down you would be helped up, and you helped other people when they fell down, it was a good system. I remember actually feeling excited to post, and check new posts every day because I knew it would make me feel good on the inside.

After we grew for a while, and more and more people came, people started asking for changes, things other sites have, like a chatroom. That was the first splinter I saw, the first time I could really tell that two definite factions were forming, those in favor of a chatroom and those against it. No one got angry or anything, we had sensible discussions about the pros and cons of a chatroom and decided to go for it eventually, even people who didn't like the idea weren't angry they just met it with a sort of pessimistic optimism: whats the worst that could happen? So time went on and at first no one used the chatroom it was empty all the time, the forum kept growing and growing, and the sense of community was still tangibly there. Eventually the chatroom got popular and ALL entered a sort of golden age where there was tons of posting and people always in chat having conversations.

But slowly as "events" happened and more and more decisions had to be made, whether to allow guest posting, etc., People had differing opinions of course and more and more factions started forming around their differing opinions. People started identifying people based on their factions, which became especially apparent when the factions got leaders in a sense, and by that point it wasn't about site issues anymore it was about the people themselves and the more it became about the people themselves the more splinters formed around the community. Till it wasn't a community anymore, but a war zone, and no one could feel safe posting what they felt with a war going on in the background.

It's that war that's torn apart this community and until personal relationships are healed and genuine apologies are made. In order for this site to grow into a place where the dejected can feel at home and at peace again, where the battered and the bruised and the lonely can come and know they aren't alone in this world, there are two options: Everyone leaves and new people can start this place over OR you can go to anyone you have a problem with and be the decent human beings I know you all are and apologize and remember that we are all human beings and we are all truly in this crazy thing called life together

Wow NeverMore. Just WOW!!! Ive always liked you and respected you. But that is all exactly how it is. I agree with every single word you have put here.

I have never been into instant chat for obvious reasons. Well its obvious to anyone that knows me why that is. But I never minded the chat room.

But ye we have to get a sense of community back. A brotherhood feeling back. I do still think we have this. just when ppl ague over things that's really just not that important it dose not say much about us as a community.

The problem that this site is always going to have is some ppl who are in pain for there own personal reasons deal with that in an argumentative way. Its not constructive to them or this community.
I don't think this takes anything away from ppl like you NeverMore or a load of others I could say but would take me to long to type all the names out and am boned to miss someone. We still got an amazing place here and I still get something out of coming here. It still gives me strength as it did when I first come here.

 

[tennisgirl]

I haven’t posted on here for ages and ages either, but I totally agree that this site isn’t as good as it used to be. I come back now and again to read threads, but a lot of people just seem so mean. I used to love this site when I joined, for the main reason that everyone was so nice and warm here, and understanding. It seems like now, if you say something that someone disagrees with, you’ll soon be facing a lot of immature insults. It feels like certain people take pleasure in putting someone down (won’t mention any names).

I also think it was better way back when there were fewer sections. I can’t remember what sections there were back then, but it seemed to work really well, and fewer sections meant that the threads were all more relevant. (I know it’s in the off topic section, but I don’t really think there’s any need for a "vagina game" - that’s just my opinion though... so no insults please, thanks). There are too many sections with too many threads. I don’t know why so many changes were made when everything was working, everyone was friendly, and there was very little conflict. I agree with Nevermore that as the new changes had to be made, everyone started to divide because some wanted this, and someone else wanted that, and someone else wanted something totally different.

As for the chat, well I also can’t be bothered reading that thread from page 1, but it seems like no one can agree on it, so why not just get rid of it? It probably won’t go down well with a lot of people to start with, but it’ll soon be forgotten. The forum never had a chat before anyway, and it was perfectly fine, so I’m sure it wouldn’t fall apart. If you want to talk to your friends from here, you could use msn or some other IM’er (that’s what I did, and I was able to have more meaningful conversations than in chat).

I think this forum was unique, but now it’s just like any other forum on the internet. It doesn’t really feel like somewhere a lonely person can come to feel better anymore, and that’s sad because that was definitely what it felt like for me when I first joined here. I loved this site, and looked forward to coming back here. Now, not so much.

 

[VanillaCreme]

As for chat, if someone doesn't like chat, they can stay out. No one forces them to go there. And just because you're on the forums doesn't mean that you have to go to its chat. Just because one person doesn't like it doesn't mean everyone else who does like should be punished for it. It shouldn't be taken down, just stay out of it if you don't like it.

There IS a second chat room that belongs to ALL. But it's down currently. Stay out of the one you dislike, and wait for the you like.

And as for threads that might offend someone, like the vagina or penis one... It clearly states in the title of all places, that if you're offended, don't click it, and don't read it. Pretty sure you can read well enough if you're on a forum to begin with. Read what the title says and think to yourself whether or not you would want to participate in that particular thread.

Of course ALL changed... That's what happens when something grows. What do people expect to happen? It's like a baby to an adult... You wouldn't expect a typical adult to remain in the same mind frame as a baby, would you? Things change when they grow. It's that simple. I don't see it as really being divided, but you can't expect everyone to want the same exact things.

No, it shouldn't be anarchy, but Communism won't work either.

 

[tennisgirl]

As for chat, if someone doesn't like chat, they can stay out. No one forces them to go there. And just because you're on the forums doesn't mean that you have to go to its chat. Just because one person doesn't like it doesn't mean everyone else who does like should be punished for it. It shouldn't be taken down, just stay out of it if you don't like it.

I personally don't like the chat on this site, but that doesn't mean I don't like to chat. I think that whole "If you don't like it, don't use it" attitude isn't very friendly, especially for lonely people who are looking for comfort. I would think on a forum like this, peoples reasons for not liking a particular feature should be taken into account. Isn't that the best way to make changes anyway? I know you can't please everyone, but just shutting them up with a line like that doesn't seem like the most effective thing to do imo. I suggested it should be taken down purely because this site seemed to be so much better when there was no instant chat available. I've come back to this site and seen quite a few fights lately, all because of the chat room.

And as for threads that might offend someone, like the vagina or penis one... It clearly states in the title of all places, that if you're offended, don't click it, and don't read it. Pretty sure you can read well enough if you're on a forum to begin with. Read what the title says and think to yourself whether or not you would want to participate in that particular thread.

Yes I can read well enough, and I read the title and I thought to myself, why are there threads like this on here... what's the purpose? But then I thought, okay, so maybe people enjoy that thread, but just seems silly that there are 2 like that. It's not just that thread anyway, and nope I wasn't offended. I was using that as an example of what I consider is a pointless thread on a forum like this.. there are sooo many threads on here, it makes it hard to actually come on this site and find some good, useful reading material these days.

Of course ALL changed... That's what happens when something grows. What do people expect to happen? It's like a baby to an adult... You wouldn't expect a typical adult to remain in the same mind frame as a baby, would you? Things change when they grow. It's that simple. I don't see it as really being divided, but you can't expect everyone to want the same exact things.

I'm not even sure it has grown. That number on the main page suggests there are loads of members, but there are very few active members. People I remember posting don't anymore, a lot of people register and don't post etc etc. There's nothing wrong with that, it's common on any forum - people come and go and I'm one of those people, but just because that number is rising, it doesnt mean the forum has grown at all. Most of the threads on here consist of posts from the same bunch of people. There seems to be a group of active members who keep this place going. I don't mind change at all, but I personally don't think there was any need to change it so much when it was a very nice community just as it was. This little forum was running quite nicely in my opinion .

 

[Robin]

Very good points Tennisgirl.

 

[wah]

I went to post this on the original thread when I saw it was, luckily, closed, however way too late, IMHO. If there isn't a rule prohobiting revealing personal info exhanged between members in any form of private communication, there than should be. There is one on every other forum I've seen.

It's a shame I even need to dignify everything that has been written by responding, but since a close friend of mine, absolutely innocent of what she has been accused of doing, has been ruthlessly attacked and humiliated in the lowest possible manner, I felt the need to get my voice heard here and clear her name that seems to have been tainted by a histeric rampage of an individual who can't even get along with his own kind.

This is going to be my first and last post on this subject as, like it's already been said by some others that have been directly involved in the story, it isn't worthy the 2 kB traffic that it's going to create.

Even though we are separated by thousands of miles, in the last couple of months we have been talking Naleena has become my closest friend and I have gotten to know her as the kindest, most gentle, most caring, most overwhelmingly wonderful person I have ever had the chance to meet in my life (and I've met a lot of people).

The allegations that have been brought upon her regarding her supposed inappropriate behavior by a person who prides himself in aways speaking the turth are not just flat out lies with the soul purpose of destroying the impressive reputation that Naleena has built for herself in this community, but are irrelevant to the point of being absurd and insulting in a completely different way than they have been meant to be.

To everyone reading this post and everyone who for reasons beyond civilized understanding has changed the way they perceive my friend Naleena after yesterday's incident, I guarantee you right now that all of the claims by a member whose name I won't even dignify by mentioning are false, untrue, vicious and above all perverse in a very non-sexual way. They are the result of a self-destructive individual who hasn't yet learned the lesson of backing down when it seems to have gotten completely out of hand and is ready to twist the truth to the point of no truth left anywhere to be found anymore, which is exactly what happened during yesterday's argument between him and Naleena.

It is a result of children's bussines at play in a perfect medium of the internet, where the impact of a false statement is about as easy to catch as a feather pillow opened on the 50th floor on a windy day.

I have talked to Naleena moments after she has gone offline yesterday and her reaction was that of a person who has not just been lied about, but whose belief in human kind has been seriously shaken.

It is why I hereby ask of the ALL forums community to seriously re-examine their possibly newly-founded opinion of Naleena and to understand that the authenticity of the claims made by the opposed side is not just false, but is utterly irrelevant. We are blessed to life in a society providing civil liberties and freedom of expression, and how any one of us (including Naleena) acts in the safety of our four walls or our computer keyboard is a part of the choices we are free to make and freedoms we are free to consume. We are all red under our skin and Naleena has proven herself times again (and I have no doubts will continue to do so in the future) as one of those lucky few in this world to possess the unique gift of being able to enjoy life to its full extent, and yet never neglect the surrounding feelings of their enviroment or fail to ankowledge the consequences of their actions.

It is why I, once again, assure everyone who since yesterday has felt compelled to condition their views of our wonderful friend Naleena to understand that she has been nothing but a victim of vicious doings and childish behavior and that every single statement that has been made about her are nothing more but filthy lies aimed at total destruction of that person's self-confience and the work that she has done and the results it has obtained, the impact on the community of friends that the side that has extended these insults can only dream of ever accomplishing in life.

I urge you all to show our friend Naleena that she is accepted and seen by this community the same way that she has always been and the staff to never ever let another member of these forums to reveal personal information concerning another member or the content of their private correspondance of any kind ever again.

Thank you.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Naleena))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[EveWasFramed]

Wah, as always, you are correct. What was done to her, was done for no other reason, than she was defending ME from a vicious, deluded individual. Yes, he is a liar and I don't believe that Naleena's reputation will suffer for one very simple reason: People arent as stupid as The Liar thought they were. People will know that thread yesterday for what it was: a vicious character attack on someone who didn't deserve it. To suggest that someone as kind and caring as Naleena could be guilty of such things is ridiculous.
As he admitted in the post, it was really me he was after anway, so to use an innocent, well-respected person, to get at someone else, is beyond low. For someone to devolve to such a degree is truly pathetic and deserves no sympathy, no kindness and certainly no respect. In fact, they don't even deserve to have their name spoken.
Kudos to you, Wah and hugs to (((((Naleena)))))).

 

[Steel]

Fights will always break out. True, I and the other admins could delete all the evidence, lock threads and so forth - but what does this actually achieve?

413 users have been active in the last 24 hours alone. That is a LOT of people. Fights are going to break out.. some of them will be civilised, some of them not so. Some people post often, some lurk... some prefer using the chat. It doesn't matter, what matters is that they get something out of it. Most families don't contain 413 people, and yet, as everyone knows, families fight.

 

[Sanal]

Fights will always break out. True, I and the other admins could delete all the evidence, lock threads and so forth - but what does this actually achieve?

Achieves a bit lot, gains a good view from people, people wont be sick of the fights they see, people wont be leaving the forum coz their threads are not taken seriously coz the fight threads are everybody is interested in, and to top everything - can stop a fight before it starts - prevention is always better than cure if your excuse is "this had to be end like this", ask the members to go in pms and fight if they want to.. not in open threads as for everyone to see and get sick of.. If they are not willing, then give a warning, and still not willing, ban them, its not abuse of powers, its the way it should be to avoid all these and besides its freedom of expression and not freedom to get into personal fights nor freedom to bash on anyone who has a different view. As a member of this forum, I told you to please lock the thread as the purpose for what it was made "second chat room" -- my post twice there - one in big fonts for anybody to read -- is complete(as thats what has been told to me by the admin of second chat) and could have ended it there than going into personal arguments to make anyone feel bad or to make anybody get banned. I still don't understand why my vision to it was not taken seriously as I told you this too that, its gonna be bad.. I am not getting into any more arguments but I just as a member, want to know why and I am not asking you this in pms coz I want to know how many agrees with me in this matter that it could have ended like this as I said..

Edit: Typos

 

[Steel]

In this case, however, the post was never intended as a serious request for a second chatroom. It was designed to start an argument.

Nobody is ever forced to fight. But where do you draw the line? Should someone disagreeing with someone's political views, and attacking their ideas, thus be warned for starting a fight? Many, many arguments START civilised, and then become personal. Many people find it difficult to recognise the difference between having their argument attacked, and being personally attacked.

 

[Sanal]

From what I have seen here till now even before this thread here is "argument attacked" ending up getting "personaly attacked". So could have drawn the line when I just asked. Should have posted a post stating it that "to not get into personal arguments". But idk, Maybe its my immature view and maybe you are right coz I dont have even 5% experience as what you have in life or in forums, but I just felt this way. I apologize.. Sorry if I am wrong..

 

[Steel]

Lol, Sanal, you never have to apologise for having a differing opinion.

It is a difficult decision. In this case, I believe that the thread in question would have just spawned another one (in some ways it did this one, although I accept this thread is nothing like the other one). While there was a lot of arguing, a lot of people felt they had something to say - you will notice that a large variety of people actually postd on the thread.

Locking a thread doesn't make any bad feeling go away, indeed, you will notice that arguments on certain threads have spilled into different threads entirely. Nobody is ever forced to become involved in an argument - and any post can likewise be reported to a moderator for action.

 

[sammy]

Fights will always break out. True, I and the other admins could delete all the evidence, lock threads and so forth - but what does this actually achieve?

413 users have been active in the last 24 hours alone. That is a LOT of people. Fights are going to break out.. some of them will be civilised, some of them not so. Some people post often, some lurk... some prefer using the chat. It doesn't matter, what matters is that they get something out of it. Most families don't contain 413 people, and yet, as everyone knows, families fight.

So because a loooot of people are drawn here, and a lot of them because of fights, it's ok? wow

Please Steel, I have had the impression that you are a decent man, with respect and honesty.
Please look at my post in this thread http://www.alonelylife.com/rabble-rabble-rabble-t-5055.html

and please, take it in to concideration!

 

[VanillaCreme]

As for chat, if someone doesn't like chat, they can stay out. No one forces them to go there. And just because you're on the forums doesn't mean that you have to go to its chat. Just because one person doesn't like it doesn't mean everyone else who does like should be punished for it. It shouldn't be taken down, just stay out of it if you don't like it.

I personally don't like the chat on this site, but that doesn't mean I don't like to chat. I think that whole "If you don't like it, don't use it" attitude isn't very friendly, especially for lonely people who are looking for comfort. I would think on a forum like this, peoples reasons for not liking a particular feature should be taken into account. Isn't that the best way to make changes anyway? I know you can't please everyone, but just shutting them up with a line like that doesn't seem like the most effective thing to do imo. I suggested it should be taken down purely because this site seemed to be so much better when there was no instant chat available. I've come back to this site and seen quite a few fights lately, all because of the chat room.

And as for threads that might offend someone, like the vagina or penis one... It clearly states in the title of all places, that if you're offended, don't click it, and don't read it. Pretty sure you can read well enough if you're on a forum to begin with. Read what the title says and think to yourself whether or not you would want to participate in that particular thread.

Yes I can read well enough, and I read the title and I thought to myself, why are there threads like this on here... what's the purpose? But then I thought, okay, so maybe people enjoy that thread, but just seems silly that there are 2 like that. It's not just that thread anyway, and nope I wasn't offended. I was using that as an example of what I consider is a pointless thread on a forum like this.. there are sooo many threads on here, it makes it hard to actually come on this site and find some good, useful reading material these days.

Of course ALL changed... That's what happens when something grows. What do people expect to happen? It's like a baby to an adult... You wouldn't expect a typical adult to remain in the same mind frame as a baby, would you? Things change when they grow. It's that simple. I don't see it as really being divided, but you can't expect everyone to want the same exact things.

I'm not even sure it has grown. That number on the main page suggests there are loads of members, but there are very few active members. People I remember posting don't anymore, a lot of people register and don't post etc etc. There's nothing wrong with that, it's common on any forum - people come and go and I'm one of those people, but just because that number is rising, it doesnt mean the forum has grown at all. Most of the threads on here consist of posts from the same bunch of people. There seems to be a group of active members who keep this place going. I don't mind change at all, but I personally don't think there was any need to change it so much when it was a very nice community just as it was. This little forum was running quite nicely in my opinion .

Me saying I was pretty sure you can read wasn't an attack on you. I was just simply saying that people here are intelligent and can read what a thread is about. People like to discuss different things. Different threads come about everyday. Different topics arise all the time. So what's pointless to you might not be pointless to someone else. Or what's pointless to someone else, you might find some interesting quality in it.

As for active members, we can make everyone who's ever signed up active. Either they are active, or they're not. Some people are active on select days. Some people are active every day, or every few days... It depends on the person. I don't really think the activity, or lack of in some people's opinions, is because some people think ALL has gone down hill.

As for chat, it may not seem very friendly, but it's a basic solution. Why would you go some place you don't like? There are tons of other chats online, find one that suits you. If the one particular ALL chat room doesn't suit you, there's another one.

 

[Robin]

It is a difficult decision. In this case, I believe that the thread in question would have just spawned another one (in some ways it did this one, although I accept this thread is nothing like the other one).

Seems a little lazy to be honest. If another thread starts, You could lock that one too. Another one, lock lock lock. I'm not sure how the topic looked like from everyone's point of view since i was a big part of it, but every discussion has a limit. The only way to make people in a heated discussion listen is to force them to, and for example like Sanal said, take it in PMs. I'm not saying You did anything wrong, but Sanal seemed to be pointing out that what was going on, by actively trying to get someone to lock that thread. As an admin, of any community, everything bad that happens is ultimate gonna be blamed on You if it's not taken care of swiftly. Yesterday was just yet another example of inactivity from the people who should be the most active. What the banned member did was a total holocaust, and i thank god for Nal's sister pulling the plug. But, it could have been done much, much sooner.