Scared and unsure

[LaCrousse]

Hey,
I'm at college but I'm too scared to go and attend socials. Someone from a social offered to meet me beforehand if I talked to them on facebook, but when I replied I don't use facebook I got a very generic good luck response and I feel lost again
I struggle to even go to anything social for a few reasons, and the recent crime wave in my area hasn't helped. I hear horror stories about the impact of crime near where I live and I'm in the most targeted demographic group in my region of the country
Another thing is I really want to know people but I'm super picky, much more than I deserve to be
And I'm just worn out in general, by not having any money, living where I do, going to the college I go to and doing work I really don't want to do
I'm just exhausted and missing out on events I don't even know if I should push myself to go to, but I have no idea how else to ever get to know people. Or even if it's worth getting to know people any more
I'm exhausted and unsure. I don't like my life but can barely muster the effort to survive daily, let alone change things. I don't know what to do

 

[MissBehave]

My aunt use to say that eventually, something is going to be the thing that kills us either we want it or not. No use in worrying about what or when it's coming. 
As far as the social thingy, I would try and do some socialization. It's an important part of life so try to get it if you can. 
Being picky can be both good and bad. If you feel like it limits you, then stop being so picky. Step out of what you think would be right. Who knows, you might end up getting to know an amazing person.

 

[LaCrousse]

My aunt use to say that eventually, something is going to be the thing that kills us either we want it or not. No use in worrying about what or when it's coming. 
As far as the social thingy, I would try and do some socialization. It's an important part of life so try to get it if you can. 
Being picky can be both good and bad. If you feel like it limits you, then stop being so picky. Step out of what you think would be right. Who knows, you might end up getting to know an amazing person.

I suppose, your aunt sounds wise =)
I know. I sometimes forget it's important. I've spend so much time on my own and I'm so introverted it's hard to get to know anyone in person. I could get to know someone good though. I just really struggle in big social situations which is normally how people find each other I think

 

[harper]

I know there's no easy fix, but I think low expectations play a large part in developing normal social skills.  

Physical jeopardy aside, the worst it's going to be is awkward.  At best, it'll be fun.  Most such experiences offer moments of each.   In neither case will the situation make or break you.   It's okay to avoid such encounters when you don't feel like going out, but you may regret *never* doing so.  

As far as I can see, the only real solution to overthinking things is to clear your mind, grab your jacket and get on over there.  No trepidation, no "what if's" -- just walk.   Go in and be an observer for as long as you please.  Notice how many others are doing the same.  Leave whenever you want.  

Later, when you review your experience, think about how it actually happened-- not how you might have looked to some imaginary observer.   Music was too loud, floor was sticky and everything smelled like Clorox.  Smart phones and dumb people.  What might have seemed terrifying two hours ago turned out to be a bore.  Probably no reason to castigate or congratulate yourself for being there.  It was just a thing.

I know that doesn't help because overthinking is a hard habit to break.  It protects itself by creating hundreds of frantic narratives to rationalize the fear it creates.  It may even be hard-wired into those who call themselves introverts.  I'm just offering that perspective because you don't seem to be sure of what it is that scares you.  Maybe it's Fear, itself.  Might not even be so bad, as problems go-- might just feel that way because it's preventing you from doing things you think you'd really like to do.  

In any case, you're not alone in feeling this way.  If it becomes oppressive, maybe you can talk it over with your family, or a counselor on campus.  Maybe somebody on the forum can offer a better resource.  I sure wish you success with it, though.

 

[el Jay]

Sounds like my entire life. Wish I had some sort of solution for you, but I don't.

 

[LaCrousse]

I know there's no easy fix, but I think low expectations play a large part in developing normal social skills.  

Physical jeopardy aside, the worst it's going to be is awkward.  At best, it'll be fun.  Most such experiences offer moments of each.   In neither case will the situation make or break you.   It's okay to avoid such encounters when you don't feel like going out, but you may regret *never* doing so.  

As far as I can see, the only real solution to overthinking things is to clear your mind, grab your jacket and get on over there.  No trepidation, no "what if's" -- just walk.   Go in and be an observer for as long as you please.  Notice how many others are doing the same.  Leave whenever you want.  

Later, when you review your experience, think about how it actually happened-- not how you might have looked to some imaginary observer.   Music was too loud, floor was sticky and everything smelled like Clorox.  Smart phones and dumb people.  What might have seemed terrifying two hours ago turned out to be a bore.  Probably no reason to castigate or congratulate yourself for being there.  It was just a thing.

I know that doesn't help because overthinking is a hard habit to break.  It protects itself by creating hundreds of frantic narratives to rationalize the fear it creates.  It may even be hard-wired into those who call themselves introverts.  I'm just offering that perspective because you don't seem to be sure of what it is that scares you.  Maybe it's Fear, itself.  Might not even be so bad, as problems go-- might just feel that way because it's preventing you from doing things you think you'd really like to do.  

In any case, you're not alone in feeling this way.  If it becomes oppressive, maybe you can talk it over with your family, or a counselor on campus.  Maybe somebody on the forum can offer a better resource.  I sure wish you success with it, though.

I'm sorry for taking so long to reply
I guess, awkwardness is something I should be used to by now 
I've never even really been an observer before, so the idea's a bit daunting
I do like that phrase though, smart phones and dumb people 
It helps a bit. I think I just let a lot of things scare me and wear me out so sometimes multiple fears merge together
A lot of the time I don't think there could possibly be a reward which stops me from even trying. I know I should do though I just fail a lot
Thank you for helping though =)

---

Sounds like my entire life. Wish I had some sort of solution for you, but I don't.

That's okay, sometimes it just helps knowing I'm not alone thinking like this

 

[Sir Joseph]

LaCrousse, going from a small town with several good friends to a big university with no one,  I really struggled with my own social life through the first year of college.  I didn't seem to fit in at the dorm party scene or the High street bars, and I wasn't assertive enough to go to organized school activities on my own.  I'm sure there were hundreds of good activities and social opportunities available for me, but I was too lost to the whole environment to pursue rational paths.  I endured, but nearly dropped out of school after 2 quarters.  For my second year, I changed dorms and met a few guys on my floor that became good friends. Through them, I found daily companionship, friendship, and activities that made the next 3+ years the best social years of my life.
  
I expect that my own friendly personality and receptiveness in making friends out of new people I met played a big part in me finding a social niche in college, but looking back on it, I know I could have done better.  Specifically, as a Christian, it should have occurred to me to go to church, but it didn't.  I got used to living without church in high school because I worked every weekend, and in college I knew few, if any, who bothered to get up on Sunday to go to church - a common theme today in all secular colleges.

The thing is, had I made a weekly habit out of going to a good Christian church, I would have met many good people who would have welcomed me.  With a reasonable amount of effort participating with small groups and church activities, I could have made friends and built a good social life - in addition to growing my faith which should have been a priority.  While my college years turned out great, I realize now that they could have been easier and even better socially.

I think building and maintaining relationships is a life long challenge for most of us, but Christian churches offer a more welcoming environment to do this.  Don't let the typical college scene keep you from considering this avenue.

 

[LaCrousse]

Thank you Sir Joseph =)
I guess dorms might have helped, I live at home though and can't afford to move for my final year which has already started. I'm happy you got to have a good time though
Thank you for giving me things to consider. I have to commute so I'm far away from my university, and unlike you there's not really any one thing I'm passionate about and can meet people through. I'll have to think about it for a bit and hope life doesn't pass me by while I decide

 

[AT123]

Hi LaCrousse, I completely understand how you feel. I am introverted as well. But I will tell you, from my experience, that it's always worth putting yourself out there and getting to know people. I understand how intimidating it can be, but I can tell that you have courage since you have been trying.

Please know that you are not alone, and you are so valuable.

Is there a group that meets regularly that you could join? For example, I joined a Bible study group, and it has been such a blessing to get to know the people there every week.

Praying for you, friend.

 

[Diagnosed]

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I'm trying to deal with the autárquic issues and a New economic system I used no money. I think I faild, but got lost of sight on FakeBook.