What are you feeling, hoping, thinking, or remembering right now?

[EveWasFramed]

I would totally join that activity, Cavey. Let's make it a Christmas activity. *rubs hands together*

LOL...well, I didn't kill anyone.
I did cook for HOURS though and the kitchen BETTER be cleaned up when I go down tomorrow. That was the deal - I cook, they clean.


--------

Hoping...that 2015 will be a better year. I'm already taking steps to help that hope along a little. We'll see...

 

[InSearchOfPeople]

I can't even get a sympathetic response here...((

^ *hugs* InSearchOfPeople. I hope you'll feel better soon.

That was one response... I didn't have the emotional energy to respond any more than that but I try to give support even as little as it may be. I hope it can help some. :\

And I wonder, what can you do to improve your situation? Just one thing at a time. If moving could be a possibility in making things better, perhaps you could work towards that?

Thank you....I didn't know your *hugs* were for me. I am so used to be invisible and rejected, that even when someone calls me by my name, I get surprised or automatically assume they called someone else with the same name.

There are so many things on my mind, that I think could improve my situation. But lack of time, sleep, focus and uncertainty get me an anxiety, because I don't know what I should do first and what's going to be more efficient. I feel like gambling with my life everyday.


I went to a spiritualist, not a physic, but something similar. More like a therapy. She told me "loneliness and brokenness are all over me", she could see it from the first minute, that I am so lonely, and broken, and she said it will grow on me and I won't succeed in a anything, because of the void inside of me. And that's why I can't build any relationships at all, no matter what I do.

She gave me 2 suggestions.

First is to get a cat. She said, if I have something loving, that will be waiting for me when I get home everyday, it will help to repair my broken heart, my energy will change and it will help me with people too.

By the way I thought about it myself a year ago. My mom talked me out of it, because she was afraid, then I won't come to see her in my home country.

Secondly, she said I should change my job to the one, where I feel more secure. Because with the one I have now, it's like expecting an earthquake every day, like any minute the ground will go away from under my feet.

So now I am thinking to get a cat. I think I want toyger, and it will take a while for me to get that cat, but just a thought of having it already makes me happy.

Today though, on Christmas, I went to see my friends. It was ok. I came home, called another friend who is going to Miami for new years and as much as I tried to get in, I was NOT invited....Now I am feeling down again, will take a nap, call my mom and will try to continue this life....all by myself.

 

[Peaches]

^ this spiritualist, or whatever she is, sounds like she has good ideas..

 

[jd7]

To the dude that through his girlfriend out in her pajamas on the sidewalk and then tore down after her on the lawn with his monster truck outside my apartment yesterday: Dude, you're not bad. You're a little bitch. Pull your ****** pants up. If I could figure out of a way to stomp your ****** ass into the ground without going to jail, I would...

 

[ladyforsaken]

To the dude that through his girlfriend out in her pajamas on the sidewalk and then tore down after her on the lawn with his monster truck outside my apartment yesterday: Dude, you're not bad. You're a little bitch. Pull your ****** pants up. If I could figure out of a way to stomp your ****** ass into the ground without going to jail, I would...

Seriously? Damn.. that's not very nice of him.

I went to a spiritualist, not a physic, but something similar. More like a therapy. She told me "loneliness and brokenness are all over me", she could see it from the first minute, that I am so lonely, and broken, and she said it will grow on me and I won't succeed in a anything, because of the void inside of me. And that's why I can't build any relationships at all, no matter what I do.

She gave me 2 suggestions.

First is to get a cat. She said, if I have something loving, that will be waiting for me when I get home everyday, it will help to repair my broken heart, my energy will change and it will help me with people too.

By the way I thought about it myself a year ago. My mom talked me out of it, because she was afraid, then I won't come to see her in my home country.

Secondly, she said I should change my job to the one, where I feel more secure. Because with the one I have now, it's like expecting an earthquake every day, like any minute the ground will go away from under my feet.

So now I am thinking to get a cat. I think I want toyger, and it will take a while for me to get that cat, but just a thought of having it already makes me happy.

Today though, on Christmas, I went to see my friends. It was ok. I came home, called another friend who is going to Miami for new years and as much as I tried to get in, I was NOT invited....Now I am feeling down again, will take a nap, call my mom and will try to continue this life....all by myself.

I think those suggestions are pretty cool. I would get myself a cat, if I could.

What about your job though? Any changes you'll be making with this spiritualist's suggestion?

I'm sorry you were feeling upset again because of the friend who didn't invite you. **** them. If they don't wanna invite you, then so be it. You make your own life and make your own friends who will appreciate you and consider you in their plans, ISOP. Hope you'll feel better soon. *hugs*

 

[InSearchOfPeople]

I think those suggestions are pretty cool. I would get myself a cat, if I could.

What about your job though? Any changes you'll be making with this spiritualist's suggestion?

I'm sorry you were feeling upset again because of the friend who didn't invite you. **** them. If they don't wanna invite you, then so be it. You make your own life and make your own friends who will appreciate you and consider you in their plans, ISOP. Hope you'll feel better soon. *hugs*

Thank you for your support...

I don't know what to do about my job.

It has great advantages. I make big money for a small job like I have, the schedule is flexible to the point where I make my own schedule every week, I can take vacation any time of the year, or few days off any time I want.
During the working hours I can be on the phone or shopping if slow or whatever else I want to do.

And then it has tons of disadvantages too. No one takes me serious when they learn where I work. I was called a "begger" or a "hustler" couple times. My boss gets on my nerves when he is in a bad mood or he wants to give me bad shifts without any reason. I work with bunch of other girls, who gossip and hate and are jealous, and make intrigues and traps for me and each other. And then this job can end any day. I don't know if my boss comes today and then walks out and leave me a voicemail, that I no longer work for him, like he did with some other girls. There are no benefits or paid vacation.
And i have to deal with rejection so much every day like other people don't deal with in their lifetime, because I work in sales.

At the end of the day, I hate people, I hate myself for hating others, I feel down depressed, rejected, like a bucket of **** was just poured out on me, but I walk out with a lot of money that give me an ability to afford many things that I thought I would never be able to afford and it gives me an opportunity to finally take care of my mom, who lived all her life in poverty.

It's almost like I am selling my soul...

I remember 3 years ago, I literally had to count change to make sure I had just enough to ride a bus to my job every day, where I was getting paid pennies. My spending budget was 3$ a day besides the bus ride.
I was getting 1 mcchicken at McDonald's before work and one after.
I had so much peace, was content and slept like a baby back then.

Today I don't look at prices at the most regular stores, I wake up with regrets that I am alive, go to bed with anxiety and sleeping pills and can't sleep for the most of the night.

I know sometimes we have to sacrifice something. And may be it's money that I need to sacrifice for now to gain back the peace of mind, but I am just so used to spending and buying nice things, that I don't know if changing a job to a less paid one is an answer for me.

 

[ladyforsaken]

That's understandable, ISOP. It's difficult to have a change in lifestyle suddenly, the culture shock might prove to be more detrimental to you than you imagined, making you feel even more overwhelmed and stressed out, making your depression worse. As they always say, follow what your gut tells you or do what you feel comfortable with doing or what you can cope with.

Funny how things are the opposite like that as you described.

Just out of curiosity, what do you work as?

 

[jd7]

To the dude that through his girlfriend out in her pajamas on the sidewalk and then tore down after her on the lawn with his monster truck outside my apartment yesterday: Dude, you're not bad. You're a little bitch. Pull your ****** pants up. If I could figure out of a way to stomp your ****** ass into the ground without going to jail, I would...

Seriously? Damn.. that's not very nice of him.

Kids nowadays... Years back, I'da grabbed my Louisville Slugger B-52 Bomber and went to town...

 

[ladyforsaken]

To the dude that through his girlfriend out in her pajamas on the sidewalk and then tore down after her on the lawn with his monster truck outside my apartment yesterday: Dude, you're not bad. You're a little bitch. Pull your ****** pants up. If I could figure out of a way to stomp your ****** ass into the ground without going to jail, I would...

Seriously? Damn.. that's not very nice of him.

Kids nowadays... Years back, I'da grabbed my Louisville Slugger B-52 Bomber and went to town...

Was the girl okay, though?

 

[jd7]

To the dude that through his girlfriend out in her pajamas on the sidewalk and then tore down after her on the lawn with his monster truck outside my apartment yesterday: Dude, you're not bad. You're a little bitch. Pull your ****** pants up. If I could figure out of a way to stomp your ****** ass into the ground without going to jail, I would...

Seriously? Damn.. that's not very nice of him.

Kids nowadays... Years back, I'da grabbed my Louisville Slugger B-52 Bomber and went to town...

Was the girl okay, though?

Yah...she was fine. I walked out the front door to see this happening. He didn't physically "throw" her out. Once he saw me, he pulled the truck back onto the street. I'm guessing they were about 19 - young kids. But what got to me was he was revving the truck and going back-and-forth in reverse in an attempt to be intimidating. Nothing good comes from someone hellbent on intimidating another person. Maybe I'll knock and tell her parents that their daughter is dating an abusive psychopath and just doesn't know it yet.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Yah...she was fine. I walked out the front door to see this happening. He didn't physically "throw" her out. Once he saw me, he pulled the truck back onto the street. I'm guessing they were about 19 - young kids. But what got to me was he was revving the truck and going back-and-forth in reverse in an attempt to be intimidating. Nothing good comes from someone hellbent on intimidating another person. Maybe I'll knock and tell her parents that their daughter is dating an abusive psychopath and just doesn't know it yet.

That can be pretty traumatising for the girl too. That's really young to go through **** like that. You could do that, or talk to her if you happen to pass her or something.

 

[jd7]

Yah...she was fine. I walked out the front door to see this happening. He didn't physically "throw" her out. Once he saw me, he pulled the truck back onto the street. I'm guessing they were about 19 - young kids. But what got to me was he was revving the truck and going back-and-forth in reverse in an attempt to be intimidating. Nothing good comes from someone hellbent on intimidating another person. Maybe I'll knock and tell her parents that their daughter is dating an abusive psychopath and just doesn't know it yet.

That can be pretty traumatising for the girl too. That's really young to go through **** like that. You could do that, or talk to her if you happen to pass her or something.

I wanted to stop and talk to her, but he was watching. And I could tell that would "get her in trouble." I'll keep an eye out. I'm protective that way. She's just a couple years older than my daughter...

And if he ends up hog-tied and taped naked to a stop-sign, that would be news to me.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I wanted to stop and talk to her, but he was watching. And I could tell that would "get her in trouble." I'll keep an eye out. I'm protective that way. She's just a couple years older than my daughter...

And if he ends up hog-tied and taped naked to a stop-sign, that would be news to me.

Ah, I can imagine how you must feel for this girl, seeing you have a daughter of your own at about the same age range. Hope the girl realises all this and stops seeing the guy, really. :\

 

[Nuzzy Nuz]

What am I gonna do to save One life... :/

 

[jd7]

I wanted to stop and talk to her, but he was watching. And I could tell that would "get her in trouble." I'll keep an eye out. I'm protective that way. She's just a couple years older than my daughter...

And if he ends up hog-tied and taped naked to a stop-sign, that would be news to me.

Ah, I can imagine how you must feel for this girl, seeing you have a daughter of your own at about the same age range. Hope the girl realises all this and stops seeing the guy, really. :\

Me too. I can spot an *******, I used to be one. Some would argue that I still am. :rolleyes2:

---

What am I gonna do to save One life... :/

Take good care of yourself?

 

[Nuzzy Nuz]

Take good care of yourself?

Oh uncle.. I do not know wht to do... that person is so stubborn ... -_-

 

[user 115627]

Juxtaposition...well, but I'm feeling like this right now.

Too stubborn to die.
Too stubborn to live.
Too stubborn to be sad.
Too stubborn to be happy.

 

[jd7]

Take good care of yourself?

Oh uncle.. I do not know wht to do... that person is so stubborn ... -_-

Always remember: the self comes first. For without it, you can be of no good to no one. Each of us is firstly responsible for ourselves.

 

[Lilith]

Yoga is liberating.

 

[Serenia]

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