Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
user 115627
It's all so tiresome.
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2014
- Messages
- 4,979
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- 84
Oh lord, I don't even want to know...
On a side note, I seem to capable of fluently switching between professional highbrow language and my 'backwater hometown dialect'. Now if that switch only happened consciously at all times.
On a side note, I seem to capable of fluently switching between professional highbrow language and my 'backwater hometown dialect'. Now if that switch only happened consciously at all times.
VanillaCreme
Well-known member
I really wished I had learned this.
kamya
Well-known member
[video=youtube]
Yup, she told him not to do that.
Yup, she told him not to do that.
A
AmytheTemperamental
Guest
Just want everything to be ok 
Mr Seal The Albatros
Well-known member
AmytheTemperamental said:Just want everything to be ok
*Hugs*
Lilith
Well-known member
I should take a nap. Only had 4 hours of sleep. This nap should fix the weird feeling in my heart
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
The job search is really feckin' tedious. But I guess one way to look at it is that the sooner I get applications out there, the sooner I can get a job and get money to do things, and the sooner I can be date-worthy.
I admit, I don't have a good job history or any references. But I ******* hate like hell the way that you are chained to your past. Because of that, I am pretty much not allowed to do anything and any other good things I have for me are made irrelevant. I don't know what someone like me is supposed to do. Go back to school and be in debt until I'm ******* 70? Become a drug dealer (and fail, because I have zero street smarts since I wasn't raised that way)? Work for minimum wage and live like **** for the rest of my life until drink myself to death or snap and kill somebody because I can't stand feeling like society's b**** anymore?
I just wish I had a real option here. A real way out. I can't see any way out of this hell.
I'm sorry. I think all the years of anger have eroded my sanity a little bit. Sometimes I just feel rabid with rage, sometimes I feel possessed by a demon. My happiness and optimism and hope are very very low right now. It wouldn't take much to kill all of my good feelings forever at this point. I just wish there was some way I could get a better life.
I admit, I don't have a good job history or any references. But I ******* hate like hell the way that you are chained to your past. Because of that, I am pretty much not allowed to do anything and any other good things I have for me are made irrelevant. I don't know what someone like me is supposed to do. Go back to school and be in debt until I'm ******* 70? Become a drug dealer (and fail, because I have zero street smarts since I wasn't raised that way)? Work for minimum wage and live like **** for the rest of my life until drink myself to death or snap and kill somebody because I can't stand feeling like society's b**** anymore?
I just wish I had a real option here. A real way out. I can't see any way out of this hell.
I'm sorry. I think all the years of anger have eroded my sanity a little bit. Sometimes I just feel rabid with rage, sometimes I feel possessed by a demon. My happiness and optimism and hope are very very low right now. It wouldn't take much to kill all of my good feelings forever at this point. I just wish there was some way I could get a better life.
EveWasFramed
Well-known member
TheSkaFish said:
I think a big part of your disappointment in life stems from the fact that the "American Dream" isn't attainable in the same ways it used to be. Go to school, get good grades, go to college and it was easy to find a job making a comfortable living. I think that once you change your mindset a little on that, you might start to move forward. Those times are GONE.
So what - you may need to take a job that isn't what you think your education entitles you to? You MUST start somewhere. It's not going to be easy or even comfortable for you. But what's the alternative? The things you mentioned above- debt, drug dealing, drinking yourself to death? Do those really appeal to you more than taking whatever job you can get until you can establish a good work history and then do better for yourself? The sooner you start, the better.
Do you know what today is? Today is yesterday's future. What did you do yesterday, to make today better?
When you wake up tomorrow, what will you do? Will you continue to be angry and remain in the rut you find yourself in, or will you move FORWARD? You can't just stumble into a good job anymore - you have to have skills and experience. There's only ONE way to get that and you understand that. Make it happen.
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
Yes, that's definitely a part of it. My anger is fueled by deep feelings of betrayal, of having been lied to, set up for a fall. Robbed. Cheated. It feels like I have been knocked down, kicked, and my face ground in ****. It feels like my very heart and soul have been defiled. It's the exact same feeling with both jobs and dating.
I don't mean to be arrogant and I'm sorry if that is graphic or extreme, but upward mobility has always been very close to my heart. The idea that I am strong enough and smart enough to get there, that I am every bit as good as the other guys, that I'm a threat to them, that I can make what I want happen. It's very important to me to be able to reach something good in this world and hold on. I've always dreamed of that, having a house (doesn't have to be a mansion, a small house would be fine as long as it's just me, but I would have to own, not rent), a nice car, getting good at the things that I am interested in (legitimately good, not a hobbyist), being free to follow my interests, and of course, dating someone that I want.
Without those, I simply can have no pride. And without pride, I can't feel good about myself. It would crush my hope, my will to go on. The good feelings in me would starve and only the bad feelings would be left. I'd pretty much be dead inside.
I don't mean to be arrogant and I'm sorry if that is graphic or extreme, but upward mobility has always been very close to my heart. The idea that I am strong enough and smart enough to get there, that I am every bit as good as the other guys, that I'm a threat to them, that I can make what I want happen. It's very important to me to be able to reach something good in this world and hold on. I've always dreamed of that, having a house (doesn't have to be a mansion, a small house would be fine as long as it's just me, but I would have to own, not rent), a nice car, getting good at the things that I am interested in (legitimately good, not a hobbyist), being free to follow my interests, and of course, dating someone that I want.
Without those, I simply can have no pride. And without pride, I can't feel good about myself. It would crush my hope, my will to go on. The good feelings in me would starve and only the bad feelings would be left. I'd pretty much be dead inside.
EveWasFramed
Well-known member
TheSkaFish said:
I can't agree that you were lied to. The world changed - it's a different place than it was just ten years ago. It wasn't a lie, it was simply CHANGE. The strong ADAPT. It's certainly not easy and will be a struggle. Are you up for that? All the things that you mention that have meaning to you (car, house, etc)...aren't attainable by the means you are currently employing to get them - which at this point in your life, is nothing. As I mentioned in another thread, this isn't criticism at all. It's actually logical thought and encouragement.
Again, things have changed, the economy has changed, people have changed. Will you continue on your same path or will you ADAPT and begin to move forward? It sucks, I know, but what can you do? Wither away or begin to grow (yourself)? Six months from now, will you still be having these conversations with us here? I hope that you don't but you're the only one who can make that change.
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
EveWasFramed said:
I suppose I am up for the struggle since it seems I have to struggle anyway. I might as well struggle for something instead of in vain. I find myself thinking a lot to the past jobs I've had and the people who seemed stuck as they were, as cashiers or office workers or at UPS, simply unable to retrain as anything higher. I really fear winding up like that and missing out on all the good things in life. It's not just money. If I were stuck at the bottom it would also kill my confidence, so that would affect my belief in myself to do anything successfully at all, from draw a picture to write a story to going on a date. I think that if a person does not feel good about themselves in general, then it will be all but impossible for them to succeed at anything because they just won't believe in themselves. Failure will become their identity and I fear it will be mine.
I'm actually trying to get an internship right now. Even an unpaid internship would be great, since I'd get a reference and relevant experience out of it. I haven't seen any requirements for them yet in the job description that I feel I can't do. The problem is, even internships are asking for references and work history. I hope I won't still be talking about the same things in 6 months either. I got pretty discouraged when I was applying for a paid internship today. Maybe I'll look more into the unpaid ones tomorrow and maybe their requirements will be less steep. I hope so, anyway.
PS - I'm not as materialistic as I come off. The house and car are actually pretty low on my list of priorites, in the bigger picture...family, friends, experiences, moments, and memories, getting good at my interests / being interesting and finding romantic love are much more important to me.
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
I think I'd like to finish working today for the week. Sadly, I don't think that's going to happen.
Oh well, the more I work, the more money I have.
Oh well, the more I work, the more money I have.
VanillaCreme
Well-known member
TheSkaFish said:
Your anger is only affecting you. Your almost refusal to just drag yourself in the mud until you get to where you want to be only affects you. Many of us have been robbed and cheated. Many of us have been knocked down and kicked while we were on the ground. Many of us were lied to. You're not the exception, and while I completely understand where you're coming from (I wish I had taken Eve's advice when she told me to stick to my job at Walmart, but honestly, that Camaro just drank too much - it wasn't because I thought it was a demeaning job), your way of thinking about it only affects you.
People will fail you. Not everyone will come through for you or aid you in ways you want. But that's not on them. It's on you. It's on you to decide whether or not you stay down. My heart feels for you because I know what it's like to feel like I almost have to depend on others. It's annoying. It's irritating. But I realized years ago that not everyone is supposed to care for me. Not everyone is supposed to help me.
I've been through things that people wouldn't imagine. But it was on me to decide if I learned from it and struggle through that mud, and crawl through it if I had to just to get to the greener grass. That was on me to learn I had to suck it up and just get things done. No one owes me anything, but I owe it to myself to continue to fight for myself.
VanillaCreme
Well-known member
Sleep, please?
ladyforsaken
Well-known member
I'm so sorry..
Mr Seal The Albatros
Well-known member
ladyforsaken said:
*hugs* I think I know what this is about. I'm sorry that happened.
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