What are you thinking right now?

[TheSkaFish]

Talking to her was a bad idea. It's only served to remind me just how incredibly difficult it will be to get anywhere with her, if it's even possible at all. I just hate how once a girl decides you're not good enough, then there isn't much you can do to become good enough. No matter how much and how well you used to converse, no matter that you made her laugh, no matter that you made her happy, no matter how much she said you mattered. No matter how much you actually improve your rank in life. I have no idea if anything I did would matter, if I were a CEO, if I were a rockstar, if I started going on a bunch of vacations, if I got muscles, if I got some other talent, I don't know if it would ever be enough for her. And I just hate how it's pretty much a bad boys' world, thanks to pop culture - doing hard drugs and having a rap sheet and looking like you're a member of Hell's Angels is seen as being such a "free spirit", oh so interesting to be a destructive ******* whose only interests are posing, fighting, breaking stuff, and getting intoxicated. It disgusts me.

I feel like as a man who does not want to get drunk every day, get high, steal, smoke, intimidate and pick fights, and break the law, that I have no chance with the physically appealing, truly fascinating women that I'm drawn to. I feel like they just see me as an effeminate wimp because I don't want to be a cocky ********* or needlessly risk my life just to impress people. I don't want to join the ranks of the scumbags, even though that seems to be how to get into first-class. But I don't want to just resign myself to pretending to be enthused about someone who is physically plain to me and isn't interested in anything I enjoy or has anything to talk about, and just vacantly smile and nod for the rest of my life.

There just doesn't seem to be another option, besides lifetime singledom.

 

[Rainbows]

Talking to her was a bad idea. It's only served to remind her just how incredibly difficult it will be to get anywhere with her, if it's even possible at all. I just hate how once a girl decides you're not good enough, then there isn't much you can do to become good enough. No matter how much and how well you used to converse, no matter that you made her laugh, no matter that you made her happy, no matter how much she said you mattered. No matter how much you actually improve your rank in life. I have no idea if anything I did would matter, if I were a CEO, if I were a rockstar, if I started going on a bunch of vacations, if I got muscles, if I got some other talent, I don't know if it would ever be enough for her. And I just hate how it's pretty much a bad boys' world, thanks to pop culture - doing hard drugs and having a rap sheet and looking like you're a member of Hell's Angels is seen as being such a "free spirit", oh so interesting to be a destructive ******* whose only interests are posing, fighting, breaking stuff, and getting intoxicated. It disgusts me.

I feel like as a man who does not want to get drunk every day, get high, steal, smoke, intimidate and pick fights, and break the law, that I have no chance with the physically appealing, truly fascinating women that I'm drawn to. I feel like they just see me as an effeminate wimp because I don't want to be a cocky ********* or needlessly risk my life just to impress people. I don't want to join the ranks of the scumbags, even though that seems to be how to get into first-class. But I don't want to just resign myself to pretending to be enthused about someone who is physically plain to me and isn't interested in anything I enjoy or has anything to talk about, and just vacantly smile and nod for the rest of my life.

There just doesn't seem to be another option, besides lifetime singledom.

Then don't.

If you seriously believe your view is true (because you refuse to listen to anyone who tells you it's not), then don't become a *********. You'll be single but at least you'll be a nice person. That's what's most important.
But remember this always, by degrading other people, you're not becoming a better person yourself.

 

[Ymir]

I bought the nicest smelling perfume. My nose is therefore always attached to my wrist.

 

[Peaco]

I don't matter.

 

[DariusArgent]

Want to sleep but I can't. Too much energy to do something other than sleeping.

 

[Alma lost her spoon]

Want to sleep but I can't. Too much energy to do something other than sleeping.

*snerk

 

[TheSkaFish]

Then don't.

If you seriously believe your view is true (because you refuse to listen to anyone who tells you it's not), then don't become a *********. You'll be single but at least you'll be a nice person. That's what's most important.
But remember this always, by degrading other people, you're not becoming a better person yourself.

I degrade people when they've done something that shows they deserve it. I'm not a bully, I don't pick on innocent people and I don't do it for fun. Also, when I reach the point where I've just had enough. I'm really starting to feel like it doesn't even matter if I become a better person or not. I don't know what I can do to make myself more interesting, exciting, and attractive than the bad boys. I don't want to learn to just content myself with whoever they don't want, I don't want to learn to accept their dominance. I want to fight it and win. But nothing I've done seems to work - even when I think I'm getting there, even when I think I have the right stuff it's not enough. If I only knew how to play my cards right I could have avoided this, but I didn't so now I get to be romantically unfulfilled for the rest of my life. And it didn't have to be that way. Is that all I have to look forward to? Going through my one life miserable but saying, well, at least I'm nice? Great.....

 

[Rainbows]

It's my birthday. Oop.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I'm this close to just giving up on her, taking the gloves off and really letting her know exactly how I feel about all of this, the ******* piece of honeysuckle scumbag, her cool-kid arrogance. It really stings me to get honeysuckle on like this. Why couldn't I have been someone that doesn't get treated this way? Why does this have to be the way my life goes? I'm this close to really letting her have it. To telling her that dirty ****** is not and never will be better than me. That I wouldn't have been boring, that I wanted to show her a good time, I wanted to make her happy, I wanted us to have fun together. I wanted to be the one for her and I would have done the work. To spit it all at her like a bomb and hold nothing back, just hit her with all of my anger and pain and sincerely hoping it punches her right in the heart. And then deleting and blocking her on everything, so she can sit there wounded like I've been and so she doesn't get to hit me back and the last thing she ever sees from me is one big, burning fresia YOU for crippling me like this for life, a wave of pure hatred crashing down on her forever.

Of course it means we'd never speak again, so in doing so, I'd be committing to romantic unfulfillment in this one life. I don't know if I'm ready for that, the permanence of it. Forever. The rest of my only life. The knowing that I will almost certainly never ever meet anyone as pretty and intelligent and fascinating and passionate and sweet and unique as her again. That I'll never get to know what being in love is like. The permanence of it holds me back. I just feel that maybe things might work out yet. There has to be a way I'm not seeing yet because anger and hurt have clouded my thoughts.

I wish I'd never met her.
I wish I had but was smart enough to play my cards right, that I wasn't so naive and weak and stupid.
I wish I had grown up with confidence instead of having learned to be timid. The beliefs I adopted as a child because I didn't know any better, it seems, will curse me for the rest of my life.

It's been a terrible day.

 

[Lilith]

I am not going to sleep to mend my sleeping schedule

 

[TheRealCallie]

Stupid ******* internet connection, I hate you.

 

[Rainbows]

Mr. Nice Guy, that's what you are.

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

Never thought I'd wind up staying up all night. Huh. Worth it though.

 

[Rainbows]

All my friends are engineers and then there I am as a literature student. *shakes head*

 

[Tealeaf]

You know humanity is still a collective child when people are still attempting to use the Bechdel test in serious situations for individual works. You know, the test which is for determining whether or not movies and books are sexist that was born from a comic strip joke, which would consider my female-lead lesbian novella sexist because the main character is in a science fiction setting with three other soldiers who are male.

Please, for the love of all that is scientific and rational in the field of ethics and social equality, kick this monstrosity from use in any setting of weight and stop using it to explain, rationalize, or further your opinion in the real world. I have never seen it not be abused. It belongs in comic strips where it was born and which are the only places where it has any application beyond pointing out the obvious ("Hey, have you guys noticed that for six books the women just sit in the kitchen and talk about their husbands?"), and is like using something from Star Wars to justify your position - and not as a metaphor either. People bringing the name to politics should be laughed out of sight the same as if they brought midi-chlorians.

 

[Littlesecret]

Betty pimples, insubordinate and churlish!

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

She's thinking of doing it. **** it. I keep talking her out of it, but she always wants to do it. I'm too afraid to ask if she can see a professional and get rid of harmful objects in her room, but I'm 4 hours away from her. I think she's feeling worse. She briefly mentioned doing it on Christmas. I'll have to talk to a psychologist and quickly. I haven't been sleeping much either. Spent all of last night awake so I could make her feel better. What if she feels like doing it while I'm asleep?

She has a friend who lives around her though. Nice person. Maybe I'll contact her and let her know. I just hope I'm not fighting for a hopeless cause.

This is going to be one rough winter...

 

[Rosebolt]

^ This reminds me way too much of a friend i once had. She's still alive thankfully, but i totally understand what you're going through. Don't hesitate to message me if you need help of some sort.

 

[SophiaGrace]

She's thinking of doing it. **** it. I keep talking her out of it, but she always wants to do it. I'm too afraid to ask if she can see a professional and get rid of harmful objects in her room, but I'm 4 hours away from her. I think she's feeling worse. She briefly mentioned doing it on Christmas. I'll have to talk to a psychologist and quickly. I haven't been sleeping much either. Spent all of last night awake so I could make her feel better. What if she feels like doing it while I'm asleep?

She has a friend who lives around her though. Nice person. Maybe I'll contact her and let her know. I just hope I'm not fighting for a hopeless cause.

This is going to be one rough winter...

She's really lucky to have you, Albatros.

 

[Peaches]

I am too fat to go out… woah, did that just come out of me?