Before, I didn't know that I knew nothing, or that there was even anything to know about talking to people. I thought you just talked and that was it. But now, I'm aware of how little I know in terms of how to say the right things, in the right way, and I second-guess myself, always wondering if what I said sounds good or at least passable for having a real conversation, or if I'm still coming off like some kind of awkward idiot, a second-class citizen, a low-status person, a loser. I don't want to be chained down in that social role for my whole life, but I don't know how to break free of it. The most common ways seem to be being funny, which I've never known how to do or been in the mood for - and coming off like I have power, which I've never been able to do because I've never felt like I have any power. The only other thing I can think of is to be good at something and demonstrate some kind of intellectual depth, but even if I can, that won't happen overnight. I don't know what it is, but I'm beyond tired of this difficulty I have in connecting, and the stupid impression that I make without meaning to, but make anyway because I don't know how to come off as anything else.