TropicalStarfish
Well-known member
10 years ago I felt like 10 years got behind me, and I feel that way now...
What could I have done different? I don't think it matters. I don't know..
I watch the Joe Rogan experience, youtube, and I see all the supposed successful people. They all repeat the same stupid mantras, "you have to work harder than anyone else to get to the top!" I call ********. If you work hard and things turn out well for you, you just equate it to your hard work. If you work hard and things don't work out, that's life, and life is unfair...
Do I envy these people? Do I wish ill upon them, that they could be brought down to my level? I don't think so. I just wish they had something honest to say. I wish they realized they were in a bubble, and had tunnel vision. Actually, I'm not even sure I wish that.
I wish I had become fluent in Russian by now. I wish my programming skills were proficient, as they could have been, if I kept up with them these past 10 years. I wish I hadn't gotten so wrapped up in specific interpersonal relationships. I guess I don't regret being in love. I don't regret seeing the places I saw, and doing the few things I did. It wasn't much; but, it was quite a bit, for me...
I don't know. I don't want to work hard. I don't want to grind myself into dust for some huge accomplishment, even a small one. I don't really want anything. The few things I do want, I don't really see anyway of meaningfully achieving them, even realistically.
I don't really believe what I'm about to say, but, maybe part of not regretting one's life, at the end, is just making sure you enjoy fully, and to the best of your ability, that ever present now, that's always there. Maybe if I could do that, my past, would be a collection of moments, I truly embraced, difficult, painful, or enjoyable...
Some say things like, 'life is a test.' People have said, 'life is a lesson, you learn it when you are through.' I think that's so silly. Why spend your whole life in preparation for the final moment? That seems like a waste to me.
Some of the most despicable people in our history, didn't even regret the horrible atrocities they inflicted on others, they regretted the little things, like not having spent more time with family. George Carlin's wife, having become sober, and really enjoying that new found community, was soon diagnosed with a terminal illness. She regretted it took her that long to find her passion, and not having more time to fully enjoy it.
I look at a woman like that, and I think to myself, I don't think she really did anything to deserve an untimely fate. Maybe it took her a bit too long to realize what was truly important, and what her true calling was; but, I don't see it as some deserving karmic retribution for her ill-made decisions in life.
So, I don't really like the mantra that, 'life is unfair.' I think it's true; but, I think it's sort of a put down on life. All of existence, the heavenly cosmos, the fiery depths, all of it, including the bird song, and the laughter of babies and the young, all of that is unfair? I don't think so.
As cliche as it is, I think it's better put by saying, "life is a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get." I think it's more like that. There is an element of surprise, to life. I think that's what makes it so lively. There are good surprises and bad surprises; but, there is an element of surprise.
So to be even more cliche, life is a bit like a gift, it's a bit of mystery. But, saying life is a, 'gift,' seems a bit overly optimistic, heh.
Hard work is fine, and all that. There are attitude adjustments and all that tough love rhetoric, used by the, tough ones. Even my own grandmother used to say, "Old age isn't for sissies."
I just don't feel like life has to be as hard as asphalt all the time. I think it just feels that way, because we are so busy building these roads, so we can get to where we are trying to go at such amazing speeds.
I think life can be soft, too. Grass, is generally soft. The earth, when it's moist, is quite soft. Hugs can be soft and gentle. A kind word can be soft and gentle. I'm not saying we should all be so soft, we melt like flabby, shapeless, blobs of goop, that can't hold any form. But, I think being as rigid as a concrete brick, all the time, is a bit too far in one extreme as well.
You can't build sky scrapers with grass and dirt, you need some hard stuff; but, would anyone really want to live on an earth that was all metal and concrete?
I think not.
I dunno...
I like the idea, that, we are dealt a hand, and we have to play it the best we can. Are you going to fold, check, raise, or go all in?
But, I also don't like the idea that life has to be reduced to some simple idea, some platitudinous string of silly words, lol. Life IS. I think that's enough.
And my life? Well. If nothing else. It was a wild ride at times, and definitely full of much wonder, and beauty...
жизнь это красивая
What could I have done different? I don't think it matters. I don't know..
I watch the Joe Rogan experience, youtube, and I see all the supposed successful people. They all repeat the same stupid mantras, "you have to work harder than anyone else to get to the top!" I call ********. If you work hard and things turn out well for you, you just equate it to your hard work. If you work hard and things don't work out, that's life, and life is unfair...
Do I envy these people? Do I wish ill upon them, that they could be brought down to my level? I don't think so. I just wish they had something honest to say. I wish they realized they were in a bubble, and had tunnel vision. Actually, I'm not even sure I wish that.
I wish I had become fluent in Russian by now. I wish my programming skills were proficient, as they could have been, if I kept up with them these past 10 years. I wish I hadn't gotten so wrapped up in specific interpersonal relationships. I guess I don't regret being in love. I don't regret seeing the places I saw, and doing the few things I did. It wasn't much; but, it was quite a bit, for me...
I don't know. I don't want to work hard. I don't want to grind myself into dust for some huge accomplishment, even a small one. I don't really want anything. The few things I do want, I don't really see anyway of meaningfully achieving them, even realistically.
I don't really believe what I'm about to say, but, maybe part of not regretting one's life, at the end, is just making sure you enjoy fully, and to the best of your ability, that ever present now, that's always there. Maybe if I could do that, my past, would be a collection of moments, I truly embraced, difficult, painful, or enjoyable...
Some say things like, 'life is a test.' People have said, 'life is a lesson, you learn it when you are through.' I think that's so silly. Why spend your whole life in preparation for the final moment? That seems like a waste to me.
Some of the most despicable people in our history, didn't even regret the horrible atrocities they inflicted on others, they regretted the little things, like not having spent more time with family. George Carlin's wife, having become sober, and really enjoying that new found community, was soon diagnosed with a terminal illness. She regretted it took her that long to find her passion, and not having more time to fully enjoy it.
I look at a woman like that, and I think to myself, I don't think she really did anything to deserve an untimely fate. Maybe it took her a bit too long to realize what was truly important, and what her true calling was; but, I don't see it as some deserving karmic retribution for her ill-made decisions in life.
So, I don't really like the mantra that, 'life is unfair.' I think it's true; but, I think it's sort of a put down on life. All of existence, the heavenly cosmos, the fiery depths, all of it, including the bird song, and the laughter of babies and the young, all of that is unfair? I don't think so.
As cliche as it is, I think it's better put by saying, "life is a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get." I think it's more like that. There is an element of surprise, to life. I think that's what makes it so lively. There are good surprises and bad surprises; but, there is an element of surprise.
So to be even more cliche, life is a bit like a gift, it's a bit of mystery. But, saying life is a, 'gift,' seems a bit overly optimistic, heh.
Hard work is fine, and all that. There are attitude adjustments and all that tough love rhetoric, used by the, tough ones. Even my own grandmother used to say, "Old age isn't for sissies."
I just don't feel like life has to be as hard as asphalt all the time. I think it just feels that way, because we are so busy building these roads, so we can get to where we are trying to go at such amazing speeds.
I think life can be soft, too. Grass, is generally soft. The earth, when it's moist, is quite soft. Hugs can be soft and gentle. A kind word can be soft and gentle. I'm not saying we should all be so soft, we melt like flabby, shapeless, blobs of goop, that can't hold any form. But, I think being as rigid as a concrete brick, all the time, is a bit too far in one extreme as well.
You can't build sky scrapers with grass and dirt, you need some hard stuff; but, would anyone really want to live on an earth that was all metal and concrete?
I think not.
I dunno...
I like the idea, that, we are dealt a hand, and we have to play it the best we can. Are you going to fold, check, raise, or go all in?
But, I also don't like the idea that life has to be reduced to some simple idea, some platitudinous string of silly words, lol. Life IS. I think that's enough.
And my life? Well. If nothing else. It was a wild ride at times, and definitely full of much wonder, and beauty...
жизнь это красивая
Last edited:
? Otherwise I'll be a mountain goat 
