What are you thinking right now?

[TheRealCallie]

Well, I suppose it's time to check for work and if there's not, put in some more applications. I'm running out of WAH ****....

 

[sparkyn98]

I want to feel the sun on my skin and feel the salty ocean breeze. I Go to the beach later. Miss the sea

I live 12 miles from the beach and often kick myself for not going every day! SO therapeutic!!

 

[user 188522]

I will never get out of this house!

 

[EricaMG]

Going to my Great Uncle Joe's place.Lost him on Thursday night.Luckily he had a will with a trust.Found his 1972 Dodge 3/4 ton truck and knew I wanted it.Dad looked at me and said it was mine.Started it and ran.Dad knew I loved that truck as a kid.My great Uncle Joe was an inspiration to me and loved me no matter what

 

[Finished]

I live 12 miles from the beach and often kick myself for not going every day! SO therapeutic!!

I'm getting in my truck and heading over now. Oh, wait, it's still cold. Give it a couple months.

 

[Finished]

I will never get out of this house!

Take small steps that you can and will do. Don't just think you have to directly go far or where ever.

 

[sparkyn98]

I'm getting in my truck and heading over now. Oh, wait, it's still cold. Give it a couple months.

I mean... it's been in the 60s this week. We always joke the difference between tourists and locals is not who's AT the beach this time of year, but who's IN the water. Man... those northerners are hard core. They come in early March and are swimming WELL before the water is above 60. LOLOL

 

[CenotaphGirl]

So annoyed by people sometimes, no respect for each other...say what you want about me... I always keep it cute.

 

[Melli12]

I try to do the best I can and it's still not enough. I feel dark inside, not as dark as my biological mother, that my therapist thought is something between a borderline-malignant narcissist with psychopathic traits, but dark in this way, that I feel as I am toxic and bad. :-(

 

[ewomack]

I try to do the best I can and it's still not enough. I feel dark inside, not as dark as my biological mother, that my therapist thought is something between a borderline-malignant narcissist with psychopathic traits, but dark in this way, that I feel as I am toxic and bad. :-(

You don't strike me as toxic or bad whatsoever. You seem self-aware and committed to going on, which is very admirable. Having a mother with those traits would be quite a burden to bear, no doubt, but it's not your fault. It's good to post how you feel - typing something out can be therapeutic for me. I read all of your posts, so please keep sharing.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I try to do the best I can and it's still not enough. I feel dark inside, not as dark as my biological mother, that my therapist thought is something between a borderline-malignant narcissist with psychopathic traits, but dark in this way, that I feel as I am toxic and bad. :-(

I'm sorry, you don't strike me as toxic at all, and I should know... im as toxic as it gets lol jokes aside, I hope you're okay I always look forward to your posts

 

[Melli12]

You don't strike me as toxic or bad whatsoever. You seem self-aware and committed to going on, which is very admirable. Having a mother with those traits would be quite a burden to bear, no doubt, but it's not your fault. It's good to post how you feel - typing something out can be therapeutic for me. I read all of your posts, so please keep sharing.

Thank you. I guess it's my fear to become like her, but then I guess I wouldn't sit here and hesitate.

 

[Melli12]

I'm sorry, you don't strike me as toxic at all, and I should know... im as toxic as it gets lol jokes aside, I hope you're okay I always look forward to your posts

Thank you. <3

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Thank you. I guess it's my fear to become like her, but then I guess I wouldn't sit here and hesitate.

Honestly I wouldn't worry about that, if I was anything like my bio mother I'd be a racist lying prossie walking the street. Sometimes its best they serve as the blue print of everything you dont wanna be.

 

[Melli12]

Honestly I wouldn't worry about that, if I was anything like my bio mother I'd be a racist lying prossie walking the street. Sometimes its best they serve as the blue print of everything you dont wanna be.

Maybe I shouldn't worry, but I do, it's a belief anchored inside of me, that can only be changed slowly. It has to be s.th. trauma related.

But yes, you're right. Good examples of how-not-to-be.

 

[user 130057]

Aren't we all?

Probably, but the fact that we have identified this in ourselves puts us at an obvious advantage

 

[user 148069]

I'm struggling to see the point in living, to see the point in anything. I'm tired of making a progress and then relapsing again. I just wish I had the courage to end it all.

 

[WanderingInTheWoods]

Things are improving in my life and this is something that I'm happy about.

 

[ewomack]

I'm struggling to see the point in living, to see the point in anything. I'm tired of making a progress and then relapsing again. I just wish I had the courage to end it all.

The song "Old Man River" has, for me, one of the most poignant lines in it, sung from the perspective of an early 20th century black laborer who wonders what it's all about. He sings "I'm tired of livin', but scared of dyin'." That probably sums it up for a lot of people. Life seems pointless and meaningless, but death might just be worse. Who knows? I always try to tell myself that I'll have plenty of time to be dead later. Existence may seem strange and pointless at times, but it is existence, temporary as it may end up being. You're a unique subjectivity, living a life that no one else will have a chance of living. So am I. So is everyone else. I've found you very supportive and insightful on this forum, so for me you have a point. I know that I can't talk you in or out of anything, and I don't want to throw a bunch of clichés at you, but I can at least ask: please stick around!

 

[ringwood]

I'm struggling to see the point in living, to see the point in anything. I'm tired of making a progress and then relapsing again. I just wish I had the courage to end it all.

You may not see the point in anything, but keep in mind that everything you do, even seemingly insignificant, makes a point or an impact to someone somewhere. Like this forum for instance. I make a point of coming here, because you—among others here—make this forum an enjoyable, fun place to be. I enjoy reading your posts, I enjoy your witty banter and way of expressing yourself. AND - your grumpy orange cat avatar never fails to make me chuckle. Hugs.