What are you thinking right now?

[Trevor]

I knew I should've passed on that burger.

 

[user 135671]

Sometimes you just need an adventure to cleanse the bitter taste of life from your soul We weren't born to just pay bills and die, don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life

 

[user 135671]

Spiritual people inspire me, but religious people terrify me. Funny thing is I'm not an atheist, but I do totally reject the traditional image of God. I have nothing against the atheists. They may well be right and I can't blame them for being angry. So am I. Organized religion is absolute power, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Religion is a business. Businesses aren't spiritual entities.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Sometimes you just need an adventure to cleanse the bitter taste of life from your soul We weren't born to just pay bills and die, don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life

Welcome back.

 

[user 135671]

So I'm back in my house in London after a sojourn in the west country via China. My tenant did a bunk owing 2 months rent, everyone thinks I should be angry and pursing her for it but I don't give a sh*t, good luck to her I say.

I've just seen the girl across the street coming home, with two bags of shopping, wearing my drummer boy jacket how the f*ck did she get that!?!?? It's a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same.

I'm just rambling innit, It's time to sell up and move on.

 

[Trevor]

Let's hope that Darksiders 2 is as good as the first.

 

[timeAlone]

Certain things not being the way I want them to be.

 

[user 135671]

Bloody hell! So my kid wants to keep my car her husband wants to know if he can have my motorcycle and the flipping cat doesn't want to come home either. Have the shirt of my back and I'll go live in a skip under the railway arches.

 

[TheSkaFish]

So I was going for a walk tonight with my Mom, and some little sh*t wearing a flatbill hat, in daddy's base model 300C has the nerve to yell "freak" out the window as we're just walking, minding our own business.

At first, I thought it was just someone listening to a song, so I paid it no mind. But then they turned around and drove back, and did the same thing.

I haven't had something like that happen in years. I definitely don't miss it.

I didn't say anything, I had my Apple watch on, we were in the middle of a walk workout, and I was with my Mom, so I didn't want to put us both at risk, or flip out and make a scene, I know she'd want me to be more mature, but still...

...who antagonizes someone out walking with their Mom? I looked totally normal too, just wearing shorts and a t-shirt, and I'm too old to be anyone this person knows or has anything to do with.

Nevertheless, I hate people like that. Antagonistic cowards, I call them. People that like to start sh*t and then run away like little b*tches. Everyone I've ever hated has had this trait in common. They never stand and fight, unless the odds are massively stacked in their favor. I tell you man, just for once I'd like to catch someone like this, and beat the ever-loving sh*t out of them. I'd love to see the expression on their face when they know they're caught, and I'm not playing games. I have a lot of steam to blow off...sometimes I want to get into a fight. I confess - just one time, I want to get someone who thinks they can pick on me, and just completely f*ck them up.

It's got me thinking maybe if I go for walks alone, I should carry rocks in my pocket to whip them at passing cars if they try to start something. There, have fun replacing your windshield motherf*cker. I see this kid again, and I'm alone? It's on.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

So I was going for a walk tonight with my Mom, and some little sh*t wearing a flatbill hat, in daddy's base model 300C has the nerve to yell "freak" out the window as we're just walking, minding our own business.

At first, I thought it was just someone listening to a song, so I paid it no mind. But then they turned around and drove back, and did the same thing.

I haven't had something like that happen in years. I definitely don't miss it.

I didn't say anything, I had my Apple watch on, we were in the middle of a walk workout, and I was with my Mom, so I didn't want to put us both at risk, or flip out and make a scene, I know she'd want me to be more mature, but still...

...who antagonizes someone out walking with their Mom? I looked totally normal too, just wearing shorts and a t-shirt, and I'm too old to be anyone this person knows or has anything to do with.

Nevertheless, I hate people like that. Antagonistic cowards, I call them. People that like to start sh*t and then run away like little b*tches. Everyone I've ever hated has had this trait in common. They never stand and fight, unless the odds are massively stacked in their favor. I tell you man, just for once I'd like to catch someone like this, and beat the ever-loving sh*t out of them. I'd love to see the expression on their face when they know they're caught, and I'm not playing games. I have a lot of steam to blow off...sometimes I want to get into a fight. I confess - just one time, I want to get someone who thinks they can pick on me, and just completely f*ck them up.

It's got me thinking maybe if I go for walks alone, I should carry rocks in my pocket to whip them at passing cars if they try to start something. There, have fun replacing your windshield motherf*cker. I see this kid again, and I'm alone? It's on.

This is why I wish I never quit smoking pot, heh. I used to be so much more chill. Though, back in those days, nobody picked on me either, so... Actually, it would happen occasionally. I suppose I didn't let it get to me as much. Or maybe it did get to me, it's just that, it didn't have time to fester and swell..



You can't really give some one a hard time, who fails to be given a hard time... I'm not sure how to be that person again, though. I think when you have enough confidence, it's like a mosquito trying to bite you through your leather jacket... You're just like, 'uhh okay dude, have fun with that.' There's just a confident indifference.

Right now, I'm reading Robert Whitaker's "Anatomy of an Epidemic." It's not unlikely the various assortment of psychiatric medications I've allowed myself to be pressured into taking over the years, have caused brain damage, maladaptive modifications to receptor counts, and perhaps even epigenetic changes, etc... Factors that consequently, are contributing to less emotional stability, diminished cognitive function, combined with the experiences in the world under such an influence, that, ultimately, have resulted in less social fitness, and also lead to accrueing a wealth of negative experiences, etc..

Also, kids can be mean as f*ck. And I suppose not everyone maintains their, 'coolness,' as they age, heh.

When I have looked at situations like this philosophically, at least one time, it has lead to some strange territory.

A year or so ago, I had some probably young twenty something, in a video game, through voice chat, heap some verbal cruelty upon me, that it still pains me to think about. I meditated about, thought about it a lot, and a conclusion and realization I came to was: a profound and sharp empathetic sadness for this person. I came to the conclusion (right or wrong) that, some one must have been very cruel to him at some point, and he had a very profound need to be liked by his peers. That perhaps some one made him feel very alone, and wounded, and he had no one to share this pain with: so, he shared it with me, because perhaps he unconsciously knew, I'd understand...

Sometimes my mind fails to see things like this though, and I want to return cruelty back with interest; and I've done so, sometimes... And then I realize, I'm no better than they are anymore. And I wasn't any better than them to begin with, just a different person, with different experiences, who wasn't equipped to handle a situation like that.

And that's still me. Unprepared. A worthy student for learning how to accept defeat.

And then you realize the Bill Geights and the Jeff Bezoars of the world... That's how they rose to the top. They were marginalized by their peers, but, also blessed with huge prefrontal cortexes, and the right resources, at the right time, to savagely destroy all their competitors and rise to the top. It's people like you have encountered, that might go on to be dicks their whole lives, and live in a 1.5 million dollar house, with a beautiful wife who is either completely oblivious to the cruel nature of the man she procreates with, or, is just as culpable as he is.

And then you think you are in hell on earth sometimes. However, I Trust my ability to inquire philosophically, will yield answers to these sorts of things as well. Or, I hope so, at least..

Would one rather be wealthy in extreme ignorance, in a heavenly mansion? Or would one rather burn in hell, with the fires of Truth and Wisdom?

I'm not sure I'd want, or could handle/accept either extreme... But, I'd like to believe, that I believe, Truth is far more valuable, and a far more privileged position, than to be taking cheap shots at people to alleviate some of the burdens of human social hierarchical status stressors...

 

[TheSkaFish]

This is why I wish I never quit smoking pot, heh. I used to be so much more chill. Though, back in those days, nobody picked on me either, so... Actually, it would happen occasionally. I suppose I didn't let it get to me as much. Or maybe it did get to me, it's just that, it didn't have time to fester and swell..



You can't really give some a hard time, who fails to be given a hard time... I'm not sure how to be that person again, though. I think when you have enough confidence, it's like a mosquito trying to bite you through your leather jacket... You're just like, 'uhh okay dude, have fun with that.' There's just a confident indifference.

Right now, I'm reading Robert Whitaker's "Anatomy of an Epidemic." It's not unlikely the various assortment of psychiatric medications I've allowed myself to be pressured into taking over the years, have caused brain damage, maladaptive modifications to receptor count, and perhaps even epigenetic changes, etc... Factors that consequently, are contributing to less emotional stability, diminished cognitive function, combined with the experiences in the world under such an influence, that, ultimately have resulted in less social fitness, and also lead to accrueing a wealth of negative experiences, etc..

Also, kids can be mean as f*ck. And I suppose not everyone maintains their, 'coolness,' as they age, heh.

I almost got into a huge street brawl while high on weed once. My friends had to take me away, but I wanted to spill some dudebro blood. So angry stoners can definitely exist.
Granted I was pretty drunk at the time as well, so that may have had something to do with it. Either way not my finest hour.

I guess my desire for violence, is in some way making up for when I was younger, when I let myself get walked all over because I wasn't violent at all. I WANTED to be, on some level. But everyone from home to school said it was wrong, I wasn't supposed to feel like that, etc etc.

Eventually I discovered things which changed my mind - alcohol, punk, assertiveness, the male gender role, and so on. I just changed to, sure, I'm an outsider, but if someone wants to disrespect me, they'll have to fight me and see if it's worth it then.

Anyway, I know the "confident indifference" you were saying, is technically the "right" answer. That's the answer that someone is supposed to pick, especially at my age. In the grand scheme of things, this doesn't matter. I don't really care what that kid thinks, it has no bearing on anything important to me in any way. "That's, like, your opinion, man" and all. Most likely I'll never see them again, but I can't say I won't look, at least for a while...

That, and I'm supposed to care about more mature things now - which I do.

Still, I'd have loved to see if this kid still thought it was worth it to call me a freak not once but twice, if as a result it got his teeth knocked out. I just want to catch one of these people one time, who thinks they can f*ck with whoever they want and no one is going to do anything to them, and it's like, no, say it to my face b*tch. Want to run your mouth, come over here and say it. Put up or shut up.

I'm not a tough guy myself, but like I said, this wasn't some big muscular dude, and no one is going to pull a gun on me here. He looked like he could barely see over the steering wheel. I'd have knocked the sh*t out of him on adrenaline alone.

You know what's weird? I even had a violent dream this morning, before this happened. I woke up twitching. I guess it must have been in the cards.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I almost got into a huge street brawl while high on weed once. My friends had to take me away, but I wanted to spill some dudebro blood. So angry stoners can definitely exist.
Granted I was pretty drunk at the time as well, so that may have had something to do with it. Either way not my finest hour.

I guess my desire for violence, is in some way making up for when I was younger, when I let myself get walked all over because I wasn't violent at all. I WANTED to be, on some level. But everyone from home to school said it was wrong, I wasn't supposed to feel like that, etc etc.

Eventually I discovered things which changed my mind - alcohol, punk, assertiveness, the male gender role, and so on. I just changed to, sure, I'm an outsider, but if someone wants to disrespect me, they'll have to fight me and see if it's worth it then.

Anyway, I know the "confident indifference" you were saying, is technically the "right" answer. That's the answer that someone is supposed to pick, especially at my age. In the grand scheme of things, this doesn't matter. I don't really care what that kid thinks, it has no bearing on anything important to me in any way. "That's, like, your opinion, man" and all. Most likely I'll never see them again, but I can't say I won't look, at least for a while...

That, and I'm supposed to care about more mature things now - which I do.

Still, I'd have loved to see if this kid still thought it was worth it to call me a freak not once but twice, if as a result it got his teeth knocked out. I just want to catch one of these people one time, who thinks they can f*ck with whoever they want and no one is going to do anything to them, and it's like, no, say it to my face b*tch. Want to run your mouth, come over here and say it. Put up or shut up.

I'm not a tough guy myself, but like I said, this wasn't some big muscular dude, and no one is going to pull a gun on me here. He looked like he could barely see over the steering wheel. I'd have knocked the sh*t out of him on adrenaline alone.

You know what's weird? I even had a violent dream this morning, before this happened. I woke up twitching. I guess it must have been in the cards.

I don't think whatever I was talking about is necessarily, 'right.' There are so many variables to consider...

I'm just not wise enough to know about such matters. I'm a timid guy. I didn't like to drink, I just used to smoke pot and listened to metal.

And I very, very rarely, if at all, enjoy metal anymore... heh.

I know what you are talking about, though, at least to some degree... I despise every aspect of it.. Sucks.. Hope things improve soon.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I don't think whatever I was talking about is necessarily, 'right.' The most compassionate thing you could do for this young man, might be to subdue him and strike terrible fear into him. There are so many variables to consider there though...

I'm just not wise enough to know about such matters. I'm a timid guy. I didn't like to drink, I just smoked pot and listened to metal.

And I very, very rarely, if at all, enjoy metal anymore... heh.

I know what you are talking about, though, at least to some degree... I despise every aspect of it.. Sucks.. Hope things improve soon.

I think it is, and it's more challenging than getting angry. Ultimately it's the wisest thing to let stuff go, unless it's really important.

It's just that I'm not wise all the time. There is a part of me that wants to beat someone else - physically, or in some other way. I want to score a victory somewhere, I want to win a battle. It might not be right, but I do have something to prove, I guess. I want to prove that I'm not someone that gets picked on, that I'm not in life to take it. I've felt this way about other things too.

I hated the way this kid acted like he was untouchable. This kind of person always does. Their cowardice disgusts me. They want to feel tough for talking sh*t, but they don't want to have to fight someone after that. They don't want to risk, not just getting physically hurt, but also losing.

Mostly I'm disturbed that at 37, and with my Mom, this still happened.
Do I give off some kind of dweeb aura, like I'm wearing some kind of "kick me" sign that someone half my age thinks they can f*ck with me, in front of my Mom at that with no decency whatsoever?
Am I not masculine or assertive enough?
I sometimes wonder, do I need to adopt a more intimidating appearance?
Hit the gym and shave my head? Dare I say it, but, a tattoo or two? Should I have done this all along?
Do I need to actually arm myself?
But, I'm not ALL that way, ALL the time. That's why I never went all in on any one subculture. I might feel like kicking ass one day, and being chill the next.

And yeah, I remember that post you made. It's a shame that happened. Your conclusion to have compassion for that guy though, is something I would not have been able to do. Most likely I would have just said something back and escalated things. Stuff like that is one thing that keeps me off multiplayer games. That, and it always seems too frantic. For me, I'd want to play games to relax and get immersed in something. I always preferred story mode.

Anyway. Tomorrow's another day. Thanks for the chat

 

[user 135671]

I think it is, and it's more challenging than getting angry. Ultimately it's the wisest thing to let stuff go, unless it's really important.

It's just that I'm not wise all the time. There is a part of me that wants to beat someone else - physically, or in some other way. I want to score a victory somewhere, I want to win a battle. It might not be right, but I do have something to prove, I guess. I want to prove that I'm not someone that gets picked on, that I'm not in life to take it. I've felt this way about other things too.

I hated the way this kid acted like he was untouchable. This kind of person always does. Their cowardice disgusts me. They want to feel tough for talking sh*t, but they don't want to have to fight someone after that. They don't want to risk, not just getting physically hurt, but also losing.

Mostly I'm disturbed that at 37, and with my Mom, this still happened.
Do I give off some kind of dweeb aura, like I'm wearing some kind of "kick me" sign that someone half my age thinks they can f*ck with me, in front of my Mom at that with no decency whatsoever?
Am I not masculine or assertive enough?
I sometimes wonder, do I need to adopt a more intimidating appearance?
Hit the gym and shave my head? Dare I say it, but, a tattoo or two? Should I have done this all along?
Do I need to actually arm myself?
But, I'm not ALL that way, ALL the time. That's why I never went all in on any one subculture. I might feel like kicking ass one day, and being chill the next.

And yeah, I remember that post you made. It's a shame that happened. Your conclusion to have compassion for that guy though, is something I would not have been able to do. Most likely I would have just said something back and escalated things. Stuff like that is one thing that keeps me off multiplayer games. That, and it always seems too frantic. For me, I'd want to play games to relax and get immersed in something. I always preferred story mode.

Anyway. Tomorrow's another day. Thanks for the chat

What a prick man! It's a scream of brokenness, a sign that his needs for love, attention, worth and appreciation are not being met.

I heard a Chinese proverb on my travels "it is not until a mosquito lands on a man's testicles, that he realises violence is not always the best solution"

Having said that man, here's an East End of London proverb "if you see the wee f*cker again knock his bloody block off!"

 

[user 135671]

Changed all my passwords to Kenny.

Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.

 

[ringwood]

I heard a Chinese proverb on my travels "it is not until a mosquito lands on a man's testicles, that he realises violence is not always the best solution"

Having said that man, here's an East End of London proverb "if you see the wee f*cker again knock his bloody block off!"

Changed all my passwords to Kenny.

Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.

Thanks for the laughs! SO glad you are back, you were missed.

 

[TheRealCallie]

So I was going for a walk tonight with my Mom, and some little sh*t wearing a flatbill hat, in daddy's base model 300C has the nerve to yell "freak" out the window as we're just walking, minding our own business.

At first, I thought it was just someone listening to a song, so I paid it no mind. But then they turned around and drove back, and did the same thing.

I haven't had something like that happen in years. I definitely don't miss it.

I didn't say anything, I had my Apple watch on, we were in the middle of a walk workout, and I was with my Mom, so I didn't want to put us both at risk, or flip out and make a scene, I know she'd want me to be more mature, but still...

...who antagonizes someone out walking with their Mom? I looked totally normal too, just wearing shorts and a t-shirt, and I'm too old to be anyone this person knows or has anything to do with.

Nevertheless, I hate people like that. Antagonistic cowards, I call them. People that like to start sh*t and then run away like little b*tches. Everyone I've ever hated has had this trait in common. They never stand and fight, unless the odds are massively stacked in their favor. I tell you man, just for once I'd like to catch someone like this, and beat the ever-loving sh*t out of them. I'd love to see the expression on their face when they know they're caught, and I'm not playing games. I have a lot of steam to blow off...sometimes I want to get into a fight. I confess - just one time, I want to get someone who thinks they can pick on me, and just completely f*ck them up.

It's got me thinking maybe if I go for walks alone, I should carry rocks in my pocket to whip them at passing cars if they try to start something. There, have fun replacing your windshield motherf*cker. I see this kid again, and I'm alone? It's on.

So some random idiot, who doesn't know anything about you calls you a freak....so what? Now hear me out on this. That kid doesn't know anything about you. Not the slightest little thing, so how on earth does he know whether you are a freak or not? You aren't deformed, so you don't meet that definition of the word. You aren't behaving in a wild or irrational way, so that one is out. And you aren't scary, bizarre or odd, so the slang is out too. So, you meet no definition of the word. All you are doing is giving that guy power over you. It's literallly just a word. It can't hurt you if you don't allow it to.

Next time, just say thank you and carry on because some random guy yelling something at you (are you sure it was at YOU, btw?) is pointless and meaningless. Now if something who actually knows you calls you a freak, maybe have that reaction, but not some random idiot on the street.

Take me for example. LK just called me a ***** the other day. Should I have retaliated and attacked him and stooped to his level? No. First, that's what he wants. Second, it's literally just a word. Third, while I can definitely be a *****, LK knows NOTHING about me, so I won't ever give him that kind of power over me because he's not worth it and I don't give two honeysuckles about him or his opinions. It says more about him than it does about me. The same is true in your situation. All you can do is control your reactions to the world around you. That choice is yours. Make the right ones and it'll be you that comes out on top.

 

[Trevor]

The lasagna I'm having tonight. Mmmmmm.....lasagna.

 

[TheSkaFish]

What a prick man! It's a scream of brokenness, a sign that his needs for love, attention, worth and appreciation are not being met.

I heard a Chinese proverb on my travels "it is not until a mosquito lands on a man's testicles, that he realises violence is not always the best solution"

Having said that man, here's an East End of London proverb "if you see the wee f*cker again knock his bloody block off!"

So some random idiot, who doesn't know anything about you calls you a freak....so what? Now hear me out on this. That kid doesn't know anything about you. Not the slightest little thing, so how on earth does he know whether you are a freak or not? You aren't deformed, so you don't meet that definition of the word. You aren't behaving in a wild or irrational way, so that one is out. And you aren't scary, bizarre or odd, so the slang is out too. So, you meet no definition of the word. All you are doing is giving that guy power over you. It's literallly just a word. It can't hurt you if you don't allow it to.

Next time, just say thank you and carry on because some random guy yelling something at you (are you sure it was at YOU, btw?) is pointless and meaningless. Now if something who actually knows you calls you a freak, maybe have that reaction, but not some random idiot on the street.

Take me for example. LK just called me a ***** the other day. Should I have retaliated and attacked him and stooped to his level? No. First, that's what he wants. Second, it's literally just a word. Third, while I can definitely be a *****, LK knows NOTHING about me, so I won't ever give him that kind of power over me because he's not worth it and I don't give two honeysuckles about him or his opinions. It says more about him than it does about me. The same is true in your situation. All you can do is control your reactions to the world around you. That choice is yours. Make the right ones and it'll be you that comes out on top.

Hey, just wanted to say thanks again everyone, it was all very helpful.

It's true that I shouldn't focus on this kind of stuff...it makes me lose sight of the essentials. I need to stay committed to self-improvement, as I've now realized it's the only path to the self-esteem I've been missing all my life. Being in a better position in life would help me feel like these things matter less. Plus, I want what I want more, it means more, than getting involved in petty fights.

Today was a new day. I woke up at 7, resisted the urge to stay under the covers, had breakfast, went for a 5K, got to meet and pet a friendly black Lab, and showered all before my first cup of coffee.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I really don't understand why it's okay to put massive amounts of caffeine in literally everything and people just drink it up like it's nothing. Can't imagine why so many young people are having heart issues in today's world.....