Thanks for the words of support, E_F.
It's hard to know exactly where and how to begin to pull myself out of this hole. The best advice I got last night was to start making lists and do some preliminary research.
I have to remember not to get bogged down angsting over the what-ifs: I am under certain rigid constraints, and no matter how unjust they may seem, they are there and I have to work with or around them.
What bothers me the most about all of this isn't so much how it's going to affect me, but how it will affect my kids. Since I became a mom, all I've ever wanted was to be a good mom and give my kids a good life. I guess I got so set in my one way of achieving this goal that I forgot that I can still be a good mom to my kids under different circumstances. It's so disappointing that all of my hard work over the past 11 years has been for naught.
And really I am trying not to succumb to the negativity. Wow, is that hard, though. Trying to find the positive aspect in my situation is like looking for a cookie in a pile of ****. In the end, yeah I have a cookie, but it's covered in ****.
*******.