What are you thinking right now?

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Right now I'm thinking about how lonely I am and how could I do this to myself..how could lead myself to lead such a miserable life... I'm isolated and everyday I feel I get deeper into isolated..fear or non-desire to go out and meet people especially those that I know..and strangers ..I don't want to know them a lot..want them to stay strangers.
 
im thinking IF THIS PHONE DOESNT STOP BEEPING IM GOING TO SMASH IT


:(

I wish I could really just smash the phone, I hate answering it
 
this **** is so ahead of its time

im just going to crawlinsidethisafewminutes

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.
 
this... isnt the way i expected it to be right now. random **** that cant be helped messing everything up. lame... i expected to feel better for a little while but it just feels the same.
 
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My emotions torture me. I have feelings for someone . .
But then i know that . . how I feel/am right now . .
It would be impossible for me to have a good/normal relationship with that person.
So I don't bother.

**** my life
 
I am thinking of my aunts Wake/Funeral service we had last night. It was very touching... My cousin's 4 year old son came toward the end, and he planned to sing a song to his grandmother... (my aunt)....as a way to say good bye... the little guy got so shy, so everyone there helped him out, and we all sang "You are my sunshine", with little Dev.... My aunt would have loved that. All of her family and friends singing with her grandson.... I could just hear her laugh and see her smile... sounds corny, but it was very touching...
 
:( :( poor guys. Love you all :)



I am having a bloody brilliant day. I got interviewed for my favourite magazine (cosmopolitan) in our union and I got free sammiches. Lectures were cool and I had a generally nice day. I'm really happy. And all snuggled up in my bed listening to music (gooooo).

Even though I got a flu *** and walked home in the rain and got TOTALLY soaked, nothing can touch me today :)
XX
 
Even if they push me away and I end up being more of an annoyance than a help, I don't think I'll ever quit trying to reach out to people. I just wish someone would realize the effort I put and reach back. Oh well.
 
im tired... and not just like physically tired as in sleepy. im mentally tired. im tired of work... and people... and thinking of what could have been. im tired of me... and the way i am and have been. im tired of feeling this way. im just... tired of everything. this is definitely one of those days where i feel it. stupid dreams...
 

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