I'm sorry, I lied. I'm not okay at all. For a split moment I thought I "felt better," but it was actually just a second of thoughtlessness where I was able to let in good feelings. My stomach is in knots right now and I don't think I'll be sleeping very soon, so I'll be bugged by these unwanted thoughts all night until I do. I didn't want to tell you or bring up the events that followed our conversation because I knew it'd be annoying. If not to you, then to me. I'm latching onto you like a ******* leech.
And, god, I wish I was the type of person who can easily pour her guts out to you. It doesn't even have to be you. Anybody. Because it's not for your sake, it's for mine. Believe me, I've considered letting you win and just break down tonight. But I can't do it. You know I can't, 'cause I've told you that way too many times.
I'm just hoping that before the night's over, this unbelievably long "thought" will be lost with the others so that I look less insane tomorrow than I will as soon as I hit that button. I'm being a wuss, unable to just tell you to your face. But I needed to put it somewhere. My journal won't cut it this time. I need it where someone can read it; preferably not you.