CenotaphGirl
Under the dirt, that’s my home ⚰️
So if im not Shakira then… who am I?
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
So if im not Shakira then… who am I?
Truth is we now live in Clown world..People making jokes! Ah thank you for pointing that out, I missed that one…how dare anyone think they can make jokes … I just dont know what would possess a person on this site to even try doing such a thing
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
Killer Klowns from Outer Space, IT or Bozo?
Well, you are you. whoever you are....
So if im not Shakira then… who am I?
opps you are you
So if im not Shakira then… who am I?
user 139760
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I know it's supposed to be a shawl. But it looks like she draped an old towel around her shoulders.
NoxApex(N/A)
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Thankfully, 13-hour shifts are a rarity these days for me.
The fact that I have to do 12 tomorrow, doesn't help.
The fact that I have to do 12 tomorrow, doesn't help.
sounds like some form of slavery to me! I have had a bit of that Lifestyle many years ago. its not fun!
NoxApex(N/A)
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I'm in Management, sorta comes with the territory, but yeah, it is, you're right.
user 139760
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Headache. Plus it's my big day today, 8 hours this morning, 8 hours more at 11. I hope things are quiet today, don't feel like thinking or talking much.
TropicalStarfish
Well-known member
There are cliques here. And people have in the past made this site unwelcoming for others; either due to group exclusivity behavior, or individually on their own. These are objectively true statements that can be proven with direct evidence.
The forum itself, comprises a group of people. Within that: established members and newcomers form two groups (then perhaps long-time-members, long-long-time-members, what-have-you). Within that: two or more people who are all in familiar, personal correspondence with each other, form a group. And within all of the former, any behavior, coming from/shared by a group, that is exclusive, constitutes a clique.
(I was just thinking, do not men/women/etc.. constitute groups as well? I've decided, objectively not. These are characteristics that, when observed, can constitute a group, conceptually; but, they don't make for actual social groups. Groups based on characteristics only make for, 'conceptual,' groups; ie: people who have blue eyes, people who are tall, etc... So, these, are not groups, for the purposes laid out here.)
Aside from cliquish behavior, there is also hostile, offensive, or rude behavior. This can come from new members, established members, individuals, or groups; ie: anyone.
Hostile behavior is generally easy to objectively define; though the reasons behind it, may differ, as per personal opinion.
Offensive behavior is generally subjective, though, there is often a particularly strong group consensus on certain issues.
Rude behavior, I would say, is mostly objectively defined; in that, 'politeness,' is a defined and shared cultural and social construct; ie: every language that I'm aware of, seems to have words for expressing, 'gratitude,' 'sympathies,' and so forth.
When one is a part of a group, and has a familiarity with one or more people, there is less of a need for, 'formality,' because the participating members have a certain understanding between them, as pertains to the particulars or views, opinions, temperament, etc; ie: you are less likely to be offended by a friend through a social misunderstanding, than if you were to engage with a, 'new comer,' without a more formal and polite approach. For example, I may say to a close friend, 'what's up dirt bag!' and my friend may understand this as a joke, perhaps alluding to a previous conversation. Whereas, if I approached a new comer, with that same sense of lack of formality (based on kinship), my words would likely be construed as highly offensive.
So, rude behavior, I think, is the easiest to spot, objectively. It's also easiest to avoid. One only needs to behave politely.
Offensive behavior is the tricky one, because it's very subjective. And it's complex, because it is often what leads to hostile behavior, or stems from rude behavior.
Hostile behavior is also easy to spot; but, the cause of it, is again, often elusive. It could be due to a misunderstanding of perceived hostile behavior. It could be due to an argument. etc.. etc..
The older a group is, I think, the more often, exclusivity is to be present. This isn't always the case, however.
So, as the devil's advocate, it would seem, by definition, it's next to impossible not to have cliques, on a forum. A group may also prefer to be exclusive as well; and retains the right to do so. Two or more people may simply prefer eachother's company to that of anyone else. About the only way one can avoid being in, or forming a clique, is by maintaining constant vigilance against behaviors that lend themselves to group exclusivity. For example: inside jokes, shared experience within the confines of the group, shared opinions/beliefs/things of that nature, etc.., are all attributes of groups that can influence the behavior of group members. This doesn't make the attributes inherently bad; it simply means they are attributes that can lend themselves to behaviors that reinforce exclusivity, for better or worse.
Two or more people can be exclusive and judicious in who they allow or don't allow, 'into the fold,' without, generally, being rude, offensive, or hostile; whether the aim is to reinforce exclusivity, or not. Mistakes will be made, and certain situations unavoidable; but, on the whole, it's doable.
So, there you have it...
The forum itself, comprises a group of people. Within that: established members and newcomers form two groups (then perhaps long-time-members, long-long-time-members, what-have-you). Within that: two or more people who are all in familiar, personal correspondence with each other, form a group. And within all of the former, any behavior, coming from/shared by a group, that is exclusive, constitutes a clique.
(I was just thinking, do not men/women/etc.. constitute groups as well? I've decided, objectively not. These are characteristics that, when observed, can constitute a group, conceptually; but, they don't make for actual social groups. Groups based on characteristics only make for, 'conceptual,' groups; ie: people who have blue eyes, people who are tall, etc... So, these, are not groups, for the purposes laid out here.)
Aside from cliquish behavior, there is also hostile, offensive, or rude behavior. This can come from new members, established members, individuals, or groups; ie: anyone.
Hostile behavior is generally easy to objectively define; though the reasons behind it, may differ, as per personal opinion.
Offensive behavior is generally subjective, though, there is often a particularly strong group consensus on certain issues.
Rude behavior, I would say, is mostly objectively defined; in that, 'politeness,' is a defined and shared cultural and social construct; ie: every language that I'm aware of, seems to have words for expressing, 'gratitude,' 'sympathies,' and so forth.
When one is a part of a group, and has a familiarity with one or more people, there is less of a need for, 'formality,' because the participating members have a certain understanding between them, as pertains to the particulars or views, opinions, temperament, etc; ie: you are less likely to be offended by a friend through a social misunderstanding, than if you were to engage with a, 'new comer,' without a more formal and polite approach. For example, I may say to a close friend, 'what's up dirt bag!' and my friend may understand this as a joke, perhaps alluding to a previous conversation. Whereas, if I approached a new comer, with that same sense of lack of formality (based on kinship), my words would likely be construed as highly offensive.
So, rude behavior, I think, is the easiest to spot, objectively. It's also easiest to avoid. One only needs to behave politely.
Offensive behavior is the tricky one, because it's very subjective. And it's complex, because it is often what leads to hostile behavior, or stems from rude behavior.
Hostile behavior is also easy to spot; but, the cause of it, is again, often elusive. It could be due to a misunderstanding of perceived hostile behavior. It could be due to an argument. etc.. etc..
The older a group is, I think, the more often, exclusivity is to be present. This isn't always the case, however.
So, as the devil's advocate, it would seem, by definition, it's next to impossible not to have cliques, on a forum. A group may also prefer to be exclusive as well; and retains the right to do so. Two or more people may simply prefer eachother's company to that of anyone else. About the only way one can avoid being in, or forming a clique, is by maintaining constant vigilance against behaviors that lend themselves to group exclusivity. For example: inside jokes, shared experience within the confines of the group, shared opinions/beliefs/things of that nature, etc.., are all attributes of groups that can influence the behavior of group members. This doesn't make the attributes inherently bad; it simply means they are attributes that can lend themselves to behaviors that reinforce exclusivity, for better or worse.
Two or more people can be exclusive and judicious in who they allow or don't allow, 'into the fold,' without, generally, being rude, offensive, or hostile; whether the aim is to reinforce exclusivity, or not. Mistakes will be made, and certain situations unavoidable; but, on the whole, it's doable.
So, there you have it...
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Ok I think I get it. So what do we/I do now???There are cliques here. And people have in the past made this site unwelcoming for others; either due to group exclusivity behavior, or individually on their own. These are objectively true statements that can be proven with direct evidence.
The forum itself, comprises a group of people. Within that: established members and newcomers form two groups (then perhaps long-time-members, long-long-time-members, what-have-you). Within that: two or more people who are all in familiar, personal correspondence with each other, form a group. And within all of the former, any behavior, coming from/shared by a group, that is exclusive, constitutes a clique.
(I was just thinking, do not men/women/etc.. constitute groups as well? I've decided, objectively not. These are characteristics that, when observed, can constitute a group, conceptually; but, they don't make for actual social groups. Groups based on characteristics only make for, 'conceptual,' groups; ie: people who have blue eyes, people who are tall, etc... So, these, are not groups, for the purposes laid out here.)
Aside from cliquish behavior, there is also hostile, offensive, or rude behavior. This can come from new members, established members, individuals, or groups; ie: anyone.
Hostile behavior is generally easy to objectively define; though the reasons behind it, may differ, as per personal opinion.
Offensive behavior is generally subjective, though, there is often a particularly strong group consensus on certain issues.
Rude behavior, I would say, is mostly objectively defined; in that, 'politeness,' is a defined and shared cultural and social construct; ie: every language that I'm aware of, seems to have words for expressing, 'gratitude,' 'sympathies,' and so forth.
When one is a part of a group, and has a familiarity with one or more people, there is less of a need for, 'formality,' because the participating members have a certain understanding between them, as pertains to the particulars or views, opinions, temperament, etc; ie: you are less likely to be offended by a friend through a social misunderstanding, than if you were to engage with a, 'new comer,' without a more formal and polite approach. For example, I may say to a close friend, 'what's up dirt bag!' and my friend may understand this as a joke, perhaps alluding to a previous conversation. Whereas, if I approached a new comer, with that same sense of lack of formality (based on kinship), my words would likely be construed as highly offensive.
So, rude behavior, I think, is the easiest to spot, objectively. It's also easiest to avoid. One only needs to behave politely.
Offensive behavior is the tricky one, because it's very subjective. And it's complex, because it is often what leads to hostile behavior, or stems from rude behavior.
Hostile behavior is also easy to spot; but, the cause of it, is again, often elusive. It could be due to a misunderstanding of perceived hostile behavior. It could be due to an argument. etc.. etc..
The older a group is, I think, the more often, exclusivity is to be present. This isn't always the case, however.
So, as the devil's advocate, it would seem, by definition, it's next to impossible not to have cliques, on a forum. About the only way one can avoid being in, or forming a clique, is by maintaining constant vigilance against behaviors that lend themselves to group exclusivity: inside jokes, shared experience within the confines of the group, shared opinions/beliefs/etc.., and things of that nature.
So, there you have it...
TropicalStarfish
Well-known member
Short answer: Try not to be jerks to each other...
Long answer: I may have used up all my long answers for a while. Have to recharge.
Seems I covered this here, with a lengthy write up on my opinion of what forum etiquette looks like
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TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
I don't disagree with what you said, except this part. People who talk to each other outside open forum (PM, chat room, etc) are going to have inside jokes. I don't feel that's bad because it's natural. Going by this, you could say that the people in the chat room are a clique because we have the inside jokes, you need an invite to get in, we have shared experiences, etc. But, it's not really a clique because every member of the forum gets an invite if they request one. There will be things talked about in there that newbies won't understand. If you come back into chat, we would know things that other people won't. For example, if Minty and/or Pie get brought up. Most of the people here now don't know them because they left or got banned. Or if LimLim or BJD pop in and say something, it's unlikely most people will understand whatever spews from their mouths. lol
I don't think inside jokes make you a clique, especially when you are willing to explain. them.
Also...
NO U!
where is the jerk button, I will sure I don't press it.Short answer: Try not to be jerks to each other...
Long answer: I may have used up all my long answers for a while. Have to recharge.
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
Oh, I broke that button a long time agowhere is the jerk button, I will will sure I don't press it.
TropicalStarfish
Well-known member
Yes. As I was writing/thinking, by definition, it became apparent that, 'cliques,' are unavoidable. We just have to remain vigilant. It seems that's the only antidote, to exclusive behavior. I wasn't saying, 'inside jokes are bad,' simply that, they happen, and by definition, are exclusive; and therefore, by definition, yablahblah, are behavior indicative of a, 'clique.'
Though, when we say or think, 'clique,' we tend to think of it as being bad. But yeah, an inside joke can be something fun for a newcomer to learn about, or it can be a defensive posturing, to reinforce the cohesion of the group; and sometimes, it's, just an inside joke.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar...
user 139760
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That's the only part I understood and agree with.Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar...
I personally think people use that excuse as a reason to not have their opinions criticized. Anyone who voices unpopular opinions opens themselves to criticism on an open forum. A lot of people expect pandering. That's unrealistic. If you're not prepared for a criticism, think twice about voicing it.
I certainly have been put in my place a number of times over the years. But, my feelings aten't soft enough to perceive everything as a personal attack. Only the people I'm close to can do that.
MrLonely86
Well-known member
My parents are gonna kill me when I say them I wanna waste money on my hobbies. XD
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