What has been said to you about your singledom?

[jd7]

People, especially coworkers and clients, occasionally ask if I'm married and act shocked when I say "no." Even better, these same people often assume I'm married and then recoil in sheer terror when I politely correct them. I think these folks are somehow more bothered by my singledom than I am. My longterm singledom is by choice for a specific set of reasons. During this time, watching the behavior of others in regard to my life choices has been like a case study in how non-single people unintentionally and sometimes intentionally are the awkward ones in the conversational exchange - not us single folks. This confirms that a great deal of people in relationships are actually awkward and codependent themselves. Being alone forces one to build a strong and well-defined self, whereas constantly singing in a duet does not.

 

[LonelyGuy1]

Comments by others followed by my own (internal) responses...

'It will happen when you least expect it.'

Yet, if I have the attitude that I expect NOTHING, or that I will continue to be ignored by women romantically (as I've been my whole life), then I am told that I have a 'negative attitude.'

'It will happen when you're not trying.'

Well, she hasn't shown up in 34 years, and I've put forth minimal effort thus far. At this point, I'm tired of waiting. Now, I'm putting forth serious effort.

'Don't get your hopes up!'

Yet, I'm still supposed to have hope that it WILL happen someday, but it will happen when I least expect it...hmm. Apparently, my hope is to be 'vague' and not centered on any one person being 'the one.' Can we say confusing as all hell?

'Relax about all of this!'

I would love to, but the desires I've pushed down for the last 10 or so years and are now stronger than ever (picture a hormonal teenager, only about 1000x more frustrated) are not exactly easy to ignore these days.

'Don't expect a relationship to make you feel complete, loved, or fulfilled.'

Um, isn't that the point of a good relationship? If not, why bother being in one?

'Why is it so important to you to find someone?'

I've NEVER had anyone and I'm ready to experience a part of life that's been denied to me. Something within me has changed, and I'm no longer content being single. Besides, I've waited FAR longer than the average person.

'You have to be happy with/love/be comfortable with yourself first.'

I've had 34 years of being happy with myself, but that does not mean that I'm happy being by myself. Nor should I have to be.

'Don't expect another person to make you happy.'

I truly yearn for a relationship and want to be in one more than anything, but that does NOT mean that I'm willing to be in one with someone who is clearly not right for me. I'm very aware that being in a bad relationship will not make me happy. However, I believe that being in a relationship with someone well suited for me will make me happy. I'm not happy anymore being single. I want to experience romantic love. Don't try to make me feel bad for wanting this.

'Relationships take work.'

Yes, I would imagine so. I know it's not all sunshine and rainbows. While I'm sure that my focusing on the good parts of a relationship is shaped by the fact that I've never been in one, I've seen enough couples to know that any relationship (even a great one) is not perfect, either. I'm wiling to put in the work. I'm ready for this.

And, my personal favorite...

'You're still young!'

Yes, I'm not a senior citizen yet, but I'd rather not be single anymore. I've had more than enough alone time for myself, and now I'm done with it.

 

[Triple Bogey]

when people are upset or having problems they usually turn to me and say 'stay single, David'

 

[AJ1982]

Let's get the crackers out here;

'You'll find someone when you least expect it!'

'You'll find someone when you're not looking!'

My favourite is "it'll just happen" lol yeah right

 

[FauxReaL]

"You're a highly attractive, intelligent guy with a great personality. You just need to work on your self confidence."

Which is ********. If I was looking for anything I'd be able to find it with ease. Not to sound cocky. I just don't need to worry about that right now. Next year I'll start dating. It ain't that hard. I don't want to chase women either. That **** is pointless. If I just stay working on myself, and get better at what I'm already good at... Then it'll come to me if I put a little effort in when the opportunities present themselves. The key is making those opportunities availible.

 

[Minty]

Let's get the crackers out here;

'You'll find someone when you least expect it!'

'You'll find someone when you're not looking!'

I used to get that ALL the time.

Not so much now because I don't bother with the opposite sex anymore or talking about men with my friends. I don't expect I'll ever find anyone and I've felt like that now for almost 10 years and guess what? Yep, still haven't magically bumped into 'him'. Haha.

 

[Dreamer88]

Ive been told several times that "There is someone out there for everyone"
Then I always hear the classic "You'll find somebody when you least expect it"

 

[ardour]

If you're unattractive the idea of you as a "sexual being" is not usually something others want to contemplate.

Don't receive any comments with regards to being single, don't bring it up either because it would just make people uncomfortable.

 

[Seeker_2.0]

My mom often nags me about finding a girl, but only because she wants grandchildren. I'm not too eager to grant her wish though

 

[Brody]

1) You should get a girlfriend
2) With age you'll think otherwise.
3) Not all of them is like your ex.
4) You're such a good guy, can't believe you're single.

 

[EveWasFramed]

My mom: I don't want you to be alone.

 

[SophiaGrace]

My mom: I don't want you to be alone.

Aw

 

[lonelyfairy]

Only some relatives asked: ''So... Do you have any special guy in your mind?'' Bahaha... xD

 

[Aisha]

"Can I set you up?"
"Aren't you even looking?"
"How about this guy? Or this one?"
"I'm glad we're in the same boat now."
"A woman only has so long before she hits her sell-by date."
"So, you know I mentioned grandchildren the other day...Well?"
Herd of female relatives- "We need to talk." No, we really don't. Not about that.
"I'm sure you're with someone. You're keeping him a secret aren't you?" Yes. I hoard my kept men in secret dungeons the world over.

 

[Cosmodeous]

"You won't find anyone if you never leave your house!"

Can't argue with it really.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

"So what's wrong with you?"
"God most unmarried men your age are really quiet and emotionally stunted so I don't get why you're not with anyone"

A lesbian friend of mine once said something really nice which was "why hasn't anyone snatched you up you'd be a great partner for someone"

I guess being lesbian she didn't or doesn't get what turns all the straight women I ever meet off me sooner or later (usually sooner). I still haven't figured out the answer myself and nobody else really can either!

 

[ardour]

The only thing said to me lately was from my Aunt. Since I inherited a house, she commented saying I should very careful about getting involved with someone, make sure to arrange a pre-nup etc.

It seemed like good advice. If someone suddenly showed an interest after all these years of nothing, It would be suspicious.

 

[h3donist]

Back in the day when I was in my early 20s people would say "you're too nice" and after spending ten years of being with someone who treated me like **** for that exact reason, they had a point.

Now they just say "enjoy your life - you're better off doing your own thing" - which is exactly what I am doing

 

[Wayfarer]

My mum: "what's wrong with you?"
My parents: "you won't meet anyone if you don't go out"

A "friend": I could set up a date for you with my friend. Her boyfriend just left her. She isn't pretty, but what do you expect, you are not handsome either."

Edit:
Mum: "are you gay?"

 

[ChocolateMoose]

Usually I'll be told to get out more and give some effort or that they'll hook me up with someone. It's not that I'm lazy, I just don't want a relationship. Some people are happier doing their own stuff by themselves.