What has been said to you about your singledom?

[Triple Bogey]

they tell me I have been unlucky

 

[reynard_muldrake]

My parents: "Find someone who's rich". Not the worst piece of advice, to be honest.

There was only one person who had an odd reaction to my singledom. He wondered why I wasn't sad about my lack of a romantic partner. Such comments, in my eyes, say little about me but plenty about the speaker. Otherwise people don't care that I enjoy my singledom or are even impressed by it. *shrugs* Reading some of the posts in this thread, I seem to be lucky no one gives me any grief. Some of the people you folks encounter have utterly no clue or tact whatsoever and I'm sorry you've gotten such responses.

 

[Queen of maniacs]

'You are too choosy about men.'
I've been hearing this a lot since I was 17, and I've been hearing this from those who are drunkards dating drunkards or materially-minded and not intelligent dating the same kind of persons or who are married to their True Love. The last suprises me the most because apparantly happy, in-love people think I don't deserve the same things? Lol. I don't know what to say to them)))

 

[mslonely]

My mum: "what's wrong with you?"
My parents: "you won't meet anyone if you don't go out"

A "friend": I could set up a date for you with my friend. Her boyfriend just left her. She isn't pretty, but what do you expect, you are not handsome either."

Edit:
Mum: "are you gay?"

Wayfer, you're not alone.

my brothers: "where are you going to meet someone when you're always in the house?"
my sister: "what are you doing wrong?"
"you're far too picky"
"are you lesbian?"


a "friend": "I'll set you up but you can't be picky, you're desperate for anyone"

 

[Nely Lo]

Mum and relatives: ˝Are you lesbian?˝
Then I told them that I am (don't know why , I'm stupid I guess) and now nobody asks me anymore

 

[Serephina]

My Mum doesn't say anything,she keeps quiet about it and then when i'm least expecting it tries to set me up with someone. We went to a club,I thought to spend some quality time together. This man walked in and he really wasn't my type,he came in doing some kind of mating ritual symbol with his hands to his two mates,I kept staring at him during the evening thinking he was really weird. Anyway,my Mum mistook my staring at the guy as me finding him attractive and thought I was too shy to ask him,so she went over and told him and when he came over to dance,he wouldn't leave me alone all night.

 

[Xpendable]

I've been told pretty much all of the classics:

- Are you gay?
- Why are yo alone? You're so cool!
- You have to carry the name for another generation.
- Why I never see you with a woman?
- Are you religious?
- You're just shy
- It can't be so hard
- You are afraid of women

 

[Cataplasme]

Surprisingly I think nobody ever said something. Even though I stayed single for 25 years.
I think people just assumed I was not always.

 

[matt4]

Unless I can show myself as more assertive and more alpha male i won't have a girlfriend. I know women like these traits.

This is an issue I've always had along with confidence but I know I'm not alone.

 

[Cataplasme]

Unless I can show myself as more assertive and more alpha male i won't have a girlfriend. I know women like these traits.

No, you can't have a girlfriend if you think like that and think women in general like this traits. Every person is different. Being a woman is only one characteristic people who act very differently because a person is a female is annoying.
Maybe that's why you have problem with women if you think like that. I know for me it is a dealbreaker.

 

[matt4]

It's natural. I don't know what you are talking about to be honest. I've been on numerous dates and most women like a man to be confident and strong. More alpha then not. It's not a criticism. This is true of the subconscious natural world.

You don't need to act different to attract a mate. As a male you do need to be atrong (personally) and naturally confident (not acting). What's wrong with having more confidence and being more alpha in life? I never said or believe you should act different because of someones gender.

Gain natural confdence and become more self assured is my goal.

 

[Cataplasme]

If you want to become more confident and self assured, good for you.

But there is no such thing as "a man need to be that or that" and no such thing as alpha man. And if you think that it makes me think you do probably act differently toward men and women and maintain cliché about genders.

You know who are the men who success to "have lot of ladies", they are the one who can deal easily with rejection (and if they are not too fussy about the persons they chose they have even more chance). The more persons you tried with the more chance it will work with one.

 

[matt4]

Thanks for you opinion.

There is such thing as an alpha man. Source real life and google. It's comes natural to some people (they aren't aware of it). No, I don't act differently towards genders.

To find a mate, a man will have more success if he can assert himself, be confident and strong mentally. Many of us here will never have a woman because we are negative thinkers (I always am, saying a woman will not be interested in me) and because we cannot assert or in some cases take the lead.

Respect your opinion but its not correct. Just being able to deal with rejection. I've got the hang of it after being on many dates. That just says give up without acknowledging the real issue you have. Most women and men do have subconscious requirements for what they want to see in a mate. Most of this comes from the natural world.

I also expect a lot of people will wade in to put a counter argument against what I've said. It's not a popular view but well known to be true, with dating councillors and other professionals aiming to get their clients up to be more naturally attractive.

Being shy does not make you attractive to moat women. Of course it may to some but not the majority. That guy that we all think is a jerk has confidence by the bucket load and like a display of his past success. Being an alpha, or confident guy has nothing to do with being a jerk. I see this a lot too. Jerks can be confident or shy.

 

[Xpendable]

Most women and men do have subconscious requirements for what they want to see in a mate. Most of this comes from the natural world.

Such a simple concept, yet so resisted.

 

[Cataplasme]

Most women and men do have subconscious requirements for what they want to see in a mate. Most of this comes from the natural world.

Such a simple concept, yet so resisted.

I don't see how it is resisted ? Every body have requirements for a mate subconscious (or not, you could realize it even if you can't really explain why). But it doesn't mean they are all the same for women and men and that's where I disagree.

Being shy is more difficult for everything. I think lot of people like shy people it's only one part of their personality. But the problem is that it makes it harder to know if the person likes you or not and what the other person like etc. So logically it is harder to find a mate in that case. But it doesn't mean "women prefer..." No, I still don't believe in that.

And from the natural world... what does it even mean ? What is the unnatural world ? Truth is humans are not beast, things have evolved some even criteria of attraction. And that's why there is some many different preferences depending on people.

 

[Skid Row 89]

The usual line is something like "Are there no women in your life?" I don't get asked about it very often though, most people around me think I'm too pathetic to attract a woman anyway and as the years progress I become more convinced that they're right.

 

[matt4]

Of course it's only one part of their personality. You only know what they have to offer when they open up but a lack of confidence/shyness often demonstrates a lack of success with the opposite sex. Which is a natural turn off.

The natural world as in biology. Humans are every bit animal, every bit beast (just not four footed). We nuture our young (in most cases), protect them through the use of force if need be. Much like every cow, bird, dog and every other animal.

How have things evolved from the dawn of time regarding criteria of attraction then? Yes, people have different preferences (we all aren't attracted to the same thing) we know that. But we are talking deal breakers that particularly from a male point of view I see all the time. Many haven't changed since we were cavemen/women. A strong man is admired and desired by women. Confident, self-assured and someone who is mentally strong. The proof is on this board too. Why are so many of us on here single? It's not all looks. In fact looks are only part of how the mind views attraction. It's a combination of things including these, some of us have even demasculated ourselves without realising (being needy etc).

We seem to think because we wear dresses/suits and ties that our animal instincts have long gone. They haven't and they are still there, from finding a sex partner to a serious long term relationship.

Xpendable, I think it's often resisted because humans like to put themselves ahead of other animals in the animal kingdom
Mostly people are afraid. Afraid that finding a partner is down to things we might need to work for/appear to have no control over. As well as something that has literally descended down from the dawn of time.

---

The usual line is something like "Are there no women in your life?" I don't get asked about it very often though, most people around me think I'm too pathetic to attract a woman anyway and as the years progress I become more convinced that they're right.

I used to get this. Though this year I haven't. As I've picked up dates. Probably making some of the sayers jealous.
That sort of thinking doesn't help man. Try and keep positive. I know it's tough!

 

[Cataplasme]

But isn't being mentally strong a preference everybody who search for a partner want ? Why do you have to say women prefer for men. It's the same for men toward women and for the gays and lesbians and bi and pan etc. men toward men and women toward women.

I still don't think shyness is a turn-off it's just difficult to get close to a shy person so it's not only for a partner, but for a friend or just an acquaintance or anything really. And that's why shy person have more difficulties. It's just logical.

Also I thought this forum was for lonely person not necessarily for people having difficulties to find love/a partner. It's not because you have difficulties for that that you are alone. And you don't have to feel or even to be alone if you don't have one. I never felt lonely because I was single all the long time I was, but because I didn't have friend or even acquaintances I could hang out with.
In my opinion people who feel lonely instead of searching directly for a mate, should search for friends and in the way they might find a partner.

 

[matt4]

Of course it is. The alpha male has that. Not every female once that but he exhibts traits that are attractive. Being able to take the lead, whether at work or home, never puts someone down but offers constructive criticism, able to assert himself, approach women, make them feel at ease and execute first moves.

It is for lonely people but a significant proportion of those lonely are also single, like me. I'd say many of us here have searched and made friends for years but don't get into relationships for the above reasons (not trying to speak for the majority). Or because we have too much baggage. Seem mentally unstable, insecure about ourselves etc. If your all of those you can literally kiss finding a partner goodbye, but will find friends no doubt.

 

[Xpendable]

I don't see how it is resisted ?

Most people deny it.