Xpendable said:
I think it goes to a point in which we just want someone who accept us. I've said before I would like to meet someone different from the norm, but that's just a wild dream. Us who post here don't have the privilege of choosing the person we wish as a possible lover. So it doesn't matter how beyond we are above the traditional spectrum, the rules of undesirability are the same.
To keep trying still seems like a better option than resorting to accept the brand mark of the unprivileged who's not even allowed to choose. I can understand where you're coming from, but honestly: If you shove yourself into the undesirable category, your ride is over for good. You might be so hellbent on experiencing a relationship that you would take
anything you can get...and in case you get it, you might not let it go anymore. And that can get quite nasty. You might dive headfirst into something toxic while adding your own note of toxicity to this rooted in your feelings of inadequacy.
Xpendable said:
The main conflict of arguments about preference come in this distinction. The "old-fashioned categories" you name can be debated in depth as the root of the problem. The way I learned is that sexual or emotional preference can never be just a side note. Men and women would always downplay their own shallowness in fear of social judgement. Even to the point of actually believe they have overcome this factor. Now, that's a real social category. A woman may be confused around a non-masculine man, she would try to find some sort of behavior or response from her part to adapt to the situation. These masculine traits are not created in a spark of social conditioning, but they come from millions of years of evolution. A woman may not hate a man who fails biologicaly, but deep inside her brain, his lack of masculine traits have an effect on how she sees him.
Women are likely to be plagued by the same kind of feelings, afraid of being judged or rejected for not fitting into these categories. But I can see that they would try just as hard to fit into that old mold because they have succumbed to the notion that they would not be desirable otherwise. So what if it conjures up confusion if we are confronted with someone who does not fit perfectly into these categories? You said they'd try to adapt...adapt and overcome I'd say. I thought that's what we do. But if either party is not willing to do so, I doubt there is any use in trying to force them together.
Xpendable said:
Sometimes the "overly emotional or potentially unstable woman" don't want us anyway. And we can be very reasonable. I often wonder how many people would choose between a life with zero relationships or a life with just bad relationships.
The real question is what
you would choose, given the opportunity. And I don't need to hear the answer to this. This is all for yourself to think through.
Xpendable said:
That's the tragedy of the **** sapiens. We realize the circumstances are rigid and pretend we don't care. The only advantage or our brains is to be able to reflect in this fact. We realize that the animalistic chains that hold us in the foundations of our behavior are there, but we try to deny how much they rule us. Consciousness gave us an understanding of were our needs come from, but didn't make us able to change them.
You can at least try to rise above your primal instincts a bit and more importantly, assume that there are people out there who try to do the same. Even if it's all pretense as you put it, I think I'd rather pretend not to care and to rise above than pretend I am shallow just to improve my chances to appeal to someone else who would never accept me for not fitting perfectly into their little image.
Xpendable said:
That's an interesting question. There's a really cruel reflection coming from that spiel. Society lecture us to improve once and again ad nauseum, without acknowledging that if the direction we choose to improve comes from objectively good purposes. Is and endless loop of self-fulfilling condescendence. If you keep improving but get no result is because you you haven't really improve enough. If you fail is your fault and if you give up is your fault too. Society prefers to put the blame on how you follow their instructions rather to maybe, and just maybe! consider that their design may be flawed. To them, the possibility of you doing everything right and still fail it's impossible. Because it would mean to have to address very painful and harsh constructions inside the system they defend.
Well, I'm not in support of the worn-out
You-can-achieve-anything delusion. I know it's not true. I know some of us will never achieve what we strived for in this life. And yet, I wouldn't want to put my weapons down and and say: "You know, maybe I'm part of the designated loser crew. Let's stop here for good." I just don't want to end up there. But that's my personal view and I won't blame anyone else for surrendering. But society is not this gigantic, anonymous and hostile clusterfuck. There are people like you and me in there and - believe it or not - also females who will not bend to the system and who sympathize with like-minded guys and gals. And I'd rather appeal to this supposed minority the way I am than forcing myself into a mold, trying to appeal to majority.
Xpendable said:
Believe me when I tell you that many lonely men would choose an adequate woman before and idealization if she came first. This even with all the "improvement" they could have done previously. Because men like us, who have followed the rules imposed by the system, have come to understand that we are tied to remain silent in every outcome. If you aren't good enough you have no right to complain. But if you are in fact good enough, you can't complain either because that would make you arrogant and bitter. Because a person deserving of a relationship never should complain and never should question the status quo. A person deserving of a relationship should never experience injustice, rejection, mockery or envy. A person deserving of a relationship should never see him/herself morally above others even when he/she is. A person deserving of a relationship always will have a relationship, because the system is perfect and you'll never be; specially if you question the system.
I don't doubt that. And women are fighting the same war, just on a different front and with different weapons. I won't indulge in the whole person-deserving-of-a-relationship matter because I don't believe in that kinda thing. People toss phrases like "he/she does not deserve this/that" around all the time...nobody deserves anything really. **** happens all the time, because it's all chaos in motion. Yet there are healthier alternatives to running around and proclaiming how rigged the game is though. I won't deny it is, but I believe you got a choice how to handle it. Not all bets are off, but some are.
You see, it was never my intention to convince you of anything else. I was merely providing a different perspective here. Which I'm done with now.
