Why can’t I get along with women?

[jjessea]

What a weird chick

 

[VanillaCreme]

Tuesday I met a couple of friends at a bar near work and she walks in with her boyfriend. I waved, and of course they changed tables so they're out of sight. Expected. But later on as they're leaving she taps me on the shoulder and asks if it's my birthday (I brought some office snacks to work that day,) says goodbye in a friendly manner.

I made an attempt at some innocuous conversation today to do with that, but it was awkward and I could see her face drop as she turned away. Just walks right out the door again without saying goodbye.

And little annoying things like - her hand is bandaged up, other's have asked about. When she had to speak to me about work she hides her hand behind her back as if she didn't want me to ask.

I have all the answers I can expect. This person thinks I'm a creep. Best to forget it.

How is that annoying? Perhaps she was embarrassed. Or it was sort of like an instant reaction. Perhaps she may be a weird one. But maybe she sees something in you that she doesn't see with everyone else. I know one instance when I didn't question something, I was thanked for it. I'll never forget it either. Sometimes, people just don't want to bother or be bothered.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Tuesday I met a couple of friends at a bar near work and she walks in with her boyfriend. I waved, and of course they changed tables so they're out of sight. Expected. But later on as they're leaving she taps me on the shoulder and asks if it's my birthday (I brought some office snacks to work that day,) says goodbye in a friendly manner.

I made an attempt at some innocuous conversation today to do with that, but it was awkward and I could see her face drop as she turned away. Just walks right out the door again without saying goodbye.

And little annoying things like - her hand is bandaged up, other's have asked about. When she had to speak to me about work she hides her hand behind her back as if she didn't want me to ask.

I have all the answers I can expect. This person thinks I'm a creep. Best to forget it.

'Changed tables' ? - so they walked in sat down and then she realized you could see her, so they moved to another table out of sight ?

Or they came in and sat at a table out of sight ?

I mean why would she blatantly avoid you and then ask you about your birthday ? - Doesn't make any sense.

the other things you mentioned seem like you are looking for it.

I remember years back I was obsessed with this woman. Every single thing she did or said, I analysed over and over again. I was trying to see evidence she liked me. It took a few years to realize that she didn't.

Women give me funny looks all the time. They are friendly some days, rude the next. They smile for no reason, laugh at my jokes, ignore me the next day. I would go nuts if I thought it meant something.

 

[ardour]

'Changed tables' ? - so they walked in sat down and then she realized you could see her, so they moved to another table out of sight ?

Yes, to another table around a corner.

I mean why would she blatantly avoid you and then ask you about your birthday ? - Doesn't make any sense.

Not a bit of sense.

the other things you mentioned seem like you are looking for it.

I remember years back I was obsessed with this woman. Every single thing she did or said, I analysed over and over again. I was trying to see evidence she liked me. It took a few years to realize that she didn't.

Women give me funny looks all the time. They are friendly some days, rude the next. They smile for no reason, laugh at my jokes, ignore me the next day. I would go nuts if I thought it meant something.

But doesn't that show a lack of consideration for you? Aren't you also another person with feelings? What do they expect you to think. Wouldn't the appropriate (expected) response to the treatment you've gotten be to shut down and no longer bother - yet they still want friendliness from you when it suits them. I'm dumbfounded by the mentality of some women. It's like we're not human.

How is that annoying? Perhaps she was embarrassed. Or it was sort of like an instant reaction. Perhaps she may be a weird one. But maybe she sees something in you that she doesn't see with everyone else.

Obviously something she really doesn't like.

 

[Triple Bogey]

'Changed tables' ? - so they walked in sat down and then she realized you could see her, so they moved to another table out of sight ?

Yes, to another table around a corner.

Might be another reason for the move of table.

I mean why would she blatantly avoid you and then ask you about your birthday ? - Doesn't make any sense.

Not a bit of sense.

the other things you mentioned seem like you are looking for it.

I remember years back I was obsessed with this woman. Every single thing she did or said, I analysed over and over again. I was trying to see evidence she liked me. It took a few years to realize that she didn't.

Women give me funny looks all the time. They are friendly some days, rude the next. They smile for no reason, laugh at my jokes, ignore me the next day. I would go nuts if I thought it meant something.

But doesn't that show a lack of consideration for you? Aren't you also another person with feelings? What do they expect you to think. Wouldn't the appropriate (expected) response to the treatment you've gotten be to shut down and no longer bother - yet they still want friendliness from you when it suits them. I'm dumbfounded by the mentality of some women. It's like we're not human.

Some women act like this. Nothing we can do about this.
I am sure some women think I act funny some of the time. Swings and roundabouts ! We all have faults.

How is that annoying? Perhaps she was embarrassed. Or it was sort of like an instant reaction. Perhaps she may be a weird one. But maybe she sees something in you that she doesn't see with everyone else.

Obviously something she really doesn't like.

 

[lonelydoc]

All women, without exception, want the same thing: a young, handsome, tall, athletic, rich, and famous guy who stays that way forever. All else is pretense and games, the things we do so that society can function.

Expect the denials to come.

 

[ardour]

off topic and isn't very helpful.

 

[Minus]

All women, without exception, want....

We don't need such crass generalizations. Like it or not "all women, without exception" are not the same.

 

[TheRealCallie]

All women, without exception, want the same thing: a young, handsome, tall, athletic, rich, and famous guy who stays that way forever. All else is pretense and games, the things we do so that society can function.

Expect the denials to come.

M'kay, I guess that means I'm not a woman, even though I look like a woman and have the woman body parts and everything that goes with being a woman.
I'm okay with that, if that's what woman, WITHOUT EXCEPTION, want.

 

[Triple Bogey]

All women, without exception, want the same thing: a young, handsome, tall, athletic, rich, and famous guy who stays that way forever. All else is pretense and games, the things we do so that society can function.

Expect the denials to come.

I think that's rubbish to be honest !

 

[garlfin22]

Wowwwwwww -- what an introduction to this site this thread has been. I did read one other thread in which someone basically tough-loved a contributor who sounded suicidal, so I guess THAT was my real introduction, but second stab has also been a shock. Gotta say I don't come from the tough love school.
For what its worth, I wish everyone had a little of your concern as to how they affect others. If that was spread around a little more maybe there wouldn't be so many bleeps in the world. The best advice I ever received was, before you think there's something wrong with you, check to make sure you're not surrounded by a bunch of bleeps. Methinks the lady is a bleep. Methinks also that, unfortunately, the majority of people are utter UTTER bleeps. That's not much help, however, because its not the real question. The real question is how do we survive in a world full of bleepy-bleeps??? I think that's the real question you need answered. Its not what's wrong with you. Its the people around you that are truly the problem, and you need to find cheats to navigate it. And that's the 64,000 dollar question. How the hell do you do that? The UN can't do it, so how the hell do you??? Maybe the first step is to somehow realise it IS NOT YOU. NOT.......YOU. Youre not threatening anyone with violence right? Youre not hindering their work right? Youre not going up to their desk repeatedly right? You're not nicking her pens right? You didn't do something mean to her or to a colleague right? Then NOT YOU. Everyone has a right to be spoken to with respect. I speak to the schizophrenic homeless guy on our corner every day and have a long chat when I have time. He scowls, he has angry conversations with invisible people. Scowling and being awkward is no excuse for any kind of poor behaviour, and trust me, you are not obsessing, you are not mistaking her behaviour, she is being a bleep.
I think the second piece of good advice I'd pass on is: most people are bleeps that respond only to power -- male or female. That's it. I've thrice been cited the stat that over thirty per cent of the population are being categorised as sociopathic. That's controversial, and it depends on who's doing the classifying, but thats from a friend who's a psychiatrist, so I'm going with it. And that's my experience of the workplace. They're not good odds, and of the remaining 70%, the majority operate on power, primarily through laziness and fear. But that shouldn't be depressing, because it means its not you. If someone's not having that experience then its because they've learnt to manipulate their own power base so that those around them respond favourably. That's all. When you do meet someone who is genuinely awesome, they'll be a very rare and special treat. But rare and precious. I've had discussions about these things with people in the majority and they're oblivious because they need to be -- the less aware and generally (sorry) dumber you are, the more adept you are at manipulating your power-base with ease. Over-analysing is the bane of power (unless you're a genius manipulator, which works too) so the more intelligent and aware you are, often the more anxious you become and the worse you become at socializing. So you probably should at least pat yourself on the back that you can sniff out all the moors of human interaction -- I don't think your imagining anything, I think your observing what's going on in an intricate way many wouldn't be able to. But its a fraught gift isn't it?? And as a woman I will say this: both males and females operate on power, but women DO note subtle shifts in power in conversations and gestures sometimes more adeptly than men, and this can make then master manipulators. There are many men who can do this too, but women are adroit, and they practice it amongst themselves. If you think its difficult as a man dealing with women, you try being an attractive intelligent female in a female only zone. Its 'No Exit' on crack.

 

[VanillaCreme]

All women, without exception, want the same thing: a young, handsome, tall, athletic, rich, and famous guy who stays that way forever. All else is pretense and games, the things we do so that society can function.

Expect the denials to come.

I think that's rubbish to be honest !

It is rubbish. And too much to look after as well. Give me an old, ugly, getting-shorter-with-age, flabby, broke, and off-the-radar guy, and I'm good to go in life.

 

[Littlesecret]

All women, without exception, want the same thing: a young, handsome, tall, athletic, rich, and famous guy who stays that way forever. All else is pretense and games, the things we do so that society can function.

Expect the denials to come.

Hahaha, NO!

I can only assume this is some weird unfunny joke and your just trolling for some action!

 

[TheRealCallie]

All women, without exception, want the same thing: a young, handsome, tall, athletic, rich, and famous guy who stays that way forever. All else is pretense and games, the things we do so that society can function.

Expect the denials to come.

Hahaha, NO!

I can only assume this is some weird unfunny joke and your just trolling for some action!

Sadly, some people honestly believe it to be true

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Eight pages and not one of you has come close to stumbling upon the truth....

It's simple!

Women are always right. Men are always wrong.

You may now close the thread.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Eight pages and not one of you has come close to stumbling upon the truth....

It's simple!

Women are always right. Men are always wrong.

You may now close the thread.

Well... y'all should know... Don't try to prove us wrong, and we won't have to prove ourselves right.

:club:

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Eight pages and not one of you has come close to stumbling upon the truth....

It's simple!

Women are always right. Men are always wrong.

You may now close the thread.

Well... y'all should know... Don't try to prove us wrong, and we won't have to prove ourselves right.

:club:

I specialize in wrong V.C.

 

[Triple Bogey]

All women, without exception, want the same thing: a young, handsome, tall, athletic, rich, and famous guy who stays that way forever. All else is pretense and games, the things we do so that society can function.

Expect the denials to come.

I think that's rubbish to be honest !

It is rubbish. And too much to look after as well. Give me an old, ugly, getting-shorter-with-age, flabby, broke, and off-the-radar guy, and I'm good to go in life.

that sounds like me !

 

[ardour]

Wowwwwwww -- what an introduction to this site this thread has been. I did read one other thread in which someone basically tough-loved a contributor who sounded suicidal, so I guess THAT was my real introduction, but second stab has also been a shock. Gotta say I don't come from the tough love school.
For what its worth, I wish everyone had a little of your concern as to how they affect others. If that was spread around a little more maybe there wouldn't be so many bleeps in the world. The best advice I ever received was, before you think there's something wrong with you, check to make sure you're not surrounded by a bunch of bleeps. Methinks the lady is a bleep. Methinks also that, unfortunately, the majority of people are utter UTTER bleeps. That's not much help, however, because its not the real question. The real question is how do we survive in a world full of bleepy-bleeps??? I think that's the real question you need answered. Its not what's wrong with you. Its the people around you that are truly the problem, and you need to find cheats to navigate it. And that's the 64,000 dollar question. How the hell do you do that? The UN can't do it, so how the hell do you??? Maybe the first step is to somehow realise it IS NOT YOU. NOT.......YOU. Youre not threatening anyone with violence right? Youre not hindering their work right? Youre not going up to their desk repeatedly right? You're not nicking her pens right? You didn't do something mean to her or to a colleague right? Then NOT YOU. Everyone has a right to be spoken to with respect. I speak to the schizophrenic homeless guy on our corner every day and have a long chat when I have time. He scowls, he has angry conversations with invisible people. Scowling and being awkward is no excuse for any kind of poor behaviour, and trust me, you are not obsessing, you are not mistaking her behaviour, she is being a bleep.
I think the second piece of good advice I'd pass on is: most people are bleeps that respond only to power -- male or female. That's it. I've thrice been cited the stat that over thirty per cent of the population are being categorised as sociopathic. That's controversial, and it depends on who's doing the classifying, but thats from a friend who's a psychiatrist, so I'm going with it. And that's my experience of the workplace. They're not good odds, and of the remaining 70%, the majority operate on power, primarily through laziness and fear. But that shouldn't be depressing, because it means its not you. If someone's not having that experience then its because they've learnt to manipulate their own power base so that those around them respond favourably. That's all. When you do meet someone who is genuinely awesome, they'll be a very rare and special treat. But rare and precious. I've had discussions about these things with people in the majority and they're oblivious because they need to be -- the less aware and generally (sorry) dumber you are, the more adept you are at manipulating your power-base with ease. Over-analysing is the bane of power (unless you're a genius manipulator, which works too) so the more intelligent and aware you are, often the more anxious you become and the worse you become at socializing. So you probably should at least pat yourself on the back that you can sniff out all the moors of human interaction -- I don't think your imagining anything, I think your observing what's going on in an intricate way many wouldn't be able to. But its a fraught gift isn't it?? And as a woman I will say this: both males and females operate on power, but women DO note subtle shifts in power in conversations and gestures sometimes more adeptly than men, and this can make then master manipulators. There are many men who can do this too, but women are adroit, and they practice it amongst themselves. If you think its difficult as a man dealing with women, you try being an attractive intelligent female in a female only zone. Its 'No Exit' on crack.

Even my previous manager would say hello and goodbye, and I was not her favourite person. I don’t know what to make of it due to the times she’s been friendly or acted as if she’s reacting to something I did. Whether she's playing games or a sociopath of some description is impossible to work out now since there's no communication.

I didn't mention one other thing, she recently put up a 'wall' on her desk facing my direction; filing shelves, books and other objects, as if to block me from view, or block me from seeing her. This, when I'm seated facing away from her at my desk... She also crosses her arms every time she's had to walk by as if I wanted to stare (I don't.) As I said, obnoxious, unfounded, neurotic...

I would like to work on learning to relax and being more personable, even if I’m not the source of the problem in this instance. Failing that, putting some advice here into practice and learning indifference about this or any similar situation; at present it's grating even to hear her voice in background office conversation. I try to block it out with headphones, relaxing music, but it's still a kick in the guts every time I hear her.

 

[garlfin22]

Wowwwwwww -- what an introduction to this site this thread has been. I did read one other thread in which someone basically tough-loved a contributor who sounded suicidal, so I guess THAT was my real introduction, but second stab has also been a shock. Gotta say I don't come from the tough love school.
For what its worth, I wish everyone had a little of your concern as to how they affect others. If that was spread around a little more maybe there wouldn't be so many bleeps in the world. The best advice I ever received was, before you think there's something wrong with you, check to make sure you're not surrounded by a bunch of bleeps. Methinks the lady is a bleep. Methinks also that, unfortunately, the majority of people are utter UTTER bleeps. That's not much help, however, because its not the real question. The real question is how do we survive in a world full of bleepy-bleeps??? I think that's the real question you need answered. Its not what's wrong with you. Its the people around you that are truly the problem, and you need to find cheats to navigate it. And that's the 64,000 dollar question. How the hell do you do that? The UN can't do it, so how the hell do you??? Maybe the first step is to somehow realise it IS NOT YOU. NOT.......YOU. Youre not threatening anyone with violence right? Youre not hindering their work right? Youre not going up to their desk repeatedly right? You're not nicking her pens right? You didn't do something mean to her or to a colleague right? Then NOT YOU. Everyone has a right to be spoken to with respect. I speak to the schizophrenic homeless guy on our corner every day and have a long chat when I have time. He scowls, he has angry conversations with invisible people. Scowling and being awkward is no excuse for any kind of poor behaviour, and trust me, you are not obsessing, you are not mistaking her behaviour, she is being a bleep.
I think the second piece of good advice I'd pass on is: most people are bleeps that respond only to power -- male or female. That's it. I've thrice been cited the stat that over thirty per cent of the population are being categorised as sociopathic. That's controversial, and it depends on who's doing the classifying, but thats from a friend who's a psychiatrist, so I'm going with it. And that's my experience of the workplace. They're not good odds, and of the remaining 70%, the majority operate on power, primarily through laziness and fear. But that shouldn't be depressing, because it means its not you. If someone's not having that experience then its because they've learnt to manipulate their own power base so that those around them respond favourably. That's all. When you do meet someone who is genuinely awesome, they'll be a very rare and special treat. But rare and precious. I've had discussions about these things with people in the majority and they're oblivious because they need to be -- the less aware and generally (sorry) dumber you are, the more adept you are at manipulating your power-base with ease. Over-analysing is the bane of power (unless you're a genius manipulator, which works too) so the more intelligent and aware you are, often the more anxious you become and the worse you become at socializing. So you probably should at least pat yourself on the back that you can sniff out all the moors of human interaction -- I don't think your imagining anything, I think your observing what's going on in an intricate way many wouldn't be able to. But its a fraught gift isn't it?? And as a woman I will say this: both males and females operate on power, but women DO note subtle shifts in power in conversations and gestures sometimes more adeptly than men, and this can make then master manipulators. There are many men who can do this too, but women are adroit, and they practice it amongst themselves. If you think its difficult as a man dealing with women, you try being an attractive intelligent female in a female only zone. Its 'No Exit' on crack.

Even my previous manager would say hello and goodbye, and I was not her favourite person. I don’t know what to make of it due to the times she’s been friendly or acted as if she’s reacting to something I did. Whether she's playing games or a sociopath of some description is impossible to work out now since there's no communication.

I didn't mention one other thing, she recently put up a 'wall' on her desk facing my direction; filing shelves, books and other objects, as if to block me from view, or block me from seeing her. This, when I'm seated facing away from her at my desk... She also crosses her arms every time she's had to walk by as if I wanted to stare (I don't.) As I said, obnoxious, unfounded, neurotic...

I would like to work on learning to relax and being more personable, even if I’m not the source of the problem in this instance. Failing that, putting some advice here into practice and learning indifference about this or any similar situation; at present it's grating even to hear her voice in background office conversation. I try to block it out with headphones, relaxing music, but it's still a kick in the guts every time I hear her.

Well, as long as you first know that its her, not you, and that you're not alone! It happens to so so many people in the workplace and it can get to the point where it is grating just to know that they're there. Not weird, not you, just is. You're probably doing all the right things to try to remove ur mind from the situation some how. Maybe when U can some day get away from the situation you can use it as a learning process??? Apparently the best thing to do is to stay reserved but friendly with people until they make a move. Be the same with everyone and if they're rude, you can't show an emotional response. Apparently that's what people are looking for, and if you don't respond one way or the other they move on to a softer target. Saying that though, its really really hard to do and takes a lot of practice I think for people are hyper-attuned to interpersonal nuances. But maybe you can use her to practice on? If you can innoculate yourself against her then maybe you'll be on ur way to a more robust fighting stance. But I guess I'm starting to realise that expecting people to be decent is my main mistake. I have to accept we're at war and rather than retaliate in kind, be kind to others but placid and unexpecting. Its a pretty difficult stunt to pull off though. But more than anything, I don't want to ever forget what its like to have a decent moral outlook. If experiencing nasty people makes me as bad as them then its an entirely wasted experience.