Why do I keep thinking that a girlfriend is so important?

[MrPUA]

Look.

You're not going to get a girlfriend unless you try, right?

If you have no confidence, then tell yourself that you're going to do EVERYTHING different then you ever did before. Don't make having a girlfriend an issue. Before I had my first girlfriend, I used to put any woman that showed any interest in me at all (even if it was non-sexual-lets-just-be-friends sort of way) on this pedestal telling myself, "THIS IS IT." I realized that's ********. Not because women don't deserve relationships, but because there are so many women out there for you, just as there are so many guys out there for women.

First things first. You're never going to get a girlfriend sitting around doing **** all hoping it will come to you. That doesn't work. Women like to be lead, they like to feel like women, they want to know you are a MAN. So be one.

Secondly, if you feel it will boost your confidence, work on your clothes, your style, try to look classy. Anything that contributes to your confidence is good. Once you actually get confident, you'll realize looks aren't a huge deal. But, everyone starts somewhere right? Try to fix up.

Lastly, stop fearing women! For the most part, you'll come to find that women are very nice and sweet even if they may come off as the opposite sometimes. Show them you're a fun guy, and they'll view you as attractive too!

Because of the nature of your situation, I suggest starting with baby steps. When you're in the mall, if you see a woman even remotely make eye contact with you, stare right back, don't let up until she looks away. You might get people responding, "THAT'S CREEPY" or "THAT'S WEIRD." Who cares? Confidence is being able to do what you want because you wanted to do it without fearing what others may think. Some might look at that exercise as trivial, but there was a point when I was scared as **** of doing **** like that.

You move from that into more advanced things, like saying hi to a girl, or simply asking for the time in a confident manner.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Women like to be lead

Well, sometimes we like to be calcium or arsenic, actually. On special days I like to be antimony.

they like to feel like women, they want to know you are a MAN. So be one.

I don't know about you other gals out there, but I pretty much always feel like a woman. It's not as though when I am by myself I turn into some genderless entity.

When you're in the mall, if you see a woman even remotely make eye contact with you, stare right back, don't let up until she looks away. You might get people responding, "THAT'S CREEPY" or "THAT'S WEIRD." Who cares? Confidence is being able to do what you want because you wanted to do it without fearing what others may think.

Actually, that could be creepy. There is a difference between a look that says "confident" and one which screams "POTENTIAL STALKER!"

You might want to tell the guys to add a hint of a smile to go with the intense stare. Or go for broke and actually smile while making eye contact. In this woman's opinion, a smile holds a lot more currency than simple eye contact.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Women like to be lead

Well, sometimes we like to be calcium or arsenic, actually. On special days I like to be antimony.

ROFLMAO!!!!

 

[Yabai.Youth]

Actually, that could be creepy. There is a difference between a look that says "confident" and one which screams "POTENTIAL STALKER!"

You are 100% correct on that one.

I was at the mall with my ex. once and this guy kept looking at her. I swear I felt like punching that guy. Not only would it make anyone feel uncomfortable; let alone women; but it kind of gives off the impression that your a pervert.

There aren't special rules to being confident, just open up and don't be afraid to express yourself.

Women like to be lead

Another thing I want to point out is, that assertion is, kind of sexist. Besides, do you really want a stereotypical, spineless, pre-suffragette, "damsel in distress" woman?

 

[VanillaCreme]

Look.

You're not going to get a girlfriend unless you try, right?

I already disagree with that. Great things come when you least expect it. I think when people set it in their mind that they "have" to look, that's when they overlook things. Some people have their special someone right in front of their face, yet they never realize it because they're overlooking and over thinking everything.

 

[QuietGuy]

Great things come when you least expect it. I think when people set it in their mind that they "have" to look, that's when they overlook things. Some people have their special someone right in front of their face, yet they never realize it because they're overlooking and over thinking everything.

Exactly! Well said, VanillaCreme!

When you're in the mall, if you see a woman even remotely make eye contact with you, stare right back, don't let up until she looks away. You might get people responding, "THAT'S CREEPY" or "THAT'S WEIRD." Who cares? Confidence is being able to do what you want because you wanted to do it without fearing what others may think.

I don't follow your logic at all. I could belch extremely loudly on the train if that's what I wanted to do, but that's not confidence - that's just being rude. Staring at random women is creepy and weird, and if you're doing it simply to attempt to boost your own confidence, with no respect for other people's feelings, then it's extremely selfish too.

You move from that into more advanced things, like saying hi to a girl, or simply asking for the time in a confident manner.

Now those things are much more natural! (not more "advanced"!)

 

[Wishtobemyself]

We men are always looking for intimate relationship from our opposite ***, ranging from physical to emotional warmth. It's a drive as a human. So Zorg, there's nothing wrong with your idea. But there is more than just thinking that a girlfriend is so important, getting a girlfriend is far more important.

Getting one is not so important. I'd say having someone there you're close to is important. Even if I liked a guy, I think I'd rather settle for being close to him rather than date him. And who knows, maybe it could evolve into something more. But it's about being comfortable with each other.

VanillaCreme, I do agree with what you said. What I mean by getting one also means having someone whom I can be comfortable with. That's why making sure that person is someone who can make you feel good is also another important thing.

 

[MrPUA]

I saw a post saying, "the greatest things come to you when you least expect it." That sounds like some The Secret ****. ****, I wish I could sit around not doing anything at home and make thousands of dollars. That would be amazing, I'd drop out of school and stop doing anything. The reality is, you're not getting anywhere without trying.

Also, the purpose of my exercise was exactly as stated, stop caring about what people think. For a site full of "non-conforormists" or posts that I've read that preach such, it's quite the opposite. If you belched in public shamelessly, I have more respect for you for understanding that you don't care about what others think, than sitting there feeling awkward because "it's rude."

By saying, "IT'S RUDE" you're saying, "I conform to what society tells me is acceptable so therefore I'm ok with mediocrity." Now, I'm not saying go out and belch EVERYWHERE, I'm saying, if you feel the need to stare at a woman and then approach her, go ahead. You won't regret it.

You live in the roles that labeled you. Stop.

The Romans thought it was ok to throw up during dinner because that meant they were able to eat more. Often times they would throw up on the floor for slaves to clean up. If we did this now, it would be considered inhumane. What I'm getting at is, NOW WE WOULD NEVER THINK OF DOING THIS, because that is considered "disgusting" or "wrong." Well, on the simple scale of things, society is a list of perceptions that we abide by to stop ourselves from feeling any sort of dissonance because that's what we're told is right. Being told what is right is what we live by to "feel good" even though we fail to realize, this so called "feeling good" is setting us back because in turn we become social drones.

Additionally, my exercise wasn't meant to imply, "GO STALKING" it was meant to imply don't back down from your fears. Simple eye contact is a fear many men face. I'm telling you to stop fearing everything, stop living with these limiting beliefs (that this forum seems to seamlessly push) and do what YOU WANT.

Many times women tell me, "I would like that guy if he wasn't such a pushover," what she is implying to me is that, "I would like this guy to make a move because I don't feel I have to, I shouldn't have to either." I don't blame her. To me, that means women enjoy being lead.

Also, you've NEVER EVER STEPPED IN MY SHOES, nor have you been in the shoes of the women I've been with. These women are highly intelligent beautiful people, but some (this is aimed at a select few, but don't think this is a DIRECT ATTACK TO ANYONE IN SPECIFIC) snakishly assert that they're "women in distress" or in past threads things (not exact wording mind you, I know someone is quick to catch me on that) "bimbos" or simply "dumb women." When in reality these are genuinely brilliant women, I don't enjoy being in the company of stupid people. These are women that are educated people, these are women who are all around, GREAT PEOPLE, and simply by labeling them stupid I feel like this forum STRIVES to reach some sort of level of limiting beliefs in order to feel good about itself. I'm not making judgments about anyone I don't know, only about the idea; I do feel this targeting -- in regards to the women I speak of, or even I myself as a person -- is simply a product of ignorance. Don't get me wrong, there are some GOOD people here (Jedi, my respect goes out to you, even if we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things), but, so many people sit here telling others this age old advice, or, they sit here telling others what they're doing simply doesn't work because that's not nice or at the rawest level of things, judging people without having any background in their understanding, only in what they assume is right. I see, "BE YOURSELF" then "IT'S OK TO SIT AROUND AND LET THINGS COME TO YOU." Well, Bill Gates DID THINGS to get his money, he didn't sit around checking his watch WAITING to get billions. He ******* did something about it.

I guess, I shouldn't have been so blunt, but said, "how about TRYING THIS" as opposed to, "I DID THIS" because people assume I'm trying to write some sort of lifestyle guide to living. I'm only telling you things that have worked for me and many other people. Also, since I and other people have succeeded with these techniques and ideas so much and lived fulfilling lifestyles, I had no quarrels in spreading the word of what I learned and used to good effect. However, not once did I forcibly say "YOU HAVE TO ABIDE BY THIS" because really, I'm only throwing guidelines to reaching what you want, not once did I say you HAD TO DO THIS, this is what everyone else assumed I've been saying.

Before I get the obvious, "BUT YOU'RE SAYING YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT OR ELSE NOTHING WILL CHANGE" which would contradict my last point. Well, I AM SAYING THAT IS A CERTAIN. You DO HAVE TO MAKE A CHANGE in order to SEE CHANGE. That isn't a guideline, that is something I guarantee will change the results of whatever you're striving to reach. I don't see that as irrational at all, if you do, I'm sure there are thirty people open to discuss/attack that point.

I've realized that this forum simply doesn't need my help, nor care for it which is completely fine with me. Sadly though, I feel like as being one of the depressed, one of the lonely, one of the abused, that I could have done some good. However, I underestimated that people are so quick to attack ideas that they don't understand. That is my fault for not dedicating my energy to describe where I was coming from, I guess I figured this forum was more understanding and accepting of different perspectives considering the nature of the content. Additionaly, I guess I should have also assumed something with the label of "PUA" would be shot down by people who attack my perception of it. Of course, I do partially take responsibility for assuming people would open to ideas, and I do take responsibility for assuming people would prefer condensed direct ideas as opposed to philosophical standpoints on simple and/or logical matters. So, for that, I apologize to any who felt offended.

However, to all of those who are willing to make a change in your life. Good luck and I truly hope you do succeed. Have no shame in what you do and live your life without borders.

 

[VanillaCreme]

When you're in the mall, if you see a woman even remotely make eye contact with you, stare right back, don't let up until she looks away. You might get people responding, "THAT'S CREEPY" or "THAT'S WEIRD." Who cares? Confidence is being able to do what you want because you wanted to do it without fearing what others may think.

I don't follow your logic at all. I could belch extremely loudly on the train if that's what I wanted to do, but that's not confidence - that's just being rude. Staring at random women is creepy and weird, and if you're doing it simply to attempt to boost your own confidence, with no respect for other people's feelings, then it's extremely selfish too.

I agree with this. That really isn't confidence. It's being arrogant. And really, it depends on how you're staring. I've seen dudes stare at me, and sometimes it was creepy. Other times, it wasn't creepy. So, it really depends on how you're doing it, and the expression and reaction you have on your face.

---

I saw a post saying, "the greatest things come to you when you least expect it." That sounds like some The Secret ****. ****, I wish I could sit around not doing anything at home and make thousands of dollars. That would be amazing, I'd drop out of school and stop doing anything. The reality is, you're not getting anywhere without trying.

You completely took that out of context. I didn't say, "Sit and do nothing." It means, when you least expect it, it will come to you. It means, during the routine of your every day life, whether it be working or going to school, you never know who you'll meet or run into that you just have a connection with. You just don't want to agree with it, so you took it in a way that it didn't even mean.

How you try to act like just running up to a girl and being in her face seems to work, fails. I think doing what you seem to believe in comes off as being a *******. And I don't understand how some guys even believe in the stuff you want to feed to people.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Many times women tell me, "I would like that guy if he wasn't such a pushover," what she is implying to me is that, "I would like this guy to make a move because I don't feel I have to, I shouldn't have to either." I don't blame her. To me, that means women enjoy being lead.

Kid, your logic sucks. She may be implying that she'd like him to make a move, but it does not logically follow that that is because she doesn't feel that she shouldn't have to be the one to make a move. That is you projecting your own issues onto women, and those sorts of misunderstandings of intent can lead to trouble.

Then you continue with this sweeping statement that women like being led. The fact that many women find confident men attractive does not mean that it makes them want to become surrendered wives or something. I enjoy a strong, confident man as much as the next woman, but I'll be god-damned before I'll let someone "lead" me.

And again, on a purely grammatical note, it is "being led." For God's sake, get it right. It is a passive voice construction, so use the past participle, which in this case would be "led."

These women are highly intelligent beautiful people, but some (this is aimed at a select few, but don't think this is a DIRECT ATTACK TO ANYONE IN SPECIFIC) snakishly assert that they're "women in distress" or in past threads things (not exact wording mind you, I know someone is quick to catch me on that) "bimbos" or simply "dumb women." When in reality these are genuinely brilliant women, I don't enjoy being in the company of stupid people.

I don't recall anyone in this thread saying that your remarkable tactics with women land you with bimbos. I did use the word bimbo in another, totally unrelated thread, but it was in reference to a home-wrecking whore. The two terms are synonymous in my eyes.

So why create a problem where there is none?

I see, "BE YOURSELF" then "IT'S OK TO SIT AROUND AND LET THINGS COME TO YOU." Well, Bill Gates DID THINGS to get his money, he didn't sit around checking his watch WAITING to get billions. He ******* did something about it.

I doubt that anyone here is saying, "Hey dude, just sit back on your couch and women will come flocking to you." I think that many of the people here like to stress others' individuality and point out that what works for one person may not work for someone else.

The problem I have with PUA mentality is that it seems to me to be programmatic, with a one-size-fits-all attitude, claiming that this will work with all women. Also, it smacks of attempts to manipulate. Furthermore, at least to me, it seems that the PUA aim in general really is just to pick up a woman, bang her, and move on to the next. It seems to treat all women as interchangeable semen receptacles, and I will never look on that as a good thing.

 

[Yabai.Youth]

I saw a post saying, "the greatest things come to you when you least expect it." That sounds like some The Secret ****. ****, I wish I could sit around not doing anything at home and make thousands of dollars. That would be amazing, I'd drop out of school and stop doing anything. The reality is, you're not getting anywhere without trying.

Also, the purpose of my exercise was exactly as stated, stop caring about what people think. For a site full of "non-conforormists" or posts that I've read that preach such, it's quite the opposite. If you belched in public shamelessly, I have more respect for you for understanding that you don't care about what others think, than sitting there feeling awkward because "it's rude."

By saying, "IT'S RUDE" you're saying, "I conform to what society tells me is acceptable so therefore I'm ok with mediocrity." Now, I'm not saying go out and belch EVERYWHERE, I'm saying, if you feel the need to stare at a woman and then approach her, go ahead. You won't regret it.

You live in the roles that labeled you. Stop.

The Romans thought it was ok to throw up during dinner because that meant they were able to eat more. Often times they would throw up on the floor for slaves to clean up. If we did this now, it would be considered inhumane. What I'm getting at is, NOW WE WOULD NEVER THINK OF DOING THIS, because that is considered "disgusting" or "wrong." Well, on the simple scale of things, society is a list of perceptions that we abide by to stop ourselves from feeling any sort of dissonance because that's what we're told is right. Being told what is right is what we live by to "feel good" even though we fail to realize, this so called "feeling good" is setting us back because in turn we become social drones.

Additionally, my exercise wasn't meant to imply, "GO STALKING" it was meant to imply don't back down from your fears. Simple eye contact is a fear many men face. I'm telling you to stop fearing everything, stop living with these limiting beliefs (that this forum seems to seamlessly push) and do what YOU WANT.

Many times women tell me, "I would like that guy if he wasn't such a pushover," what she is implying to me is that, "I would like this guy to make a move because I don't feel I have to, I shouldn't have to either." I don't blame her. To me, that means women enjoy being lead.

Also, you've NEVER EVER STEPPED IN MY SHOES, nor have you been in the shoes of the women I've been with. These women are highly intelligent beautiful people, but some (this is aimed at a select few, but don't think this is a DIRECT ATTACK TO ANYONE IN SPECIFIC) snakishly assert that they're "women in distress" or in past threads things (not exact wording mind you, I know someone is quick to catch me on that) "bimbos" or simply "dumb women." When in reality these are genuinely brilliant women, I don't enjoy being in the company of stupid people. These are women that are educated people, these are women who are all around, GREAT PEOPLE, and simply by labeling them stupid I feel like this forum STRIVES to reach some sort of level of limiting beliefs in order to feel good about itself. I'm not making judgments about anyone I don't know, only about the idea; I do feel this targeting -- in regards to the women I speak of, or even I myself as a person -- is simply a product of ignorance. Don't get me wrong, there are some GOOD people here (Jedi, my respect goes out to you, even if we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things), but, so many people sit here telling others this age old advice, or, they sit here telling others what they're doing simply doesn't work because that's not nice or at the rawest level of things, judging people without having any background in their understanding, only in what they assume is right. I see, "BE YOURSELF" then "IT'S OK TO SIT AROUND AND LET THINGS COME TO YOU." Well, Bill Gates DID THINGS to get his money, he didn't sit around checking his watch WAITING to get billions. He ******* did something about it.

I guess, I shouldn't have been so blunt, but said, "how about TRYING THIS" as opposed to, "I DID THIS" because people assume I'm trying to write some sort of lifestyle guide to living. I'm only telling you things that have worked for me and many other people. Also, since I and other people have succeeded with these techniques and ideas so much and lived fulfilling lifestyles, I had no quarrels in spreading the word of what I learned and used to good effect. However, not once did I forcibly say "YOU HAVE TO ABIDE BY THIS" because really, I'm only throwing guidelines to reaching what you want, not once did I say you HAD TO DO THIS, this is what everyone else assumed I've been saying.

Before I get the obvious, "BUT YOU'RE SAYING YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT OR ELSE NOTHING WILL CHANGE" which would contradict my last point. Well, I AM SAYING THAT IS A CERTAIN. You DO HAVE TO MAKE A CHANGE in order to SEE CHANGE. That isn't a guideline, that is something I guarantee will change the results of whatever you're striving to reach. I don't see that as irrational at all, if you do, I'm sure there are thirty people open to discuss/attack that point.

I've realized that this forum simply doesn't need my help, nor care for it which is completely fine with me. Sadly though, I feel like as being one of the depressed, one of the lonely, one of the abused, that I could have done some good. However, I underestimated that people are so quick to attack ideas that they don't understand. That is my fault for not dedicating my energy to describe where I was coming from, I guess I figured this forum was more understanding and accepting of different perspectives considering the nature of the content. Additionaly, I guess I should have also assumed something with the label of "PUA" would be shot down by people who attack my perception of it. Of course, I do partially take responsibility for assuming people would open to ideas, and I do take responsibility for assuming people would prefer condensed direct ideas as opposed to philosophical standpoints on simple and/or logical matters. So, for that, I apologize to any who felt offended.

However, to all of those who are willing to make a change in your life. Good luck and I truly hope you do succeed. Have no shame in what you do and live your life without borders.

Depending on the issue, why should I care what other think? Because it's called being considerate of others. Sure, I can play Gn'R through a ghetto blaster on the bus and crank the volume up to 11, but I don't, why? Because some people are trying to have a conversation, somebody is trying to grab a quick nap, and maybe some college student is trying to study before classes start.

On the point of staring, theres a time and place for everything. At a bar it may be taken as a sign of interest, but during daily life, you are going to make people uncomfortable or even self conscious.


Your ideas are not revolutionary, I have seen many people who believe this to be a sign of true confidence (usually, but not always, to mask their own insecurities). Theres a difference between being confident and considerate, and being arrogant and selfish.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Look.

You're not going to get a girlfriend unless you try, right?

I already disagree with that. Great things come when you least expect it. I think when people set it in their mind that they "have" to look, that's when they overlook things. Some people have their special someone right in front of their face, yet they never realize it because they're overlooking and over thinking everything.

^^^ Yes. I have never found a boyfriend when I was actually looking for one. The times I met the men who have meant the most to me, I was actively not looking. In one case, I was operating under the mindset of "I don't care if I never date another man again!"

Then again, we have to consider intent. Is the intent to find someone with whom to have a meaningful relationship, or just someone for ***? It is far easier to go on the prowl when all you want to do is get some. Much harder to track down and lasso in a relationship.

 

[Electric_Fusilier]

^^I think there's much to what John Lennon said: 'That life is what happens when you're busy making plans.'

 

[Steel]

The problem I have with PUA mentality is that it seems to me to be programmatic, with a one-size-fits-all attitude, claiming that this will work with all women. Also, it smacks of attempts to manipulate. Furthermore, at least to me, it seems that the PUA aim in general really is just to pick up a woman, bang her, and move on to the next. It seems to treat all women as interchangeable semen receptacles, and I will never look on that as a good thing.

I agree with this completely.

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^I'll second that.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Your ideas are not revolutionary, I have seen many people who believe this to be a sign of true confidence (usually, but not always, to mask their own insecurities). Theres a difference between being confident and considerate, and being arrogant and selfish.

I agree. PUA's ideas are not revolutionary at all. This is the same old song and dance that many of men have tapped to before.

The problem I have with PUA mentality is that it seems to me to be programmatic, with a one-size-fits-all attitude, claiming that this will work with all women. Also, it smacks of attempts to manipulate. Furthermore, at least to me, it seems that the PUA aim in general really is just to pick up a woman, bang her, and move on to the next. It seems to treat all women as interchangeable semen receptacles, and I will never look on that as a good thing.

I agree with this completely.

I agree as well. I don't know how many times this needs to be said, but not everyone is the same.

 

[Badjedidude]

I agree. PUA's ideas are not revolutionary at all. This is the same old song and dance that many of men have tapped to before.

The only difference is that back then guys like that had the balls to call it what it is. Being a manipulative ***.

 

[Lost Soul]

A girlfriend kinda is important, especially if you don't have a good social life in my opinion.

I'm 22 and never had a girlfriend nor even had a friend before. I live a lonely life and afraid I will always live a lonely life. I'm afraid for my future that if be lonely for too long, I will snap. I've seen a lot of movies and shows about people who went crazy because they were lonely. Some not as bad as others. Everyone has a breaking point. I feel as though I am cursed and it's a long thing to explain so anyone can understand. In short term, I guess some people are just meant to be lonely and no matter what I do, getting a girlfriend is just something that's not going to happen. There are plenty of things to keep that from happening, one of the biggest things is that I get a lot of bad luck.

Hopefully it won't be that way for you, and you will find yourself a girlfriend. As for me, I just gotta find a way to cope with being lonely and keep me from losing my sanity (which is about half gone already).

 

[Lonesome Crow]

The reason Y i think having a GF is important is there that thing in my pants call my pecker
Aside from that...having a lived in maid is always nice.lol

I agree with Mr PUA...other than the fact of sitting around the house dont get ya anywhere.
Errr.... isolating myself from life drove me battie as ****.

Johnathen Livingston Seagull was my favorite book as a child.
I didn't fully understand the principles of that book. I do now as an adult.

Yeah my life is different now..even thou I visit this site.
Yeah...make fucken changes. Changes required that I changed my belief system
and taking actions.

I don't worry what others think about me...yeah I guess thats a better way of putting it.
This way i can be considerate and not really giving a **** at the sametime.
I can be nice, considerate of other people and still do what i want N not care what others think.

I cant please everyone. Someone is always going to not like what I do no matter what I do.
Sometimes alot or most people won't approve, like or agree with what I do.
So I might as will **** as many women as i can while I'm alive.hahhahahaaaa

It's all my ex-wf fault...yeah i told the ***** not to break my heart..
All you women know what happens when you break a guy's heart?
I become every women's I come contact with fucken karma.lmao

I have to get honest with myself...Am I using being considerate of others as an
excuse to not do anything about my life? As I've written many times...
None of us lack motivations..were either more motivate to sit on our ***
or more motivated to do something about our lives.

I like ******* my GFs. I like my Gfs ******* me huggin me kissing me..those r good motivators.
Sometimes you gatta take the body first then the mind will follow.

If i piss anyone off...You can put in your complaints on my grave. I'll make sure I get a tomestone
with a complaint or suggestion box..Just incase GOD decide to punish me N make me live this **** over again.hahhahaa

**** that ****...Guilt is a trained emotional repsonse or programming.
Manipulators use GUILT TO CONTROL vunable people.