Why try?

[dreamer8]

Every effort I've made to try to connect with a guy has failed.
I'm just not good enough I guess.
I found out from a guy friend that there's guys out there,my ex-boyfriends to be exact have a method of 'bagging' so to speak women such as myself.
I am, 5'1" and 271(yeah,I know some of you out there are gasping,or shaking your heads as you read this.)
I have low self esteem. Plain and simple.
The types of men I attract seem to flock to women like myself,as my friend explained because we're 'easy'. The guy drops a few kind words,we fall for it,and they proceed to manipulate us,treat us like garbage and leave.
It's been my experience so far,and it's torn me apart.
Or I'm passed up. I understand that there's always going to be someone prettier than me,or smarter...I'm not a rotten person. I'm just lonely.
I'm at a point where I don't see myself in the future being in any healthy relationships,maybe it's pessimistic...but it's the truth.
I've tried my best to 'put myself out there' and it backfires.
I'm at my wits end...and broken. I don't even want to try anymore.

 

[Estreen]

*hugs* I can feel for you. I remember feeling the exact same way in high school. I also know there's not much one can say to someone who feels like this, so I'm sorry for my lack of words. Just know that if you need to vent/talk, I'm here. *hug*

 

[dreamer8]

*hugs* I can feel for you. I remember feeling the exact same way in high school. I also know there's not much one can say to someone who feels like this, so I'm sorry for my lack of words. Just know that if you need to vent/talk, I'm here. *hug*

Thank you.
I appreciate you more than you'll ever know.

 

[stella]

I understand. every guy i have dated has deceived me by whispering sweet nothings into my ear when really he was 'grooming' me to have sex with him. they are the lowest of the low. betrayers, liars and deceivers. every time i discover their plan i fall apart and end up broken. when i recharge myself and decide to give it a go with another guy, low and behold, they are just after one thing too. now i doubt very much i will EVER let another guy into my heart. its safer this way, even if it is a lonely existence.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

I understand. every guy i have dated has deceived me by whispering sweet nothings into my ear when really he was 'grooming' me to have sex with him. they are the lowest of the low. betrayers, liars and deceivers. every time i discover their plan i fall apart and end up broken. when i recharge myself and decide to give it a go with another guy, low and behold, they are just after one thing too. now i doubt very much i will EVER let another guy into my heart. its safer this way, even if it is a lonely existence.

for some men (or people in general) sex is a normal part of intimacy. maybe what you see as "grooming", they perceive as "affection".

or, it could be like you said, all men are evil.

either way...LOL

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

or, it could be like you said, all men are evil.

she didn't say 'all men are evil'.

--

it's a jungle out there..

why try? because life is long when you're lonely.

be kind to yourself FIRST.

 

[Estreen]

I think nowadays men are (generally) just used to a looser society. Sex is more acceptable than it's ever been, women in the media are flaunting sexuality, lyrics from most female "artists" are about getting drunk and finding some guy to screw and how the gender role has changed for them; they project just wanting a one night stand. Same can be applied for some actresses and such. I'm not saying all women should not have sex whenever they want, just...keep it a bit more private. I really do not want to know Ke$ha's or Britney Spears' sex life; I don't care, and frankly, I don't see why it's a big deal to know. They're just people.

For the guys who act like this (going after women with only the goal of sex in mind), yeah, they are scum, but they're probably not very bright either, and seeing all this new "women empowerment" or whatever the eff they are calling it, only makes them think that most women are like that, and that it's okay to act the way they act towards women.

Are all men like this? Absolutely not. Is there a big chance you'll run into many like this? In public, social situations, absolutely yes. There is only like, a 2% chance of finding a "nice guy" who isn't only looking for sex, when out at a club or bar, and unless you have a lot of male co-workers to choose from at work or go to school, those are the places singles go out to meet others today.

JSD, I agree that sex is a natural process/a part of intimacy. I can see a person wanting that when the relationship becomes serious and monogamous after a comfortable period of time, but not 3 hours after meeting for the first time, or even just a week or two. A guy who presses for sex too quickly is suspicious. Unless the woman he's with is looking for the same thing, it isn't cool. It sucks for those of us who aren't into "just f***ing around". I see nothing wrong with either way (I believe in: to each, their own), but the "looser" part of society is starting to ruin it for those who are not as ready to spread their legs all willy-nilly. (That's right, I'm so cool I just used "willy-nilly" )

I'm all for sexual equality and all that too, and women being free to go after what they want; just don't *flaunt* it all over the place like it's some great thing that you just screwed/sucked some guy off in a bathroom stall. If that excites you and that's your thing, then great, I'm glad you're doing what makes you happy, but it doesn't need to be shouted from the rooftops and played over and over again in the bars and dance clubs. I used to view sexuality as a negative thing because of this image that is put out there, and surprisingly, it's not the church or prudes that sent that image out, for me; it's the media and all these whores, excuse me, female artists who thoroughly enjoy sex and wish to spread that message around the world that they do, that left that imprint in my mind that made me want to stay a virgin until marriage. Although now I'm old enough and mature enough and can see past all the BS to be comfortable with it, that I may not need to wait like I had previously thought.

I just kind of wish that the rest of society would mature as well.

 

[deliveryguy.]

Meh, looks really are that important, and those who only go by looks are worth the light of day. Besides, I bet you're cute

I think it's got much more to do with personality, and the fact that you've even been in a relationship is (in my opinion) a testament to some success.

Don't settle for ******** because you have body issues or whatever else it might be, because you are worth much than that. There's some dude out there somewhere who'll be very lucky to find you and you him. It'l come.

 

[Talus]

Estreen, I completely agree.

In my experience. most of the friends I've made, or people I've dated that I'd consider to be nice people have always been the hardest to meet and get to know. They always seem to be the last people you'd consider talking to in social situations. They always seem to be the ones you'd dismiss as awkward or boring on first impression.

But dreamer, take heart. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, and there are people out there who can see and appreciate that for exactly what it is. They may be hard to find, but I can't help but think that if and when you do that it will have been worth the path that it took to find them.

 

[oarivan]

I understand. every guy i have dated has deceived me by whispering sweet nothings into my ear when really he was 'grooming' me to have sex with him. they are the lowest of the low. betrayers, liars and deceivers. every time i discover their plan i fall apart and end up broken. when i recharge myself and decide to give it a go with another guy, low and behold, they are just after one thing too. now i doubt very much i will EVER let another guy into my heart. its safer this way, even if it is a lonely existence.

Funny I feel the same way about women. Of course replace sex with money.

 

[stella]

I just fear letting someone in again because chances are i will be left with a broken heart, and i dread that i may not be able to pick myself up again, there's only so much my head and body can take.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I just fear letting someone in again because chances are i will be left with a broken heart, and i dread that i may not be able to pick myself up again, there's only so much my head and body can take.

I am in the same spot.

In my own case, if the man who swore before God to love me forever and forswear everyone else until death - and he calls himself a pretty devout Catholic, so one would assume that those vows had some meaning to him - can up and leave me after a decade together, and for another woman no less, then well, how can I hope that some new guy, with nothing already invested in me, like say kids, would not do the same thing?

Yeah, yeah, I know that it is an awful generalization and it is illogical to boot, but in the end, it's easier just to remain alone and not even find out.

As added "evidence," the few relationships I have attempted post-divorce did not go well for whatever reason, whether my pessimism, my naivete or the assholish nature of the men who are attracted to me. Or maybe it's the second head growing out of my neck.

There is a limit to what I can take.

 

[dreamer8]

I just fear letting someone in again because chances are i will be left with a broken heart, and i dread that i may not be able to pick myself up again, there's only so much my head and body can take.

You know,I feel the same way.
I have this aching my chest because I'm lonely...
But then I have a feeling of emptiness,like a hollowness in my chest.

I need to build my self-esteem in general. I think the key to this is losing weight.

I need to work on myself intensively,otherwise everything in my head will kill me.

 

[CAS]

'Hugs'

 

[SophiaGrace]

You know, the loves we love most have the most potential to do us damage, and while anger (pessimism) is a natural response to pain, anger will also scare away the more gentle, kinder people.

Hell, I know if a man or woman acts bitter or anger towards me, it makes me tense up inside and I take a few steps back, hesitant now to make contact for fear they may lash out at me in anger over something I may do.

Lol, for me its not worth finding out if I can quell that person's pain or if they're just not a nice person.

Scares me.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

You know, the loves we love most have the most potential to do us damage, and while anger (pessimism) is a natural response to pain, anger will also scare away the more gentle, kinder people.

This is part of the reason I am staying the hell away from everyone.

 

[SophiaGrace]

So they won't hurt you?

---

You know, another thought that pops to mind is that a person wouldn't be pessimistic unless they thought the world should be different and were hurting because it wasn't what they thought it was...

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

anger will also scare away the more gentle, kinder people.

not if the gentle kind person is realistic and has armour.

but they're rare.

 

[dreamer8]

You know, the loves we love most have the most potential to do us damage, and while anger (pessimism) is a natural response to pain, anger will also scare away the more gentle, kinder people.

Hell, I know if a man or woman acts bitter or anger towards me, it makes me tense up inside and I take a few steps back, hesitant now to make contact for fear they may lash out at me in anger over something I may do.

Lol, for me its not worth finding out if I can quell that person's pain or if they're just not a nice person.

Scares me.

It's not pessimism talking. It's pain.
It's not my intention to scare anyone away who may like me potentially,but the odds are slim to none. I want to connect with women and or men who feel the same,but can also offer some insight,and advice so that the weight of my feelings don't consume me,or just not feel so alone in the struggle between lonliness and hopelessness.
There's a war in my head between complete self-destruction and wanting to save my own life...if that makes sense.
I feel as though I've exausted my search.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

So they won't hurt you?

At its most basic, yeah.

I know that my self-worth should not be dependent on what other people think of me, but when I keep getting played or burned it's hard not to take a blow to the ole' self-esteem.