MysteriousTelephone
Well-known member
So, this is a weird thing to post, as I really don't know what to do, but it's weighing me down and nobody seems to give any constructive help. I have tried posting on similar forums, but have had very little constructive help, mostly people don't seem to read this and understand the problems I am explaining.
Up top, I have no issues with shyness or anxiety, never had a problem talking to women or issues with confidence etc.
In short, I'm male, 30 years old, 5ft 10, 170lbs, I'm in reasonably athletic shape. I rent in a city, and am fully employed. In my spare time I enjoy a range of hobbies, such as; going to the gym, swing-dancing, photography, meeting friends, going to bars & clubs. I've also joined some social "meet-up" groups designed to help meet new people. All of that is great, I love the things that I do, and I make friends very easily from them. I honestly feel lucky to have curated such a wonderful bunch of people from different walks of life, a healthy mix of male and female, older and younger, married and single. I'm very social, my problem is that I cannot get a girlfriend, and it's becoming increasingly apparent to me that my looks are the issue.
Look, I know that "nobody's ugly!" and all the Hallmark card stuff, but at this point I cannot put it down to anything else. This is not some random theory I've come up with, I have been told this many times over the years. Honestly, I think I'm somewhere in the range of 'average', don't we all? Sadly, the single women of the world have a different opinion. I have been told many times that I'm ugly, and though I don't believe it, it does seem like the general consensus. Tinder is the obvious yardstick: women are shown a picture of me with no clue as to how what job I have, my confidence levels, my religion, my politics, literally nothing other than "is this person attractive?" and seeing as I've never had a match on there, the answer must be "no". Other people have said this either about me, or sometimes to me. I live in a big city, it is odd to never ever get a match. I take care in the photos I put up, it's not hard. I had a friend try to tell me that it must be something I'm saying wrong, and that he could get me date within a week using online dating. I took him up on his challenge, he could say whatever he wanted, just had to use photos of me. 2 months later with no dates, he gave up.
But of course, online is not the only way to meet people. Like I said, I do a range of activities that are very easy to meet a partner, and many do through these channels. I have known many single women actively looking for a man, but any suggestion I make of us getting to know each other better is quickly brushed aside. I will also get the "I'm not looking for a relationship" line from people, which is betrayed when they show up a few weeks later with an attractive person on their arm. I've even went speed dating, events where single women literally pay money to meet a man; at these events I've had really good times talking to people, felt relaxed, and walked away feeling good about myself. Then the next morning I find that out of 12 women, all of them ticked 'no' for me. Again, I can't see how it could be a confidence issue when I don't feel un-confident.
I'm having a hard time getting people to believe me. My friends certainly don't, as much as they give the cartoonishly supportive line of "something will come along soon, just you wait!", it would be more convincing if they hadn't been saying it since 2012. Thing is, they've all had a completely different lived experience. They're pretty people: they had their first relationships in their teens, then a couple of semi serious ones in their early 20s, then they got married with 2.4 kids and a Labrador. Whereas I'm 30 and never even had a Valentine's Day card. I feel very 'behind' everyone else. They literally do not understand the words I am saying when I tell them that women want nothing to do with me, because they've never had that experience. It makes me sad that as much as I do enjoy my life as it is, I'm getting the impression that... this is it; I will just work during the week, fill my evenings and weekends with hobbies and friends, and that's all my life will be until I die.
Statistically it's unheard of to make it to 30 without having a single relationship, I've never met anyone with that issue. I have had a couple of one-night-stands when I was in my early 20s, but I'm very aware they only happened with copious amounts of alcohol, in the sober light of day each person dropped me very quickly.
I don't know, but seemingly nobody else seems to. I don't know what I hoped to achieve writing this here, but I'm just out of ideas. I'm very sure many will skim-read this and come up with the usual "you just need to believe harder!" or "have you tried meeting new people?", to those who've read the whole thing and believe the words I'm saying, thank you.
Up top, I have no issues with shyness or anxiety, never had a problem talking to women or issues with confidence etc.
In short, I'm male, 30 years old, 5ft 10, 170lbs, I'm in reasonably athletic shape. I rent in a city, and am fully employed. In my spare time I enjoy a range of hobbies, such as; going to the gym, swing-dancing, photography, meeting friends, going to bars & clubs. I've also joined some social "meet-up" groups designed to help meet new people. All of that is great, I love the things that I do, and I make friends very easily from them. I honestly feel lucky to have curated such a wonderful bunch of people from different walks of life, a healthy mix of male and female, older and younger, married and single. I'm very social, my problem is that I cannot get a girlfriend, and it's becoming increasingly apparent to me that my looks are the issue.
Look, I know that "nobody's ugly!" and all the Hallmark card stuff, but at this point I cannot put it down to anything else. This is not some random theory I've come up with, I have been told this many times over the years. Honestly, I think I'm somewhere in the range of 'average', don't we all? Sadly, the single women of the world have a different opinion. I have been told many times that I'm ugly, and though I don't believe it, it does seem like the general consensus. Tinder is the obvious yardstick: women are shown a picture of me with no clue as to how what job I have, my confidence levels, my religion, my politics, literally nothing other than "is this person attractive?" and seeing as I've never had a match on there, the answer must be "no". Other people have said this either about me, or sometimes to me. I live in a big city, it is odd to never ever get a match. I take care in the photos I put up, it's not hard. I had a friend try to tell me that it must be something I'm saying wrong, and that he could get me date within a week using online dating. I took him up on his challenge, he could say whatever he wanted, just had to use photos of me. 2 months later with no dates, he gave up.
But of course, online is not the only way to meet people. Like I said, I do a range of activities that are very easy to meet a partner, and many do through these channels. I have known many single women actively looking for a man, but any suggestion I make of us getting to know each other better is quickly brushed aside. I will also get the "I'm not looking for a relationship" line from people, which is betrayed when they show up a few weeks later with an attractive person on their arm. I've even went speed dating, events where single women literally pay money to meet a man; at these events I've had really good times talking to people, felt relaxed, and walked away feeling good about myself. Then the next morning I find that out of 12 women, all of them ticked 'no' for me. Again, I can't see how it could be a confidence issue when I don't feel un-confident.
I'm having a hard time getting people to believe me. My friends certainly don't, as much as they give the cartoonishly supportive line of "something will come along soon, just you wait!", it would be more convincing if they hadn't been saying it since 2012. Thing is, they've all had a completely different lived experience. They're pretty people: they had their first relationships in their teens, then a couple of semi serious ones in their early 20s, then they got married with 2.4 kids and a Labrador. Whereas I'm 30 and never even had a Valentine's Day card. I feel very 'behind' everyone else. They literally do not understand the words I am saying when I tell them that women want nothing to do with me, because they've never had that experience. It makes me sad that as much as I do enjoy my life as it is, I'm getting the impression that... this is it; I will just work during the week, fill my evenings and weekends with hobbies and friends, and that's all my life will be until I die.
Statistically it's unheard of to make it to 30 without having a single relationship, I've never met anyone with that issue. I have had a couple of one-night-stands when I was in my early 20s, but I'm very aware they only happened with copious amounts of alcohol, in the sober light of day each person dropped me very quickly.
I don't know, but seemingly nobody else seems to. I don't know what I hoped to achieve writing this here, but I'm just out of ideas. I'm very sure many will skim-read this and come up with the usual "you just need to believe harder!" or "have you tried meeting new people?", to those who've read the whole thing and believe the words I'm saying, thank you.
welcome to the forums.
