I wonder if anyone has experience using a "life coach".
It sounds like an interesting thing to try, especially for a younger person.
Like anything though, I suppose there are some charlatans out there...
Beginning to feel suicidal
- Thread starter MysteriousTelephone
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Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
It sounds like an interesting thing to try, especially for a younger person.
Like anything though, I suppose there are some charlatans out there...
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
I'm pretty sure I remember someone here saying they use one, but I can't recall who it was.
But, okay, they have like "Princess" classes that teach you how to drink tea and walk tall and be all demure and ****....there has to be something like that for guys, right? Like Prince classes or something.
Maybe @CenotaphGirl would know?
CenotaphGirl
Under the dirt, that’s my home ⚰️
Hmm no never heard of it for men actually , my mum went to one, she can still walk with a book on her head
I think there was a gap in the market that a lot of the toxic podcasts for men have filled sadly.
Actually I know of one for guys but he is very expensive.
Supposedly he gets great results.
https://nypost.com/2016/02/15/i-train-fat-rich-guys-and-then-get-them-laid/
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
Excuse me, but I must prove you wrong. I found something. lolHmm no never heard of it for men actually , my mum went to one, she can still walk with a book on her head
I think there was a gap in the market that a lot of the toxic podcasts for men have filled sadly.
But holy CRAP, why are they charging so much?????
https://www.luxuryacademy.co.uk/finishing-school-for-men/
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
Well, see, what I found is way cheaper than what Unsigned found. lol
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
But seriously, that page lists what they teach you each day. Maybe you could just find some YouTube videos and teach yourself some of the stuff?
If I ever win the lottery I will hire that guy.
Not for the fat part, but for the other stuff.
MysteriousTelephone
Well-known member
I'm not so sure, I will get called ugly just from photos, removing the chance of any mannerisms or behaviours to bring me down. I'm able to make friends very easily, so I'd like to think I'm easy to be around and make people feel at ease. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm Mr Smooth here, but I can't see it, any less than the average person.
MysteriousTelephone
Well-known member
I'm sorry things have not worked out for you, friend. I can only feed you the spiel of going out and joining groups & activities as a way of making friends, because it's worked for me, but then I accept that what's worked for one person may not have worked for another, such as why I'm unable to find anyone attracted to me. I hope things turns around for you, as long as you have interests, you'll find people who share them.
@MysteriousTelephone I’m sorry you are having such a hard time. Every suggestion I could think to tell you, you have already done. You seem like a good person with lots to offer. It sucks you are not successful with the one thing we can’t do by ourselves. I hope you keep trying in a way that doesn’t bring you down.
Please don’t give any money to a matchmaker. They are scams taking advantage of people. I’ve hired them twice and I hope to be strong enough to never do it again.
The first time was about 25 years ago. Before the internet was what it is today. I spent about $1500 to meet 10 women. I was clear that I only wanted to meet one woman at a time. I didn’t want to get several phone numbers at once and feel the need to speak to several woman at once. It would have made me feel creepy. Its just not who I am. In the first week they sent me 8 phone numbers. I didn’t want that and I told them it was way too much. But in the end it didn’t matter because only one of them answered the phone. I never spoke to the others. It felt like a total scam to take my money, satisfy their legal obligations, and move on.
The second time was about 5 years ago. This time $3000 for 10 pre arranged lunch dates. They would call me first with details of my date, If we both agreed, they organized a lunch date for us.
In my opinion they first date should not have been accepted into their service at all. I found her to be very full of herself and critical of others. I didn’t feel she could match with anybody.
The second was a very nice woman who honestly is trying to meet someone. She had lots to offer and her heart was ready for love. Except for one problem. She was clear with the dating service that she wanted a religious man. I am not religious and I was clear I didn’t want a religious partner. Basically the only thing I wouldn’t accept was religion, she was the same but opposite.
To make things worse the service lied to us both. They told her I was willing to accept religion. They told me she wasn’t religious at all. It turns out she was very active in her church and the first thing she thing she wanted to know about me was my experience with god.
It was really unsettling to go through the whole procedure of getting ready for the date. Getting myself ready mentally. Making sure my appearance is good. Only to find someone who is ready, but not compatible. That service didn’t care about our emotions and stole our money.
Please don’t spend money on matchmaking. As you already said. They won’t guarantee results.
Please don’t give any money to a matchmaker. They are scams taking advantage of people. I’ve hired them twice and I hope to be strong enough to never do it again.
The first time was about 25 years ago. Before the internet was what it is today. I spent about $1500 to meet 10 women. I was clear that I only wanted to meet one woman at a time. I didn’t want to get several phone numbers at once and feel the need to speak to several woman at once. It would have made me feel creepy. Its just not who I am. In the first week they sent me 8 phone numbers. I didn’t want that and I told them it was way too much. But in the end it didn’t matter because only one of them answered the phone. I never spoke to the others. It felt like a total scam to take my money, satisfy their legal obligations, and move on.
The second time was about 5 years ago. This time $3000 for 10 pre arranged lunch dates. They would call me first with details of my date, If we both agreed, they organized a lunch date for us.
In my opinion they first date should not have been accepted into their service at all. I found her to be very full of herself and critical of others. I didn’t feel she could match with anybody.
The second was a very nice woman who honestly is trying to meet someone. She had lots to offer and her heart was ready for love. Except for one problem. She was clear with the dating service that she wanted a religious man. I am not religious and I was clear I didn’t want a religious partner. Basically the only thing I wouldn’t accept was religion, she was the same but opposite.
To make things worse the service lied to us both. They told her I was willing to accept religion. They told me she wasn’t religious at all. It turns out she was very active in her church and the first thing she thing she wanted to know about me was my experience with god.
It was really unsettling to go through the whole procedure of getting ready for the date. Getting myself ready mentally. Making sure my appearance is good. Only to find someone who is ready, but not compatible. That service didn’t care about our emotions and stole our money.
Please don’t spend money on matchmaking. As you already said. They won’t guarantee results.
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MysteriousTelephone
Well-known member
Oh man, sorry to hear about your horrible experiences with matchmakers.
I'm very skeptical of any service that takes your money, and has a financial incentive to keep you 'on the hook'. So matchmakers, therapists, even paying $10 a month for online dating seems like a scam. I'm sure there are decent therapists and matchmakers out there, but at the moment I don't see what the benefit would be. It's not a lack of opportunity to find single women my age, it's that I find them and they give me the polite 'brush off' at best, a direct "nah, too ugly" at worst. Definitely not going to dump a month's wages for some charlatan to fix me on a date with a girl, to then get the brush off.
Lifeforall
Member
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My dear friend, I read your lines. I do not agree with you in the respect that nobody is paying you attention and you start to think about vacating this world. Your death will not affact anyone in this world. So leave this idea but I am sure that you have a very good heart and soul and you can do something for other. I will request you to please come in touch with me at [email protected]. i will listen you and we will share and discuss many things. okay. Take care
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
I don't know if I would call what I'm feeling "suicidal" yet.
But lately I have been feeling worse and worse.
The reasons are for some that are similar to OP, and some that are different.
On the one hand, I don't really want to end it.
On the other, I don't see how I can get to a life that I wouldn't hate either.
I don't want to live a life of being low skilled/paid/status, and endure a life of frustration, humiliation, and powerlessness every day for the rest of my life.
For one thing, women generally don't like low status men, and I can't say I blame them either. I get it. Why would you want to get into a relationship with a guy that isn't going to give you a good life, but is going to just make your life misery? I totally understand.
For two, as long as I'm low status, I hate life, myself, and have no interests.
I don't like or care about anything, except escaping low status. Until I escape, that's all that matters to me.
As long as I'm stuck in that hell, I'm going to be extremely negative, all the time, which is a turnoff, and again, understandably so.
The only thing I'm going to want to do is drink.
The problem is, the way to escape low status is to get skills.
And I've never known what skill I'm capable of getting good at, or what I'm even interested in.
I never really liked the real world very much, because I always felt it revolved around needing to be born gifted, which I felt I wasn't - otherwise you get nowhere.
Also, I just wasn't interested in it. I found it dry and boring.
More than that, I feel like I've had no particular aptitude for anything I've ever tried, and I can't think of anything that I would be naturally good at either.
So, if the rest of my life is going to be in unskilled work, then I don't think I want the rest of my life, because it's just going to suck, I won't be able to get interested in, enjoy, or look forward to anything or even care about anything at all. Trying to go back to how I was as a kid and living for Star Wars, isn't going to work. I still like it but it's not enough to completely sustain me anymore, and to make up for being in a life I'd hate. I'll hate myself for being inherently inferior/limited/mediocre/incompetent/a natural loser, forced into subservience, and unable to work on anything that actually gets me anywhere in life because it's assumed that I have no potential and all I'm fit for is servitude. I HATE thinking that that's what I am. Nothing takes the edge off being in a low quality of life, and the constant frustration/humiliation. If that's all my life is going to be, then f*** it, I'm done.
I don't want to commit suicide, but if that's all my life is going to be, then I don't want to live anymore either.
If that's all that's in store for me, I'd be ready to drop dead today and just be done with it.
I'm not sure what to do, I wish I could see a way out.
But lately I have been feeling worse and worse.
The reasons are for some that are similar to OP, and some that are different.
On the one hand, I don't really want to end it.
On the other, I don't see how I can get to a life that I wouldn't hate either.
I don't want to live a life of being low skilled/paid/status, and endure a life of frustration, humiliation, and powerlessness every day for the rest of my life.
For one thing, women generally don't like low status men, and I can't say I blame them either. I get it. Why would you want to get into a relationship with a guy that isn't going to give you a good life, but is going to just make your life misery? I totally understand.
For two, as long as I'm low status, I hate life, myself, and have no interests.
I don't like or care about anything, except escaping low status. Until I escape, that's all that matters to me.
As long as I'm stuck in that hell, I'm going to be extremely negative, all the time, which is a turnoff, and again, understandably so.
The only thing I'm going to want to do is drink.
The problem is, the way to escape low status is to get skills.
And I've never known what skill I'm capable of getting good at, or what I'm even interested in.
I never really liked the real world very much, because I always felt it revolved around needing to be born gifted, which I felt I wasn't - otherwise you get nowhere.
Also, I just wasn't interested in it. I found it dry and boring.
More than that, I feel like I've had no particular aptitude for anything I've ever tried, and I can't think of anything that I would be naturally good at either.
So, if the rest of my life is going to be in unskilled work, then I don't think I want the rest of my life, because it's just going to suck, I won't be able to get interested in, enjoy, or look forward to anything or even care about anything at all. Trying to go back to how I was as a kid and living for Star Wars, isn't going to work. I still like it but it's not enough to completely sustain me anymore, and to make up for being in a life I'd hate. I'll hate myself for being inherently inferior/limited/mediocre/incompetent/a natural loser, forced into subservience, and unable to work on anything that actually gets me anywhere in life because it's assumed that I have no potential and all I'm fit for is servitude. I HATE thinking that that's what I am. Nothing takes the edge off being in a low quality of life, and the constant frustration/humiliation. If that's all my life is going to be, then f*** it, I'm done.
I don't want to commit suicide, but if that's all my life is going to be, then I don't want to live anymore either.
If that's all that's in store for me, I'd be ready to drop dead today and just be done with it.
I'm not sure what to do, I wish I could see a way out.
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TropicalStarfish
Well-known member
Low status, *lol*. Why do you care man? Ever see what high-status baboons do to lower status baboons, or females?
Status hierarchies are lower order primate/mammalian type stuff. *sigh* Yes, to a certain large extent hierarchies are unavoidable.
You think the socio-sexual circuit is as simple as: "Men like big ******* and women like money and power?"
Plenty of men with lots of money who are just as single and as miserable as you are; or they are worried their prospects only care about their money and power. Plenty of men with power, who in lack of love, just continue on making the world miserable for everybody else, while they try to get more power.
Plenty of beautiful women who are ugly to the core.
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Skill and mastery sounds nice. It would be nice to be an exceptional guitar player (plenty of lonely loser guitar players who can't get laid). Plenty of piano players, who's only claim to fame is a few youtube videos, with only a few thousand views.
I'm not saying anything is wrong with skill and mastery. Though, it is infinitely easier to attain skill and mastery with a state of mind conducive to motivation (hard to get there when one's mind is in the mire of despair and apathy).
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One of the difficult things about skill and mastery, is, a lot of skills and mastery require a certain level of organization within a larger unit. If you want to make a scientific breakthrough, you have to have the PhD, the grant money, the institution, and the equipment to do so.
If you want to make the next big invention, you need to have the legal talent to file the patent.
Music, is one thing, you can kind of figure out on your own, if you put enough time and effort into it. Though, would you really even want fame as a musician, considering how awful the music of contemporary famous musicians in America, tends to be?
Writing one can do on their own, largely, but still, you need to be plugged into a decent publisher to get somewhere.
Creative stuff, like glass blowing, working with metal, wood, etc.. It's not too hard to figure out a way to break into stuff like that.
Learning a new language, at this point, is, pretty much available to most anyone.
I think most community colleges in the U.S.A. can be be gotten into for free, if your income is low. So, there's things to do there.
Martial arts is relatively accessible, though, it's something you need to have started in your childhood or early teens, to be able to reach significant mastery at, by your mid to late twenties. And by the time you are 40, it's all downhill from there. One can start at almost any age, though, assuming health is well enough.
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Imagine if you had been blind all of your life, up until the age you are now, and suddenly a miracle genetic cure, allowed you to have full-blooded color vision on parity with the caliber of vision you have right now. Imagine that for sound, or some other problem.
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Our biggest obstacle is often ourselves.
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That's why the old saying, 'mind over matter,' is so powerful. The story of David slaying Goliath. Stuff like that.
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Being alone, without a companion, a friend to journey through life with. Yes, that's hard. Looking forward far enough, and knowing that you will die. Yes, that's a frightful knowledge to digest and come to terms with. Yet, I do believe there are those of us, among us, that do come to terms with their mortality.
And, pain and suffering is often, if not one of the primary raw ingredients, the clay the potter starts out with, shapes, and makes into something.
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It's a frightful and cruel world. It's also a beautiful, wonderful world. It's both at the same time. Amazing..
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Have a drink, watch the clouds or stars in amazement. C'est la vie! And or...
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...
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MysteriousTelephone
Well-known member
Hey!
So, yes, we're somewhere along similar lines.
With regards to 'status', a couple of my friends have floated the idea that I should climb the corporate ladder to get a better paid job, nicer place, nice car etc, and that will lead women my way. I'm highly skeptical of this approach, chiefly because when a woman sees me in a bar and says to her friend "No thanks, he's ugly", she has no idea of my socioeconomic status. The idea of improving yourself seems to make you more attractive for women who want to settle down with someone stable, but when I can't get past the first hurdle it seems rather pointless to think about what's beyond. I don't know how much of this applies to you specifically. I've worked some low paid jobs, and the people working alongside me always have had wives or girlfriends. Heck, turn on daytime TV and you'll find men who are unemployed, smackheads or racists that have had more girlfriends than I've ever had. So I disagree that 'status' is the key to everything.
Having interests is where we differ, I'm never bored; there is always something I want to do, or an activity or event I'm saying no to because I'm doing something else. I love it. It means if I'm at home it's always by choice, and there is always something to be doing. This is great, and I genuinely do fun things that I enjoy almost every day, but I still wake up every morning to a world where I'm unwanted.
As for you, it sounds pretty directionless, both professionally and socially. Sure, that's not great, but it also doesn't mean you've spent tens of thousands on a sociology degree, only to find out you want to be a carpenter. It sounds easy for me to say "just find something you like and figure out how to get paid doing it", but it would also be hypocritical of me, seeing as I haven't done that. Most people find jobs that they can tolerate and pay their bills. I always tell myself it's the things I do outside of work that make life worthwhile, are there no activities you ever wanted to try?
I'm not understanding the part about humiliation, could you expand on that for me?
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
See the status thing, is more for me, than it is for women. It's to reassure me that I have at least normal amounts of potential and competence, and that I can work at something that advances me in life, instead of having so little potential and competence that I can't do anything that would advance me, and that all I'm good for is servitude to others, who were born with enough of those things to live for themselves. Working to advance my material quality of life, and position in life, to make my life better, was always the point of working to me. Without that, I feel like I'd be working to get nowhere, to be someone I don't want to be, and to live a life I hate, to confirm every insult I've ever received and every self-doubt I've ever had myself. Therefore if that's my future, it makes me wonder if my life is worth living, and it's making me lean towards "no".
Being in an OK job would give me a confidence boost, that might translate to attraction or at least help with it. However, being in menial/service work, would level my confidence, since it would mean I have no potential, competence, and am fit only to be submissive to others. The ground where my confidence should be, would be poisoned so nothing could ever grow there again. Feeling like that's what I am would cause me to hate myself for feeling like a loser, like I must be genetically inferior and limited, not to mention the ****** material quality of life I'd be forced to live. I've always hated being forced to actively work on getting nowhere. And I'd hate to think that's all I'm capable of, and that's all I have to look forward to.
I don't see how I can attract someone, if I have no confidence in myself, because I feel trapped in a life I hate, and feeling like I'm forced to be a person I hate being. It would also be hard for me to have interests to talk about under those circumstances either.
It's technically possible for a person to attract a partner while in a low paid job, as you were saying. Heaven only knows how, but it is. For me though, it's not really about attracting a partner, it's about how it would make me feel about myself. And I don't think self-hatred would help me attract a partner.
Every time I've been in a job like that, I looked around me, and without exception, every over-college-age person there was NOT a person I wanted to be like. I NEVER wanted to be that kind of person and that was NEVER what I wanted to do with my life. To think that's what I really am and is all I can be, it really makes me feel lousy about myself.
As far as interests go, it's cool that you have interests that you like. But for me, I'm only truly interested in things that I feel like it's possible for me to get good at them, and ultimately to use as part of my identity, a source of confidence and pride. If the best I can do with it is just OK, it pretty much confirms my fears that I'm mediocre and I feel like the message it sends to the world is "look how much I suck at this thing! I'm a huge loser!" It's always seemed like pretending you can do something, to pretend to be cool when you know you're not. I've always felt that I'd rather say nothing at all to the world, than that. If the best I can do at something is just OK, it's not fun for me, and I'd rather do some more relaxing interest instead. The trouble with those is, they aren't enough to sustain me like they used to be. I can't live for fandoms and video games anymore, it's just not enough.
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TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
Well, socially I'm OK. I have friends, though it's hard to see them nowadays.
But it is kind of like the mismatch you were saying. I have a business degree, but it's not specific enough, and my heart isn't in it. I got off track in life because I started believing the end of civilization was imminent due to peak oil. Then that faded away and was replaced by intense anti-capitalism feelings for a while. Then that kind of took a back seat to wanting to figure out dating and being interesting, and realizing that all of my social troubles all my life were down to not being good at anything. And I feared that I lacked enough natural ability to get good at anything, stifling any interest I might have.
Nowadays I am somewhere in the middle. I used to think like you were saying, "do something you can tolerate, to pay the bills and do something outside of work that makes life worthwhile". Then I fell off it for a while. Now I'm kind of back on it again. Do I like "the system"? No. But, I'd rather have a life I can at least be OK with, than a life I hate. If that means going back to business, so be it. I'd rather be in accounting or something like that, than menial/service work. It might not be glamorous or action-packed, but at least I wouldn't be humiliated to say I was an accountant.
As far as activities I want to try, again - I'd want to do something if I thought I could get good enough to do something cool at it, and use it for my identity. Otherwise...it's hard for me to get that into it. I don't want my identity to be "a guy who sucks/is limited to being mediocre at things". That wouldn't make me feel good about myself and it would make it hard for me to take the interest seriously. I'm not saying I have to be a god at it right away, but I'd like to feel like I'm getting results and have reason to believe I can continue to improve enough to do something with it.
The humiliation though - I may have touched on this - it's just, I'd find it humiliating to feel like I have no potential, no capability and competence, no capacity to improve, am limited to being mediocre or sucking at things, and therefore can't advance in life to even a normal level, that I'm so powerless and ineffectual, and am only fit for a life of servitude to others with superior genes. That I exist to be submissive and subservient to them, since I lack the genetic capacity to get competent enough to work for my own advancement in life. Feeling that limited, would make me feel like I just suck, like a loser is what I am, and it's not something I can fix, outgrow, or cut out of me, because it IS me. It would feel like being insulted 24/7/365.
Maybe not everyone feels this way, but I always have.
If nothing else, I want to have the peace of mind that I'm at least OK.
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I think some of us here know humiliation quite well.
For me, it was the experience of being publicly humiliated for 12 straight years of my life.
From the first day of kindergarten until HS graduation.
Why? Because I was a skinny and physically weak male, was used to being bullied my my mother prior to school, and was a prime target for bullies in school. It's the natural order of things. Especially for males. The weak will be bullied.
It's OK though. It made me resilient. Toughened me up. I've faced things alone that would make most guys shrivel into the fetal position and cry like a baby. I will only speak for myself here. At 57...I would LOVE to meet a few of the guys that bullied me in HS. Would LOVE to.
But then...I'd be the bully, and worse, as a adult who "looks young for his age and is in good shape", I would be held responsible for what would happen. It's really not fair. So it was OK for them to physically bully me at 15/16/17, but at 57 I'd be the one who goes to prison?
What a world...
PS:
I was 6'1" and 115 lbs when I graduated HS...
ardour
Well known loser
If you'd stood up for yourself at 15/16/17 you would probably have been punished, not them.
