Dating sites made me feel even worse about my chances

[Some_Bloke72]

I know what you might be thinking "but I thought you had to be 18 to register for dating sites"

In answer to your question, I was desperate and I'm nearly 18 anyway. I thought it would be worth a shot, and in short I was wrong.

I tried the dating sites often advertised on TV. Match, Eharmony and Zoosk.

I got this message from Eharmony:

As for Zoosk and Match, around the same. Being 17 I wouldn't mind dating someone slightly older than me (I decided that 19 would be the limit) and I started online dating towards the end of 2013.

Zoosk is useless and I don't recommend it to anyone and while these sites claim to be free to even talk to your matches you have to pay. To add insult to injury you can't delete your Eharmony account and Eharmoney keep sending me emails. Not pointing out new matches but asking me to pay for it, as well as articles on subjects such as "excuses you use for still being single"

I hate Eharmoney with a passion now.

1 in 4 relationships start online apparently. Well if that's true then what are my chances?

I know that I'm still young and all and you might use the almost cliche argument of "You're still young! You have your whole life ahead of you!"

I have been rejected seven times in the past four years. Although that might not seem that much I have difficulty asking people out and so spend a lot of time building up confidence, when I get rejected I also get emotionally crushed.

At this rate, I'm probably going to die alone. It wasn't being downright rejected, though. In several cases the person was already in a relationship, in others they were homosexual and in one case she was bisexual but in a stage of only dating women.

"Well why not go back and ask her?"

Well, she's in a relationship now. With a woman and she's happy, also we haven't spoken in a while.

So yeah, dating sites are in my opinion a complete waste of your time and money. At least that's true in my case (I'm glad I didn't waste any money on them)

 

[Peaches]

can I laugh? isn't that the worst dating website ever?! Now I want to go and see if I can get the same reply Completely surreal.

Please don't worry about it, and try to meet people in real life, you are so young you still have to completely develop your face to face skills, if you miss some of the obligatory steps now you will regret it later in life, and then you will have no other option than online dating (I know what I am talking about). Wish you to find happiness soon.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I know what you might be thinking "but I thought you had to be 18 to register for dating sites"

In answer to your question, I was desperate and I'm nearly 18 anyway. I thought it would be worth a shot, and in short I was wrong.

I tried the dating sites often advertised on TV. Match, Eharmony and Zoosk.

I got this message from Eharmony:

As for Zoosk and Match, around the same. Being 17 I wouldn't mind dating someone slightly older than me (I decided that 19 would be the limit) and I started online dating towards the end of 2013.

Zoosk is useless and I don't recommend it to anyone and while these sites claim to be free to even talk to your matches you have to pay. To add insult to injury you can't delete your Eharmony account and Eharmoney keep sending me emails. Not pointing out new matches but asking me to pay for it, as well as articles on subjects such as "excuses you use for still being single"

I hate Eharmoney with a passion now.

1 in 4 relationships start online apparently. Well if that's true then what are my chances?

I know that I'm still young and all and you might use the almost cliche argument of "You're still young! You have your whole life ahead of you!"

I have been rejected seven times in the past four years. Although that might not seem that much I have difficulty asking people out and so spend a lot of time building up confidence, when I get rejected I also get emotionally crushed.

At this rate, I'm probably going to die alone. It wasn't being downright rejected, though. In several cases the person was already in a relationship, in others they were homosexual and in one case she was bisexual but in a stage of only dating women.

"Well why not go back and ask her?"

Well, she's in a relationship now. With a woman and she's happy, also we haven't spoken in a while.

So yeah, dating sites are in my opinion a complete waste of your time and money. At least that's true in my case (I'm glad I didn't waste any money on them)

don't waste your time and money using online dating sites. That's rule number one in my book. Second is - expect rejections, plenty of them. Third is - you will meet somebody when you least expect to.

---

Oh and when I see those awful E harmony adverts I want to scream !

 

[xaero]

Dating sites suck. They're more or less a dating resume, where everyone plays the role of hiring manager and job seeker looking for specific things. The problem I find with dating sites is they often reveal too much or too little, causing compatible people to skip over each other without ever giving one another a chance to socialize.

Don't be discouraged by these awful online dating services. No one is happy with them. The best way to meet your boyfriend or girlfriend is by socializing with people in real life

 

[Kid_A]

Those sites are probably geared towards the crowd, the individual is far more interesting than the crowd.^ ^

I don't think you're too young if you meet the right person, unfortunately when I was 17 I didn't. It doesn't mean that you won't, though.

A meaningful bond that lasts forever does exist but it's so hard to find.

 

[Reverie]

The thing that gets me the most about dating online is that you have to be really judgemental of who you talk to, it gives you perfect medium to do so! Unlike online, when you meet someone at least you'll always have their personality to judge.
Online dating create a platform where you can be highly superficial on who you choose to speak to or not.
And it could actually keep people from dating someone they'll probably have a good relationship because their judgements can get in the way. I think everyone needs to be a 'lil open-minded when it comes to dating and doing it online doesn't really seem to encourage this.
Not to say it's not successful, but I don't think it's the best option for someone just starting to get into dating.

 

[edgecrusher]

I haven't had any luck with dating sites either. I've gotten responses like that from a few niche dating sites. As far as the major sites go as soon as I check the "doesn't have kids" and/or "doesn't want kids" criteria for my search, my results decrease dramatically. I'm also very open and honest in my profile about being an introvert/loner and being nerdy/geeky and wanting someone similar, so I'm sure that plays a part too since those sites seem to cater to more social people. In America it's sort of crammed down your throat that being social and loud while surrounding yourself with people and "selling" yourself is the way to be to be successful at pretty much everything. And that's just not me at all. I don't care too much for small talk or talking about a lot of things that many people seem to want to talk about(celebrities, gossip, sports, etc). Finding a like minded person is proving to be very difficult.

 

[Batman55]

The thing that gets me the most about dating online is that you have to be really judgemental of who you talk to, it gives you perfect medium to do so! Unlike online, when you meet someone at least you'll always have their personality to judge.
Online dating create a platform where you can be highly superficial on who you choose to speak to or not.
And it could actually keep people from dating someone they'll probably have a good relationship because their judgements can get in the way. I think everyone needs to be a 'lil open-minded when it comes to dating and doing it online doesn't really seem to encourage this.
Not to say it's not successful, but I don't think it's the best option for someone just starting to get into dating.

^ This!

And of course, I hate dating sites. They may work for some people, depending on how well you fit into the mainstream, your outlook and expectations. But if you are shy, or haven't figured out this thing called "confidence" yet, or lacking self-esteem, or any number of things like this, do not use these sites. Words of wisdom...

 

[Case]

I got that same eHarmony page years ago and I'm much older than you. Since then, I send their emails to my spam folder.

I recommend that you don't use a dating site to define your own worth. These sites encourage you to micro-select the traits you seek from a mate, and it's not what we do in real life. On the face of it, that sounds cool to be able to de-select traits you don't like, and only select the traits you like, but it's an artificial concept. What happens is you will define a larger number of "dealbreakers" than you would in real life.

Example: Say you like women but you don't like women who play video games. On a dating site, you can identify and remove everyone who plays video games from your searches. Now, let's say you meet a woman in real life that you really connect with. You seem to click on an unbelievable level; Mentally, spiritually, professionally, etc. Suddenly, she reveals that she love video games. Will you just dump her? Odds are that you will be less likely to abandon her in real life than you would if you just saw a random user on a dating site because, in real life, you've already developed a real connection and you're more likely to adapt and see all of the positive things that attracts you to her.

That's why I am dubious of these sites. I've been on OKCupid, now a free offshoot of Match.com, and they rank matches by "Match," "Friend" and "Enemy" percentages. I've had many dates with women in the upper 90s in "Match" and "Friend" percentages that I did not click with at all. It's my opinion that these match algorithms fail to account for the one thing that makes attraction work, and that's chemistry. Simply put, a computer program cannot tell you who you will connect with. They can only use probabilities.

Dating sites can work, though. I would recommend you continue to try out some sites, DON'T PAY FOR ANY OF THEM, and lower your expectations. Maybe you'll find someone after all.

 

[Solivagant]

I got that same eHarmony page years ago and I'm much older than you.

^ Me too.

I second the rest of what Case said as well.

 

[GoingInsane]

Ive tried online dating on Zoosk, POF and a couple others. It really is ****. I don't class myself as a bad looking guy, I kitted out my profile the best I could, reading up for advice on Google on how to make my profile the best it possibly can be, yet I could message 100+ women and not get a single reply. These would include many average to below average looking women just to see if I stand any chance at all, or to at least see if they reply with a friendly hello. Unfortunately I never got a single reply. It's hard to say whether these websites are absolutely swarmed with men and so the ratio is uneven (probably getting too many messages to reply to all) or rather that these women aren't looking for nice, genuine normal guys. These women could however be incredibly choosey. I guess you could put a Lamborghini or a muscular male model as your dating profile picture and see what happens.

 

[jason2023]

I only use POF, and I only use it to either message hilarious things / take the piss (self-amusement), or I reply to girls who mail me (not common), or I message girls who have checked out my profile on their own accord.

The problem with dating sites is that girls will get their inboxes inundated by guys. They have so many options that they can cherry pick - there's bound to be someone who is good looking AND has all the other stuff. Girls are put on a pedestal essentially.

 

[EveWasFramed]

The problem with dating sites is that girls guys will get their inboxes inundated by guys girls. They have so many options that they can cherry pick - there's bound to be someone who is good looking AND has all the other stuff. Girls Guys are put on a pedestal essentially.

See how nicely those words are interchangeable? lol

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

EHarmony is a Christian dating site. They reject atheists.

Oh, and I've had terrible luck on any dating site. Match.com ended up making me feel worse about my looks, and POF only gets me women I'm not interested in, for various reasons.

And I have to nitpick at you, Eve, but that is not right. I'm friends with a psychiatrist who has won awards for research, and he's had trouble on dating sites. And he's rich and successful. He's told me that there are 4 times as many men on dating sites as women, so women get bombarded with messages from 4 times as many men that they would be interested in, and women can weed out 25% from the 100% that are messaging them (and they don't need to message at all.)

 

[EveWasFramed]

And I have to nitpick at you, Eve...

lol, I was just being facetious, Muse.

 

[Solivagant]

The problem with dating sites is that girls will get their inboxes inundated by guys. They have so many options that they can cherry pick - there's bound to be someone who is good looking AND has all the other stuff. Girls are put on a pedestal essentially.

Sorry, but I think that's malarkey.

I'm going to quote someone from another thread:

Sure, women have it "easier" in attracting "interest," as long as you count interest things like:

unsolicited cock photos
Highly intellectual comments like "hey mama your [sic] hawttt wanna get it on?" "You seem smart. I liek [sic] intelligance woman" or"wanna suck my cock?"

Options? Pedestal? Please. I've been on at least 8 different dating sites. I have indeed been "inundated" by messages that were annoying, disgusting, creepy, sick, cruel, threatening, or just plain inappropriate; many of which I can't even repeat here. The most common of them were along the lines of "you should try kinky sex", "show me ur tits", "have u ever had big black cock", or pictures of penises. One guy wants to throw me to the floor and "take his pleasure of me", a 58-year-old wants to "have some fun" with "young meat", a man in a wheelchair BEGS me to love him, and so on and so forth. Throw a couple of lesbians in there, and a guy who apparently thinks that "I have 90 friends on facebook!" is an attractive opening line, and someone who sends me a message like "HELLO????????????????", and if I don't answer him in two minutes I'll get another with a long rant about how evil women are and why won't I talk to him??????????? Other times I get messages that are just plain mean, like "is ur personality as bad as ur face". The last message I got before I decided to quit the sites was "You have beautiful eyebrows... and that's about all. Have a nice life!"

I was only ever sent one appropriate message ("What are you doing up so late?"). I had what seemed like a nice (though short) conversation with this person, he asked to exchange emails and phone numbers so we could talk more the next day, and then I never heard from him again. I'm pretty sure now that he was just looking for a one-night stand, since it was 1 or 2am and he was asking me to come over to his place.

The rest of the time I wasn't messaged at all; and I never once got a response from anyone I messaged first.

So yeeeah, no such luck. It's not accurate to say that women automatically have it easier in the dating world just by being women.

 

[EveWasFramed]

The problem with dating sites is that girls will get their inboxes inundated by guys. They have so many options that they can cherry pick - there's bound to be someone who is good looking AND has all the other stuff. Girls are put on a pedestal essentially.

Sorry, but I think that's malarkey.

I'm going to quote someone from another thread:

Sure, women have it "easier" in attracting "interest," as long as you count interest things like:

unsolicited cock photos
Highly intellectual comments like "hey mama your [sic] hawttt wanna get it on?" "You seem smart. I liek [sic] intelligance woman" or"wanna suck my cock?"

Options? Pedestal? Please. I've been on at least 8 different dating sites. I have indeed been "inundated" by messages that were annoying, disgusting, creepy, sick, cruel, threatening, or just plain inappropriate; many of which I can't even repeat here. The most common of them were along the lines of "you should try kinky sex", "show me ur tits", "have u ever had big black cock", or pictures of penises. One guy wants to throw me to the floor and "take his pleasure of me", a 58-year-old wants to "have some fun" with "young meat", a man in a wheelchair BEGS me to love him, and so on and so forth. Throw a couple of lesbians in there, and a guy who apparently thinks that "I have 90 friends on facebook!" is an attractive opening line, and someone who sends me a message like "HELLO????????????????", and if I don't answer him in two minutes I'll get another with a long rant about how evil women are and why won't I talk to him??????????? Other times I get messages that are just plain mean, like "is ur personality as bad as ur face". The last message I got before I decided to quit the sites was "You have beautiful eyebrows... and that's about all. Have a nice life!"

I was only ever sent one appropriate message ("What are you doing up so late?"). I had what seemed like a nice (though short) conversation with this person, he asked to exchange emails and phone numbers so we could talk more the next day, and then I never heard from him again. I'm pretty sure now that he was just looking for a one-night stand, since it was 1 or 2am and he was asking me to come over to his place.

The rest of the time I wasn't messaged at all; and I never once got a response from anyone I messaged first.

So yeeeah, no such luck. It's not accurate to say that women automatically have it easier in the dating world just by being women.

awww, lol, now you've gone and proven some people wrong!
At some point, one can hope that everyone will realize that both sexes can have a very difficult time finding a significant other, especially on dating websites.

Also, for the ones that were obnoxious to you...

:club:

 

[The Underdog]

It's not accurate to say that women automatically have it easier in the dating world just by being women.

That depends on whether or not the person saying it wants to be correct. If they do, then it's very accurate, if they don't, it's chalked up to a personal issue and life goes on. I will give you this though: A lot of men aren't squared-away on how to go about dating, and I see the kind of rubbish they upchuck in social settings. For a split second, I can understand why women are on some aint-nobody-got-for-that stuff when it comes to men. You'd act in a similar fashion if you got socially-failed messaged from voided members of the opposite member on a dating site.

I don't have friends, but I talk to a good amount of people and I watch people interact with each other. It's the same on chat sites. The women are usually able to have a conversation that lasts at least 3 minutes, while the men are bombarding them with private messages asking them about where they want the 'D'.

 

[Mephii]

Eharmony is a pile o keek. I've been signed up to it for about 5 months now (There was a cheap year long offer) and I've never progressed past stage 1 with any of the girls there. I'm fairly certain that the vast majority of "matches" that show up are inactive profiles of people who signed up during one of their free weekends.

The site also ignores my choices that I have specifically chosen not to be shown. For instance after filling out 475 multiple choice questions; some of which being repeat questions, I'm still being matched with non-atheists and smokers.

Tinder is also useless as it's based soley on looks. I've had 5 matches on there, none of which even bothered to say hi.

 

[Sci-Fi]

There was a site I was a member of, not going to mention which one because I'm embarrassed about even being a member, but it was a semi dating site (I was there for the forum because it was active at the time) and truth be told the women on the site would receive some disgusting messages. Sometimes they would be posted in the forum, which you could do as long as you didn't put the persons name. Some guys would get disgusting messages from "women" (I put that in quotes because sometimes you weren't always sure, lots turned out to be men), but the women received them the most. I don't know why anyone, man or woman, would think it is appropriate to send sexually explicit messages to someone, it is just a stupid and pubescent thing to do.

It kind of all depends on the site too, like the one I was on or some dating sites that were mentioned in this thread, that kind of thing is VERY common. Your best bet is to find reputable ones that prohibit that kind of behaviour and actually does something about it. Many don't.

Though it is kind of hard not to, I wouldn't let any dating site let you feel worse about yourself. They are definitely not a good judge of character of a person.