letters never mean to be read

[Fulgrim]

Im lost and not looking for a way back. . . but I was never truly here so how can I be lost? Is it relative to my current state of mind or does the situation provide the relative 'here' that is gone? Do I speak English or do I speak and am only understood by English speakers? Is my life eventful or does it just become stuffed with moments to short to be called events? Do my insecurities keep others from getting close? Is my craving for all knowledge keeping me from succeeding in life? Does the light remain in the fridge when you close the door? Do the trees laugh when someone kills themselves in the woods? Is my life going to get better or should I take what I want unaware of the consequences? Should I become a hard worker or a free spirit? Should I continue down my path of lonesome unawareness or climb the mountain of sucess only to fall to my death since I have nothing to fall back on?

I have drifted too far and I have little emotional support to guide me down a safe road. . . Why me?

 

[Qui]

This is too much. I've got to cut something out to make room for all the rest. I've been stretching myself so many directions at once that my life no longer has any room for me.

Something's got to go.

 

[Fulgrim]

Я закладывать грамматический определенный член один Я недостаток к любовь , только принадлежащий мне чувство мочь не быть вернувшийся в свою часть после госпиталя. Я ненавидеть обыскивать и в отчаянии , так теперь Я закладывать кто-то кто держать большой чем Я мочь возможно напрашиваться только быть не воля к вполне поручать. почему почему делать Я вспомогательный глагол для образования сложных времен к страдать этот путь?!?

my translator is honeysuckle and ruined what I tried to say, but I'm not going to say what I feel in english, what I feel is foreign and not meant for certain ears. Why dost thou gods above treat me so? Is there not a better pawn to torment over yonder?!?

 

[Qui]

私が呼吸する時、それはただ痛みます、しかし、それは私と良いです。
私はこれが大嫌いです。 私はベッドに行きます。
多分明日はより良いです。


...so there.

 

[Darkest Seraphim]

Dear whoever cares,

I am sevearly depressed, and it is because I have noone to love. All my life i have been afraid of everything. I am introverted and very shy. My life thus far has been a perfect storm of situations that has stricken me with acute social withdrawl. My upbringing has made me sheltered, my interests has made me an outcast, my values have made me wierdo. This is all the baggage i carry at all times. Its making it impossible to get out of this hole. And i dont have much time left.

On top of this i am a person who longs for love. I am a perosn who beleives in people and wants to have relationships with them. In my current situation its very hard for me to persue this. I have no expierience with anyhting and anyone. ive never even held somones hand. Id give anything to do so.. id give anything to feels someones warm skin. Id give anything to feel some affection, to have human contact. , to have some feelings thrown back at me. And even after id "Give anything" I am too much of a coward to give somehting. Even when the feelings inside are bursting out of me. I have nothing to offer anyone. I am pretty pathetic as it is. So i am tainted with my own self hatred. Im like a dead beaten horse with tons of fighting spirit inside that i cant let out.

Im tired of not being happy. Im tired of seeing others have what i want so bad and just bring my life crashing down whenever i am reminded that I dont. I am in dire need. In dire need of somehting. I am deep in the storm. Im in he eye of the storm. And its not letting up. The depression can only be described as crippling. The hole im in gets deeper everyday. Sigh... and sometimes i wish someone would just come and blow my brains out already. I need help. I am reahcing out. Begging for anything. Pleading for solice. Cryong for the harbors. Im trying to save myself but im just not strong enough.


Yours Truley,
DS

 

[iwasaloverb4thiswar]

And even after id "Give anything" I am too much of a coward to give somehting.

and there, my friend, you have voiced the issue...really the issue I think that most of us here have...myself included. But you know what...if you can find a way...a small way even to maybe take even the smallest risk...make yourself the smallest bit open and vulnerable, you may find...*glances around, whispers* its not that bad!

Maybe it begins with getting a pen pal...just someone who you can tell all of these things to, someone who will show you that you are not alone in this, and that things can be different, but it takes effort and practice. like anything else, sadly, we have to learn how to be open and give love AND we have to learn how to recieve love too, funny as that sounds. It starts with believing that we are worthy of giving and recieveing love, that EVERYBODY is. the self hate is a big problem...i know, i have stuggled with it my whole life, still am.

The best thing I have ever learned in my whole life (err about 20 years lol) is that we have to forgive ourselves. Its the simplest lesson, its the hardest lesson.

 

[circles]

Why do you neglect me? You tell me you love me, but then no matter how much what you're doing hurts me, you won't change it. Stop acting so selfish. My heart hurts.

 

[penny143]

Te odio.

 

[Fizhik]

I had another dream about you the other night. Actually, this time it was a nightmare.
I was walking down the street and I saw you there. we fooled around a little, and for some reason, it felt like we had done it before. We went to a hotel room where chris was sleeping next door. You went to his room and told him about "us". By the time I made to his room to defend myself, he had already found another woman. when I entered the room, they were holding each other and laughing at me. The woman walked up to my face with a big smile and informed me that chris and I were over. That he is done with me. I looked at him and he just laughed and told me it had been over for a while. I had a horrible sense of insecurity and fear. I woke up crying hysterically....I told chris about it, but not in great detail.

 

[Incognita]

Я закладывать грамматический определенный член один Я недостаток к любовь , только принадлежащий мне чувство мочь не быть вернувшийся в свою часть после госпиталя. Я ненавидеть обыскивать и в отчаянии , так теперь Я закладывать кто-то кто держать большой чем Я мочь возможно напрашиваться только быть не воля к вполне поручать. почему почему делать Я вспомогательный глагол для образования сложных времен к страдать этот путь?!?

oh dear...it'll prolly make way moooooore sense in Chinese....

plus theres one word that can mean "penis"......"hold" and "big"...that makes sense...though

 

[Qui]

Я закладывать грамматический определенный член один Я недостаток к любовь , только принадлежащий мне чувство мочь не быть вернувшийся в свою часть после госпиталя. Я ненавидеть обыскивать и в отчаянии , так теперь Я закладывать кто-то кто держать большой чем Я мочь возможно напрашиваться только быть не воля к вполне поручать. почему почему делать Я вспомогательный глагол для образования сложных времен к страдать этот путь?!?

oh dear...it'll prolly make way moooooore sense in Chinese....

plus theres one word that can mean "penis"......"hold" and "big"...that makes sense...though

rofl

 

[Fulgrim]

wow.....I havent been on in a while, and when I come back I see my bad russian being quoted twice >.<

not to mention the handjob reference...............


letsaseee......letter not meant to be read........

I am smarter than I give myself credit for....like the last minute plan to just let things go and become friends with the person I love, for its better to let my love slowly ebb away than shatter it all at once in a hate filled, angry confrontation. I feel by thinking this way I am either really conceited or becoming more empathetic, either way I am not depressed (me? empethetic? lol) and that is more than I can say for what I expected a break up to be like. Who would've guessed

 

[Qui]

wow.....I havent been on in a while, and when I come back I see my bad russian being quoted twice >.<

not to mention the handjob reference...............


letsaseee......letter not meant to be read........

I am smarter than I give myself credit for....like the last minute plan to just let things go and become friends with the person I love, for its better to let my love slowly ebb away than shatter it all at once in a hate filled, angry confrontation. I feel by thinking this way I am either really conceited or becoming more empathetic, either way I am not depressed (me? empethetic? lol) and that is more than I can say for what I expected a break up to be like. Who would've guessed

I was really surprised and grateful for how mature you were about it. Thank you.

 

[Fulgrim]

well I wrote in 'letters never meant to be read'....lol, but it doesnt matter, it was written long ago and the translator corrupted my words to the point where my ideas and thoughts are horribly misinterpreted.

 

[Bluey]

well I wrote in 'letters never meant to be read'....lol, but it doesnt matter, it was written long ago and the translator corrupted my words to the point where my ideas and thoughts are horribly misinterpreted.

You have my apology's. I see your point.

I have deleted the post.

Am sorry.

 

[davechaos]

I can't think of anything specifc but there are two openings to letters that I hope I never ever have to read...


'Dear John....'

or worse than that...

'I am sorry you have had to find me like this...'

Let us hope none of us have to read any of those.

 

[Qui]

I can't think of anything specifc but there are two openings to letters that I hope I never ever have to read...


'Dear John....'

or worse than that...

'I am sorry you have had to find me like this...'

Let us hope none of us have to read any of those.

seriously. I could see it happening and it's terrible.

 

[Naleena]

Dearest Love,
We haven't met yet. I wanted to write you a letter and let you know that in all these lonely years, I still believe you exist and I also exist for you. I am preparing and becoming the best human being I can. There are things I feel I must do before I can give myself to you.
I ask you, Love, to forgive me; if in preparing my life, I have delayed our meeting.

I know you are lonely because I am lonely, too. Be patient, Love, as I am patient for you.
One day we will meet. I don't know what you look like, and your status in society means even less to me. I only know that you are a good man who is very much like me. You are kind, compassionate and loving. You are an old soul. The deep calls unto the deep. Like attracts like, and so it will be- we will be. For we are, even now, even in this seperation.

Without seeing your face, I love you. I believe in you and all that you can become.
Tonight I pray for you. I send you love and light. Learn the lessons you need to, to be the man I need and I will learn the lessons I need to to be the woman you need. When I lay my head on my pillow tonight, it will be you I am thinking of. Wonderful you. You are wanted. You are loved. You are thought of fondley.

Eternally yours,
Me

 

[Bluey]

Dearest Love,
We haven't met yet. I wanted to write you a letter and let you know that in all these lonely years, I still believe you exist and I also exist for you. I am preparing and becoming the best human being I can. There are things I feel I must do before I can give myself to you.
I ask you, Love, to forgive me; if in preparing my life, I have delayed our meeting.

I know you are lonely because I am lonely, too. Be patient, Love, as I am patient for you.
One day we will meet. I don't know what you look like, and your status in society means even less to me. I only know that you are a good man who is very much like me. You are kind, compassionate and loving. You are an old soul. The deep calls unto the deep. Like attracts like, and so it will be- we will be. For we are, even now, even in this seperation.

Without seeing your face, I love you. I believe in you and all that you can become.
Tonight I pray for you. I send you love and light. Learn the lessons you need to, to be the man I need and I will learn the lessons I need to to be the woman you need. When I lay my head on my pillow tonight, it will be you I am thinking of. Wonderful you. You are wanted. You are loved. You are thought of fondley.

Eternally yours,
Me

That was a wonderful read

 

[bookbinder]

Dearest Love,
We haven't met yet. I wanted to write you a letter and let you know that in all these lonely years, I still believe you exist and I also exist for you. I am preparing and becoming the best human being I can. There are things I feel I must do before I can give myself to you.
I ask you, Love, to forgive me; if in preparing my life, I have delayed our meeting.

I know you are lonely because I am lonely, too. Be patient, Love, as I am patient for you.
One day we will meet. I don't know what you look like, and your status in society means even less to me. I only know that you are a good man who is very much like me. You are kind, compassionate and loving. You are an old soul. The deep calls unto the deep. Like attracts like, and so it will be- we will be. For we are, even now, even in this seperation.

Without seeing your face, I love you. I believe in you and all that you can become.
Tonight I pray for you. I send you love and light. Learn the lessons you need to, to be the man I need and I will learn the lessons I need to to be the woman you need. When I lay my head on my pillow tonight, it will be you I am thinking of. Wonderful you. You are wanted. You are loved. You are thought of fondley.

Eternally yours,
Me

Thanks Naleena- I'm working on it.