letters never mean to be read

[Fizhik]

is this thread for letters that are for people who shouldn't read them?

Basically yea, letters that you know won't ever be read by who there for....I think

yes...i created this thread, that is the very reason why. But all should keep in mind that the only place your thoughts are really safe is in your head. This is the internet, and although it is not probable that the recipient may view your words, there is always a possibility. if someone were to google your 'lonely life' screen name, it is likely that they will come across something in this forum. originally, it was kept anonymous, but since the forum changed, obviously this is no longer possible.
regardless, this thread has recieved amazing response and i really do appreciate everyone who has kept it going. your letters have proved to be an amazing work of art. honest, true life experience.....we can only learn from each other. keep it going people, your letters inspire me.
honestly, it might not be such a bad thing for my recipients to view my letters. deep down inside, i sort of wish they would. This thread is a hundred messages in 1 bottle.

 

[Qui]

I'm tired of breathing. Things I used to love don't mean anything anymore. Food? Haven't eaten in days. Sleep? Only when I pass out on the floor.
I've been putting on a good face, but inside I can see clearly that I'm slipping back into that chasm of dispair I had fought so hard to escape. I know it'll pass, I know I'll feel this way again. I'll wait it out.

I don't want anyone to know.
But I'm tired of living.

 

[human_condition]

Hey.

My life seems to have revolved around you for the past 3 years, and now you don't even realise. I was talking to Ben on MSN the other day, and he says that people think that it's me who has the problem with you and not the other way round- then why do you avoid my friends when I'm around, and why haven't you talked to me in about 1 and a half years?

I miss you more than I can say. You probably have some idea that I love you, I mean I gave you that birthday card, most people would've forgotten the date after having been ignored for so long. Not that I didn't deserve it. You didn't even realise when I turned 18.

That other night I saw you two together for the first time properly. I'm glad I wasn't sober that night. Although you probably saw me crying on Haz's shoulder when we got out of the pub.

Ben asked me why I don't just tell you now instead of leaving it till the end. Well, I don't want you to think I'm trying to mess things up with you and her- I'm not. But you would think so, and so would everyone else. I'm not trying to get back with you, I know it won't happen and I've made my peace with that- I'm happy here in my corner, knowing that it SHOULD be me, that together we were amazing. I don't need to make things even more awkward just yet. At the end, we'll go our seperate ways, I'll tell you how much my life has depended on you and how I'll always be there for you- then probably never see you again.

Ash, I can't tell you how much I wish I could turn back time and not mess things up. I always trusted you, I just didn't trust myself to hold onto something so perfect as us. I never meant to hurt you, not once. Infact if she ever hurts you, I willl never forgive it- you deserve to be treasured. I hope she realises how lucky she is.

I can still remember the way you smell, the feel and shape of your hands, the way we used to stand holding each other at the end of my road for half an hour each day because saying goodbye was so hard- you only lived 10 minutes walk away.

If you were with me instead you'd definatley save on petrol.

Once you said we'd be married.

Once you said we'd still be friends 10 years from now.

All those times I was right- I did love you more.

 

[ashleigh_phoenix]

There are so many things that I want to say to you. Things that I have been keeping for so long in me that I myself can't contain it anymore. Even though we haven't talked when we had the chance to, I felt that there was something else. Well, at least I think. What I'm trying to say is, I just didn't like you because of your appearance, it was also because of the atmosphere or feeling that I always get when you were around. And even though we are apart, me not knowing if you know that I even had feelings for you back then that still exists, I still feel like you're somewhere. Supporting me. Although sometimes I feel like I should just turn myself in an insane asylum because of those kind of thoughts. For example, now. The situation I am in is very very difficult. I have to juggle my academics with 2 businesses and parenting a house full of hormonial raging teenagers, budgeting, and stuff. I feel like you're always there to cheer me up. Every time Im tired, you lift me up, every time Im happy you make me ecstatic.

I dont know.

Im so full of it, which i dont even know what "it" is, but I just love you. And I hope to know whether you feel the same so that a part of me can be at peace. If you did feel the same way as me, thats better than great.

But if you don't, I'll understand and let you go; but still, I will always love you.

 

[Qui]

Where has my inspiration gone?
I've got so much to live for but I just don't care.
I don't. I don't care, and I don't know why.
What the hell. This is so stupid.
I'm so stupid, why am I even bothering to write this?
Whatever, not like I matter anyway...

 

[sloth4urluv]

I regret everyday not telling you how I felt about you. If I only knew how you felt about me back then.
Things would have turned out so different.
I really miss you.

 

[Fizhik]

PH
It's not fair. it's not fair that you're gone. i should've been a better friend. i should've kept in touch. You got through those years better than any of us. You were doing so good. it's just not fair. i will miss you so much. you were a great person. 21......that's too young. I wish you were still here. I'm so sorry for you. I feel so sad. I can't make it to the service, but i promise that i will come and pay my respects somehow. I'm sorry old friend.
Fizhik

 

[human_condition]

My condolences, Fizhik. *hugz*

------------------------------------------

Today almost killed me, but I still came home with a smile on my face. I was laughing to myself about it on the bus, needless to say I got some weird looks!

"And we would aah..." ahahahahahahaha

You're the best

BUT... I don't fancy you

 

[worldofadreamer]

Dear,
Nandu and Shiv
I miss you every single day, I try not to think about it, but as soon as I do my eyes fill with tears. I guess I should be grateful that I know your both okay, it hurts though..so much.

I don't think you'll ever understand what you guys were to me...you were my acceptance after years of bullying. You were 2 guys who loked after me like a little sister and made it possible for me to go to college. I wouldn't have stayed if I hadn't met u, I wouldn't have lerant to have a voice if I hadn't have met you. But everything went so wrong and all promises were broken by everyone.

Sometimes when I'm having a moment, I'll write on a steamy bus window, CNSASMZ 4EIDST, and remember how we were going to be friends/family forever. I remember the bus journeys to and from college and I remember that crazy day you saved my life. I remember so much more than just this though, I remember your sayings, and your smiles and how i felt I belonged.

5 years down the line, we talk, we say hi on msn sometimes and thats what become of our friends forever. Together you made me who I am today and gave me the tiny bit of love I've had in my life and I'm eternaly grateful. I wish you both the best always and in my heart I will always be your little sis, I will always be here for you nomatter what.

If there was one thing I could ask for in this world, just one, it wuld be for the both of you to show you still care about me, to prove it, to be happy becaue you make me happy. That's what I've tried to do for you guys in for the last 5 years. Guess i'm not that lucky

Love you always, my big bros
Chahna xx

 

[Nat]

Peter, Im sorry to burden you with this.
Im scared, Genuinely scared that im sick.
I think its the cause of my cognitive problems.
Help me.
If I act like im fine, you have to see through that, im not.

Nat

 

[Fizhik]

My condolences, Fizhik. *hugz*

------------------------------------------

Today almost killed me, but I still came home with a smile on my face. I was laughing to myself about it on the bus, needless to say I got some weird looks!

"And we would aah..." ahahahahahahaha

You're the best

BUT... I don't fancy you

----------------------------------------------

yeah~thanks nat

 

[iwasaloverb4thiswar]

Dear M,

I feel so stupid writing this, but at the same time I know that I have to. I held on to you for so long that even now, especially now...
Can I tell you what has happened to me this summer? A few simple things can mean the whole world, did you know that? I learned that I needed help, that I do believe in something bigger than myself, that I am capable of being cruel and abusive. I have decided to make some big changes, and slowly, almost imperceptibly, I have. They are there, those tiny little changes, and I celebrate them with every breath. If this sounds juvenile, like something you figured out long before, you're right. I have been stuck for a very long time.
Do you even remember me? I have no idea what you ever saw in me but there was a moment, a very brief moment a long time ago when I think you loved me. You can't know how much I have held on to that. Though I doubt now that I ever knew the meaning of these words, I think I loved you too, and maybe even still do.
I have learned something else this summer; regret. And one thing more, gratitude. I regret that I didn't know myself better, regret that I wasn't kinder to you, regret that I didn't return your affection, even though I felt it, kicking and screaming to get out. I'm sorry I let something, someone so beautiful slip through my fingers, or even more accurately, that I pushed you away.
And that brings me to gratitude, real gratitude, the kind that makes you fall to your knees and breathe in the earth you are so happy to be alive. Thank you for your kindness, thank you for your gentleness, your intelligence, your strength of being. I began this letter as a way of purging a demon, but I think now its more like embracing an angel, a lesson learned. Thank you even for the pain your memory causes me now, it is a reminder all these years later of my mistakes, of why I should not let my fear control my life.
I wish I could send this to you, but it has been nearly five years and I have no idea where you are. I wish I could share with you all that I have learned and become, all that I was even when you knew me. I think that if I ever find you again, I will give this to you. Despite my fear of your judgment, despite the pain of learning that I never meant that much to you.
I hope that you are happy, that the rare person you were still exists somewhere, even if you have become as corroded, corrupted, and as broken down as I have. It's not like I couldn't understand that.
For now I will take my life day by day, there will be setbacks, no doubt. But since my darkest places have been illuminated, even when things get bad, I have never forgotten what it felt like to be in the light, to be happy, to love.

Sarah

 

[human_condition]

You changed your myspace status to single.

What does that mean?

What happened?

I hope you're ok, you just logged onto msn then off again, and it's late- if you're drunk again then I should have appeared online, please don't do anything stupid.

Less than a month ago you told me you loved me. We were rolling around in our friends bed. Two other people crashed out opposite. Meaningless drunken prom night words. I said them back.

Why did you say it? You already knew... well. You haven't said it before, so why now?

I care about you a stupid amount, considering how you've treated me. But I don't love you. Atleast, not like that.

I hope that you're not single. Because I know she makes you happy.

You're so confusing, I wish I could just know you, have you tell me about the crash, cry on my shoulder for god's sake. Break the habit of a lifetime and trust someone.

It breaks my heart what you've had to put up with. And you were there whispering "I love you...I love you..." into my ear, what was I meant to do?? I love you so much as a friend, I love you, and you're going to go so far. At least you deserve to. Maybe that's what you meant, as a friend. That's still a bit weird for you, Mr. Don Juan, Byron, Stanhope... you resist that kind of closeness in my experience.

Is all this worrying unfounded? WHY do I care so much?

Haha. We've been friends for ages now I think about it. French buddies, Science buddies, fresia buddies, drunken suicide buddies. I will always be. But in reality, the next time we get drunk will be your last chance (and I don't mean for suicide). Will you take it?

"There's no end to the love you can give when you change your point of view."

You barely know me. And I barely know you, although it doesn't feel like it. Will I miss you at uni? I don't know...I don't know. I wrote a song about you over Christmas. I wish you could hear it, take my advice. Please keep going.

 

[armor4sleepPA]

W & J,

I love you both very much. You are my entire life, even if you don't understand what that means yet. I sacrifice so much for you, and even though I hope you realize that one day and appreciate it, I'd rather you never know how much I went through, because it might lead to guilt. I endure emotional anguish in order to keep your world intact, but I have no problem with doing so as it means the world to me just to see you smile...

Dad

 

[toxic-tears]

W & J,

I love you both very much. You are my entire life, even if you don't understand what that means yet. I sacrifice so much for you, and even though I hope you realize that one day and appreciate it, I'd rather you never know how much I went through, because it might lead to guilt. I endure emotional anguish in order to keep your world intact, but I have no problem with doing so as it means the world to me just to see you smile...

Dad

That's so sweet, A4S. Don't worry they will both understand. It's just now, they are still little to comprehend your situation. But time will come, your son and daughter will cope up with everything and guess what, they might support you in your desition. remember what I told you, your kids are your angels and they are your source of strength, and are smart cuties.

 

[NeverMore]

W & J,

I love you both very much. You are my entire life, even if you don't understand what that means yet. I sacrifice so much for you, and even though I hope you realize that one day and appreciate it, I'd rather you never know how much I went through, because it might lead to guilt. I endure emotional anguish in order to keep your world intact, but I have no problem with doing so as it means the world to me just to see you smile...

Dad

Your a good papa
They will appreciate it later, I mean come on, disney world happiest place on earth

They have to appreciate that

 

[toxic-tears]

Je, we knew each other for quite some time now. You knew me better than I knew myself. Ever since we met, you are always there for me. You are the one who made me survived love, you are the one who always brings out the best of me. You tought me ways of how to be strong and sometimes how to be a ***** which constantly ends up you and me fighting.

The two of us know that we both have opposite character. You are mr. arrogant that love's everyone's attention, and I, a gentle, sweet, caring missy (based in your opinion) that love's to be loved and taken care of but doesn't want to have the attention. But last summer, you became the most sweetest person that I ever met and I became the bravest woman that I could be. It was one of the best times of my life - sneaking out the house 6am in the morning to have breakfast with you and you drove three boroughs just to see me in that same time.

Je, frankly speaking I really dearly miss you. It's been four months already since the last time we saw each other, hugged each other, kissed each other. It's just sad though that we admit to ourselves and to each other that we both are inlove to one another. Yet, there is no relation between us, just friends. You stood by my side as a boyfriend whenever I feel like having somebody to smile with, laugh with, and hug with. You always embrace me and kisses my forehead and telling me that you love me. You even told me one night by the board walk that you will always be there for me and you will take care of me as much as you can. But I can't bare listening to those word that you said because first of all, I hate to wait for nothing. Second, I hate to get hurt, what if you'll leave me one day and went to germany to your so called fake "fiance". Thrid, I'm afraid to get so deeply inlove with you.

Because, since I first knew you of being a pleasure seeker, I always put in mind to maintain my stand and not go beyond my bounderies. And I'm thankful that you always respect my bounderies and respect me as a woman. And respects my feelings as well.

Je, all I can do for now is to let you love me and I, myself to love you without any commitment. The only thing that attach us is the understanding of love between us.

Thank you for everything, especially for hearing my crying times like this morning.
You are the best smart a$$ I ever met.. I love you je, like always.

 

[Kristen]

W & J,

I love you both very much. You are my entire life, even if you don't understand what that means yet. I sacrifice so much for you, and even though I hope you realize that one day and appreciate it, I'd rather you never know how much I went through, because it might lead to guilt. I endure emotional anguish in order to keep your world intact, but I have no problem with doing so as it means the world to me just to see you smile...

Dad

Your a good papa

yea, he's the best

 

[human_condition]

You: ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH ME?!?!
Me: ....

I never set out to hurt you, infact that's kind of the opposite of what I was going for. You talk to me when you need to. I go on webcam when you need me to. Everything was fine, why'd you have to bring love into the equation?

You honestly think we would work? We don't spend any time together! You barely know me. In a couple of months, we probably won't see each other again.

I will miss you. I do Love you, as a friend, so much... but then mr. Juan doesn't do friends. You're just confused. Which is weird, because I'd have thought I was more the type to get caught up in what we have.

But you're right, I'm mad about Ash, I don't think anything will change that. Kind of a coldness inside which makes it impossible to really love. I like it, I feel untouchable.

But I really hope that somehow this didn't hurt you. Please.

 

[Dr.M]

I was thinking of you when I typed in google "letters never mean to be read", and here it was!
what is the chance of you reading it? It would be great if you read it, but then, why don’t I just send it to your e-mail? I am not sure

Dear Senan M
Years had passed since I saw you, and I still think of you as if you are always here. I don’t love you as a woman should love a man but I love you enough to close my eyes in hard times and put my hands on my chest and breath knowing that you are breathing somewhere in this world in the same second I do.
I have rejected those who wanted to be part of my life, and I am not sure why although I hate being alone but now when I think about it, I`ve always searched for you in them.
I always picture you running with your son on your shoulders, and it always makes me smile. I know that you are not married and you don’t have kids, but hopefully some day you will.

I want to send you my diaries, maybe after 30 years from now, so you will know that you are somehow part of me. And maybe after 50 years from now I will search for you, buy you some jasmine and yellow sawsan and put them on your grave and cry….
I believe that I can't and won`t truly love anyone, I am not sure why, but I want you to know that you are the only man who could make me stop breathing when he is around.

If you ever read this, please, keep breathing, breath for me. I don’t care if I never saw you again as long as you keep breathing.