Questions for the Men

[PrinceOfPeace]

Do you (usually) feel like you can be single again right after a breakup or do you need someone else as soon as possible? I'd be interested to know what's going on there, most especially from men who answer that they can't.

Ive just come thru a hard break up it took maybe 16months for my ex to decide that she wanted out but instead of talking honestly she just walked in & out till she finaly left for good, she dsnt deal with her emotions well she clams up and dsnt talk, I dont blame her our relationship was one big emotional rollercoaster, but since the breakup Ive never felt so alone, Ive had women ask to date but ive turned them down because I loved my ex, and the affections of another women can't fill the void that she left in my life untill im fully able to let go, some men are differnt some feel the need to get bck on the horse straight away so to speak, that whole to get over sum one you gotta get under another attitude, to me thats just a quick fix scheme, lieing to their hearts, or maybe just a way of not dealing with or facing their feelings or just the simple fact that they never truly loved the person they just lost

 

[ladyforsaken]

yeah after a breakup the last thing I want to do is be in another one, it takes me years to want to get back on the boat again.

Yeah. I'd probably take some time as well before actually being sure to get into another one. You kinda learn the ropes around it.. and wouldn't want to get into something that will only end up hurting you.

 

[Cavey]

yeah after a breakup the last thing I want to do is be in another one, it takes me years to want to get back on the boat again.

^this

 

[Mike413]

Men ask that question to women as a way of setting them up and testing her reaction. My guess would be if they ask it a second or third time they will possibly ask you out.

 

[ardour]

Good that you directed this question to men, the majority of breakups or divorces being initiated by women. 2/3 of divorces and by far the majority of separations.

 

[jzinsky]

Do you (usually) feel like you can be single again right after a breakup or do you need someone else as soon as possible? I'd be interested to know what's going on there, most especially from men who answer that they can't.

Im not a guy, but I think that the answer to your question really depends on the person's personality. Some people simply CANT be alone. Others can be alone for a time but then get lonely and reach out...some might do just fine being alone for long periods, and some - indefintiely.

This.
I know some people who will walk out of a breakup and into the bar to pick up the next one. I'm on the other end of the scale in that a year later I occasionally reach out but most of the time I'm "screw women, biatches be crazy"

 

[xaero]

Guy: What are you doing this weekend?
Girl: ...
Guy: Well, have fun.
Girl: ...
Guy: *Thinks to self* Great, another antisocial person.

-OR-

Guy: *After getting to know each other* Hey, we have a lot in common. We should talk more sometime
Girl: Yeah, totally! Nobody else gets me. It's great to be able to talk to someone that you can relate to.
Guy: *A few days later after not hearing a single word from her despite attempting to socialize with her* You don't seem very talkative. Everything ok?
Girl: Yeah. I just don't have anything to say to you.
Guy:

Every time. :/

 

[perfanoff]

^ these two are different only if you can't / don't want to read social cues.

I'm still sometimes guilty of ignoring those social cues, but I've went a pretty long way of managing to withdraw as soon as I sense she doesn't really appreciate my company.

There's no need to point out the obvious though. It's a baseless argument to ask someone why they don't care about you. You're not going to change their opinion.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Xaero, I think it happens with women too.. at least I've experienced that. :\

 

[Dissident]

^ these two are different only if you can't / don't want to read social cues.

I'm still sometimes guilty of ignoring those social cues, but I've went a pretty long way of managing to withdraw as soon as I sense she doesn't really appreciate my company.

There's no need to point out the obvious though. It's a baseless argument to ask someone why they don't care about you. You're not going to change their opinion.

I'm a believer that if you can't be forward in expressing something you have no place to get mad at people for not doing what you expect. I don't have the time or the patience to pick up on someone's vague and ambiguous clues.

If someone really doesn't want to bother with me, I would appreciate this much more:

 

[xaero]

I'm a believer that if you can't be forward in expressing something you have no place to get mad at people for not doing what you expect. I don't have the time or the patience to pick up on someone's vague and ambiguous clues.

If someone really doesn't want to bother with me, I would appreciate this much more:

This.

 

[perfanoff]

There's a couple of things though.

1. People like to keep their options open.
2. People like positive attention and being played up.
3. People just don't like awkward situations - so they love to play dumb instead of being shown as "the bad guy" - the one who breaks the bad news.

The only thing you need to do I think, is to press the issue. I'll refer you to the other thread http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=27697 where she was successful in getting her answer. Somewhere around here Kamya said that (and I believe in it) that when you press the issue, if they play dumb, refusing to give an answer should be taken as a full-fledged "NO".

I mean it sucks but this is how life is, I hate to break it that way but a rejector can't be really counted on to actually care about your feelings.

 

[Dissident]

And I have no reason to respect people who won't return it in kind.

 

[xaero]

I've come to the conclusion that most people nowadays just lack proper social etiquette.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

I've come to the conclusion that most people nowadays just lack proper social etiquette.

What's proper social etiquette though? Seems to me that its an ever-changing thing.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I've come to the conclusion that most people nowadays just lack proper social etiquette.

What's proper social etiquette though? Seems to me that its an ever-changing thing.

Good point. Im old enough to realize how MUCH it changes over the years. What is acceptable and "correct" now, wouldn't have been so 20 years ago.

 

[xaero]

What's proper social etiquette though? Seems to me that its an ever-changing thing.

Not being antisocial about common things because you're lazy and/or passive is a good start.

 

[EveWasFramed]

New question for the men....

How do you deal with your significant other if she's had a crappy day and is either upset, in a bad mood or feeling down?

 

[Cavey]

I no longer have a significant other, but I can answer this in one word... badly. I feel like I've often put my own feelings ahead of their feelings. I think I probably didn't even realise they'd had a bad day, because I was too busy thinking about myself.

I think that nowadays I'd do a much better job of it, but I won't really know until I get a chance to prove it.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I no longer have a significant other, but I can answer this in one word... badly. I feel like I've often put my own feelings ahead of their feelings. I think I probably didn't even realise they'd had a bad day, because I was too busy thinking about myself.

I think that nowadays I'd do a much better job of it, but I won't really know until I get a chance to prove it.

But what WOULD you do now, if you were in that situation, Cavey?