NightHawkJohn
Well-known member
Can i be a forth wheel 
it would make it more even.
it would make it more even.
Questions for the Women
- Thread starter Naleena
- Start date
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
VanillaCreme
Well-known member
TheRealCallie said:
NightHawkJohn said:Can i be a forth wheel
Of course, of course... We'll turn into this once we get together.
A
AmytheTemperamental
Guest
John, you better be wearing hooker boots and red lipstick. That's how I like my fourth wheels :club:
NightHawkJohn
Well-known member
If that's what it takes , it could be arranged.
, it could be arranged.
VanillaCreme
Well-known member
AmytheTemperamental said:
+1
P
Paraiyar
Guest
TheRealCallie said:
My experience is like I said anecdotal but I've known girls who had never asked a guy out in their life yet always had a boyfriend or could get dates. Never seen that in the reverse. So my anecdotal, unscientific experience is what I base myself in here.
ardour
Well known loser
The relationship status of disabled men and women has been part of various studies. There are more disabled women with partners than disabled men. Same is true of men and women with mental health problems. Whether that's to do with gender roles, who knows, but it suggests one gender is generally a bit pickier.
Until some research is done specifically identifying people who have never been in relationships it's all going to be subject to conjecture and obviously bias.
Agree with bleed_the_freak's comment: if you are going to ask, don't make it about you, but the particular activity/event you're inviting them to. Common sense.
Until some research is done specifically identifying people who have never been in relationships it's all going to be subject to conjecture and obviously bias.
Agree with bleed_the_freak's comment: if you are going to ask, don't make it about you, but the particular activity/event you're inviting them to. Common sense.
user 115627
It's all so tiresome.
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2014
- Messages
- 4,979
- Reaction score
- 83
ardour said:
Is this really the conclusion they came to? One gender being pickier? Hypothetically speaking here: With the social conventions intact (even among the disabled) in which men are still expected to make the first move it means that women are less inclined to make a move to ask someone out. Ergo, more disabled men are alone because there has never been a woman who asked them out which might have kickstarted any sort of romantic interaction. But that's just my logic here.
Triple Bogey
Well-known member
Paraiyar said:
True
And to answer the other question.
Just look at online dating. Average woman - hundreds of messages and interest. Average man - fresia all, nothing.
A woman in a pub gets hit on. A man doesn't. It's a lot easier for a woman to get a date. Many, many men go their whole lives without any luck / interest from women. I am sure some women do BUT not as many.
Some of you people need to wake up to what is around you.
What is happening. OPEN YOUR EYES !
I hope that answers your question.
Triple Bogey
Well-known member
ardour said:
Yes I agree with that.
VanillaCreme
Well-known member
Triple Bogey said:
Putter, stop all your archaic nonsense. That doesn't answer any question. That's just what you want to see. I find it funny you say that some people need to wake up to what is around them and open their eyes, yet your senses are completely shut out to reality.
Triple Bogey
Well-known member
A question to all you lovely ladies -
What is the difference between friendly chat and romantic interest ?
What is the difference between friendly chat and romantic interest ?
NightHawkJohn
Well-known member
Wasn't this thread about asking women questions you wanted answered rather than what it has descended into lol.
EveWasFramed
Well-known member
VanillaCreme said:
LOLOLOL...Putter. I remember that.
ladyforsaken
Well-known member
Triple Bogey said:
I would say romantic interest involves more intimacy? Friendly chat is just normal chat. Is it hard to distinguish?
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
Not a woman, but just had some things on my mind:
It would be nice if someone made such a study. I would love to participate if I am eligible. I'd really like someone to shed some light on this once and for all so we could finally answer the question of what a dateless, sexless man is supposed to do about his problem. Is he simply not good enough? I don't believe that. Does he need to become more attractive? If so, how? Where does one begin? I have my theories from scouring the Internet, observing for patterns, and even asking people about it. But until I successfully date a woman I won't know for sure what works.
I think this is the important part of the issue. Society says people have to help themselves, so at the very least, there should be some answer when a person asks how they can start to help themselves. They are not asking someone to walk the path for them. They're just asking to be pointed in the right direction.
I don't think it's too cool of people to call TB by his old name. I assumed he changed it to make a fresh start and wanted to distance himself from it. It just seems belittling to use it, and to mock someone who is clearly hurting. I relate to a lot of things he says and you know, I get that it's hard sometimes. Life can be confusing when you don't know how to play the social games, when you don't have the instincts that other people take for granted. It gets frustrating. It makes you feel, well, alone.
I do think there is some truth to Bogey's words though. In my experience a woman simply has to look as good as she can. Men have been known to overlook bad attitudes or other problems provided a woman looks good enough. Other things help of course, but mostly it comes back to that. The same is not true of men. I've been told I'm a good-looking guy before several times, yet here I am dateless and sexless as can be.
It seems that being attractive for a man is much more complicated. You have to know how to act, which behaviors are permissible and which are not. This alone can be confusing when you don't naturally know the difference. It gets more confusing, because the more negativity you experience, the more negative you get, and negativity is not attractive so it becomes a vicious cycle.
A man typically has to approach. To approach you have to have confidence in yourself that you are, in fact, an attractive man. That you have what women want. To have confidence in yourself, it helps to have a lot of positive experiences behind you which gives you a feeling that you know what you're doing. When you don't have a string of past victories, it is more difficult to be confident, and confidence and capability seem to be the entire foundation of what makes a man attractive.
I know it's frustrating sometimes to see some things said on here, but at the same time when you get left out in the cold over and over again, that is frustrating too. It would be nice to see us break the cycle of frustration. It might get tiresome to see people complain but at the same time, maybe it would help to offer some constructive criticism instead of more scorn, because that is why they are complaining in the first place. A little sympathy and some right answers could go a long way.
ardour said:
It would be nice if someone made such a study. I would love to participate if I am eligible. I'd really like someone to shed some light on this once and for all so we could finally answer the question of what a dateless, sexless man is supposed to do about his problem. Is he simply not good enough? I don't believe that. Does he need to become more attractive? If so, how? Where does one begin? I have my theories from scouring the Internet, observing for patterns, and even asking people about it. But until I successfully date a woman I won't know for sure what works.
I think this is the important part of the issue. Society says people have to help themselves, so at the very least, there should be some answer when a person asks how they can start to help themselves. They are not asking someone to walk the path for them. They're just asking to be pointed in the right direction.
Triple Bogey said:
I don't think it's too cool of people to call TB by his old name. I assumed he changed it to make a fresh start and wanted to distance himself from it. It just seems belittling to use it, and to mock someone who is clearly hurting. I relate to a lot of things he says and you know, I get that it's hard sometimes. Life can be confusing when you don't know how to play the social games, when you don't have the instincts that other people take for granted. It gets frustrating. It makes you feel, well, alone.
I do think there is some truth to Bogey's words though. In my experience a woman simply has to look as good as she can. Men have been known to overlook bad attitudes or other problems provided a woman looks good enough. Other things help of course, but mostly it comes back to that. The same is not true of men. I've been told I'm a good-looking guy before several times, yet here I am dateless and sexless as can be.
It seems that being attractive for a man is much more complicated. You have to know how to act, which behaviors are permissible and which are not. This alone can be confusing when you don't naturally know the difference. It gets more confusing, because the more negativity you experience, the more negative you get, and negativity is not attractive so it becomes a vicious cycle.
A man typically has to approach. To approach you have to have confidence in yourself that you are, in fact, an attractive man. That you have what women want. To have confidence in yourself, it helps to have a lot of positive experiences behind you which gives you a feeling that you know what you're doing. When you don't have a string of past victories, it is more difficult to be confident, and confidence and capability seem to be the entire foundation of what makes a man attractive.
I know it's frustrating sometimes to see some things said on here, but at the same time when you get left out in the cold over and over again, that is frustrating too. It would be nice to see us break the cycle of frustration. It might get tiresome to see people complain but at the same time, maybe it would help to offer some constructive criticism instead of more scorn, because that is why they are complaining in the first place. A little sympathy and some right answers could go a long way.
MentatsGhoul
Well-known member
VanillaCreme said:
But it's true, no? I mean, I absolutely do not mean to undermine the problems women face, but it's an undeniable fact that the way societal role are built up, women tend to get approached and men tend to be the ones who do the approaching.
I don't think it's sexist or archaic to just point out some of the troubles men face in the dating world, or how competitive it can actually get. It's just pure statistics. Even good looking men have to make the first move 99% of the time, which can be very hard if you're shy or have anxiety issues. I mean, I can think of maybe, idk, 4 times I've had a girl actually hit on me? And most of those times were quite subtle, so I can't even be 100% sure. So, basically, a guy's dating pool is only the women he has the chance and the courage to go up to first, while for a woman, it's every guy who approaches them first, and all the guys she can approach, so the average woman will have at least double the options compared to the average male (who ISN'T gonna be some cringeworthy "pick up artist" who hits on dozens of random girls on the street). Again it's just statistics.
And this is just my experience, but all but two of the women I've been interested in since age 15 (my ex girlfriend and one girl who moved away), I found out already had boyfriends at the time of me being interested in them, not to mention AT LEAST 4/5 girls you're gonna approach won't even give you a shot for various reasons, and you have to make sure you don't come off as a creep, while not being too insecure to put them off or just come off as friendly, which is very hard. If you get approached first, at least you KNOW that the other person is interested.
Again, I don't mean to undermine the issues women face in the dating world, and I'm NOT saying women shouldn't approach men first, far from it, but I just don't understand why people take offense at something that's blatantly true.
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
MentatsGhoul said:
I wholeheartedly agree. It's a real tightrope act. You really have to watch out for what you reveal to a woman, as too much complaining and too much self-doubt makes you look weak which makes them go cold. And you do have to watch out with how friendly you are as well. You have to work some flirting in there. And if you simply don't know how to flirt, it will be tough to figure out what exactly to say.
MentatsGhoul said:
Me neither. I know women face their own set of issues with the dating world that men don't have to consider as much, which can be just as hard. But men have their problems too and it just makes it harder when they can't talk about it. If you can't talk about it, it just makes it harder to figure out what you need to change.
user 115627
It's all so tiresome.
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2014
- Messages
- 4,979
- Reaction score
- 83
TheSkaFish said:
There is something that really bothers me about that line of thought and this is about personal standards really. Would anybody in here purposely overlook bad attitudes/traits in a woman (or a man since we are in the women's thread) you'd like to date or just get to know better? I know you can't exactly tell at first glance whether a person has a shitty personality, but let's just assume you are in an environment for socializing where you have a chance to observe your surroundings a bit. Would you decide against your better judgment?
Cause what I'm getting from this is that we are just kinda superficial and if men decide to overlook bad behavior in women for the sake of appearance - and approach them only on that basis - it's just the way things go. Then the woman on the other end knows she only has to "look pretty" (but could act as horrible as she wants) to attract that caliber of men. Which might be good enough for her. And that's usually when I ask the question whether that's good enough for you guys out there.
On a last note, I gotta say I do not think men and women face the very same issues, but the issues they face have equal prevalence. I just cannot ignore social conventions and while there are women who break the pattern by approaching men first it's likely not to turn into a norm anytime soon. I've often wondered what would happen if we had a 50/50 distribution here though. Maybe men would become just as supposedly "picky" because they could reject woman in the very same manner for the very same reasons that are attributed to women. Or accept them just because they look pretty.
TheSkaFish said:
You make it sound like a woman is some type of alien or a live bomb you have to tip-toe around...I just don't get why anyone would even want to be accepted by a person that instantly discards you because you showed that you are also just a god **** human being who is not perfectly confident 24/7. Hypothetically speaking, if somebody told me to get lost the second I acted I got a bit muddled in my approach, I'd gladly get rejected and tell myself good riddance.
I mean, if this is reality I don't want to live on this planet anymore. Because it would mean all the deep-level MGTOWs out there are right: Women are not people and they show no mercy.
