Questions for the Women

[Abstamyous]

This must have been asked been a dozen times or more, but how do you feel about splitting the bill on the first few dates/outings (assuming you're both earning).

I'm kind of traditional on this, but it's a tricky issue when offering to pay can seem like cringey chauvinistic gesture, depending on women's politics, background etc. But 50/50 seems weird if you're doing the asking.

This would be more comfortable for me.

I've gotten into the habit of being upfront about wanting to pay my share, and or even being able to pay the entire bill. Guys I've dated aren't really for it at all. They believe they have to pay. Have expressed feeling bad when I pay. Hate when I use the tap on my card to get to the machine first. I even had a guy admit to me that he went over his monthly spending taking me out, but was too ashamed to ask or say anything to me, despite me being upfront about how I prefer date paying to be approached. These guys were always great at making jokes about how women never pay for anything /groan

I get that a lot of guys go through a lot of bullshit in their lives, and that's why they have the fears they have. But ****, it would be nice to show them they don't have to be afraid of that for once. That they are allowed to be treated equally or even treated completely sometimes, without being looked at as less than.

 

[user 135671]

This would be more comfortable for me.

I've gotten into the habit of being upfront about wanting to pay my share, and or even being able to pay the entire bill. Guys I've dated aren't really for it at all. They believe they have to pay. Have expressed feeling bad when I pay. Hate when I use the tap on my card to get to the machine first. I even had a guy admit to me that he went over his monthly spending taking me out, but was too ashamed to ask or say anything to me, despite me being upfront about how I prefer date paying to be approached. These guys were always great at making jokes about how women never pay for anything /groan

I get that a lot of guys go through a lot of bullshit in their lives, and that's why they have the fears they have. But ****, it would be nice to show them they don't have to be afraid of that for once. That they are allowed to be treated equally or even treated completely sometimes, without being looked at as less than.

My take is if you can't afford or are not willing to buy someone a meal don't take them to dinner.

 

[Finished]

I would just pay unless the other person asked if they could pay for their share or the tip or whatever. Then I would say, okay, and then smile. But, I would never bring up the issue. As a matter of fact I would rather pay for everything just to not talk about who is going to be paying for an evening out. I rather talk about them and what they like so I can try to say the right things to get another date with them.

But, if they said they wanted to pay for the date then I would say, how about I pay this time and you can pay next time.

 

[4No1]

^ I'd rather avoid eating at the first date to avoid this talk ))

If it's the first dates and I don't know a man well I prefer to share. I'm a little bit afraid of hearing "I bought you a coffee and you..." if smth goes not the way the man likes. And I also feel a little bit unworthy. I definitely feel more comfortable paying for myself.

If I trust the man, I don't mind if he wants to pay and I know it's not a big deal(and all his salary) to him if he'd like so.

 

[Abstamyous]

My take is if you can't afford or are not willing to buy someone a meal don't take them to dinner.

Common sense doesn't seem to prevail in the dating world lol

 

[ewomack]

Ouch!! As a mom of 3 boys ranging in age from 30 - 19, I am a HUGE advocate of male mental awareness.
Now, does this mean that they SHARE with their SO if they're not comfortable? That would be a different topic.
But, to hear you say that sharing feelings is a feminine thing truly hurts my heart. THIS is the stigmatism why men don't seek mental help. And trust me, some of them truly need it.
My current guy is going through a lot of stuff with his parents and I've shared a couple self help books relating to his issues with them. We discuss several of his issues and he's recently started seeing a therapist. He doesn't walk around with a tissue in his pocket or anything.
I can understand why it doesn't seem "manly" to a young lady like you, but to an old dog like me who is tired of seeing people drown their trauma in alcohol and bitterness.... I'd rather my man be a little more in touch with his feelings.
*Just my humble old lady opinion....

Standing ovation! Wild rounds of applause! I could not agree more. As a man who openly sought therapy when once in deep pain, I'm glad that I didn't have any stigma about pursuing it. I don't know what I would have done otherwise, but the pain would have likely manifested itself in nasty ways. The therapy, along with people willing to listen, saved my sanity. I also attended group therapy with other men who cried openly, which is always a good thing for other men to see. From grieving comes healing and to deny yourself that is a massive detriment to your mental health. I was raised in a pretty stoic household and it took me a long time to overcome it. My wife also encourages me to cry because she thinks it's healthy and she goes out of her way to tell me that being in touch with my emotions makes me more "manly" to her. She thinks that showing emotions in this world takes far more courage and bravery than hiding them. I did have to learn this with age and it was a lesson learned hard, but I'm glad that I finally did. (sorry, a little late to this one)

 

[user 139760]

I have a question; today is the 14th of february. You getting some tonight, or is it just another monday?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Disclaimer: I hope I haven't offended anyone, these are just the thoughts swimming around my mind, my opinions only and I hope if it offends... you can message and I'll remove it I won't combat why im right blah blah. I don't want this to feel unwelcoming for anyone, but its also good to get other perspectives we don't all have to agree on everything to show each other mutual respect .

Wow, what lovely responses guys, I used to have a different view on who pays for a date, but as I dug deeper into my research, I came out with a whole new perspective. I think it should just depend on your class, if you are working class and your whole relationship will one day rely heavily on 50/50 splitting of bills and so on... then you should split the bill on the first date, as it shows both parties what they can expect moving forward. I think honestly, if you would marry a man who will have you pay the bills then why all the pretence of being too "classy"? for that at the beginning, I dont get it. Edit: (just some points I picked up on my research not directed at anyone here)

Not paying is for the people who are born, acquired or will marry into wealth, I think thats fair... some women will need to accept their place as the women who will help build the other men up to further society as they do not have the correct value to attract men with high incomes or inherited wealth. I think Instagram, finance deals, even youtubers have inflated egos and flaunted the high life and now a lot of women (18-28) want working class men to act as if they are rich too. Edit: (From my perspective and what I have noticed and from my research into this area, just want to add again that these are only my opinions and do not represent the opinions of every other women).

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't recall any of us mentioning anything about being "classy," so where did you get that from? You are assuming again. And no, I'm not offended nor am I attacking you. Simply providing my opinion of what you wrote.
But here's what I don't understand. If you are both not rich...or poor... you should split it because fresia the pretenses, you're going to anyway...but if you're rich, the guy ALWAYS has to pay. That's contradictory. And what if you aren't with a rich guy, like you said? I don't know, it just all sounds very "I don't give a fresia about you, this is about me, me me"

Not everyone has your perspective, not everyone has your beliefs and when you post your questions or opinions, you come at like like everyone thinks like you or wants what you want. They don't, most of us here think completely opposite than you. And again, I'm not attacking you, a lot of people actually do that here...and everywhere.

 

[user 139760]

Disclaimer: I hope I haven't offended anyone, these are just the thoughts swimming around my mind, my opinions only and I hope if it offends... you can message and I'll remove it I won't combat why im right blah blah. I don't want this to feel unwelcoming for anyone, but its also good to get other perspectives we don't all have to agree on everything to show each other mutual respect .

Wow, what lovely responses guys, I used to have a different view on who pays for a date, but as I dug deeper into my research, I came out with a whole new perspective. I think it should just depend on your class, if you are working class and your whole relationship will one day rely heavily on 50/50 splitting of bills and so on... then you should split the bill on the first date, as it shows both parties what they can expect moving forward. I think honestly, if you would marry a man who will have you pay the bills then why all the pretence of being too "classy"? for that at the beginning, I dont get it.

Not paying is for the people who are born, acquired or will marry into wealth, I think thats fair... some women will need to accept their place as the women who will help build the other men up to further society as they do not have the correct value to attract men with high incomes or inherited wealth. I think Instagram, finance deals, even youtubers have inflated egos and flaunted the high life and now a lot of women (18-28) want working class men to act as if they are rich too.

People who think they offend people, offends me.

Quit being so offensive.
I never met someone who inheretied wealth or was wealthy to not be an *******. The difference being they were born ones instead of self-made ones, either men or women.
More food for thought.

 

[Abstamyous]

I have a question; today is the 14th of february. You getting some tonight, or is it just another monday?

By getting some, do you mean did my uterus do a number on me? Because that certainly happened

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I don't recall any of us mentioning anything about being "classy," so where did you get that from? You are assuming again. And no, I'm not offended nor am I attacking you. Simply providing my opinion of what you wrote.
But here's what I don't understand. If you are both not rich...or poor... you should split it because fresia the pretenses, you're going to anyway...but if you're rich, the guy ALWAYS has to pay. That's contradictory. And what if you aren't with a rich guy, like you said? I don't know, it just all sounds very "I don't give a fresia about you, this is about me, me me"

Not everyone has your perspective, not everyone has your beliefs and when you post your questions or opinions, you come at like like everyone thinks like you or wants what you want. They don't, most of us here think completely opposite than you. And again, I'm not attacking you, a lot of people actually do that here...and everywhere.

Uh oh my typing is still not where it needs to be. Yikes, the amount of things I imply lately... shocking. I wasn't referring to anyone in here in particular, but I guess because I mentioned that I liked the responses from others in here, it could have accidentally implied that I was saying people think they are "too classy" for that. Ugh my head... so apologies! Deffo dont mean to imply that, I will edit it.

I did add to my disclaimer that it was only my opinion, how can I make it more clear that I am only referring to myself? I will just add that in too, my point was just to add a different perspective not to try and speak for every woman in existence or you know, act like everyone thinks like me. If it comes off that way, im not sure why.

People who think they offend people, offends me.

Quit being so offensive.
I never met someone who inheretied wealth or was wealthy to not be an *******. The difference being they were born ones instead of self-made ones, either men or women.
More food for thought.

Wait... what? I dont think it's nice to stereotype people of any class lol I am not self-made though... not ashamed of it either, a lot of pain came with my inheritance I lost the most important men in my life, so I guess theres that.

 

[MrLonely86]

Just a hypothetical question: how do you win heart of a girl who is shy and mysterious?

 

[user 139760]

Wait... what? I dont think it's nice to stereotype people of any class lol I am not self-made though... not ashamed of it either, a lot of pain came with my inheritance I lost the most important men in my life, so I guess theres that.

It's not a stereotype; it's an observation based on experience. I've yet to see it differently and I've met all kinds of people in my life, from the nastiest homeless to, quite literally, royalty. I've yet to meet a wealthy person who was so far removed from the commonfolk that they realized how badly they looked down on them. Was in their attitude, their ideas, their thoughts...and they didn't see it. Well, some did. In their cases, it was intentional contempt...
For example, if you don't see anything wrong with a billionnaire paying a fortune to remove a bridge to let his boat through...or, on a more personnal observation how a accepting a 100k bribe of public funds as being "the way we do business here", well....
Money changes people. Even good people. I have a tendency to think, if it's not the root of all evil, it's certanly a very important contributing factor. I don't know of anything, and I mean ANYTHING, that is really important in life that money can get you. Wealthy people don't see that, or don't care, or are oblivious to it. That's why we have religious arguments. Political problems. Global Warming. Garbage tv and movies. Poverty. Illness. Massive deaths of children, still in 2022. Do you realise Google, by itself alone, could litterally SOLVE poverty? But they don't...
So, until proven otherwise, that's what I believe, until someone does something to make me change my mind. But I'm not holding my breath

 

[CenotaphGirl]

It's not a stereotype; it's an observation based on experience. I've yet to see it differently and I've met all kinds of people in my life, from the nastiest homeless to, quite literally, royalty. I've yet to meet a wealthy person who was so far removed from the commonfolk that they realized how badly they looked down on them. Was in their attitude, their ideas, their thoughts...and they didn't see it. Well, some did. In their cases, it was intentional contempt...
For example, if you don't see anything wrong with a billionnaire paying a fortune to remove a bridge to let his boat through...or, on a more personnal observation how a accepting a 100k bribe of public funds as being "the way we do business here", well....
Money changes people. Even good people. I have a tendency to think, if it's not the root of all evil, it's certanly a very important contributing factor. I don't know of anything, and I mean ANYTHING, that is really important in life that money can get you. Wealthy people don't see that, or don't care, or are oblivious to it. That's why we have religious arguments. Political problems. Global Warming. Garbage tv and movies. Poverty. Illness. Massive deaths of children, still in 2022. Do you realise Google, by itself alone, could litterally SOLVE poverty? But they don't...
So, until proven otherwise, that's what I believe, until someone does something to make me change my mind. But I'm not holding my breath

I agree I think money can change people, I know this guy that used to be a teacher ... he is so different now he's in new social circles.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Just a hypothetical question: how do you win heart of a girl who is shy and mysterious?

Yikes I doubt I can help with this one, do you know any of her interests?

 

[MrLonely86]

Yikes I doubt I can help with this one, do you know any of her interests?

Well, she is my "Twin Flame", and I will end up with her sooner or later. It's just, I literally don't know anything about her. She is literally full enigma. Ordinary local girl. Shy, mysterious, nice ..... She likes cars, local folk / polka music , she is kinda rebel , her grades were always bad, but since she is super quiet , she thinks a LOT more then she talks and is more smarter then her grades show it.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Well, she is my "Twin Flame", and I will end up with her sooner or later. It's just, I literally don't know anything about her. She is literally full enigma. Ordinary local girl. Shy, mysterious, nice ..... She likes cars, local folk / polka music , she is kinda rebel , her grades were always bad, but since she is super quiet , she thinks a LOT more then she talks and is more smarter then her grades show it.

Ahh! The romance is spilling... like dripping I cant take it! Just makes me wanna find some rose petals.

She like cars!?!? Where did you find this woman! lol So anyway... she deffo sounds like a jackpot kinda girl, one whom I'd probably say is a keeper! I hope you guys do end up together, I do think any advice I'd give will probably do more damage than good , you sound like you have so much common ground, so whatever you do, keep being yourself

 

[MrLonely86]

I won't be with her in this lifetime. When you die you go in heaven, and after heaven you are reincarnated in 5D Earth with your twin flame. I'm trying to "learn about her" so I could use informations later. But yeah, she is my TF and I'm not sure how to win her in future. She is also very romantic, I see she likes cooking, she is waiter for her job, that means she is pretty hardworking girl. I guess patient also. I see she likes to drink wine. She is good with kids.

 

[user 139760]

...5D Earth?