Questions for the Women

[CenotaphGirl]

Ouch!! As a mom of 3 boys ranging in age from 30 - 19, I am a HUGE advocate of male mental awareness.
Now, does this mean that they SHARE with their SO if they're not comfortable? That would be a different topic.
But, to hear you say that sharing feelings is a feminine thing truly hurts my heart. THIS is the stigmatism why men don't seek mental help. And trust me, some of them truly need it.
My current guy is going through a lot of stuff with his parents and I've shared a couple self help books relating to his issues with them. We discuss several of his issues and he's recently started seeing a therapist. He doesn't walk around with a tissue in his pocket or anything.
I can understand why it doesn't seem "manly" to a young lady like you, but to an old dog like me who is tired of seeing people drown their trauma in alcohol and bitterness.... I'd rather my man be a little more in touch with his feelings.
*Just my humble old lady opinion....

I completely respect that, but I'd be a liar if I said seeing my fella cry would make me whip out the lingerie, it just wouldn't. It's off putting to me, I do genuinely find it the most feminine thing a man can do. I think personally he'll need to work through all that with a therapist, if he wants to be with "me" anyway. I'm sure like you there are lots of women who even wish their men would open up. I have deffo heard it a lot, never met a woman like that in person, but I have heard that there are women like that somewhere.

 

[sparkyn98]

I completely respect that, but I'd be a liar if I said seeing my fella cry would make me whip out the lingerie, it just wouldn't. It's off putting to me, I do genuinely find it the most feminine thing a man can do. I think personally he'll need to work through all that with a therapist, if he wants to be with "me" anyway. I'm sure like you there are lots of women who even wish their men would open up. I have deffo heard it a lot, never met a woman like that in person, but I have heard that there are women like that somewhere.

I lost too many good MALE friends in the military to suicide to EVER belittle someone for crying.
Do I want to straddle them while they do? No.
Will I still date/love them if they do, yes.

But, much like you said, I also go to the gym and lift pretty heavy... so, who knows how "manly" I am in my own little world? LOL

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I lost too many good MALE friends in the military to suicide to EVER belittle someone for crying.
Do I want to straddle them while they do? No.
Will I still date/love them if they do, yes.

But, much like you said, I also go to the gym and lift pretty heavy... so, who knows how "manly" I am in my own little world? LOL

I deffo wouldn't belittle someone for crying either, I just leave those men to the women that can help them, unfortunately im not one of them. It sounds harsh but the last thing I'd want is to push someone mentally unhinged away or have to break up with them because I cant handle it... throwing them deeper into a downward spiral, you know? I guess I think lying is more unhealthy and I cant lie, I just feel how I feel about the crying thing, to me, I dont know if I could love someone like that, so I dont think I should entertain it for a second, as I worry that'll do more harm than good, for both of us.

For men and me, I've had men tell me they do not like my talkative nature, it's a turn off for them, I don't think they can change that lol I love to talk, if I stop talking its the main sign that I've slipped into the deepest depression, so it's like I appreciate their preference and I wish them men the best of luck without me.

I'm always at the gym lol I dont find the gym manly at all, but... there might be some that do, cant please everyone I guess.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I would never want someone I love or care about to think they couldn't come to me, regardless of their gender.
Everyone cries, everyone has things that gets to them. Whether they cry on the inside, alone or in front of people doesn't matter.
I honestly have a lot of respect for guys who can cry in front of people because of all that stereotypical ********. It doesn't make them weaker, it makes them stronger.
Personally, I feel like if you can accept a person fully, emotions and all, they deserve better.

Now obviously, no one wants anyone (male or female) to cry all the time or over spilled milk, but that's different.
But on the other side of it is guys who think women only cry to get their way....which I've gotten a lot in my life, which is why I no longer cry in front of people.

 

[Finished]

I completely respect that, but I'd be a liar if I said seeing my fella cry would make me whip out the lingerie, it just wouldn't. It's off putting to me, I do genuinely find it the most feminine thing a man can do. I think personally he'll need to work through all that with a therapist, if he wants to be with "me" anyway. I'm sure like you there are lots of women who even wish their men would open up. I have deffo heard it a lot, never met a woman like that in person, but I have heard that there are women like that somewhere.

I had a girlfriend that told me that we should talk about our problems and the difficulties we were having. I heard that was a good thing. So, we did that. I didn't do that before. But, I was game. It turns out she really didn't like it. Ha! ha! She also felt it made me more femine. So many people are confused nowadays about what they should and shouldn't do and want and what the gender roles are and what they are not. By the time I figure it all out it will all change again. Ha! ha!

Personally I like to talk about my problems to my SO to make sure I'm thinking correctly. I also like her to share her problems with me. I want to know if I'm doing things that are driving her crazy so I can stop doing them. IMO, IF DONE PROPERLY AND EQUALLY, it can bring two people closer together. But, if it's all one sided it can cause problems.

The best is to know yourself and what you like and don't like and let your SO know that. But, then that borders on sharing your thoughts and feelings. Ha! ha!

 

[Finished]

The movie, Bedazzled, was fun and it showed the extremes of being manly and not. But, mostly I just like watching Elizabeth Hurley. What were we talking about again? ha! ha!

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I would never want someone I love or care about to think they couldn't come to me, regardless of their gender.
Everyone cries, everyone has things that gets to them. Whether they cry on the inside, alone or in front of people doesn't matter.
I honestly have a lot of respect for guys who can cry in front of people because of all that stereotypical ********. It doesn't make them weaker, it makes them stronger.
Personally, I feel like if you can accept a person fully, emotions and all, they deserve better.

Now obviously, no one wants anyone (male or female) to cry all the time or over spilled milk, but that's different.
But on the other side of it is guys who think women only cry to get their way....which I've gotten a lot in my life, which is why I no longer cry in front of people.

I think, someone can only accept what they can handle. To accept me "fully" would mean to accept I cant handle all that, and he'd need to seek a professional to do all that with. It's ingrained into me, its like a strong reaction to crying that I cant even control. I can pretend I love it, but... truthfully I dont. Dosen't mean I deserve to be alone, I have to find someone who like to express all that in private or with a professional.

I had a girlfriend that told me that we should talk about our problems and the difficulties we were having. I heard that was a good thing. So, we did that. I didn't do that before. But, I was game. It turns out she really didn't like it. Ha! ha! She also felt it made me more femine.

I'm telling you this nowwww this is the last thing I'd wanna do to a man that opens up, I dont wanna say, please open up, cry on my shoulder, and then... reject him. I think thats the worst thing I could possibly do. Better I'm up front about it.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I think, someone can only accept what they can handle. To accept me "fully" would mean to accept I cant handle all that, and he'd need to seek a professional to do all that with. It's ingrained into me, its like a strong reaction to crying that I cant even control. I can pretend I love it, but... truthfully I dont. Dosen't mean I deserve to be alone, I have to find someone who like to express all that in private or with a professional

No one loves it. It's hard seeing someone you love or care about hurting like that. But saying that not being like that in front of you is part of who you are is wrong. That's like saying being racist is a part of you. It may be ingrained, but that isn't the be all end all of who you are, that's how you were raised, it can be changed.
Not crying in front of people or showing weakness (think limping from an injury) is ingrained in me, does that make it right? Does that mean I will never be able able to do that? No, it just means that it's probably ME that needs therapy. Lol

And yes, I will 100% **** my injury up more by doing more than I can to not show it.

 

[sparkyn98]

I had a girlfriend that told me that we should talk about our problems and the difficulties we were having. I heard that was a good thing. So, we did that. I didn't do that before. But, I was game. It turns out she really didn't like it. Ha! ha!

Literally had one of my boys ask me to just spank them rather than have one of my discussions about what drove them to behave a certain way. LMBO
They always tease me for not getting my Masters in counseling. But, they know I don't suffer fools. I'd be that counselor that was all tough love, like, "Well, what the heck did you EXPECT to happen when you went back to narcissist?!?" haha
*disclaimer: not against spankings, just tried to use a tactic of the punishment fitting the crime Lol

 

[Finished]

No one loves it. It's hard seeing someone you love or care about hurting like that. But saying that not being like that in front of you is part of who you are is wrong. That's like saying being racist is a part of you. It may be ingrained, but that isn't the be all end all of who you are, that's how you were raised, it can be changed.
Not crying in front of people or showing weakness (think limping from an injury) is ingrained in me, does that make it right? Does that mean I will never be able able to do that? No, it just means that it's probably ME that needs therapy. Lol

And yes, I will 100% **** my injury up more by doing more than I can to not show it.

I can see the other side of the coin too though. A traditional man in a traditional relationship, which is what Ceno wants, is seen as the strength in the family. The man needs to be the strong protector that nothing can hurt him. The rest of the family members draw on that unbreakable strength. That's a big reason why many women choose taller, more masculine men. Even though protectors aren't really neccesary any more the idea of it is still needed.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

No one loves it. It's hard seeing someone you love or care about hurting like that. But saying that not being like that in front of you is part of who you are is wrong. That's like saying being racist is a part of you. It may be ingrained, but that isn't the be all end all of who you are, that's how you were raised, it can be changed.
Not crying in front of people or showing weakness (think limping from an injury) is ingrained in me, does that make it right? Does that mean I will never be able able to do that? No, it just means that it's probably ME that needs therapy. Lol

And yes, I will 100% **** my injury up more by doing more than I can to not show it.

Well I doubt it ever will but... until it changes Callie, it's best I stay well away from the men who need my shoulder, otherwise I'd really hurt them worse. I just know that I would. I would stay for less than 5 mins dealing with all that. I cant handle it, at my current state, maybe when im older.

Literally had one of my boys ask me to just spank them rather than have one of my discussions about what drove them to behave a certain way. LMBO
They always tease me for not getting my Masters in counseling. But, they know I don't suffer fools. I'd be that counselor that was all tough love, like, "Well, what the heck did you EXPECT to happen when you went back to narcissist?!?" haha
*disclaimer: not against spankings, just tried to use a tactic of the punishment fitting the crime Lol

Lol you tell em Mama!

 

[TheRealCallie]

Well I doubt it ever will but... until it changes Callie, it's best I stay well away from the men who need my shoulder, otherwise I'd really hurt them worse. I just know that I would. I would stay for less than 5 mins dealing with all that. I cant handle it, at my current state, maybe when im older.

If it doesn't change, it's likely because you don't want it to. That you don't want to see the other side of it. And I'm not saying that you should date those guys, I have many issues with you saying it's "who you are" than the fact that you won't date them.
BUT, on top of that, how do you think the guys here feel when you say they are weak for doing that? Feel however you want, but be mindful of what you say in a place that has a very diverse set of people who are in a bad state of mind.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

be mindful of what you say in a place that has a very diverse set of people who are in a bad state of mind.

I respect this, I will be I forget how much my opinions can mean to other people, deffo not intentional, I'll be sure to say its strong or nothing else from now on.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'll be sure to say its strong or nothing else from now on.

That is not what I meant and it's not what I said. lol

 

[CenotaphGirl]

That is not what I meant and it's not what I said. lol

Honestly im agreeing with ya, I offend people on here without even trying... seriously... im not trying.. just happens... I dont really need to say how I feel on the matter so I won't if it will be triggering for those with issues. I'll stick to more cryptic answers like everyone else

 

[Finished]

 

[ardour]

This must have been asked been a dozen times or more, but how do you feel about splitting the bill on the first few dates/outings (assuming you're both earning).

I'm kind of traditional on this, but it's a tricky issue when offering to pay can seem like cringey chauvinistic gesture, depending on women's politics, background etc. But 50/50 seems weird if you're doing the asking.

 

[Adamridge79]

Date...date...I vaguely remember those...they involved people, doing stuff with people?

 

[TheRealCallie]

This must have been asked been a dozen times or more, but how do you feel about splitting the bill on the first few dates/outings (assuming you're both earning).

I'm kind of traditional on this, but it's a tricky issue when offering to pay can seem like cringey chauvinistic gesture, depending on women's politics, background etc. But 50/50 seems weird if you're doing the asking.

Honestly, I don't care either way. Just make sure to say up front so I am prepared. I've always been one where I think the person that asks for the date should pay (and yes, I have asked and paid before), but I understand it won't always be that way.

 

[sparkyn98]

This must have been asked been a dozen times or more, but how do you feel about splitting the bill on the first few dates/outings (assuming you're both earning).

I'm kind of traditional on this, but it's a tricky issue when offering to pay can seem like cringey chauvinistic gesture, depending on women's politics, background etc. But 50/50 seems weird if you're doing the asking.

I'm with Callie. I've done both situations, but it's always nice to know ahead of time as I like to leave cash tip and don't always carry cash. I've always offered to pay my half or at least get the tip on dates. I've actually had guys tell me it's nice to be thanked for dinner. LOLOL I'm thinking, Who doesn't thank someone for buying their meal??!!??
Anyway, it's been a standing rule as my boys have gotten older even that instead of mom always paying, the person who ASKS to go out to dinner, pays.
But, I also know what you mean about that awkward pause when the check comes.... and how some feminists could be offended by the move. Meh... I think asking the question, "Want to go to dinner? My treat!" would open the convo WAY before you're sitting there with the check on the table?