Questions for the Women

[VanillaCreme]

Women always notice what other women are wearing - "I love those shoes!" "Nice shirt, where did you get it?" "Cool manicure!"

Not always... I rarely notice. =/

Yeah, I was going to say this too. Even with something flashy or whatnot. I hardly ever notice.

 

[ardour]

Does unreciprocated interest from a man cause anxiety or disgust/contempt for that person?

 

[Solivagant]

Yeah, I was going to say this too. Even with something flashy or whatnot. I hardly ever notice.

Yeah, even then.

Does unreciprocated interest from a man cause anxiety or disgust/contempt for that person?

Not sure if you mean the interest is being unreciprocated by the man or the woman. But in either case, only if he was rude about it.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Does unreciprocated interest from a man cause anxiety or disgust/contempt for that person?

Not for me. Be it from a guy or girl, I go on with my day, and go on about my business.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Does unreciprocated interest from a man cause anxiety or disgust/contempt for that person?

No, not for me. I'd respect it of them. They're entitled to feel however they feel and just cos they don't feel the same way I do about them doesn't make them a bad or disgusting person.

However, like what Solivagant said, if they are rude, or insulting or condescending about it, then perhaps yeah.

 

[Dandelion]

Does unreciprocated interest from a man cause anxiety or disgust/contempt for that person?

Not for that person.. but for myself? Perhaps.

 

[Sometimes]

Does unreciprocated interest from a man cause anxiety or disgust/contempt for that person?

I'm going to take this to mean that the man is interested in the woman, but the woman isn't interested it the man. So, does the woman, knowing the man is interested, feel anxiety, or disgust/contempt for that man?

For myself, I will say yes to the anxiety. If I know the guy is interested and i'm not, I feel uneasy when I deal with him, until he finds someone else and it's no longer an issue. Unless he's upfront about it and says, ok, nevermind, don't worry about it. Then I feel ok about it. It's that unspoken thing that makes me uneasy.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Does unreciprocated interest from a man cause anxiety or disgust/contempt for that person?

Only if they do their best to make me feel like a bad person for my feelings.

 

[Veruca]

Does unreciprocated interest from a man cause anxiety or disgust/contempt for that person?

I have to agree with the other members when it comes to contempt; I'd feel it if the guy was rude or condescending about the whole situation.

Otherwise, no negative emotions. I might feel awkward but if he made it seem ok then, I'd just carry on as per normal.

 

[ardour]

Does unreciprocated interest from a man cause anxiety or disgust/contempt for that person?

I'm going to take this to mean that the man is interested in the woman, but the woman isn't interested it the man. So, does the woman, knowing the man is interested, feel anxiety, or disgust/contempt for that man?

Yes, that's what was meant. I should have been clearer.

Do you feel afraid of him from there on? Can you stand to be around him? (Of course you already answered this.)

 

[ladyforsaken]

Do you feel afraid of him from there on? Can you stand to be around him?

For me, no, I wouldn't be afraid of him.

As for if I could stand being around him, sure, as long as he doesn't keep pestering me about it or make sarcastic remarks about my lack of reciprocation and as long as he can remain casual and decent in our interactions.

 

[ardour]

Do you feel afraid of him from there on? Can you stand to be around him?

For me, no, I wouldn't be afraid of him.

As for if I could stand being around him, sure, as long as he doesn't keep pestering me about it or make sarcastic remarks about my lack of reciprocation and as long as he can remain casual and decent in our interactions.

There’s a difference between remaining cordial with someone and being able to enjoying their company though. There were couple of instances in my 20s where I showed interest in a friend, thinking it would be no big deal if they didn’t feel the same. They immediately lost respect for me and interest in the friendship, which died a slow awkward death.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Do you feel afraid of him from there on? Can you stand to be around him?

For me, no, I wouldn't be afraid of him.

As for if I could stand being around him, sure, as long as he doesn't keep pestering me about it or make sarcastic remarks about my lack of reciprocation and as long as he can remain casual and decent in our interactions.

There’s a difference between remaining cordial with someone and being able to enjoying their company though. There were couple of instances in my 20s where I showed interest in a friend, thinking it would be no big deal if they didn’t feel the same. They immediately lost respect for me and interest in the friendship, which died a slow awkward death.

Yeah, if the guy can manage to keep things in check, I don't see why they can't still enjoy each other's company. Though I would also say that it'd be hard, somehow the feelings will always keep surfacing because of their interaction. Some people can block out their romantic feelings for their friends though, because they hold the friendship to be more important and don't want anything to jeopardise that. It's possible, but quite challenging since it deals with emotions and feelings. We all know how that's like.

You had unfortunate experiences in your case. :\

 

[TheSkaFish]

However I'm not a surface skimmer, I prefer to speak with people on a deeper level. Those who have intellectual interests, a willingness to self-disclose, or seem like-minded are more likely to catch my interest.

Romantically speaking, my interest in a guy is piqued when I observe we share commonalities and like-mindedness, and when he exhibits principles and values that I respect.

Thanks for the answer, Solivagant. I'm pretty similar in this sense - I'm also not a surface skimmer, and I too like to talk about intellectual things. At least, what I consider intellectual, anyway. My interest also increases for common interests and thoughts, and when she has traits I wish I had in myself.

Now it's hard for me to say what would make a guy stand out, romantically, cos I'm not functioning in that department but I'll try to put myself in that situation... so let's see. I'll try to be detailed, for the hell of it.

Any of these points that stand out in him would be good enough - and even better if there are more than one. Again, this is applicable if I'm ever searching for anyone romantic, then this list would be ideal for me. At the moment though, looking out for someone romantically is just out of the question for me.

Thanks to you also, LadyF, for answering my question. I know you had mentioned in the past that now is not the time for you to focus on romantic things, but I appreciate you making the extra effort to provide such a detailed response.

 

[ardour]

okay another tiresome question: do you feel betrayed or let down by a male friend when it becomes apparent he might be looking for more?

 

[ladyforsaken]

do you feel betrayed or let down by a male friend when it becomes apparent he might be looking for more?

Betrayed? No.
Let down? No.
Cos these are things that can't be helped. If they developed feelings, it's not like you can blame them for it, can you?

But cautious? A little bit. It'd make me paranoid that any action of mine might lead him on.

 

[Nicolelt]

okay another tiresome question: do you feel betrayed or let down by a male friend when it becomes apparent he might be looking for more?

No, I just feel guilty when I don't have the same feelings for him.

 

[Tealeaf]

okay another tiresome question: do you feel betrayed or let down by a male friend when it becomes apparent he might be looking for more?

Not unless it was all a ruse to get close or keep potential girlfriends around, no. I'm not the feelings police.

 

[Veruca]

okay another tiresome question: do you feel betrayed or let down by a male friend when it becomes apparent he might be looking for more?

Not at all. We cant stop ourselves from developing feelings for people and it happens with friends a lot more I think, so no negative feelings.

That said, I once hd a guy friend who became mean and patronizing once he realized his feelings were not reciprocated. And he made me feel bad about it. So in this case, I felt disappointed and betrayed.

 

[VanillaCreme]

okay another tiresome question: do you feel betrayed or let down by a male friend when it becomes apparent he might be looking for more?

No. I would feel bad though that he feels that way, but I wouldn't feel bad for not feeling the same.