Questions for the Women

[LiLeila]

Well, it's never general, but this is how my mind working for example.

What is the difference between a male friend and a boyfriend ?

The difference is that you don't have a passion with friend. There is no intimate physical contact. And it's no matter how he looks. But remember: all women are evil so they may suggest something else. You can't see the different sometimes.

Why are some guys just 'friends' material ?
When do you decide ?

If girl is in relationship then it pretty obvious (most times). If she is single then you just may be not in her type (appearance/character). Or maybe she don't want to have a boyfriend. Or maybe she's afraid of relationships. Or maybe she don't want to lose you if this relationship will be disaster.

If you are really fond of a man, even in love with him as a friend, why isn't a possible boyfriend ?

If girl is in love in man then she is with him. For me it's simple. But for most women you may be not husband material. Many women think that love is not everything. There is many issues, like no job or poor salary, living with parents, distance, no hobby, unattractiveness, high attractiveness, playing video games, partying too much, alcohol, childishness, irresponsibility... etc. You may be a wonderful man and great friend but she'll always think about future.

How does a guy express confidence to you but without any cockiness?

I can accept that learning to be confident is an important part of life in general and I'd love to feel that way. However, I have never liked cocky people and don't want to be that way.

You can't be shy and quiet. You must talk with people without any problems. You should be funny. You must have a job. Show that woman can feel safe with you. You should be strong, least a little, for sure stronger than her. You should know what do you want (in future or even what do you want to eat for a dinner). You can't complain. You can't have addictions. You have to be assertive. You should be brave.
Well, there is many ways without being a cock.

Women are too complicated for any questions I think. You must always play games with them. They are unpredictable. And evil as I said.

 

[Rainbows]

In my boyfriend I always found his ability to feel very confident. He isn't afraid to cry or tell people how he feels about a certain way. He's not afraid to be written off as a "weak" person by showing that he's able to love his family and friends.

---

Women are too complicated for any questions I think. You must always play games with them. They are unpredictable. And evil as I said.

? ?

 

[Xpendable]

You can't be shy and quiet. You must talk with people without any problems. You should be funny. You must have a job. Show that woman can feel safe with you. You should be strong, least a little, for sure stronger than her. You should know what do you want (in future or even what do you want to eat for a dinner). You can't complain. You can't have addictions. You have to be assertive. You should be brave.
Well, there is many ways without being a cock.

If that's the case, then only a small group of man would be in relationships.

Question:

Have you ever felt you were not worthy of a specific men? and why?

 

[LiLeila]

Women are too complicated for any questions I think. You must always play games with them. They are unpredictable. And evil as I said.

? ?

? ? ?

You can't be shy and quiet. You must talk with people without any problems. You should be funny. You must have a job. Show that woman can feel safe with you. You should be strong, least a little, for sure stronger than her. You should know what do you want (in future or even what do you want to eat for a dinner). You can't complain. You can't have addictions. You have to be assertive. You should be brave.
Well, there is many ways without being a cock.

If that's the case, then only a small group of man would be in relationships.

There are just helpful examples which show how women think usually. You don't have to be perfect for relationship, I just anwered for TheSkaFish question.

Have you ever felt you were not worthy of a specific men? and why?

I don't have any experiences with this situation.

 

[TheRealCallie]

There are different levels of love. Not all love is romantic love. I love quite a few of my guys friends, but I'm not IN love with them because the attraction isn't there or for whatever reason there just isn't meant to be a relationship.

The attraction you talk of. Is it purely physical attraction ?

These guy friends. Do you think they love you back ? Do you think they want more from you ? A proper relationship ?

No, it's not just physical attraction. Well, it might be for some people, but not for me.
I don't much care for looks, so definitely not with me.

A few of these guy friends have loved me back in a way I did not reciprocate or encourage, but they either got over it and carried on as friends or they made their exit from my life. Actually, one of them tried to ruin my wedding, but I won't go into that (he was the best man too...)
But, those few aside, they never wanted anything more from me. Our relationships were more like brother/sister than boyfriend/girlfriend. We just didn't care for each other that way.

I'm not sure what you mean by a proper relationship.

Have you ever felt you were not worthy of a specific men? and why?

Yes, but I'm not getting into why.

 

[Xpendable]

There are just helpful examples which show how women think usually. You don't have to be perfect for relationship, I just anwered for TheSkaFish question.

Still, I never hear men wishing for all this virtues in women.

 

[Revengineer]

If girl is in love in man then she is with him. For me it's simple. But for most women you may be not husband material. Many women think that love is not everything. There is many issues, like no job or poor salary, living with parents, distance, no hobby, unattractiveness, high attractiveness, playing video games, partying too much, alcohol, childishness, irresponsibility... etc. You may be a wonderful man and great friend but she'll always think about future.

You can't be shy and quiet. You must talk with people without any problems. You should be funny. You must have a job. Show that woman can feel safe with you. You should be strong, least a little, for sure stronger than her. You should know what do you want (in future or even what do you want to eat for a dinner). You can't complain. You can't have addictions. You have to be assertive. You should be brave.

If most women actually think this way then I might as well give up.

 

[TheRealCallie]

If girl is in love in man then she is with him. For me it's simple. But for most women you may be not husband material. Many women think that love is not everything. There is many issues, like no job or poor salary, living with parents, distance, no hobby, unattractiveness, high attractiveness, playing video games, partying too much, alcohol, childishness, irresponsibility... etc. You may be a wonderful man and great friend but she'll always think about future.

You can't be shy and quiet. You must talk with people without any problems. You should be funny. You must have a job. Show that woman can feel safe with you. You should be strong, least a little, for sure stronger than her. You should know what do you want (in future or even what do you want to eat for a dinner). You can't complain. You can't have addictions. You have to be assertive. You should be brave.

If most women actually think this way then I might as well give up.

Most women don't think that way, IMO.

Also, love is definitely NOT everything. I will always love my ex, but we will NEVER be together again. It's not that simple....it's never that simple. Love does not conquer all.

 

[EveWasFramed]

There are just helpful examples which show how women think usually. You don't have to be perfect for relationship, I just anwered for TheSkaFish question.

Still, I never hear men wishing for all this virtues in women.

*chuckle*
Just because they aren't saying it, doesn't mean they don't feel the same way.
EVERYONE has certain virtues they want in a partner. Go read some male on line dating profiles. One of the more frequently used lines is,"I won't settle."
Everyone has standards - some are just more stringent than others.

 

[Aisha]

Question: Have you ever felt you were not worthy of a specific men? and why?

Yes. Even when I'm in a relationship, I feel that way. Especially when I'm in one. Poor self-esteem.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Have you ever felt you were not worthy of a specific men? and why?

Yes. With my husband, my self-esteem became destroyed by his cheating.

In other relationships, I believe it was my expectation to be showered by love that ultimately made me feel this way. Damn clinginess :club:

 

[VanillaCreme]

You can't be shy and quiet. You must talk with people without any problems. You should be funny. You must have a job. Show that woman can feel safe with you. You should be strong, least a little, for sure stronger than her. You should know what do you want (in future or even what do you want to eat for a dinner). You can't complain. You can't have addictions. You have to be assertive. You should be brave.
Well, there is many ways without being a cock.

If that's the case, then only a small group of man would be in relationships.

Yeah, but it's not only a small group. So that should tell you something.

Question:

Have you ever felt you were not worthy of a specific men? and why?

That's a very detailed question for some people. There's no general answer for that. All relationships vary.

 

[ladyforsaken]

What is the difference between a male friend and a boyfriend ?

I thought this is rather obvious. A male friend is someone you're casual with. Just like how you have other normal friends. No romantic interest or intimacy involved. A boyfriend is someone you are romantically interested in.

Why are some guys just 'friends' material ?
When do you decide ?

Sometimes the attraction is just not there, the chemistry or the spark or whatever you wanna call it, isn't there. I just feel casual with them like I do with any other friend. It's not exactly something you can conjure out of nowhere.

When do I decide? Um.. after some time, maybe months, years ... depends how often we talk and how much we talk. When I feel comfortable with this person and I feel like I know them well enough to call them a friend.

If you are really fond of a man, even in love with him as a friend, why isn't a possible boyfriend ?

Loving a man as a friend doesn't mean you are romantically interested or romantically in love with him. There is a difference. Like you don't fall in love with your guy friends, TB, cos you just don't feel that way with them, but you can say you love them in a caring way. It's something like that.

If there isn't a romantic attraction, there just isn't. Sometimes you just don't feel that sort of romantic connection with them.

How does a guy express confidence to you but without any cockiness?

I can accept that learning to be confident is an important part of life in general and I'd love to feel that way. However, I have never liked cocky people and don't want to be that way.

A confident guy to me is someone who knows what he wants and is not afraid to speak of it, who has his own identity and is not afraid to show it. Someone who will act rather than just all talk without proving the things he speaks of.

Have you ever felt you were not worthy of a specific men? and why?

Yes, in two of my previous relationships.

One was because I felt like he wanted me to be someone I'm not and things had to be done his way or he'd get mad. So it made me feel like being myself was not worthy of him. That I wasn't good enough.

The other was because of the involvement of another woman. So there was a huge part of me at the time that felt like I wasn't worthy or good enough that could've led him to give his time and attention exclusively to another woman which he didn't give to me.

If girl is in love in man then she is with him. For me it's simple. But for most women you may be not husband material. Many women think that love is not everything. There is many issues, like no job or poor salary, living with parents, distance, no hobby, unattractiveness, high attractiveness, playing video games, partying too much, alcohol, childishness, irresponsibility... etc. You may be a wonderful man and great friend but she'll always think about future.

You can't be shy and quiet. You must talk with people without any problems. You should be funny. You must have a job. Show that woman can feel safe with you. You should be strong, least a little, for sure stronger than her. You should know what do you want (in future or even what do you want to eat for a dinner). You can't complain. You can't have addictions. You have to be assertive. You should be brave.

If most women actually think this way then I might as well give up.

I don't think most women think like this. I know I don't.

I surely don't need a man to be stronger than me. It's okay for the man to have his moments... a man is human too. He's allowed to have feelings and emotions just as much as women do.

And I definitely don't see why they can't complain... and of course it's okay for them to be afraid of certain things......... I can point out more but... I just am not on the same page as LiLeila there.

I mean come one, seriously... men are human beings too with feelings and emotions just as valid as women's are. Nobody's perfect and nobody can be perfect in that way described above.

 

[LiLeila]

Gosh, people... The question was "what is the confident guy?" not "what guy must have to be with woman?". I know man is a human too and I'm not looking for a perfect one also. But c'mon, why you can't admit that you don't want to be with some complaining, crying, weak and unemployed guy? That was my point. And this is true in MOST cases. Of course you don't have to be a hero to find a girl. I thought it's obvious... However many women think this way but they can't just say that because it can hurt someone or I don't know. Women just don't say things. Guy want to know how he can show to girl his confidence and you talk to him about crying and having problems... I don't get it.

 

[user 115627]

I just came here to say I wouldn't wanna be with an unemployed, constantly complaining and emotionally unstable woman either...

 

[ladyforsaken]

Gosh, people... The question was "what is the confident guy?" not "what guy must have to be with woman?". I know man is a human too and I'm not looking for a perfect one also. But c'mon, why you can't admit that you don't want to be with some complaining, crying, weak and unemployed guy? That was my point.

Um, I can admit who I want and don't want to be with.. in my last post. They just don't relate to your points.

Sure, nobody would want to be around someone who constantly complains and whines, not just us women. But the way it seemed you put it was that they could never complain, could never show a sign of weakness, could never be unemployed (god knows how hard it is to get a job nowadays and a lot of men are trying so hard to get one).

So yeah, I could dismiss these points in a guy if they're not constantly like that.

And this is true in MOST cases. Of course you don't have to be a hero to find a girl. I thought it's obvious... However many women think this way but they can't just say that because it can hurt someone or I don't know. Women just don't say things. Guy want to know how he can show to girl his confidence and you talk to him about crying and having problems... I don't get it.

In most cases? I don't know but I doubt that most women think like this or I wouldn't have come across more of them being with unemployed guys than the opposite. I won't touch on the other points because I'm sure no one wants a constantly whiny person around, man or woman.

I will say so if I feel so but no I'm not afraid to say things honestly just cos I don't wanna hurt their feelings.

I did say what I'd find confident in a man, I didn't say someone who's cries a lot. But how can you help it if someone has a lot of problems? It doesn't define that person. If you're talking about habitual problems like doing drugs or killing people - then yes I'd think twice but if you're talking about other general problems they can't help having - I think I won't too be harsh on them.

Also, crying or having problems don't take away a man's confidence. Not necessarily. Unless I am misunderstanding you.

 

[LiLeila]

I just came here to say I wouldn't wanna be with an unemployed, constantly complaining and emotionally unstable woman either...

Well, exactly.

Ok so maybe my English is just too low for explain what I mean. Anyway I don't know why most women may not appreciate strength or whatever I wrote. There are good features... And pretty general... And now I feel like a bitch because I said that.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Ok so maybe my English is just too low for explain what I mean. Anyway I don't know why most women may not appreciate strength or whatever I wrote. There are good features... And pretty general... And now I feel like a bitch because I said that.

No, you shouldn't feel badly.. it's up to you how you want your guy to be. There's nothing wrong with that.. it just doesn't necessarily mean most women feel the same way.

Of course some women would appreciate strength and all that, not saying there aren't any. Everyone's different somehow. So don't feel badly, they're your preferences.

 

[LiLeila]

But these wasn't my favourite features... These was the most standard. Women usually choose guys in this type and it's so common. They want that funny, strong and high man, not that quiet, tiny and emotional. Isn't it true? All these good guys are usually alone. Women which looking for emotional men are exceptions. I just see that, it's not in my mind. All people have problems and stuff but again, the topic is: "confidence". Hmm. Maybe I misinterpreting something here. I mean self-confidence, not trust.

 

[Solivagant]

How does a guy express confidence to you but without any cockiness?

I can accept that learning to be confident is an important part of life in general and I'd love to feel that way. However, I have never liked cocky people and don't want to be that way.

Cockiness is a huge turnoff, and is not confidence. To me, confidence is self-respect, self-acceptance, and self-trust. A confident person is authentic. They are comfortable with themselves and don't look to others to dictate their identity, behavior or beliefs.

To be a little more specific, I think the expression of confidence is mostly in the absence of behaviors that exude insecurity. For example, trying to prove something is not confidence. Confidence is also not putting on a front or asking other people how to act in order to make people like you. Confident people are the ones who "just be".

There are also qualities that, while perhaps not technically being confidence, might indicate someone who has confidence. For example, I might view moral courage as an expression of confidence, because in my opinion, a confident person wouldn't waver in the face of opposition, even if it makes them unpopular.


I would like to add that I think a lot of emphasis is placed on confidence as being "the answer" on this forum, and probably many others; but it's not the pinnacle of attractive qualities to me. While it is an attractive quality and something to strive for, I believe that, like many other things, it comes and goes. Everyone doubts themselves sometimes.

A question to all you lovely women.

What is the difference between a male friend and a boyfriend ?
Why are some guys just 'friends' material ?
When do you decide ?
If you are really fond of a man, even in love with him as a friend, why isn't a possible boyfriend ?

Thanks

Loving a person doesnt automatically make them a good candidate for a bf/gf. Lots of other factors like personality, life goals, values, priorities etc.

^ This. There are traits I look for in a partner that I don't necessarily look for in a friend. I cared about my male friends but that doesn't mean they would have been good partners for me.

If girl is in love in man then she is with him. For me it's simple. But for most women you may be not husband material. Many women think that love is not everything. There is many issues, like no job or poor salary, living with parents, distance, no hobby, unattractiveness, high attractiveness, playing video games, partying too much, alcohol, childishness, irresponsibility... etc. You may be a wonderful man and great friend but she'll always think about future.

You can't be shy and quiet. You must talk with people without any problems. You should be funny. You must have a job. Show that woman can feel safe with you. You should be strong, least a little, for sure stronger than her. You should know what do you want (in future or even what do you want to eat for a dinner). You can't complain. You can't have addictions. You have to be assertive. You should be brave.

If most women actually think this way then I might as well give up.

I don't think most women think like this. I know I don't.

Yeah, I definitely don't either.