Questions for the Women

[Xpendable]

How do you behave around her? Perhaps you could be giving out vibes that might make her feel uncomfortable (not saying that you are doing this, just exploring the options). But like what Nilla and Solivagant say, the only exact answer you can get is from asking her about it. I don't see anything wrong with just outright, honestly asking her if she's uncomfortable around you and if she can't handle that... then you'll know what to do. Why not just ask her?

The problem that I see is that she maybe doing it unconsciously, so the question could come of as unpleasant; because she probably doesn't notes the difference. I wouldn't say she gets "uncomfortable" with me, but rather reserved.

 

[Solivagant]

There is always the flip side. I'm a lot more out going when I don't care.
If I'm around someone I really like I tend to wall flower - I don't want to say something stupid or that will make her not "like" me - so I don't but then I just look like a *******.

^ I was just going to say the same thing. I tend to get shyer around guys I like. As long as we're exploring options: Maybe she likes you.

 

[VanillaCreme]

The problem that I see is that she maybe doing it unconsciously, so the question could come of as unpleasant; because she probably doesn't notes the difference. I wouldn't say she gets "uncomfortable" with me, but rather reserved.

I get what you're saying, but her being uncomfortable isn't something you can define. Her being reserved may be her being uncomfortable. If she's not comfortable in a situation, she may turn to being quieter or reticent. She may know she does that.

Whatever the case may be, it's not really a gender-bound issue. Many people are like this.

 

[ladyforsaken]

How do you behave around her? Perhaps you could be giving out vibes that might make her feel uncomfortable (not saying that you are doing this, just exploring the options). But like what Nilla and Solivagant say, the only exact answer you can get is from asking her about it. I don't see anything wrong with just outright, honestly asking her if she's uncomfortable around you and if she can't handle that... then you'll know what to do. Why not just ask her?

The problem that I see is that she maybe doing it unconsciously, so the question could come of as unpleasant; because she probably doesn't notes the difference. I wouldn't say she gets "uncomfortable" with me, but rather reserved.

Well then you can say "Hey Friend, you may not have noticed this but I'm just wondering.... bla bla.. just to clear the air...". I still think it's okay to ask, whether she notices it or not. For me, if I have any doubt about anything with anyone, I have learned to stop jumping to conclusions and stop worrying my head off and just ask - if I have the means to. It's the only way you can get an accurate answer. If they find me weird for asking, then I will not bother with them again.

Exploring options wise, yeah like the others have said, maybe she likes you. Maybe she thinks you like her. Maybe she doesn't like you. Maybe she feels as though you don't like her. So... there are many possible options. Only one way to find out, that is if you want to.

 

[Xpendable]

^ I was just going to say the same thing. I tend to get shyer around guys I like. As long as we're exploring options: Maybe she likes you.

She has a boyfriend.

 

[ladyforsaken]

^ I was just going to say the same thing. I tend to get shyer around guys I like. As long as we're exploring options: Maybe she likes you.

She has a boyfriend.

That may not stop some people from developing feelings for others..... just sayin'.

 

[Xpendable]

Well then you can say "Hey Friend, you may not have noticed this but I'm just wondering.... bla bla.. just to clear the air...". I still think it's okay to ask, whether she notices it or not. For me, if I have any doubt about anything with anyone, I have learned to stop jumping to conclusions and stop worrying my head off and just ask - if I have the means to. It's the only way you can get an accurate answer. If they find me weird for asking, then I will not bother with them again.

Yeah, but I have to see her everyday. I wouldn't want to make things awkward knowing we'll be in the same classroom for years. I think my relationship with her OK now even with what I feel. Call me coward but I don't want to take the risk.

Exploring options wise, yeah like the others have said, maybe she likes you. Maybe she thinks you like her. Maybe she doesn't like you. Maybe she feels as though you don't like her. So... there are many possible options. Only one way to find out, that is if you want to.

Even if is true still doesn't help me. I've had the experience before of a girl liking me who was dating a friend/classmate at the time. The bad thing is that I kinda liked her too, but if somehow things progressed to both being together it would mean damaging other relationships. Besides having to interact with the damaged parts on daily basis. I really hope she doesn't like me in that way. Too bad is never the single ones who show interest in my.
I believe the best is to leave it alone, even if it worries me. The problem if that I don't want to ignore her because she may think I don't want to be her friend.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I believe the best is to leave it alone, even if it worries me. The problem if that I don't want to ignore her because she may think I don't want to be her friend.

I understand your reasons. If you can handle the worrying, then that's up to you. Good luck.

 

[JHK]

^ I was just going to say the same thing. I tend to get shyer around guys I like. As long as we're exploring options: Maybe she likes you.

She has a boyfriend.

That may not stop some people from developing feelings for others..... just sayin'.

Exactly. Not to cap it, but especially college aged people.

 

[trueth]

Is being good or nice bad? I feel like I'm doing something wrong when it comes to women.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Is being good or nice bad? I feel like I'm doing something wrong when it comes to women.

No, it's not bad at all. It's a good thing. I guess it also depends if a guy has good intentions or ulterior motives with being nice.

 

[Veruca]

Is being good or nice bad? I feel like I'm doing something wrong when it comes to women.

A lot of nice guys seem to think that the reason they're having no luck with women is because of their niceness. Sure, it seems like girls go for the "bad boys" but I think it has less to do with being nice vs bad, but more to do with other factors.

Some girls really do go for the bad boys specifically. There's nothing much we can do to change that unfortunately. But I don't see why anyone wouldn't want to be with a nice guy because he was "too nice" unless they had serious insecurities or low self esteem. I've never once heard a girlfriend tell me she rejected a guy on the basis of him being too sweet or nice. We love it when you're good to us!

Perhaps the lack of luck has to do with other reasons, and it just so happens that these guys are nice.

This is just my view. I personally wouldn't want nice guys to stop being the way they are

 

[TheRealCallie]

But I don't see why anyone wouldn't want to be with a nice guy because he was "too nice" unless they had serious insecurities or low self esteem. I've never once heard a girlfriend tell me she rejected a guy on the basis of him being too sweet or nice.

I have actually rejected a guy because he was too nice. There is a line, just like with anything else, where it becomes intolerable and/or annoying.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to not be nice, please be nice, but don't go overboard with it. Don't do EVERYTHING you think she would expect you to do, don't be TOO clingy, etc etc....

 

[Solivagant]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to not be nice, please be nice, but don't go overboard with it. Don't do EVERYTHING you think she would expect you to do, don't be TOO clingy, etc etc....

^ With what Callie said in mind, I'm now wondering, how is "nice" being defined here? I personally wouldn't consider things like clinginess or having no mind of one's own to have anything to do with niceness, but obviously others think differently.

 

[Rosebolt]

^ People who get clingy tend to go overboard with "nice" gestures etc. I suppose they are nice on the surface and therefore "too nice." I think the difference between being nice and being clingy-nice is that being nice in general comes from the heart, while niceness stemming from being clingy comes from some insecurity or fear, and therefore isn't genuine.

I personally think that's also why some people think that girls don't like nice guys. It's more about them being some form of clingy, and in fact gender doesn't have honeysuckle to do with it. There's probably more to it then this though.

 

[Aisha]

^ People who get clingy tend to go overboard with "nice" gestures etc. I suppose they are nice on the surface and therefore "too nice." I think the difference between being nice and being clingy-nice is that being nice in general comes from the heart, while niceness stemming from being clingy comes from some insecurity or fear, and therefore isn't genuine.

I personally think that's also why some people think that girls don't like nice guys. It's more about them being some form of clingy, and in fact gender doesn't have honeysuckle to do with it. There's probably more to it then this though.

+ 1

 

[trueth]

To clarify, I am not clingy, a pushover nor do I have ulterior motives. Lol Still I can't help but feel as though I should stop whatever it is that I'm doing because it clearly isn't working.

 

[Rosebolt]

^ I wasn't targeting you, trueth. Apologies if it came across that way.

 

[Aisha]

I didn't have the OP in mind when agreeing to that statement either. Sorry if it seemed that way.

 

[trueth]

^ I wasn't targeting you, trueth. Apologies if it came across that way.

No one was targeting me. Lol I'm only clarifying my point of view since I asked the question.