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I need to vent myself somewhere, so I'll do it here :/

I just realised what I'm doing and why, and that I am pushing my life backwards this year, and I'm so stupid (maybe I'm not but I do a lot of stupid things lately, more than ever) and childish and I need to let go my stupid fears and ego and just be, it's all ˝game˝, why am I so afraid of everything if nothing is permanent and maybe tomorrow I won't even be here... If I know that why am I still so stupid?

thank you forum for giving me a space(or place?) for this.
 
My days are just moving so quickly without any true meaning. This isn't what I wanted, but I would need even more strength and boldness to change my life. I don't have those left soon anymore.
 
wallow in self pity for a while or work a bit? Difficult choice -no, wait, I was around for 10 hours, perhaps relaxing is the right choice
 
Finally finished the book I was reading. Should have taken less than a couple of hours. Too much cluttering my mental space for me to be able to concentrate without drifting off in thought. Hopefully things will be alright.
Couldn't sleep all night yet again. No point trying again now, I'd need to get up to go swimming in half an hour anyway.
 
Oh my God, that thing was going crazy. I don't even want to drink my water. It's going to taste like synthetic cherry blossom scent.
 
Can you ever NOT **** up? Seriously, I keep offering to help you, maybe one of these times you should take me up on the help. And I don't mean paying the bills YOU are supposed to be handling. It's not really that hard. Bills before whore, thanks.
 

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