What are you thinking right now?

[Claudia1794]

It's combination of factors leading me to take such a dim view of my age/age group. If I asked a 25 year old out I'd be judged as a dirty old *******. That is a fact. Can't really hang around those people either, despite them living the lifestyle I still dream about. What's the solution, change what I want; want something I currently don't want? It's bizarre, the idea that someone could just move on while missing all experiences that would allow them to.

I think "dirty old *******" might be a bit overkill. Early 40's with mid 20's even early 20's isn't a big deal. Seriously, I know 2 men my age with younger women. I live in a small southern bible thumping town. Of course there will be people who will talk **** but you can't live your life based on what other people say. Well you can but 20 years from now you will be complaining about that. You've already said you missed out so to prevent any more missed experiences you have to let go of what or how people view your choices. It is your choice. Your choice to do what you want or not do what you want. At the end of the day those people you are worried about don't really give a **** what or who you do.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I mean, even I have judged like that in the past, whenever I saw a large age relationship. The real desire is to BE in that age group, not be some old dude trying to deal with his midlife crisis via a younger partner. Unless the rules of physics can be suspended and it's 2005 again I don’t see any way forward from this. Truth is I already knew what the issue was ten years ago just after the issue with family ended. Getting ‘out there’ and finding I couldn’t relate to anyone near my age just confirmed what I already knew.

I think that's just something society has conditioned people to do, and they do it without thinking.

And I know what you mean. You weren't saying you wanted to creep on younger women, you were saying you wanted to be that age again and have the life you didn't have back then.

I get wanting to be younger. I wish I could be younger too. I don't hold anything that happened in junior high or before that against me, I was a kid and didn't know any better because of that. Unlike a lot of people around me, I didn't have any older siblings, so I didn't just "know" things, and I didn't act older like a lot of other people did around me. But I honestly wish I could go back to the turn of the century and do everything over again from the start of high school on, with the knowledge I have today. I wonder how much of a difference it could have made, and how different a person I could have been.

I get sad when I think back, because I know I wasted a lot of time that could have been a lot happier, getting things wrong, not knowing what to do, being lost and confused, worrying/obsessing/getting angry about things most of which turned out to be unimportant or at least weren't really threatening me like I thought, and just being unhappy. I wish very much that I could go back to those days.

I don't know what can be done now, though. I'm trying to just ignore/forget my age, and work on figuring myself out, and figuring out what boxes I need to tick off. I really don't think women will care what my age is, as long as I have myself together enough, look good enough, and am interesting enough (but that's my battle there, that I struggle with). Maybe that could work for you too, I don't know. Just a thought.

 

[Rohini]

@ardour I wasn't saying you digging 20 year olds was creepy, but that isn't what you said, that I quoted - you had said "inappropriately young".
A 20 year old is legal =
Not inappropriate.
My original post to you, wasn't about age. It was about finding the silver lining in a sea of dung... but again, I know.. deaf ears. don't worry I learned my lesson.

A 20 year old is not inappropriately young in my book.
Maybe to you it is, I dunno.
Tomato, tomatto.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[ardour]

@ardour I wasn't saying you digging 20 year olds was creepy, but that isn't what you said, that I quoted - you had said "inappropriately young".
A 20 year old is legal =
Not inappropriate.

A 20 year old is not inappropriately young in my book.
Maybe to you it is, I dunno.
Tomato, tomatto.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh right...you thought I meant teenaged girls/minors.

 

[user 139760]

I should do a bank heist, run away to Panama and retire.

Crap. My plan is out.

 

[DeadDreamsWhispering]

It's combination of factors leading me to take such a dim view of my age/age group. If I asked a 25 year old out I'd be judged as a dirty old *******. That is a fact. Can't really hang around those people either, despite them living the lifestyle I still dream about. What's the solution, change what I want; want something I currently don't want? It's bizarre, the idea that someone could just move on while missing all experiences that would allow them to.

If the 25 year old herself wanted to date you and said yes why would you care? You're just punishing yourself because for some reason a voice in your head tells you that you don't deserve what you want.

 

[ardour]

If the 25 year old herself wanted to date you and said yes why would you care? You're just punishing yourself because for some reason a voice in your head tells you that you don't deserve what you want.

I believe certain things need to happen at certain stages of life. Nobody imagines starting to date in middle age and I don't want some weird old/young dynamic either. I can look, and fantasize, but I'll never experience anything equivalent to actually being with someone when we're both at that point in life.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

You're not quite old enough to feel this yet. I believe certain things need to happen at certain stages for someone to be psychologically well adjusted. Nobody imagines starting to date in middle age and I don't want some weird old/young dynamic either. I can look, and fantasize, but I'll never experience anything equivalent to actually being with someone at point in life.

Ardour stop it, you just wanna show off about your vivid imagination skills… we get it, you fantasise about what you consider to be inappropriately younger women…. Just keep doing that then… along with every other man in existence, its not unique to you by a long shot.

 

[DeadDreamsWhispering]

I believe certain things need to happen at certain stages of life. Nobody imagines starting to date in middle age and I don't want some weird old/young dynamic either. I can look, and fantasize, but I'll never experience anything equivalent to actually being with someone when we're both at that point in life.

Except that you clearly do want it and if she doesn't find the dynamic weird then why do you care? I know you think that it wouldn't be the same joy you'd get if you were the same age as her but I don't think that would be the case if you got into that situation at all. I think you'd feel the same positive feelings and what's more, all the time you spent alone probably wouldn't matter anymore either. Give yourself a chance man, don't let judgemental people with self serving reasons stop you.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Don't do anything, you will have nothing. But then, some people just want to ***** and whine about everything without actually doing anything. If you say the same **** over and over again for 11 years, it's not society that is the problem, it's you. Sorry, not sorry.

 

[Melli12]

Feelings of loneliness trigger my suicidal thoughts.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Why did you have to go and change ****. It makes it harder for me to research past years with this year. You suck!!!

Also, of course I'm the one that has to do the research.

 

[Finished]

I cut my hand kind of bad today. I probably should have gotten stitches. But...........(lots of excuses). I keep getting the bleeding stopped. But, then it starts up again. I should get some liquid skin to stop things like this from continueing to bleed. I'll add it to my shopping list.

 

[Claudia1794]

Finally got to use my new shower...yep, its new and that's all there is to say about that.

 

[ardour]

Except that you clearly do want it and if she doesn't find the dynamic weird then why do you care? I know you think that it wouldn't be the same joy you'd get if you were the same age as her but I don't think that would be the case if you got into that situation at all. I think you'd feel the same positive feelings and what's more, all the time you spent alone probably wouldn't matter anymore either. Give yourself a chance man, don't let judgemental people with self serving reasons stop you.

There's something weirdly hypocritical about it. On one hand the fact that they're younger would be part of the appeal for me (which they would be aware of), but at the same time I'm hoping they don't care about the age gap. Unless they were an outright gold digger, I'm effectively asking them to be a better person than I'm capable of being. There's always going to be some weird, slightly unsettling dynamic. Let's face it, we aren't meant to have a first relationship in middle age. There's nothing natural or healthy about it.

 

[DeadDreamsWhispering]

There's something weirdly hypocritical about it. On one hand the fact that they're younger would be part of the appeal for me (which they would be aware of), but at the same time I'm hoping they don't care about the age gap. Unless they were an outright gold digger, I'm effectively asking them to be a better person than I'm capable of being. There's always going to be some weird, slightly unsettling dynamic. Let's face it, we aren't meant to have first relationship up in middle age. There's nothing natural or healthy about it.

I don't think it's any more hypocritical than me having a shaved head but not wanting a girl with one. Men and women don't always like the same things in each other. And again, just because something isn't statistically the norm doesn't mean there is anything automatically wrong with it. If you find a girl who doesn't care about these things then why should you?

 

[TheSkaFish]

Men and women don't always like the same things in each other.

This is huge, and one of the things I wish I'd known a lot earlier.
It would have changed the way I looked at the entire situation.

Good tip to keep in mind

 

[Claudia1794]

I wonder if other people count after seeing the lightning to when the thunder roars...

 

[CenotaphGirl]

There's something weirdly hypocritical about it. On one hand the fact that they're younger would be part of the appeal for me (which they would be aware of), but at the same time I'm hoping they don't care about the age gap. Unless they were an outright gold digger, I'm effectively asking them to be a better person than I'm capable of being. There's always going to be some weird, slightly unsettling dynamic. Let's face it, we aren't meant to have a first relationship in middle age. There's nothing natural or healthy about it.

You know what…. I feel like this about something elseeee

 

[DeadDreamsWhispering]

You know what…. I feel like this about something elseeee

Yup...